Some students choose to work or travel after leaving school and before going to university. Many people, however, say that working experience is more useful in adult life than travel. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some students choose to work or travel after leaving school and before going to university. Many people, however, say that working experience is more useful in adult life than travel.

Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, various individuals select to work or travel after leaving school, and then studying at university, while others believe that working expericence is more helpful in the future than travel. From my perspective, I totally agree with the second statement which will be explained in this essay for the following reasons.
Firstly, learning immediately after leaving school can distinguish themselves with others who stay the same generation in terms of the knowledge and experience. To be more specific, if these people don't waste the time for travelling or working, they can involve in the university sooner which helps them save more time and get more relationships than late people. Moreover, with these benefits, they may graduate soon, and learning a variety of necessary soft skills such as English or Technology which help them gain better job opportunities. For instance, according a survey from VNExpress, over 80% people who graduated with the exact age can adapt faster requirements of the recruiter than others because of their soft skills.
Additionally, people don't have lots of retrictions in the exact time for working or traveling, it means, they can arrange another time for these plans after studying at university. Indeed, almost universities providea work-life balanced lifestyle which they can have various time for relaxing and personal work. In these time, people can plan and schedule for the part-time jobs or itineraries. For example, at Bach Khoa university located in Ho Chi Minh City, students have been provided the summer vacation in every single year, moreover, this school also had a details day-off schedule for various festival in Viet Nam.
In conclusion, opting for traveling or working after leaving school, before studying at university may bring about disadvantages for people's career-path. Besides that, they can consider planning these plans in the vacation of the university which is a time-saving solutions for them.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Nowadays" -> "In contemporary times"
Explanation: "In contemporary times" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "Nowadays," which is somewhat informal for academic writing.
"various individuals select to" -> "numerous individuals opt to"
Explanation: "Numerous individuals opt to" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"working expericence" -> "work experience"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "expericence" to "experience" and removing "working" for conciseness and clarity.
"From my perspective, I totally agree" -> "I firmly concur"
Explanation: "I firmly concur" is more academically formal and eliminates the redundancy of stating "from my perspective," which is implied.
"distinguish themselves with others" -> "differentiate themselves from others"
Explanation: "Differentiate themselves from others" is the correct expression for indicating how one group sets itself apart from another, improving clarity and correctness.
"stay the same generation" -> "are of the same age group"
Explanation: "Are of the same age group" is clearer and more precise, making the comparison more understandable.
"don’t waste the time for travelling" -> "do not allocate time to travelling"
Explanation: "Do not allocate time to travelling" is more formal and avoids the negative connotation of "waste."
"involve in the university" -> "enroll in university"
Explanation: "Enroll in university" is the correct term for beginning university studies, enhancing precision and formality.
"late people" -> "those who enroll later"
Explanation: "Those who enroll later" is clearer and more formal than "late people," which is vague and informal.
"according a survey" -> "according to a survey"
Explanation: Adding "to" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"over 80% people" -> "over 80% of individuals"
Explanation: "Over 80% of individuals" corrects the grammatical mistake and uses a more formal term than "people."
"retrictions" -> "restrictions"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "retrictions" to "restrictions."
"providea" -> "provide a"
Explanation: Correcting the typo to ensure clarity and readability.
"work-life balanced lifestyle" -> "work-life balance"
Explanation: "Work-life balance" is the correct and formal term, making the phrase more concise and appropriate.
"various time for relaxing" -> "ample time for relaxation"
Explanation: "Ample time for relaxation" is more formal and accurately conveys the idea of having sufficient time.
"details day-off schedule" -> "detailed day-off schedule"
Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error and ensuring the adjective properly modifies the noun.
"in Viet Nam" -> "in Vietnam"
Explanation: Standardizing the country name to "Vietnam" for consistency with most academic and international uses.
"opting for traveling or working" -> "choosing to travel or work"
Explanation: "Choosing to travel or work" is clearer and more formal, fitting the academic style better.
"career-path" -> "career path"
Explanation: Removing the hyphen as "career path" is two words, correcting the mistake for clarity and correctness.
"time-saving solutions" -> "time-efficient solutions"
Explanation: "Time-efficient solutions" is a more formal and precise term, enhancing the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Task Response: 9

