The chart shows students expenditure over a three-year period in the United Kingdom (1996-1999). Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart shows students expenditure over a three-year period in the United Kingdom (1996-1999).
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The given chart compares the paying out of student under 26 in higher education in the United Kingdom between 1996 and 1999.

Overall, In 1999, The percentage of total expenditure about entertainment was the highest in different major. In contrast, Children had the lowest percentage of payment in 1996.

To begin with the rate of disbursement of student in 1996, From the number of the chart, Entertainment had the highest number of rate, it was over 25%. The second highest rate belong to accommodation with nearly 24%. Frequently, Food, bills, household goods had the third rank of highest rate, exactly 20%. Next, Course expenditure was lower than Food, bills, household goods about 10%. Moreover, essential travel and Non-essential travel had the similar percentage of expenditure, around 4% per subject. Finaly, Children was the lowest rate of cost, under 2%.

To continue with the percentage of student money spent in 1999, Entertainment had the same highest rank in 1996, it overcame 30%. Accommodation had the similar number of rate with Food, bills, household goods in 1996, at 20%. Next, Food, bills, household goods was lower than Accommodation about 3%. Then, Essential travel had the rate as same as with course expenditure, nearly 7% for each subject. Likewise, Non-essential travel had the opposite rate with Entertainment, at least 4%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "paying out of student under 26" -> "expenditure of students under 26"
   Explanation: "Paying out of student under 26" is awkward and lacks clarity. "Expenditure of students under 26" is a clearer and more appropriate phrase to describe the topic.

2. "In 1999, The percentage of total expenditure about entertainment" -> "In 1999, the percentage of total expenditure on entertainment"
   Explanation: The original phrase lacks grammatical correctness. Using "on entertainment" instead of "about entertainment" is more precise and grammatically correct.

3. "Children had the lowest percentage of payment" -> "Children had the lowest expenditure percentage"
   Explanation: "Percentage of payment" is not commonly used in this context. "Expenditure percentage" is more appropriate for describing the amount spent.

4. "From the number of the chart" -> "According to the chart"
   Explanation: "From the number of the chart" is unclear and awkward. "According to the chart" is a more formal and precise way to introduce data from a chart.

5. "belong to" -> "belonged to"
   Explanation: The verb tense should be consistent with the past tense used throughout the essay. "Belonged to" aligns with this requirement.

6. "Frequently" -> "Moreover" or "Additionally"
   Explanation: "Frequently" is not suitable here as it implies repetition. "Moreover" or "Additionally" better convey the idea of introducing additional information.

7. "Finaly" -> "Finally"
   Explanation: "Finaly" contains a spelling error. "Finally" is the correct spelling of the adverb meaning "at the end" or "lastly."

8. "money spent" -> "expenditure"
   Explanation: While "money spent" is grammatically correct, "expenditure" is a more formal and precise term, aligning better with the academic tone of the essay.

9. "overcame" -> "exceeded"
   Explanation: "Overcame" is not the appropriate term to describe surpassing a numerical value. "Exceeded" is more suitable in this context.

10. "similar number of rate" -> "similar rate"
    Explanation: "Similar number of rate" is redundant and awkward. "Similar rate" succinctly conveys the intended meaning.

11. "at least 4%" -> "at 4% or more"
    Explanation: "At least 4%" suggests a minimum threshold, but the original context implies a comparison. "At 4% or more" accurately reflects this comparison.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by summarizing the information provided in the chart about student expenditure in the United Kingdom from 1996 to 1999. It covers some key features such as the highest and lowest expenditure categories in each year. However, the presentation lacks clarity and coherence. There are several inaccuracies in the reporting, such as stating "Children had the lowest percentage of payment in 1996," which is not supported by the data. The essay also confuses key features with details and lacks a clear overview.

How to improve: Focus on presenting a clearer overview of the main trends in student expenditure over the three-year period. Ensure accuracy in reporting the data from the chart without introducing irrelevant details. Improve coherence and organization to facilitate better understanding for the reader. Additionally, work on language proficiency to convey information more effectively.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation:
The essay presents information about student expenditure over a three-year period in the United Kingdom, focusing on percentages of expenditure in different categories. However, the coherence and cohesion of the essay are weakened due to several factors. Firstly, there is inconsistency in the usage of tenses and phrasing throughout the essay, leading to confusion and lack of clarity. For instance, the essay shifts between past and present tense without a clear rationale, which disrupts the flow of ideas. Additionally, there are frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, which further hinder coherence.

