In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this .

High school graduates are recommended to take a gap year to work or travel before commencing university. This essay will examine both advantages and disadvantages of this approach.

On one hand, having a year off to engage in work can benefit the youth’s future major at university if they seek employment associated with their field of interest, leading to the improved communication skills and acquisition of relevant work experience. For instance, a student who is passionate about the hostipility industry can work as an employee at a restaurant or a hotel, and hence be given many opportunities to interact with a diverse range of individuals so as to acquire dialogue proficiency and specialized knowledge of the realm that might be beneficial for their later academic pursuit. Furthermore, those who choose to travel during a gap year may become increasingly mature and independent since they will have to resort to financial planning and organization skills without relying on their parents’ allowances altogether. To be more specific, paying visits to distinct locations generally entails excellent financial management skills to cover numerous expenses such as accomodation, food, and even shopping; therefore, it seemingly demands that these young tourists manage their finances.

Conversely, pausing advanced education to work is more likely to cause school-leavers to face challenges in readapting to a structured academic evironment when they decide to resume studying as most of them find it struggling to shift their focus back to learning, which results from them being accustomed to immediate rewards and the practical application of work. In some extreme cases, they might lack purposes and consider abandonment of higher studies, and this will lead to them being unable to find jobs that are well-paid and cover their living expenses since the job market often prefers human resources with a post-secondary degree. Moreover, not everyone feels comfortable to live in temporary accommodation such as a camper van, tent or hostel for months while travelling to a wide range of places, because such locations are frequently not capacious, well-ventilated and poorly sanitized.

In conclusion, discontinuing their academic pursuits to engage in work or travel may expose secondary-school graduates to the enhancement of interpersonal skills and work experience, and a more independent disposition. However, they can be subject to difficulties setting their mindset to a learning mode and a sense of discomfort when living in temporary accommodation with poor conditions.

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Errors and Improvements:

