Scientists predict in the near future cars will be driven by computers, not people. Why? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Scientists predict in the near future cars will be driven by computers, not people.

Why?
Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

It is predicted that in the future automobiles are not controlled by humans but by autopilot system. This essay will examine its driving forces as humans’ relentless pursuit of convenience and the significant technological advancements, and will support this development to increase road safety and human’s living standard.
First of all, the mankind’s continuous chase for convenience and the emboldment from recent leaps in technology are the justifications for the emergence of robotic cars. First of all, Humans’ intrinsic desire is always chasing the better living standard. This is exemplified by the renovation of TV from white to colored one, or of Iphone from model 5 to 15. Similarly, That self-driving cars or even flying cars become popular in the future is an inevitable development. Another factor that has motivated researchers are the success of many leading groups including Tesla, Toyota in trialing automation system of unmanned vehicles. From these evidence, we totally can believe that automated automobiles can dominate the streets in the future.
Although the appearance of self-driving cars can cause unemployment for a large number of drivers, I believe it will offer substantial benefits to individuals and society. To begin with, it is understandable that having people in the states of passengers can make drivers become redundant and jobless. This is because most drivers have no other special skills but driving, making it extremely difficult for them to get another job. This could put them under financial burden or even lead them to committing crime for money. Every development has to sacrifice something but the advantages self-driving cars bring to human are undeniable. It can eliminate human error while driving such as speeding, road rage, drunk driving. This could reduce road incidents and save thousands of lives each year. Moreover, robotic vehicles enable users to take advantage of their free time for other useful activities. They can boost work productivity by checking emails, making conference video calls, expanding relationship by socializing with other people, or simply relaxing. This will increase overall well- being of individuals as well as the whole society.
In conclusion, the continuous search for new technology and the groundbreaking technological leaps are the explanations for the popularity of self-driving cars in the future. Despite a drawback related to joblessness of drivers, the benefits of automated vehicles can have positive impacts on people’s lives.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "are not controlled by humans but by autopilot system" -> "are not controlled by humans but by an autopilot system"
   Explanation: Adding the article "an" before "autopilot system" makes the sentence grammatically correct by specifying that it refers to a singular autopilot system, thus improving clarity and formal correctness.

2. "its driving forces" -> "the driving forces behind it"
   Explanation: "Its driving forces" is somewhat ambiguous and lacks specificity. Replacing it with "the driving forces behind it" clarifies the subject and aligns with a more formal tone.

3. "First of all" (repeated) -> "Firstly" (repeated)
   Explanation: While "First of all" isn’t grammatically incorrect, its repetition within close proximity can make the writing appear less refined. "Firstly" serves as a suitable alternative, maintaining the sequential structure and formality.

4. "the mankind’s continuous chase for convenience" -> "humanity’s continual pursuit of convenience"
   Explanation: "The mankind’s" is not the preferred possessive form; "humanity’s" is more appropriate. Additionally, "continuous chase" can be enhanced to "continual pursuit" for a more formal tone.

5. "emboldment" -> "empowerment"
   Explanation: "Emboldment" is less commonly used and might appear somewhat informal. "Empowerment" is a more academically suitable term, conveying the idea of granting power or authority.

6. "that self-driving cars or even flying cars become popular" -> "the increasing popularity of self-driving cars or even flying cars"
   Explanation: The original phrasing lacks precision and clarity. By specifying "the increasing popularity of self-driving cars or even flying cars," the sentence becomes more precise and aligns better with academic writing standards.

7. "automated automobiles" -> "autonomous vehicles"
   Explanation: "Automated automobiles" is somewhat redundant. "Autonomous vehicles" is a more concise and formal term commonly used in academic contexts.

8. "we totally can believe" -> "we can firmly believe"
   Explanation: "Totally" is an informal intensifier that can be replaced with "firmly" for a more formal tone.

9. "for a large number of drivers" -> "for many drivers"
   Explanation: "A large number of" can be replaced with "many" for conciseness without losing meaning.