Paragraphing is attempted, but it is not consistent or logical. The essay lacks clear transitions between paragraphs, making it difficult for the reader to follow the progression of ideas. Moreover, there is a lack of overall structure and organization, as the essay jumps between years without a clear framework for comparison.

Furthermore, while some cohesive devices are used, they are often inaccurate or repetitive, such as the repetition of phrases like "to begin with" and "to continue with," which detracts from the overall cohesion of the essay.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on maintaining a consistent tense throughout the essay. Clear paragraphing with logical transitions between ideas would also enhance coherence. Additionally, the writer should aim for accuracy and variety in the use of cohesive devices, avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring that they are used appropriately to connect ideas. Finally, a clearer overall structure, perhaps by organizing the essay by year and then discussing each category of expenditure within that framework, would improve coherence and make the essay easier to follow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a basic level of vocabulary usage, with some repetition and limited variety. It attempts to convey information but lacks sophistication and precision in word choice. There are several instances of inaccurate word usage and awkward phrasing, which hinder clarity and coherence. Additionally, there are notable errors in spelling and word formation throughout the essay, which may impede understanding for the reader.

How to improve:

1. Expand vocabulary range: Incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely and effectively.
2. Focus on accuracy: Pay close attention to word choice and ensure correct usage to enhance clarity and coherence.
3. Work on spelling and word formation: Review spelling and word formation rules to minimize errors and improve readability.
4. Structure and coherence: Organize ideas logically and use cohesive devices to improve the flow of the essay.
5. Practice writing: Engage in regular writing practice to refine language skills and develop a more polished writing style.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of structures, including complex sentences. There is an effort to present a comparison of student expenditure over a three-year period, utilizing phrases like "to begin with," "to continue with," and "overall." However, the essay lacks consistency in grammatical accuracy. There are several grammatical errors throughout the text, such as incorrect verb forms ("disbursement of student"), missing articles ("the rate of disbursement"), and inconsistent tense usage ("In 1999, The percentage" should be "In 1999, the percentage"). Punctuation errors are also present, affecting readability and clarity. While some complex sentences are attempted, they tend to be less accurate than simple sentences, impacting the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve:

1. Focus on grammatical accuracy by paying attention to verb forms, articles, and tense consistency.
2. Review punctuation rules to ensure proper usage throughout the essay.
3. Simplify complex sentences or ensure their accuracy to enhance clarity and coherence.
4. Proofread the essay carefully to identify and correct errors that may distort the meaning or cause difficulty for the reader.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided chart delineates the expenditure patterns of students under 26 in higher education across various categories in the United Kingdom from 1996 to 1999.

Overall, it is evident that entertainment expenses witnessed a notable increase by 1999, emerging as the highest proportion of total expenditure across different categories. Conversely, expenditures on children remained consistently low throughout the examined period, reaching the lowest percentage in 1996.

Commencing with the expenditure distribution in 1996, it is discernible that entertainment accounted for the highest proportion, surpassing 25%. Accommodation followed closely behind with nearly 24%, while food, bills, and household goods constituted approximately 20% of the total expenditure. Course-related expenses lagged behind, comprising roughly 10%. Essential and non-essential travel expenses each represented around 4% of the total expenditure, whereas children’s expenses constituted less than 2%.

Transitioning to the expenditure breakdown in 1999, it is notable that entertainment expenses retained their predominant position, surpassing 30% of the total expenditure, marking a considerable increase from 1996. Accommodation expenses remained consistent, maintaining a similar percentage to food, bills, and household goods in 1996, at around 20%. However, expenditures on food, bills, and household goods decreased slightly, trailing behind accommodation expenses by approximately 3%. Essential travel and course-related expenses each accounted for nearly 7% of the total expenditure. Similarly, non-essential travel expenses mirrored course-related expenses, standing at approximately 7% each, illustrating a consistent pattern of expenditure across these categories over the examined period.