the line graphs show the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

the line graphs show the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons
where relevant

The line chart illustrates the average data of patients visiting four clinics of a hospital every week, from 2010 to 2016. Overall, after experiencing a fluctuation, the number of people in four clinics showed an upward trend in 2016. In addition,the greatest number belonged to birth control, whereas the figure for diabetics showed the opposite number.

In 2010, birth control was the busiest clinic, with roughly 250 patients per week, which was far higher than the data of dental, at 100 people approximately. Moving on to the next year, although the number of residents who had problems with birth control still rose to 275 people, dental care recorded a significant decline to 50 people. After witnessing a sharp plummet to around 180 patients in the data of people coming to the birth control clinic in 2014, this figure then went to 250 people again in 2015. Meanwhile, the number of inhabitants visiting dental clinics climbed stably to 140 people.

In terms of eye and diabetic clinics, starting with 125 and 60 people correspondingly, in 2012 the number of patients in both health centers soared to nearly 150 and 100 people in that order. However, while the figure for diabetic remained unchanged, from 2012 to 2014, the number of people having eye problems surged dramatically, and reached a peak at 350 people in 2016.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"average data" -> "average statistics"
Explanation: "Data" is a plural noun, and using it in conjunction with "average" can create confusion. "Statistics" is a more precise term to refer to numerical information, especially when discussing averages.
"number of people" -> "patient count"
Explanation: "Patient count" is a more specific and professional term to refer to the quantity of individuals receiving medical care, fitting better within the context of a hospital setting.
"showed an upward trend" -> "exhibited an upward trajectory"
Explanation: "Trajectory" suggests a path or course of movement, which is more precise and sophisticated than "trend" in this context.
"the greatest number belonged to" -> "the highest volume was seen in"
Explanation: "Volume" is often used to describe a large quantity of something, and in this case, it fits better than "number" when referring to the quantity of patients.
"recorded a significant decline" -> "experienced a notable decrease"
Explanation: "Experienced a notable decrease" is a more formal and descriptive phrase compared to "recorded a significant decline," which enhances the clarity and formality of the sentence.
"witnessing a sharp plummet" -> "observing a sharp decline"
Explanation: "Decline" is a more precise and formal term than "plummet" for describing a sharp decrease in numbers.
"the data of people coming" -> "the number of individuals visiting"
Explanation: "Number of individuals visiting" is a more concise and formal expression compared to "the data of people coming," which is slightly awkward and less precise.
"In terms of" -> "Regarding"
Explanation: "Regarding" is a more succinct and formal alternative to "In terms of" when introducing a new aspect or perspective.
"starting with" -> "initially"
Explanation: "Initially" is a more concise and precise term to indicate the beginning of a sequence or timeline, enhancing the clarity and flow of the sentence.
"surged dramatically" -> "experienced a significant surge"
Explanation: "Experienced a significant surge" is a more formal and precise phrase compared to "surged dramatically," maintaining the academic tone of the essay.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

[
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in patient visits to four clinics from 2010 to 2016. It presents the key features of the data, such as fluctuations and trends, for each clinic. The essay effectively compares the number of patients between clinics over the years, highlighting the busiest clinic and contrasting trends between clinics.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could extend its analysis further by providing more detailed comparisons between clinics and discussing the implications of the trends observed. Additionally, ensuring a smoother flow between sentences and using more varied vocabulary would enhance clarity and coherence.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas. Each paragraph presents clear central topics, focusing on different clinics and their patient numbers over the years. The essay effectively sequences information, providing a coherent overview of the data trends. Cohesive devices are utilized appropriately to link ideas and sentences, facilitating smooth transitions between different points. Paragraphing is sufficient and appropriate, aiding in the clarity of the essay’s structure.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion further, consider enhancing the variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. While the essay effectively uses cohesive devices, incorporating a wider range could enhance the overall cohesion. Additionally, ensure that paragraphing remains consistent and logical throughout the essay, maintaining a clear separation of ideas within each paragraph. Pay attention to transitions between paragraphs to ensure a seamless flow of information from one point to the next.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

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To enhance lexical resource, focus on refining word choice and sentence structure to ensure clarity and precision. Avoid awkward phrasing and strive for more accurate expression of ideas. Additionally, aim to incorporate a widerBand Score: 7

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To further enhance lexical resource, the writerBand Score: 6.0

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To further enhance lexical resource, the writer couldBand Score: 6.0

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To further enhance lexical resource, the writer could focusBand Score: 6.0

How to improve:
To further enhance lexical resource, the writer could focus on refiningBand Score: 6.0

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To further enhance lexical resource, the writer could focus on refining wordBand Score: 6.0

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To further enhance lexical resource, the writer could focus on refining word choiceBand Score: 6.0

How to improve:
To further enhance lexical resource, the writer could focus on refining word choice and ensuringBand Score: 6.0

How to improve:
To further enhance lexical resource, the writer could focus on refining word choice and ensuring consistency inBand Score: 6.0

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To further enhance lexical resource, the writer could focus on refining word choice and ensuring consistency in the useBand Score: 6.0

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To further enhance lexical resource, the writer could focus on refining word choice and ensuring consistency in the use of lessBand Score: 6.0

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To further enhance lexical resource, the writer could focus on refining word choice and ensuring consistency in the use of less commonBand Score: 6.0

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, covering the main features of the provided data. It effectively communicates the trends observed in the clinics’ patient numbers over the given time period. The essay utilizes a variety of sentence structures and shows attempts at complexity, which is evident in phrases such as "after experiencing a fluctuation" and "the number of inhabitants visiting dental clinics climbed stably." However, there are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues present, such as missing articles ("the data of people") and awkward phrasing ("the figure for diabetics showed the opposite number").

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to sentence structure and grammar rules. Proofreading the essay for errors such as missing articles, awkward phrasing, and punctuation mistakes would enhance clarity and precision in conveying the information. Additionally, aiming for more sophisticated sentence structures and ensuring consistency in using complex sentences would elevate the essay’s overall quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graphs depict the average weekly patient attendance at four clinics within a hospital over the period spanning from 2010 to 2016. Overall, there was a discernible fluctuation in patient numbers across the clinics, with a general upward trajectory noted in 2016. Notably, the clinic specializing in birth control consistently recorded the highest patient influx, while the diabetic clinic witnessed a contrasting trend.

In 2010, the birth control clinic emerged as the most frequented, accommodating approximately 250 patients weekly, significantly surpassing the attendance at the dental clinic, which stood at around 100 individuals. The subsequent year saw a further increase in attendance at the birth control clinic, reaching 275 patients per week, whereas the dental clinic experienced a notable decline to around 50 patients. However, by 2014, the patient count at the birth control clinic sharply decreased to approximately 180 individuals before rebounding to 250 patients in 2015. Conversely, attendance at the dental clinic steadily rose to 140 patients during this period.

Regarding the eye and diabetic clinics, both commenced with patient counts of 125 and 60 individuals, respectively, in 2010. By 2012, there was a noticeable surge in patient numbers at both clinics, with figures reaching close to 150 and 100 patients, respectively. While attendance at the diabetic clinic remained relatively stable from 2012 to 2014, hovering around 100 patients, the eye clinic experienced a significant surge in attendance during the same period, peaking at 350 patients in 2016.