Some universities offer online courses as an alternative to classes delivered oncampus. Is it a positive or negative development?

In this era of technology, after the successful period of online-learning in 2020, there are some certain universities that show the e-learning platform can be in place of the traditional camp-base classes. Indeed, this tendency might bring certain drawbacks. However, I believe that the benefits are much greater.

The possible drawbacks associated with many universities opt for online courses rather than on-campus classes can be adequately addressed through the development of technology. To be more specific, during the online learning period, when the number of learners is increased to a large number can cause a negative effect on the teaching platform that can not afford to run smoothly and the peers might feel isolated because the professor is not able to stay connected with them. However, these challenges are far from insurmountable, given recent technological advancement. The quality of e-learning platforms is growing over the years, allowing the lecturer to recognize the facial expression of the listener and stay connected with them. This is particularly evident in features such as breakout rooms or video meetings that help bridge the gap between online courses and offline courses.

Despite these valid technological concerns, the benefits stemming from providing remote learning as a replacement of face-to-face instruction on campus are far-reaching and substantial. At an individual level, those who are far from the universities will have another way to have a bachelor’s degree, break the geographical barrier and minimize the cost of higher education. For example, undergraduates who live in remote areas can choose virtual learning as the optimal way to become a Bachelor and also reduce as much living fees as possible. From a broader societal perspective, remote education will allow scholars around the world to attend and expand the variety of culture and language that can make the course become more interesting and open-minded. For instance, multiple cultures that help people who study in these universities can learn another language and they can improve their speaking skill in English by debating with the person who comes from another country.

In conclusion, the theoretical drawbacks of online classes are minimal and totally addressable, while doing so brings the huge benefits regarding pursuing tertiary education without relocation,decreasing the learning fees and also making the learning environment to be international by accepting the foreigner enrolled in. For the above-mentioned reasons, I contend that this is an overall positive development.

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Errors and Improvements:

