Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Offline learning at school with peers has more advantages compared to remote learning at home. This essay completely agrees with this statement because this setting promotes children’s communication skills and enables them to be compassionate toward others.

Firstly, learning at school with peers will encourage students to develop their communication skills. This is because they have to communicate and interact with their friends through courses. Teachers will give them tasks to do group activities and during these times shy pupils are forced to talk with their friends. This situation will improve students’ ability to join in discussion. For example, many education institutions in Surabaya always have group projects for every course and they always shuffle their group members to allow every student to interact with each other.

Secondly, attending offline learning enables pupils to develop their compassion towards their friends. This is because meeting every day and doing activities together creates friendship and a stronger bond between them. They learn to share and are eager to help their friends. This experience will not happen if they choose online learning at home. They cannot face to face meet other students and their needs are already fulfilled by their families. Hence they are unable to develop emotional relations. For instance, research reported that during COVID-19, new students who began their courses online developed less empathy with other pupils compared to those who started their school offline.

In conclusion, studying offline in a class as a group has more benefits because this situation enables children to enhance their communication ability and be more compassionate to others.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Offline learning" -> "In-person learning"
Explanation: The term "In-person learning" is more precise and academically appropriate than "Offline learning," which can be too broad and somewhat informal for academic writing.
"remote learning at home" -> "remote learning"
Explanation: The phrase "at home" is redundant since remote learning implies not being in the traditional school environment. Removing it maintains clarity and conciseness.
"This essay completely agrees" -> "This analysis strongly supports"
Explanation: "This analysis strongly supports" is more formal and suitable for academic writing, whereas "This essay completely agrees" sounds too personal and informal.
"promotes children’s communication skills" -> "fosters the development of children’s communication skills"
Explanation: "Fosters the development of" is a more precise and formal way of expressing the enhancement of skills, compared to the more general "promotes."
"enables them to be compassionate" -> "facilitates the cultivation of compassion"
Explanation: "Facilitates the cultivation of" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "enables them to be," which is somewhat simplistic.
"communicate and interact with their friends" -> "engage in communication and interaction with their peers"
Explanation: "Engage in communication and interaction with their peers" is more formal and specific, especially "peers" instead of "friends," which is more suitable for an academic context.
"shy pupils are forced to talk" -> "introverted students are encouraged to participate"
Explanation: "Introverted students are encouraged to participate" is more positive and academically appropriate, avoiding the negative connotation of "forced."
"This situation will improve students’ ability" -> "This environment enhances students’ capabilities"
Explanation: "This environment enhances students’ capabilities" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone.
"every course and they always shuffle" -> "each course, with groups being regularly reorganized"
Explanation: "Each course, with groups being regularly reorganized" is clearer and more formal, avoiding the repetition of "always" and providing a more precise description of the process.
"meeting every day and doing activities together" -> "regular interactions and collaborative activities"
Explanation: "Regular interactions and collaborative activities" is a more formal and concise way to describe the process of learning together.
"are eager to help" -> "demonstrate a willingness to assist"
Explanation: "Demonstrate a willingness to assist" is more formal and precise than "are eager to help," fitting better in an academic context.
"face to face meet" -> "meet face-to-face"
Explanation: "Meet face-to-face" is the correct form of the phrase, improving the grammatical accuracy of the text.
"their needs are already fulfilled by their families" -> "their familial environment already meets their needs"
Explanation: "Their familial environment already meets their needs" is more formal and provides a clearer, more academic way of expressing the idea.
"unable to develop emotional relations" -> "less likely to foster emotional connections"
Explanation: "Less likely to foster emotional connections" is a more precise and academically appropriate way of expressing the difficulty in developing relationships, avoiding the absolute term "unable."
"research reported" -> "studies have indicated"
Explanation: "Studies have indicated" is a more formal and academically standard way of referring to research findings, compared to the more casual "research reported."
"studying offline in a class as a group" -> "participating in in-person classroom settings"
Explanation: "Participating in in-person classroom settings" is more formal and accurately describes the learning environment, improving the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all aspects of the prompt. It discusses the benefits of studying in a classroom setting compared to learning online at home, presenting a clear stance throughout.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively covers the main points, it could further enhance its depth by providing additional examples or elaborating on the impact of offline learning on specific aspects of communication and compassion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position in agreement with the statement, asserting that offline learning in a classroom setting is more advantageous than online learning at home.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the central argument and directly relates to the overall position. Additionally, reiterating the thesis statement in the conclusion can reinforce the essay’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and supports its ideas with relevant examples and explanations. It discusses how classroom learning promotes communication skills and fosters compassion among students.
- How to improve: To extend the discussion further, consider providing additional research findings or real-life examples to bolster the argument. Additionally, elaborating on potential counterarguments and refuting them would add depth to the analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the benefits of classroom learning in comparison to online learning at home.
