The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of earning which was spent on eight categories per week by households in a nation in two year: 1968 and 2018.
Overall, there were upward trends in the percentage of weekly income allocated for housing, transport and leisure, while the opposite was true for food, fuel and power, clothing and footwear, and personal goods. It is noticeable that the proportion of wage which families used for household food remained unchanged during the period shown.
When it comes to 1968, families spent over a third their wage on food, but this figure fell to around 17% in 2018. Similarly, the proportion of income expended on clothing and footwear and personal goods halved from 10 % to 5 % and 8 % to 4% respectively. Meanwhile, a slight decrease was seen in the expenditure on fuel and power during the 1968-2018 period.
Regarding housing and transport, families spent almost almost on these during the given period shown (from 10% to nearly 20 % and over 8% to about 14%). Moreover, spending on leisure witnessed a significant increase from under 10% to over 20% over a period of 50 years. However, the percentage of weekly income used for household goods stayed unchanged at approximately 8% from 1968 to 2018.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"earning" -> "earnings"
Explanation: "Earnings" is the correct term to refer to the amount of money received as payment for work done or services rendered. It accurately describes the income earned by households.
"in two year" -> "in two years"
Explanation: "Years" should be plural to match the context of comparing two separate years, 1968 and 2018.
"percentage of weekly income allocated for" -> "percentage of weekly income devoted to"
Explanation: "Devoted to" conveys the idea of dedicating or setting aside money for specific purposes more effectively than "allocated for."
"wage" -> "income"
Explanation: "Income" is a more appropriate and inclusive term to describe the total earnings of a household, including wages and other sources of revenue.
"When it comes to 1968" -> "In 1968"
Explanation: "In 1968" is a more concise and formal way to introduce a specific year without unnecessary wording.
"halved from 10 %" -> "was halved from 10%"
Explanation: Adding "was" clarifies the action taken on the proportion of income spent on clothing and footwear.
"During the 1968-2018 period" -> "Over the period from 1968 to 2018"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence improves clarity and flow while maintaining the timeframe being discussed.
"almost almost on these" -> "almost the same amount on these"
Explanation: "Almost the same amount" provides a clearer description of the comparison being made between the expenditure on housing and transport.
"witnessed a significant increase" -> "experienced a significant increase"
Explanation: "Experienced" is a more formal and appropriate term to describe the observed rise in spending on leisure activities.
"weekly income used for household goods" -> "weekly income spent on household goods"
Explanation: "Spent on" is more commonly used to describe expenditure, conveying the idea of utilizing income for purchasing household goods.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in spending habits between 1968 and 2018. It effectively highlights key features such as the changes in expenditure on various categories over the 50-year period.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could extend its analysis slightly further by providing more detailed comparisons or insights into the significance of the trends observed. Additionally, ensuring a smoother flow of information and language clarity would enhance coherence and cohesion.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes the information and ideas with clear progression throughout. It effectively utilizes cohesive devices to connect sentences and ideas, providing a smooth flow of information. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, contributing to the coherence of the essay. The sequencing of information is logical, allowing the reader to follow the discussion easily. Additionally, the essay appropriately manages paragraphing, aiding in the overall coherence and cohesion of the response.

How to improve:
To further improve coherence and cohesion, consider enhancing the variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. While the essay effectively utilizes cohesive devices, incorporating a wider range could enhance the overall coherence. Additionally, ensure that paragraphing is consistently logical and serves to group related ideas together. Avoid any potential repetition or redundancy in the text, ensuring that each sentence contributes meaningfully to the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay. Overall, maintaining clarity and logical progression in presenting ideas will strengthen the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the information effectively. There is a good attempt to use varied vocabulary, and some less common lexical items are employed, such as "proportion," "expended," "witnessed," and "allocated." The writer shows awareness of style and collocation, for instance, using "upward trends," "slight decrease," and "significant increase" appropriately. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the proportion of wage," which could be improved to "the proportion of income" or "the percentage of wages." Additionally, some phrases could be more refined for better precision, like "almost almost," which seems repetitive. Despite these minor inaccuracies, the essay effectively conveys the required information with clarity.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, consider refining word choice for more precision and accuracy. Proofreading for repetitive phrases and improving collocation can further elevate the lexical quality of the essay. Additionally, incorporating a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary with greater precision can push the lexical resource toward a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation, utilizing a variety of complex structures effectively. Sentences are generally error-free, contributing to clear communication. The essay effectively describes the changes depicted in the chart, using a mix of simple and complex sentence forms to convey the information accurately.

How to improve:
To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, strive for greater precision in word choice and ensure consistency in tense usage throughout the essay. Additionally, aim to vary sentence structures even more to add depth and sophistication to the writing. Finally, pay close attention to punctuation to eliminate any occasional errors, ensuring flawless presentation.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided bar chart delineates the distribution of household income across eight expenditure categories on a weekly basis in a particular country for the years 1968 and 2018.

Overall, there is a discernible upward trajectory in the allocation of weekly earnings towards housing, transport, and leisure, contrasted by a decrease in expenditure on food, fuel and power, clothing and footwear, and personal goods. Notably, the portion of income devoted to household food remains constant throughout the observed period.

In 1968, families allocated more than a third of their income towards food expenses, which decreased to approximately 17% by 2018. Similarly, expenditures on clothing and footwear, as well as personal goods, halved from 10% to 5% and 8% to 4% respectively over the same period. Additionally, a slight decline is evident in expenditure on fuel and power from 1968 to 2018.

Regarding housing and transport, families expended nearly double the proportion of their income on these categories from approximately 10% to nearly 20% and over 8% to about 14%, respectively. Moreover, spending on leisure witnessed a substantial surge from under 10% to over 20% over the span of 50 years. However, the percentage of weekly income allocated to household goods remained constant at around 8% from 1968 to 2018.

Overall, the data illustrates notable shifts in expenditure patterns over the five-decade period, with significant increases in housing, transport, and leisure expenses, juxtaposed against reductions in food, clothing, and personal goods expenditure.