"in this era of technology" -> "in the current digital era"
Explanation: "In the current digital era" provides a more precise and formal context, emphasizing the modern relevance of technology.
"successful period of online-learning" -> "successful phase of online learning"
Explanation: Removing the hyphen from "online-learning" corrects the term to its standard form, and "phase" is a more academically appropriate term than "period," suggesting a specific stage within a broader context.
"some certain universities" -> "certain universities"
Explanation: The phrase "some certain" is redundant. Using "certain" alone is clearer and maintains formal tone.
"camp-base classes" -> "campus-based classes"
Explanation: "Campus-based classes" is the correct term for classes held on a university campus, enhancing clarity and formality.
"this tendency" -> "this trend"
Explanation: "This trend" is more specific and academically appropriate for describing ongoing changes or developments.
"much greater" -> "significantly more substantial"
Explanation: "Significantly more substantial" elevates the academic tone by providing a more precise and formal assessment of the benefits.
"opt for" -> "choose"
Explanation: While "opt for" is not incorrect, "choose" is more direct and equally formal, fitting better in an academic context.
"a large number" -> "a significant number"
Explanation: "A significant number" is more precise and formal, better suited for academic writing.
"can not" -> "cannot"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the standard form, correcting a common mistake and ensuring formal consistency.
"peers" -> "students"
Explanation: Using "students" is more specific and academically appropriate than "peers," which can be too vague in this context.
"far from insurmountable" -> "not insurmountable"
Explanation: Simplifying to "not insurmountable" maintains the formal tone while avoiding the potential for overcomplication.
"growing over the years" -> "improving over time"
Explanation: "Improving over time" is a more academically formal phrase that conveys progress more clearly.
"the lecturer to recognize the facial expression of the listener" -> "lecturers to recognize students’ facial expressions"
Explanation: "Lecturers to recognize students’ facial expressions" is more specific and formal, improving clarity and relevance.
"break the geographical barrier" -> "overcome geographical barriers"
Explanation: "Overcome geographical barriers" is a more formal and precise way of expressing the idea of transcending physical distance limitations.
"reduce as much living fees as possible" -> "minimize living expenses"
Explanation: "Minimize living expenses" is more concise and formal, improving the academic tone.
"allow scholars around the world to attend and expand the variety" -> "enable global scholars to participate and diversify"
Explanation: "Enable global scholars to participate and diversify" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic quality of the statement.
"become more interesting and open-minded" -> "become more engaging and inclusive"
Explanation: "Become more engaging and inclusive" is more academically appropriate, avoiding the subjective term "interesting" and providing a clearer description.
"help people who study in these universities can learn another language" -> "assist students in these universities in learning additional languages"
Explanation: "Assist students in these universities in learning additional languages" is more formal and precise, improving the sentence structure and clarity.
"they can improve their speaking skill" -> "they can enhance their speaking skills"
Explanation: "Enhance their speaking skills" is more formal and suggests a more deliberate improvement process.
"totally addressable" -> "fully addressable"
Explanation: "Fully addressable" is more formal and academically suitable, avoiding the informal tone of "totally."
"huge benefits regarding pursuing" -> "significant advantages in pursuing"
Explanation: "Significant advantages in pursuing" is more formal and precise, better suiting the academic context.
"decreasing the learning fees" -> "reducing educational expenses"
Explanation: "Reducing educational expenses" is more formal and accurately describes the process of lowering costs associated with education.
"making the learning environment to be international" -> "internationalizing the learning environment"
Explanation: "Internationalizing the learning environment" is more concise and academically formal, effectively conveying the transformation into a more global context.
"accepting the foreigner enrolled in" -> "welcoming international students"
Explanation: "Welcoming international students" is more specific and formal, avoiding the vague and less appropriate term "the foreigner."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It discusses both the positive and negative aspects of universities offering online courses instead of traditional on-campus classes. The introduction acknowledges potential drawbacks but asserts the benefits of online learning.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, consider providing a more nuanced exploration of the drawbacks of online learning. Additionally, ensure that each aspect of the question is thoroughly examined in the body paragraphs.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that the benefits of online learning outweigh the drawbacks. This stance is consistently reinforced in each paragraph, providing a cohesive argument.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph explicitly supports the chosen position. Avoid ambiguity or contradictory statements that might weaken the overall stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It provides examples and explanations to bolster the argument for online learning, such as addressing technological advancements and the benefits of remote education for individuals and society.
- How to improve: To further extend ideas, consider incorporating additional examples or research to provide a deeper analysis of the topic. Additionally, ensure that each idea is fully developed and connected to the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the merits and drawbacks of universities offering online courses instead of on-campus classes. However, there are a few instances where the discussion veers slightly off topic, such as the mention of the 2020 online learning period, which is not directly relevant to the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all examples and discussions directly relate to the question posed in the prompt. Avoid tangents or extraneous information that detracts from the main argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively argues in favor of online learning, there are opportunities for improvement in addressing the prompt comprehensively, maintaining absolute clarity in position, further extending ideas, and staying completely on topic. By refining these aspects, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas. It begins with an introduction that introduces the topic and states the writer’s position clearly. Each subsequent paragraph elaborates on either the drawbacks or benefits of online courses, providing examples and supporting arguments. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer’s stance. However, there are instances where the flow of ideas could be smoother, such as the transition between discussing drawbacks and benefits.