"High school graduates are recommended" -> "It is recommended for high school graduates"
Explanation: The passive voice "It is recommended for high school graduates" is more formal and aligns better with academic style.
"having a year off" -> "taking a year off"
Explanation: "Taking a year off" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic and formal contexts to describe a gap year.
"the youth’s future major" -> "the students’ future fields of study"
Explanation: "The students’ future fields of study" is more specific and academically appropriate than the more general and less formal "the youth’s future major."
"hostipility" -> "hospitality"
Explanation: This is a correction of a typographical error to ensure accuracy and professionalism in the text.
"work as an employee" -> "gain employment"
Explanation: "Gain employment" is a more formal way to express the act of starting to work in a position, enhancing the academic tone.
"hence be given many opportunities" -> "thereby gaining numerous opportunities"
Explanation: "Thereby gaining numerous opportunities" is more formal and flows better in an academic context than "hence be given many opportunities."
"dialogue proficiency" -> "proficiency in dialogue"
Explanation: "Proficiency in dialogue" is a more formal and clear way to express skill in conversation.
"paying visits to distinct locations" -> "visiting various locations"
Explanation: "Visiting various locations" is more concise and academically appropriate than "paying visits to distinct locations."
"accomodation" -> "accommodation"
Explanation: This is a correction of a spelling error to maintain professionalism and accuracy.
"pausing advanced education" -> "postponing higher education"
Explanation: "Postponing higher education" is a more precise and formal term than "pausing advanced education."
"school-leavers" -> "graduates"
Explanation: "Graduates" is a more formal and universally understood term than "school-leavers."
"find it struggling" -> "find it challenging"
Explanation: "Find it challenging" is a more appropriate and formal way to describe difficulty than "find it struggling."
"lack purposes" -> "lack purpose"
Explanation: "Lack purpose" is grammatically correct and more formal, improving the sentence’s clarity and tone.
"well-paid" -> "well-compensated"
Explanation: "Well-compensated" is a more formal term than "well-paid," fitting better in an academic context.
"capacious, well-ventilated and poorly sanitized" -> "spacious, adequately ventilated, and lacking proper sanitation"
Explanation: "Spacious, adequately ventilated, and lacking proper sanitation" provides a clearer and more formal description of the conditions.
"discontinuing their academic pursuits" -> "suspending their academic pursuits"
Explanation: "Suspending their academic pursuits" is more formal and precise than "discontinuing their academic pursuits."
"can be subject to difficulties setting their mindset" -> "may encounter difficulties in adopting a mindset"
Explanation: "May encounter difficulties in adopting a mindset" is more formal and flows better in an academic context than "can be subject to difficulties setting their mindset."
"a sense of discomfort" -> "experiences of discomfort"
Explanation: "Experiences of discomfort" is more specific and academically appropriate than "a sense of discomfort."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of young people taking a gap year between high school and university to work or travel. It discusses how work experience can benefit future academic pursuits and personal growth, as well as the potential challenges such as readjusting to academic life and discomfort during travel.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing more specific examples or scenarios illustrating how these advantages and disadvantages manifest in real-life situations. Additionally, ensure that each point directly relates to the prompt to strengthen the coherence of the essay.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a balanced view, weighing both the positive and negative aspects of taking a gap year. However, the stance of the essay could be clearer; while it discusses advantages and disadvantages, it doesn’t explicitly state whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks or vice versa.
- How to improve: Clearly articulate the author’s position in the introduction or conclusion to guide the reader on the perspective being presented. Additionally, maintain consistency in supporting this position throughout the essay to avoid confusion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the benefits of work experience and personal growth through travel. It provides examples such as working in the hospitality industry and managing finances during travel to support these points. However, some ideas could be further developed, such as discussing how specific skills acquired during a gap year can be applied to university studies.
- How to improve: Extend the discussion on each advantage and disadvantage by providing more detailed explanations or additional examples. Connect these ideas explicitly to how they relate to the academic and personal development of young people to strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on discussing the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year, with relevant examples provided to support each point. However, there are minor instances where the discussion could be more directly related to the prompt, such as the section on temporary accommodation during travel.
- How to improve: Ensure that all points made directly tie back to the central theme of the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year. Avoid tangential discussions that detract from addressing the prompt directly, maintaining a clear and focused argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the key elements of the prompt and provides relevant examples to support its points, there are opportunities for improvement in clarifying the author’s stance, providing more comprehensive examples, and maintaining a tighter focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It starts with an introduction that sets up the discussion of advantages and disadvantages. Each paragraph is dedicated to either presenting advantages or disadvantages, which aids in clarity and coherence. However, there’s a slight inconsistency in the depth of analysis between the advantages and disadvantages sections. The advantages section is more detailed and supported with examples, while the disadvantages section lacks the same level of elaboration.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization further, ensure consistency in depth of analysis across all sections of the essay. The disadvantages section could benefit from more detailed examples or elaboration to match the level of analysis seen in the advantages section.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to separate different points. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which aids readability and coherence. However, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to improve the overall flow of ideas. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, work on smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to connect ideas more seamlessly. In the conclusion, summarize the main advantages and disadvantages presented in the essay to provide a cohesive ending.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. For instance, conjunctions like "furthermore" and "conversely" are used to signal shifts between different points. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and frequency of cohesive devices. Some paragraphs could benefit from additional transitional phrases to strengthen coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of transitional phrases and connectors throughout the essay. These can include words like "moreover," "however," "on the other hand," etc. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next by using appropriate transitions. Additionally, consider using pronouns and demonstrative adjectives to reference previously mentioned ideas for better cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, utilizing a variety of words and phrases to convey ideas effectively. For example, terms such as "engaging in work," "hostility industry," "dialogue proficiency," "financial planning," "structured academic environment," and "post-secondary degree" showcase lexical diversity and sophistication.
- How to improve: While the essay exhibits a strong vocabulary, there is room to enhance the precision and appropriateness of word choice in certain instances. Encourage the use of more academic or formal vocabulary where appropriate, and advise against the use of informal language or colloquial expressions.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary precisely, but there are instances where word choice could be more accurate. For example, "hostility industry" appears to be a typographical error; "hospitality industry" would be the correct term. Additionally, phrases like "dialogue proficiency" and "accommodation with poor conditions" demonstrate precise vocabulary usage.
- How to improve: Encourage careful proofreading to catch typographical errors and suggest consulting reliable sources or dictionaries to ensure accurate word usage. Encourage the use of domain-specific terminology where applicable to enhance precision and clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally satisfactory throughout the essay. However, there are a few instances of misspelled words, such as "hostipility" (hospitality), "accomodation" (accommodation), and "capacious" (spacious). These errors slightly detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: Recommend practicing spelling through activities such as regular writing exercises, utilizing spell-check tools, and reviewing commonly misspelled words. Encourage attention to detail during proofreading to identify and correct spelling errors before submission.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary and relatively good spelling accuracy, there is room for refinement in precision and correctness. Encouraging the writer to expand their vocabulary further, pay closer attention to word choice, and improve spelling consistency will contribute to even greater lexical resource proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, it utilizes conditional structures ("if they seek employment associated with their field of interest"), relative clauses ("who choose to travel during a gap year"), and participial phrases ("having a year off to engage in work"). These structures contribute to the coherence and richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as inverted sentences, parallelism, or rhetorical questions where appropriate. This can elevate the sophistication of the writing and add depth to the analysis.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("hostipility" should be "hospitality," "accomodation" should be "accommodation") and punctuation misuse (the comma after "To be more specific" is unnecessary).
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct errors in subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation. Additionally, consider utilizing punctuation marks such as semicolons and dashes to enhance clarity and readability. Reviewing grammar rules and practicing sentence construction can also aid in refining grammatical accuracy.

