Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and give any relevant example or experience you have to support your answer.

Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and give any relevant example or experience you have to support your answer.

In my opinion, I think living in big cities is bad for people's health. There are three reasons why I think living in big cities is bad for people's health.
First of all, the environment is polluted. There are many problems about environment polluted such as air pollution, water pollution, noise pollution. For example, if you live in a big city where is air polluted. It's very harmful when you breathe, your lung is harm, you can be sick and lung cancer. Moreover, with old people, it increases percent died because of lung cancer, flu, headache…Secondly, water pollution or land pollution, It's not good for your health when you eat dirty food, you will stomachache or flu because dirty food have bateria. Finally, your life is expensive in big cities. Everything is very expensive, limit and dirty. Living in cities are very difficult if you don't have a high salary to pay everything. Many people lived in big cities but they are only worker, shipper, taxi driver…so they don't have much money. They will not only have a high salary, but also they lived as a homeless. If you are smart, hard-working and study universities in big cities, you will do a good job in a famous company and have a high salary. But if you can't do so, I think you should come back your hometown to do. In addition, the most important is if you live with old people or you don't have good health, you can immediately go to your homwtown. Because you can easy rich. Therefore, you spend a lot of money to treatment in hospital.
In short, you should live in your hometown because your family, your friends… are here, they can help you if you see problems in your life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"In my opinion, I think" -> "I believe"
Explanation: The phrase "In my opinion, I think" is redundant. Using "I believe" simplifies the statement while maintaining a formal tone.
"big cities" -> "large urban areas"
Explanation: Replacing "big cities" with "large urban areas" employs a more formal and precise term.
"is bad for people’s health" -> "adversely affects individuals’ health"
Explanation: "Adversely affects individuals’ health" is a more specific and academically appropriate way to describe negative health impacts.
"First of all, the environment is polluted." -> "Firstly, pollution significantly impacts the environment."
Explanation: The revised sentence is more formal and provides a clearer, more academic statement of the issue.
"problems about environment polluted" -> "issues related to environmental pollution"
Explanation: "Issues related to environmental pollution" is a more formal and accurate way to describe concerns regarding pollution.
"It’s very harmful" -> "It poses significant health risks"
Explanation: "It poses significant health risks" is a more precise and formal way to describe the dangers of pollution.
"your lung is harm" -> "it can damage your lungs"
Explanation: "It can damage your lungs" is grammatically correct and maintains an academic tone.
"Moreover, with old people" -> "Furthermore, for the elderly"
Explanation: "For the elderly" is a more respectful and formal way to refer to older individuals.
"increases percent died" -> "increases the mortality rate"
Explanation: "Increases the mortality rate" is a more precise and formal way of expressing the concept.
"It’s not good for your health" -> "It is detrimental to your health"
Explanation: "It is detrimental to your health" is a more formal and precise expression.
"dirty food have bateria" -> "contaminated food contains bacteria"
Explanation: "Contaminated food contains bacteria" is a more accurate and formal way to express this idea.
"your life is expensive in big cities" -> "the cost of living in large urban areas is high"
Explanation: "The cost of living in large urban areas is high" is a more formal and precise way to describe the financial challenges.
"limit and dirty" -> "limited and unclean"
Explanation: "Limited and unclean" uses more formal adjectives to describe conditions.
"Many people lived in big cities but they are only worker, shipper, taxi driver" -> "Many residents of large urban areas are employed in positions such as workers, shippers, taxi drivers"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence structure and employs more formal language.
"lived as a homeless" -> "live in conditions of homelessness"
Explanation: "Live in conditions of homelessness" is a more formal and sensitive way to describe this situation.
"study universities" -> "pursue higher education"
Explanation: "Pursue higher education" is a more formal way to describe attending university.
"do a good job" -> "secure employment"
Explanation: "Secure employment" is a more formal and precise way to describe obtaining a good job.
"come back your hometown" -> "return to your hometown"
Explanation: "Return to your hometown" is a more formal and clear way to express this idea.
"easy rich" -> "easily reach"
Explanation: "Easily reach" corrects the grammatical error and maintains a formal tone.
"spend a lot of money to treatment in hospital" -> "incur significant medical expenses for treatment in hospitals"
Explanation: "Incur significant medical expenses for treatment in hospitals" is a more formal and precise way to describe the financial burden of healthcare.
"you should live in your hometown because your family, your friends… are here" -> "it is advisable to reside in your hometown where your family and friends are present"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the recommendation and uses more formal language, avoiding the ellipsis for a more academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Task Response: 9

