The pie charts below show the comparison of different kinds of energy production in France in two years.

The pie charts compare the proportions of energy production in terms of five different types in France in the years 1995 and 2005.
Overall, the figure for petrol production followed an upswing, whilst the opposite was true for those of the remaining categories. Additionally, coal made up the largest percentage of energy sources in all two years 1995 and 2005.
Concerning the proportion of coal starting at 29.80% in1995, this leading figure among the five mentioned products, slightly rose to 30.93% in 2005. The change in the figure for gas beginning at 29.63% in 1995, mirrored that for coal, before modestly increasing to 30.31% in the next ten years.
Regarding the remaining categories, nearly one-third of energy sources were petrol, but this figure gradually decreased to 19.55% in 2005. A converse pattern could be seen in the percentage of nuclear power with an insignificant upturn of around 4%. Finally, despite a progressive growth from 4.90% to 9.10%, the others remained the least prevalent production during the given period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"whilst" -> "while"
Explanation: "Whilst" is considered archaic in formal writing. "While" is a more contemporary and appropriate alternative.
"all two years 1995 and 2005" -> "both 1995 and 2005"
Explanation: "All two years" is awkward phrasing. Using "both" clarifies the reference to the specific years.
"this leading figure among the five mentioned products" -> "this leading proportion among the five specified sources"
Explanation: "Figure" is typically used for numerical values, while "proportion" better fits the context of comparing percentages. "Specified sources" is more precise than "mentioned products."
"mirrored that for" -> "paralleled that of"
Explanation: "Mirrored" is somewhat repetitive since it already implies a reflection. "Paralleled" provides a clearer indication of the similarity between the changes in figures.
"A converse pattern could be seen" -> "Conversely"
Explanation: The phrase "could be seen" is somewhat redundant. "Conversely" succinctly introduces the opposite pattern without unnecessary verbiage.
"with an insignificant upturn of around 4%" -> "with a marginal increase of approximately 4%"
Explanation: "Insignificant upturn" is slightly awkward phrasing. "Marginal increase" is more precise. Additionally, specifying "approximately" adds clarity to the percentage change.
"despite a progressive growth" -> "despite a steady increase"
Explanation: "Progressive growth" is somewhat redundant since "growth" inherently implies progression. "Steady increase" maintains the meaning while being more concise and precise.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

[
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by comparing the proportions of energy production in France for two years, 1995 and 2005. It presents a clear overview of the main trends in energy production, highlighting key features such as the changes in proportions for different energy sources over the given period.
How to improve: To enhance the response to a Band 8 level, consider providing more detailed analysis and extending the discussion of key features. Additionally, ensure that the language is consistently precise and accurate throughout the essay.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, with a clear overall progression. It effectively presents comparisons between energy production types in France in 1995 and 2005. There is a logical organization of information, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there are instances where cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical. For instance, some sentences could benefit from smoother transitions to enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, while the use of cohesive devices is evident, there are areas where it could be improved for better clarity and coherence. The essay uses paragraphing, but not always logically, as some paragraphs could be better structured to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that the flow of ideas between sentences is seamless. Use cohesive devices more effectively to establish clear connections between ideas and improve overall coherence. Additionally, pay attention to paragraph structure to ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and logical progression of ideas. Consider using topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph and ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. There is effective use of vocabulary to describe the data presented in the charts, with a variety of terms such as "proportions," "upswing," "remaining categories," "modestly increasing," and "converse pattern." Additionally, less common lexical items like "upturn" and "prevalent" are used appropriately. The essay shows awareness of style and collocation, evident in phrases like "followed an upswing" and "mirrored that for coal." However, there are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, such as "the figure for petrol" instead of "petroleum" and "others remained the least prevalent production" instead of "the least prevalent source of production."

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on using more precise and accurate terminology where possible. Ensure consistency in terminology usage throughout the essay. Proofread carefully to catch any minor errors in word choice, spelling, or word formation that could detract from the overall clarity and accuracy of the essay. Additionally, expanding vocabulary and incorporating more sophisticated lexical features could further enhance the essay’s lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, such as "The pie charts compare the proportions of energy production…" (complex) and "Overall, the figure for petrol production followed an upswing…" (simple). There are some errors in grammar and punctuation, such as "whilst the opposite was true for those of the remaining categories" should be "while the opposite was true for the remaining categories." However, these errors do not significantly reduce communication.

How to improve:
To improve, focus on using more complex sentence structures consistently and work on grammar and punctuation accuracy. Proofreading the essay before submission can help catch and correct errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pie charts offer a comparison of energy production distribution across five different categories in France for the years 1995 and 2005.

In general, there was an upward trend observed in petrol production, contrasting with a decline in the other categories. Notably, coal constituted the largest share of energy production in both 1995 and 2005.

Beginning with coal, it held the leading position in 1995 at 29.80%, which saw a slight increase to 30.93% by 2005. Gas production, starting at 29.63% in 1995, mirrored the trend of coal, experiencing a modest rise to 30.31% over the ten-year period.

Petrol, on the other hand, accounted for nearly one-third of energy sources in 1995 but underwent a gradual decrease to 19.55% by 2005. Conversely, nuclear power witnessed a marginal increase of approximately 4% during the same period.

Lastly, ‘others’ showed a progressive growth from 4.90% to 9.10%, albeit remaining the least prevalent source of energy production throughout the given timeframe.