Overall, the essay effectively utilizes a variety of sentence structures to convey ideas coherently and demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. By refining specific grammatical errors and diversifying sentence structures further, the essay could enhance its effectiveness and clarity, potentially achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

High school graduates are recommended to take a gap year to work or travel before starting university. This essay will examine both the advantages and disadvantages of this approach.

On one hand, taking a year off to engage in work can benefit the youth’s future major at university if they seek employment related to their field of interest, leading to improved communication skills and the acquisition of relevant work experience. For instance, a student passionate about the hospitality industry can work as an employee at a restaurant or a hotel, thereby gaining numerous opportunities to interact with a diverse range of individuals to acquire proficiency in dialogue and specialized knowledge of the field that might be beneficial for their later academic pursuit. Furthermore, those who choose to travel during a gap year may become increasingly mature and independent, as they will have to rely on financial planning and organizational skills without depending entirely on their parents’ allowances. Specifically, visiting various locations generally entails excellent financial management skills to cover numerous expenses such as accommodation, food, and even shopping; therefore, it demands that these young tourists manage their finances effectively.

Conversely, postponing higher education to work is more likely to cause school-leavers to encounter difficulties in readapting to a structured academic environment when they decide to resume studying, as most of them find it challenging to shift their focus back to learning. This struggle results from becoming accustomed to immediate rewards and the practical application of work. In some extreme cases, they might lack purpose and consider abandoning higher studies, leading to an inability to find well-compensated jobs that cover their living expenses, since the job market often prefers individuals with a post-secondary degree. Moreover, not everyone feels comfortable living in temporary accommodation such as camper vans, tents, or hostels while traveling to a wide range of places, because such locations are frequently not spacious, adequately ventilated, and lack proper sanitation.

In conclusion, suspending their academic pursuits to engage in work or travel may expose secondary-school graduates to the enhancement of interpersonal skills and work experience, and a more independent disposition. However, they may encounter difficulties in adopting a mindset focused on learning and experience discomfort when living in temporary accommodations with poor conditions.