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt by expressing a clear opinion on whether living in big cities is detrimental to health. It provides reasons to support the opinion and offers an example to illustrate the points made.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, it would be beneficial to further develop the reasoning behind the stated opinion and provide additional examples or evidence to strengthen the argument. This could involve delving deeper into the various aspects of city living that impact health.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that living in big cities is detrimental to health. The stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, ensure that each paragraph directly supports the stated position and that transitions between ideas are smooth. Additionally, explicitly stating the position in the introduction and conclusion can reinforce clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented, but they lack thorough development and support. The essay mentions three reasons why living in big cities is detrimental to health (environmental pollution, high cost of living, and lack of support for health issues), but these points are not extensively elaborated upon or supported with sufficient evidence or examples.
- How to improve: To enhance idea presentation, extend each point by providing more detailed explanations, examples, and evidence. This could involve discussing the specific health implications of different types of pollution, elaborating on the financial challenges faced by city dwellers, and providing real-life examples or statistics to support the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic by discussing the negative impact of living in big cities on health. However, there are instances where the discussion veers slightly off topic, such as when addressing financial concerns unrelated to health.
- How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, ensure that all points raised directly relate to the health implications of city living. Avoid introducing tangential topics that distract from the main argument. Additionally, clearly connecting each point back to its relevance to health can help strengthen the coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents a clear opinion on the topic and maintains coherence, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, development of ideas, and adherence to the topic. By providing more comprehensive explanations, supporting evidence, and staying consistently focused on health-related concerns, the essay could further enhance its effectiveness in addressing the task requirements.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to organize information by presenting three main reasons why living in big cities is detrimental to health. However, the organization lacks clarity and coherence. The points are not effectively developed, leading to a disjointed flow of ideas. For instance, the transition between discussing pollution and the cost of living is abrupt, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument cohesively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and transition smoothly to the next. Use topic sentences to introduce new points, supporting evidence to elaborate on each point, and concluding sentences to summarize key ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs but does so inconsistently. Paragraph breaks are somewhat arbitrary, and there is a lack of clear topic sentences to guide the reader through each section. Consequently, the essay’s structure appears fragmented, impacting its coherence.
- How to improve: Improve paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Develop this idea with supporting evidence and examples within the paragraph. Use transitions to connect paragraphs logically and maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, primarily relying on transitional phrases such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Finally." While these devices help indicate sequence, their repetitive use can hinder the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, there is a lack of cohesive devices within sentences to link ideas smoothly.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to enhance coherence. Incorporate a variety of transitional words and phrases such as "Moreover," "Furthermore," "In addition," and "However" to establish relationships between ideas. Additionally, use pronouns, conjunctions, and other cohesive devices within sentences to create cohesion at the micro-level, ensuring a seamless flow of ideas throughout the essay.

Overall, to improve coherence and cohesion, focus on developing a clear organizational structure, refining paragraphing techniques, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. These improvements will enhance the clarity and coherence of the essay, making it easier for the reader to follow and understand the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 9