- How to improve: While the essay maintains relevance to the prompt, ensuring that each supporting point directly relates to the advantages of offline learning would further strengthen the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear argument supported by relevant examples. To enhance its overall quality, consider providing more comprehensive explanations, additional examples, and deeper analysis of the topic. Additionally, maintaining a consistent focus on the advantages of offline learning throughout the essay would further strengthen its coherence and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization of information. Each paragraph is dedicated to presenting a distinct argument supporting the idea that studying with peers in a classroom setting is more advantageous than online learning at home. The introduction sets up the position of the essay, followed by two body paragraphs, each focusing on a different aspect of the argument (communication skills development and fostering compassion). Finally, the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new information.
- How to improve: While the essay’s structure is solid, further enhancing coherence could be achieved by explicitly signaling transitions between ideas. This could involve using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs clear paragraphing, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets up the topic, followed by two body paragraphs that explore different reasons supporting the argument. Each paragraph contains a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples to reinforce the point.
- How to improve: To further improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph maintains unity and coherence by sticking to one main idea. Additionally, consider varying sentence structure within paragraphs to enhance readability and engagement.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout. Cohesive devices such as ‘Firstly’, ‘Secondly’, ‘For example’, ‘This situation’, ‘Hence’, and ‘In conclusion’ are employed to transition between arguments, provide examples, and summarize key points. These cohesive devices aid in guiding the reader through the logical progression of the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay demonstrates competence in using cohesive devices, incorporating a greater variety of linking words and phrases could further enhance coherence. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately to strengthen the overall structure and clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "advantages," "compassionate," "interaction," "discussion," and "empathy." These choices contribute to a varied and engaging discourse.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more sophisticated synonyms or expressions where appropriate. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "students," try alternatives like "pupils," "learners," or "scholars" to add variety and depth to your writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision, such as "compassion," "offline learning," and "communication skills." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, using "advantages" might be broad; specifying whether it refers to academic, social, or emotional benefits would add clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for greater specificity in your word choices to ensure that your intended meaning is clear and nuanced. Instead of using general terms like "advantages," consider specifying the particular benefits, such as "educational advantages" or "social benefits," to provide a clearer picture for the reader.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling accuracy in the essay is generally satisfactory. However, there are a few instances where errors occur, such as "face to face" (should be hyphenated: "face-to-face") and "during COVID-19, new students who began their courses online developed less empathy with other pupils" (a minor grammatical issue, "fewer empathy" would be more precise).
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools or proofreading your work more diligently. Additionally, pay attention to grammar rules to ensure proper agreement between words, such as "fewer empathy" instead of "less empathy" in the provided example. This will help to enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is effective use of transitional phrases to connect ideas logically. For instance, phrases like "Firstly" and "Secondly" help organize the argument coherently. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of sentence structures. The essay predominantly employs simple and compound sentences, with limited use of more complex structures such as relative clauses or participial phrases.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence constructions. Introducing relative clauses, participial phrases, and conditional sentences can add depth and sophistication to your writing. Additionally, varying sentence lengths can contribute to a more engaging and dynamic prose style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Sentences are generally well-structured and grammatically sound. However, there are a few instances of minor grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies. For example, in the sentence "For instance, research reported that during COVID-19, new students who began their courses online developed less empathy with other pupils compared to those who started their school offline," there is a missing article before "research," and the phrase "less empathy with other pupils" could be revised for clarity.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to articles (e.g., "a," "an," "the") to ensure they are used correctly before nouns. Additionally, review the use of prepositions and conjunctions to ensure coherence and clarity in your sentences. Proofreading your work carefully can help identify and correct any minor grammatical errors or punctuation inaccuracies.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision to further enhance the clarity and sophistication of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Studying alongside classmates in a traditional classroom setting offers greater advantages compared to remote learning from home. This analysis strongly supports the assertion as it fosters the development of children’s communication skills and facilitates the cultivation of compassion towards others.

Primarily, learning in a school environment encourages students to engage in communication and interaction with their peers, thereby enhancing their ability to express themselves effectively. Through group activities assigned by teachers, even introverted students are encouraged to participate, contributing to their overall communicative competence. For example, many educational institutions, like those in Surabaya, organize group projects for each course, regularly reorganizing groups to ensure students engage with diverse peers.

Furthermore, regular face-to-face interactions in a classroom setting nurture emotional connections among students. Daily meetings and collaborative activities foster friendships and a sense of camaraderie, prompting students to demonstrate a willingness to assist and support one another. Conversely, remote learning from home often lacks such opportunities for interpersonal connection, as students’ familial environments may already meet their basic needs, making them less likely to foster emotional connections with peers. Studies have indicated that participating in in-person classroom settings leads to stronger empathetic bonds among students compared to online learning experiences.

In conclusion, studying offline in a classroom setting offers significant benefits, as it enhances students’ capabilities in communication and fosters compassion towards others.