WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

WRITING TASK 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university.
Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

It is true that a tendency towards learning along working is preferred as a popular choice to university certificate in some countries. I believe that the financial benefits outweigh the drawbacks of this issue.

On the one hand, basic training at work are confronted with apparent disadvantages in terms of unspecialized faculty and narrow perspective. In regard to the former, based on work-based training, student and employee can hardly accomplish the deeply specialized knowledge along highly technical skills. This led average people, such as factory worker, is only major on their stage of the manufactory chain without further vision. The second consideration is the close-mindset of basic learning. For instance, fast and narrow style of education in an industrial environment develops simple mind and conventional thinking, which obviously leads to ineffective solutions.

Notwithstanding from aforementioned view, the positive consequences of this practice are more substantial for reasons related to easy approach and financial accomplishment. As far as the first idea is concerned, basic learning from work will appropriate for all people with a practical and essential way. For example, this benefit will be notably suitable for most citizens with moderate level, especially in poverty countries in Africa and Southeast Asia. This leads towards the next beneficial effect of wealthier life and finance. To illustrate, more and more available employees capable to work will be the train's head of economical improvement. As a future result, poor country will be considerably rebuilt and the quantity of living will increase mentally and physically.

In conclusion, although there still remains some downsides of work-based training regarding human mindset. I hold my belief is that benefits of learning from working for developing countries are completely significant.

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Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Task Response: 9

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the trend of young people opting for work-based training over university education and presents a clear stance on the issue, arguing that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
  • How to improve: While the essay does cover all aspects of the prompt, it could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the disadvantages of work-based training compared to university education. Providing specific examples and expanding on the drawbacks would enhance the completeness of the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position throughout, arguing that the financial benefits of work-based training outweigh the drawbacks.
  • How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph directly supports the main argument. This can be achieved by clearly stating the position in the introduction and reinforcing it in each subsequent paragraph with supporting evidence and examples.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, though some areas could benefit from further elaboration. It discusses both advantages and disadvantages of work-based training, providing examples to support each point.
  • How to improve: Extend the discussion by providing more in-depth analysis and additional examples. This will strengthen the essay’s argumentation and provide a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the advantages and disadvantages of work-based training compared to university education.
  • How to improve: To ensure focus and relevance, carefully structure each paragraph around the main topic and avoid tangential discussions. Additionally, use transitions to guide the reader through the essay’s progression and maintain coherence.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of work-based training versus university education. To improve further, focus on providing more detailed analysis, supporting evidence, and maintaining coherence throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction stating the writer’s opinion, followed by body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages. However, the organization could be improved for better coherence. The essay jumps between ideas without clear transitions, leading to a somewhat disjointed flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and use clear transitions between paragraphs to connect ideas. For example, start each body paragraph with a topic sentence that previews the main idea of the paragraph and use linking words to connect sentences and ideas within paragraphs.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs but does so inconsistently. There are three paragraphs, but the first one is overly long and covers multiple ideas. Additionally, there is no clear conclusion paragraph to summarize the main points.
  • How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Break down the long introductory paragraph into shorter paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the topic. Add a separate conclusion paragraph to summarize the main points discussed in the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices. While some attempts are made (e.g., "on the one hand," "notwithstanding"), they are not used effectively to connect ideas. This affects the overall coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve, use a wider range of cohesive devices such as conjunctions (e.g., "however," "therefore," "moreover"), pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"), and transitional phrases (e.g., "as a result," "for instance") to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure cohesive devices are used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas.

Overall, to improve coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing ideas more clearly, using paragraphs effectively, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices to create a more cohesive and logical essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to employ a variety of vocabulary, but there are instances of repetition and imprecise word choices that limit the effectiveness of expression. For example, terms like "basic training," "basic learning," and "easy approach" are repeated without offering nuanced alternatives.
  • How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, strive for greater diversity in vocabulary usage. Instead of relying on generic terms like "basic training," aim for more specific descriptors that capture the nuances of the context. Additionally, explore synonyms and alternative expressions to avoid repetition and add depth to the discussion. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "basic learning," consider employing terms like "practical education," "hands-on training," or "vocational instruction" to convey a richer understanding of the topic.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to convey ideas, but there are instances where vocabulary is imprecisely used, leading to ambiguity or confusion. For instance, the phrase "basic learning from work will appropriate for all people" lacks precision and clarity in its expression.
  • How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary usage, focus on selecting words that accurately convey intended meanings. Avoid vague or ambiguous language that can obscure the message. In the example provided, consider revising the phrase to something like "work-based learning is suitable for individuals of all backgrounds," which clarifies the intended meaning and eliminates ambiguity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of correct and incorrect spelling throughout. While some words are spelled accurately, there are notable instances of misspelled words, such as "unspecialized," "mentally," and "suitable."
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading carefully before submitting the essay, using spell-check tools, and expanding vocabulary through regular reading and writing practice. Additionally, pay close attention to commonly misspelled words and seek clarification or assistance when uncertain about spelling. By improving spelling accuracy, the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing can be enhanced.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at utilizing various sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, there are instances of simple sentences such as "It is true that a tendency towards learning along working is preferred as a popular choice to university certificate in some countries," as well as compound sentences like "This led average people, such as factory worker, is only major on their stage of the manufactory chain without further vision." However, the range of structures is limited, and there is a tendency towards awkward phrasing and unclear expression, which affects the overall effectiveness of communication.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, it is advisable to practice constructing a wider range of sentences, including complex and compound-complex structures. Additionally, focusing on clarity and coherence in expression can significantly improve the readability of the essay. This can be achieved through thorough proofreading and revision to ensure that ideas are conveyed clearly and concisely.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay demonstrates an attempt to use grammar and punctuation, there are several instances of errors throughout the text. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("This led average people, such as factory worker, is only major on their stage of the manufactory chain without further vision"), article usage ("basic training at work are confronted with apparent disadvantages"), and awkward phrasing ("basic learning from work will appropriate for all people with a practical and essential way"). Punctuation errors are also present, such as missing commas and incorrect placement of periods.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, it is essential to review and practice the rules of grammar and punctuation. Focus on areas of weakness, such as subject-verb agreement, article usage, and punctuation rules. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify specific areas for improvement. Engaging in regular writing practice and utilizing resources such as grammar guides and online exercises can also be beneficial in strengthening these skills. Finally, proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help catch and correct errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that in some countries, there is a growing preference for work-based training over pursuing a university degree. I believe that the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages.

On one hand, work-based training may present certain drawbacks such as a lack of specialized faculty and a limited perspective. Regarding the former, individuals undergoing work-based training may struggle to acquire deeply specialized knowledge and highly technical skills. This limitation can confine individuals, like factory workers, to specific roles within the production chain without broader career prospects. Additionally, the narrow educational approach in industrial settings may foster closed-mindedness and conventional thinking, leading to ineffective problem-solving.

However, despite these drawbacks, the benefits of work-based training are significant, particularly in terms of accessibility and financial gain. Work-based learning offers a practical and straightforward approach that is suitable for individuals from diverse backgrounds. For example, this approach is particularly beneficial for people with moderate levels of education, especially in economically disadvantaged regions such as certain countries in Africa and Southeast Asia. Furthermore, work-based training can lead to improved financial prospects, as a larger pool of skilled workers contributes to economic growth. Consequently, impoverished nations stand to benefit from a stronger economy and improved standards of living.

In conclusion, while there are drawbacks to work-based training, particularly in terms of its impact on individuals’ mindset, I believe that the benefits, especially for developing countries, are significant.