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of urban living and health concerns, such as "environment polluted," "air pollution," "water pollution," "noise pollution," "lung cancer," and "stomachache." These terms effectively contribute to the discussion of health-related issues in big cities. However, there are repetitive phrases ("big cities is bad for people’s health") and some awkward expressions ("environment polluted" should be "environmental pollution," "your lung is harm" should be "your lungs are harmed") that slightly hinder the expression of ideas.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical range, consider incorporating synonyms and more complex expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "big cities are bad for people’s health," alternate phrases like "urban environments pose health risks" could be used. Moreover, refining the use of terms to match standard expressions in English (e.g., "environmental pollution") will strengthen the argument’s credibility.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes an attempt to use vocabulary precisely, with terms like "lung cancer," "stomachache," and "bacteria" correctly illustrating specific health concerns. However, there are instances of imprecise language use, such as "percent died" (which should be "percentage of deaths" or "mortality rate") and "dirty food have bateria" (which should be "contaminated food may contain bacteria").
- How to improve: Enhance precision in vocabulary by ensuring that each term is used in its correct context and matches the intended meaning. For example, when discussing health risks, use precise terms like "increased risk of respiratory diseases" instead of "your lung is harm." Additionally, for a more accurate expression, "expensive, limit and dirty" could be clarified to "expensive, limited, and unclean."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates correct spelling, contributing to its high lexical resource score. However, there are a few misspellings and typographical errors, such as "environment" instead of "environmental," "bateria" instead of "bacteria," and "homwtown" instead of "hometown." These mistakes, while minor, can slightly distract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, it is recommended to use spell check tools and carefully proofread the essay. Practicing regular writing and consulting reference materials such as dictionaries can also help enhance spelling skills. Additionally, paying attention to commonly confused words (e.g., "your" vs. "you’re") will aid in maintaining accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable range and use of vocabulary that aligns with a high score for Lexical Resource. To elevate the essay even further, focusing on refining expression precision and eliminating minor spelling errors will ensure clearer and more effective communication of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. Simple sentences dominate the essay, with occasional compound and complex sentences interspersed throughout. For instance, simple sentences like "First of all, the environment is polluted" and "Finally, your life is expensive in big cities" are prevalent. There are attempts at compound sentences, such as "Many people lived in big cities but they are only worker, shipper, taxi driver…so they don’t have much money," albeit with some grammatical issues. Complex sentences are less frequent but present, as seen in "If you are smart, hard-working and study universities in big cities, you will do a good job in a famous company and have a high salary." However, there’s a lack of sophistication in the sentence structures, leading to repetitive phrasing and somewhat choppy flow.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and fluency, incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures, including compound and complex sentences, to create a smoother and more engaging flow. Introduce subordinate clauses, participial phrases, and relative clauses to add complexity and depth to the essay. Vary sentence lengths and structures to maintain reader interest and improve coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays several grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies, detracting from clarity and coherence. Grammatical issues include subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., "Many people lived in big cities but they are only worker, shipper, taxi driver…"), tense inconsistencies (e.g., "they lived as a homeless"), and awkward phrasing (e.g., "Everything is very expensive, limit and dirty"). Punctuation errors are evident, such as missing commas in compound sentences and incorrect usage of ellipses. Additionally, there are spelling errors ("homwtown" instead of "hometown") that impact readability.
- How to improve: Focus on mastering grammatical rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Review the appropriate use of punctuation marks, including commas, periods, and ellipses, to enhance sentence structure and clarity. Proofread carefully to identify and correct spelling errors, ensuring accurate communication of ideas. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to improve accuracy. Additionally, practice writing regularly to reinforce proper grammar and punctuation usage.

Bài sửa mẫu

In my view, residing in large urban areas adversely affects individuals’ health. There are several reasons for this perspective.

Firstly, pollution significantly impacts the environment, leading to various health issues. For instance, air pollution in cities can harm your lungs, potentially causing illnesses such as lung cancer. Furthermore, for the elderly, this increases the risk of mortality due to respiratory diseases. Secondly, issues related to environmental pollution extend to water and land pollution, which pose significant health risks. Consuming contaminated food containing bacteria can lead to stomachaches and flu, compromising one’s well-being.

Moreover, the high cost of living in large urban areas is a concern. Everything becomes expensive, and resources are often limited and unclean. Many residents of large urban areas are employed in positions such as workers, shippers, or taxi drivers, often struggling to make ends meet. Consequently, some may even live in conditions of homelessness due to financial constraints.

While pursuing higher education and securing employment in big cities may seem promising, returning to your hometown could be a more prudent choice, especially for those with health concerns or elderly relatives. It is detrimental to your health if you incur significant medical expenses for treatment in hospitals, which can strain your finances and overall well-being.

In conclusion, despite the opportunities that big cities may offer, it is advisable to reside in your hometown where your family and friends are present. They can provide support during challenging times, and you can easily reach out for assistance when needed. Therefore, considering both health and social support aspects, living in one’s hometown appears to be a preferable option.