- How to improve: To enhance logical coherence, consider improving the transitions between paragraphs. Smooth transitions can be achieved by using cohesive devices or logical connectors to link ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea to avoid confusion and maintain clarity.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into three distinct paragraphs: introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph serves its purpose effectively, with the introduction providing context and stating the writer’s position, the body paragraphs elaborating on drawbacks and benefits, and the conclusion summarizing the main points. However, there are opportunities to improve the structure within the body paragraphs. For instance, the second body paragraph could be divided into two separate paragraphs to discuss drawbacks and benefits more clearly.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down the second body paragraph into two separate paragraphs to ensure each paragraph focuses on a single aspect (drawbacks and benefits) of online courses. This will improve readability and make the organization of ideas more apparent to the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs. Examples include transitional phrases such as "however," "despite," "for example," and "in conclusion," which help guide the reader through the essay. Additionally, pronouns like "these" and "those" are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned ideas. However, there is room to further diversify the use of cohesive devices to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve cohesion, consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices such as conjunctions (e.g., "furthermore," "moreover"), synonyms, and parallel structures. Varying sentence structures and lengths can also contribute to better flow and cohesion within the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are areas for improvement in terms of refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and diversification of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing its effectiveness in communicating ideas to the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "e-learning," "undergraduates," "technological advancement," "geographical barrier," "substantial," "societal perspective," "tertiary education," and "international." These lexical choices contribute to conveying the author’s ideas effectively and provide a nuanced understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider integrating more sophisticated vocabulary where appropriate to elevate the sophistication of the essay. For instance, instead of "huge benefits," one could use "significant advantages" or "profound benefits." Additionally, varying word forms and synonyms can enrich the expression of ideas.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For instance, terms like "remote education," "geographical barrier," and "facial expression" are used accurately to articulate specific concepts related to the topic. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "the lecturer to recognize the facial expression of the listener" might benefit from more precise terminology, such as "the lecturer to discern the students’ facial expressions."
- How to improve: Continuously strive for precision in word choice by considering synonyms or more specific terms that accurately capture the intended meaning. Reviewing the context in which vocabulary is used can help ensure clarity and precision in expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally high level of spelling accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are a couple of instances where spelling accuracy could be improved, such as "camp-base" instead of "campus-based" and "insurmountable" instead of "unsurmountable." Overall, spelling does not significantly impede comprehension, but enhancing accuracy further would contribute to a polished final product.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools and proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common spelling patterns and irregularities can aid in avoiding mistakes. Regular practice in writing and reviewing spelling rules can also contribute to improved accuracy over time.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can further enhance its lexical resource and overall effectiveness in conveying ideas, ultimately contributing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt to incorporate a variety of sentence structures. There is evidence of complex sentences, compound sentences, and some relative clauses. For example, "To be more specific, during the online learning period, when the number of learners is increased to a large number can cause a negative effect on the teaching platform that can not afford to run smoothly and the peers might feel isolated because the professor is not able to stay connected with them." This sentence exhibits complexity with subordination and relative clauses.
- How to improve: To further enhance the diversity and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence types such as conditional sentences, inverted sentences, and parallel structures. Additionally, ensure clarity and coherence in complex sentences by avoiding excessive subordination and ensuring each clause contributes clearly to the overall message.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies. For instance, "during the online learning period, when the number of learners is increased to a large number can cause a negative effect on the teaching platform that can not afford to run smoothly" – there is a subject-verb agreement error with "number" and "can cause," and "that can not afford to run smoothly" should be revised for clarity and conciseness. Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors throughout the essay, such as missing commas in compound sentences and inconsistent comma usage in lists.
- How to improve: Focus on improving subject-verb agreement to ensure grammatical accuracy. Review punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage in compound sentences and lists. Consider utilizing grammar-checking tools and practicing proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors effectively. Additionally, seek feedback from peers or instructors to enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the current digital era, following the successful phase of online learning in 2020, certain universities are exploring the potential of e-learning platforms as an alternative to traditional campus-based classes. While this trend may present some challenges, the advantages outweigh the drawbacks.

One potential concern is the strain on online teaching platforms when accommodating a large number of learners. This can lead to technical issues and feelings of isolation among students. However, these challenges are not insurmountable, thanks to advancements in technology. E-learning platforms are continuously improving, enabling lecturers to engage with students more effectively by recognizing their facial expressions and maintaining connection through features like breakout rooms and video meetings.

Despite these initial hurdles, the benefits of remote learning as a substitute for face-to-face instruction are significant. Individuals living far from universities can pursue bachelor’s degrees without geographical constraints, thereby reducing the cost of higher education. For instance, students in remote areas can opt for virtual learning, minimizing living expenses while obtaining a degree. Moreover, remote education promotes diversity and inclusivity by welcoming scholars from around the globe, enriching the learning experience with varied cultures and languages. This interaction fosters language acquisition and improves speaking skills, as students engage in debates and discussions with peers from different backgrounds.

In conclusion, while online classes may present minor challenges, these issues can be effectively addressed through technological advancements. The benefits of pursuing tertiary education without relocation, reducing educational expenses, and internationalizing the learning environment far outweigh any drawbacks. Therefore, I firmly believe that transitioning to remote learning is a positive development overall.