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It agrees with the statement that working experience is more beneficial than travel before university. The writer provides reasons supporting this stance, discussing the advantages of immediate enrollment in university and the ability to plan work or travel during university breaks.
- How to improve: While the essay covers all aspects of the question, it could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the opposing viewpoint. Acknowledging counterarguments and providing a brief rebuttal can strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing in favor of the importance of working experience before university. Each paragraph reinforces this stance, providing examples and explanations.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph directly supports the main argument and avoids any tangential discussions.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and supports its ideas. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and is followed by relevant examples and explanations. For instance, the essay discusses the benefits of immediate enrollment in university and provides specific examples to illustrate this point.
- How to improve: To enhance idea extension, consider providing additional examples or elaborating further on the presented points. This can enrich the content and strengthen the argument’s persuasiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the comparison between working experience and travel before university. However, there are minor deviations, such as discussing university vacation schedules, which are somewhat tangential to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all examples and discussions directly relate to the comparison between working experience and travel before university. Avoid introducing extraneous details that do not directly contribute to the central argument.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a well-structured argument supporting the importance of working experience before university. To improve further, the writer can consider incorporating counterarguments, refining paragraph structure for clarity, enriching idea extension with additional examples, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt to organize information logically, but there are instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction sets up the argument effectively, stating the author’s agreement with the statement and indicating that reasons will be provided. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas. For example, the shift from discussing advantages of immediate university enrollment to discussing the flexibility of university schedules could be smoother. Additionally, the conclusion briefly restates the main point but could be strengthened by summarizing the key arguments more explicitly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through each point. For instance, phrases like "Moreover," or "Additionally," can help signal shifts between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that the connection between paragraphs is clear, reinforcing the overall argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to organize ideas, but there are areas where paragraph structure could be improved for better clarity and coherence. Each paragraph generally addresses a separate point, which is commendable. However, some paragraphs contain multiple ideas that could be better separated into distinct paragraphs for clarity. For example, the paragraph discussing advantages of immediate university enrollment could be split into two paragraphs—one focusing on the benefits of early entry to university and another on the acquisition of soft skills. This would enhance readability and coherence.
- How to improve: Aim for unity and coherence within each paragraph by focusing on a single main idea or argument. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting details or examples. Additionally, ensure that paragraphs transition smoothly from one to the next to maintain the overall flow of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. For example, phrases like "Firstly," and "Additionally," are used to introduce new points, providing a basic level of cohesion. However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices, and some transitions between ideas feel abrupt or forced. For instance, the transition between discussing advantages of immediate university enrollment and the flexibility of university schedules could be smoother.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used to connect ideas throughout the essay. Incorporate a variety of transitional words and phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition to," or "On the other hand," to create more nuanced connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that transitions between paragraphs are seamless, maintaining the logical progression of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While it covers the topic adequately, there’s room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of vocabulary used. For instance, phrases like "various individuals" and "a variety of necessary soft skills" show attempts at diversity but lack depth. However, there are instances where more advanced vocabulary is employed, such as "retrictions" and "career-path."
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider array of vocabulary, including synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and domain-specific terminology where appropriate. Instead of generic phrases like "various individuals," consider more precise terms such as "diverse cohorts" or "a spectrum of individuals." Utilizing a thesaurus or reading more academic texts can aid in expanding vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage varies throughout the essay. Some terms are used accurately, such as "soft skills" and "career-path." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, like "retrictions" instead of "restrictions" and "expericence" instead of "experience."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, it’s crucial to proofread carefully for spelling errors and ensure the correct usage of words. Additionally, expanding vocabulary through reading and active engagement with language resources can improve overall accuracy. Utilizing spell-check tools and seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and rectifying errors.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some spelling errors, such as "expericence" instead of "experience" and "retrictions" instead of "restrictions." While these errors do not significantly hinder comprehension, they detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it’s recommended to utilize spell-check tools during the writing process and carefully proofread the final draft. Additionally, practicing spelling through activities like word games and mnemonic techniques can aid in retention and application. Seeking feedback from others can also help identify blind spots in spelling proficiency.

Overall, while the essay adequately addresses the prompt and presents coherent arguments, there are areas for improvement in lexical resource. By expanding vocabulary, striving for precision, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can elevate the sophistication and effectiveness of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and complexity of structures used. For example, while there are instances of complex sentences, they could be utilized more consistently throughout the essay to enhance coherence and sophistication.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical range and complexity, strive to incorporate a greater variety of sentence structures, such as conditional sentences, passive voice constructions, and relative clauses. Additionally, consider varying sentence lengths for added rhythm and emphasis.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy, with occasional errors in subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and article usage. Punctuation is generally used correctly, but there are some instances of missing or misplaced commas and periods.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that verbs agree with their subjects in number and tense. Additionally, review the appropriate use of articles (e.g., "a," "an," "the") to ensure clarity and precision. Regarding punctuation, carefully review comma usage, especially in complex sentences, to ensure clarity and coherence. Proofreading the essay thoroughly can help identify and correct any remaining errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in grammatical range and accuracy, there is potential for improvement in both areas. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, the essay can achieve a higher level of sophistication and clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, numerous individuals opt to work or travel after completing their schooling, before enrolling in university. While some argue that gaining work experience is more beneficial for adult life than traveling, I firmly concur with this notion. Allow me to elaborate on this perspective in the following essay.

First and foremost, choosing to delay enrollment in university can provide individuals with an opportunity to differentiate themselves from others who are of the same age group. By not allocating time to traveling or working immediately after school, they can enter university sooner, enabling them to develop a distinct advantage in terms of knowledge and experience. This early entry also allows them to establish relationships sooner, which can prove valuable in their academic and professional endeavors. Additionally, an early start in university can facilitate the acquisition of essential soft skills such as proficiency in English or technology, thereby enhancing job prospects. According to a survey conducted by VNExpress, over 80% of individuals who graduate at the same age as their peers demonstrate a quicker adaptation to the requirements of recruiters, thanks to their well-developed soft skills.

Furthermore, individuals face fewer restrictions regarding the timing of work or travel when they pursue these activities after completing their university studies. Many universities provide a work-life balance by offering ample time for relaxation and personal pursuits. This allows individuals to effectively manage their time, thereby enabling them to plan and schedule part-time employment or travel itineraries without compromising their academic commitments. For example, Bach Khoa University in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, grants students summer vacations each year and implements a detailed day-off schedule for various festivals in Vietnam.

In conclusion, choosing to travel or work after leaving school, but before enrolling in university, may hinder individuals’ career paths. However, they can still pursue these endeavors during university vacations, which presents a time-efficient solution. By enrolling in university without delay, individuals can seize the opportunity to enhance their academic and professional prospects while also enjoying the benefits of a balanced lifestyle.