10. "become redundant and jobless" -> "become redundant or unemployed"
    Explanation: "Redundant and jobless" is redundant in meaning. Replacing it with "redundant or unemployed" maintains clarity and conciseness.

11. "most drivers have no other special skills but driving" -> "most drivers possess no other specialized skills beyond driving"
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks sophistication. By using "specialized skills" and rephrasing slightly, the sentence becomes more formal and clear.

12. "This could put them under financial burden or even lead them to committing crime for money" -> "This could impose financial burdens on them or even drive some to commit crimes for financial gain"
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks precision and contains awkward phrasing. The suggested alternative offers clearer expression and maintains formal language.

13. "Every development has to sacrifice something but the advantages self-driving cars bring to human are undeniable" -> "While every development entails sacrifices, the undeniable advantages self-driving cars offer to humanity outweigh these drawbacks"
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks coherence and precision. The revised version maintains clarity and formal language while restructuring the sentence for improved flow.

14. "It can eliminate human error while driving such as speeding, road rage, drunk driving" -> "They can eliminate human errors while driving, such as speeding, road rage, and drunk driving"
    Explanation: Using "it" to refer to "self-driving cars" might cause confusion. Replacing "it" with "they" clarifies the subject. Additionally, using parallel structure with "such as" improves the sentence’s formality and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It discusses why scientists predict cars will be driven by computers instead of people, attributing it to the pursuit of convenience and technological advancements. Additionally, it presents the writer’s opinion on whether this development is positive or negative.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, ensure that each point is explicitly connected to the prompt. Provide more detailed analysis on the implications of this shift from human-driven to computer-driven cars.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay, supporting the idea that self-driving cars will have a positive impact despite acknowledging potential drawbacks.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of the position by explicitly stating it in the introduction and reaffirming it throughout the body paragraphs. This could involve rephrasing sentences to remove ambiguity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks in-depth elaboration and support. While it mentions reasons behind the emergence of self-driving cars and their potential benefits, these points could be further developed with more specific examples and evidence.
  • How to improve: Extend each idea with concrete examples, statistics, or real-world scenarios to bolster the argument. This will enhance the depth of analysis and provide a stronger foundation for the claims made.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic by discussing the predicted shift to self-driving cars and evaluating its implications, though there are minor instances of tangential discussion.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every point made directly relates to the topic of self-driving cars and their potential effects. Avoid introducing tangential topics that detract from the main argument.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt by examining the reasons behind the predicted transition to self-driving cars and presenting a balanced view of its potential impacts. To improve, the writer should aim for more thorough development of ideas and greater clarity in presenting and supporting their arguments. Additionally, maintaining strict relevance to the topic throughout the essay will enhance coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting clear arguments in support of the use of self-driving cars. It begins with an introduction that outlines the driving forces behind the emergence of autonomous vehicles. Then, it proceeds to discuss both the positive and negative aspects of this development in separate paragraphs. Finally, a conclusion summarizes the main points. However, there are some instances of repetition and lack of clarity in the development of ideas, which slightly detract from the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and follows a clear structure of introduction, development, and conclusion. Additionally, avoid redundancy and ensure smooth transitions between ideas to improve coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, which helps in organizing ideas and presenting them in a structured manner. However, some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear separation, leading to a slight lack of coherence within paragraphs.
  • How to improve: Aim for clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of the argument, providing evidence and analysis to support it. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability and coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (‘first of all’, ‘although’, ‘moreover’, ‘in conclusion’), pronouns (‘it’, ‘this’, ‘they’), and repetition (‘self-driving cars’, ‘humans’, ‘advantages’). These devices help in linking ideas within and between sentences, contributing to coherence.
  • How to improve: Continue to utilize cohesive devices effectively to maintain coherence and cohesion. However, be cautious not to overuse certain phrases or rely too heavily on repetition, as it can detract from the overall quality of writing. Additionally, consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices to add depth and sophistication to the essay’s structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary throughout, incorporating varied terminology such as "autopilot system," "renovation," "unmanned vehicles," "redundant," "financial burden," "road rage," "drunk driving," "boost work productivity," "socializing," and "well-being." These diverse lexical choices contribute to the depth and complexity of the discussion.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the richness of vocabulary, consider incorporating more sophisticated synonyms and nuanced expressions where appropriate. Additionally, strive for precision in word choice to convey ideas more effectively. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "development," explore alternatives such as "innovation," "progress," or "advancement" to add variety and specificity to the language.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas and arguments. For instance, terms like "unmanned vehicles," "road rage," and "well-being" are used accurately to articulate specific concepts. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as the repetition of "development" without further specification, which may slightly diminish clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, aim for greater specificity in vocabulary selection. Instead of relying on broad terms like "development," strive to use more descriptive language that precisely captures the intended meaning. For example, replace generic phrases like "a drawback related to joblessness" with more precise terms such as "unemployment-related challenges" or "employment ramifications." This will strengthen the clarity and effectiveness of the expression.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally proficient level of spelling accuracy, with the majority of words spelled correctly. However, there are several instances of spelling errors that detract slightly from the overall coherence and professionalism of the writing. For example, "emboldment" should be "emboldened," "redundant" is spelled correctly but used in an awkward context ("make drivers become redundant"), and "autopilot" is misspelled as "autopilot."
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading carefully before submitting the essay, utilizing spell-check tools, and practicing spelling of commonly misspelled words. Additionally, be mindful of word usage to ensure that correct spellings are applied in appropriate contexts. For instance, verify that the word "redundant" is used accurately to convey the intended meaning of job redundancy rather than repetition. By paying closer attention to spelling and refining proofreading techniques, you can enhance the overall professionalism and coherence of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at utilizing various sentence structures. It employs both simple and complex structures, incorporating compound and complex sentences alongside simpler ones. However, there is room for improvement in enhancing the diversity and complexity of sentence structures further. For instance, while the essay uses relative clauses and compound sentences, incorporating more complex structures like conditional sentences or inversion could elevate the sophistication of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of sentence structures, consider incorporating advanced constructions such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If autonomous vehicles continue to evolve, they might revolutionize transportation.") or inversions (e.g., "Not only can self-driving cars improve road safety, but they can also enhance overall efficiency."). Additionally, varying sentence lengths and structures within paragraphs can contribute to a more engaging and nuanced expression of ideas.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation usage, but there are instances of errors throughout. For example, there are instances of subject-verb agreement errors ("The mankind’s continuous chase"), article misuse ("the emboldment from recent leaps"), and punctuation errors ("Similarly, That self-driving cars"). These errors occasionally impede clarity and precision in conveying ideas.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on reviewing common grammatical rules, such as subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. Proofreading for punctuation errors, particularly regarding comma usage and sentence boundary punctuation, can enhance the coherence of the essay. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify grammatical errors effectively.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and a commendable attempt at utilizing diverse sentence structures, refining these aspects further could elevate the essay to a higher band score. Continued practice in employing varied sentence structures accurately and ensuring grammatical precision will contribute to enhanced clarity and effectiveness in expressing ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is predicted that in the future automobiles will not be controlled by humans but by an autopilot system. This essay will examine the driving forces behind this trend, namely humanity’s continual pursuit of convenience and significant technological advancements, and will support this development due to its potential to increase road safety and enhance human living standards.

Firstly, mankind’s relentless pursuit of convenience and recent technological advancements are the driving forces behind the emergence of robotic cars. Humans have always sought improved living standards, evident in the evolution of technologies such as television and smartphones. Similarly, the increasing popularity of self-driving cars or even flying cars in the future seems inevitable. Additionally, the successful trials of automation systems by leading groups like Tesla and Toyota further motivate researchers. Based on this evidence, we can firmly believe that autonomous vehicles may dominate our streets in the future.

While the transition to self-driving cars may lead to unemployment for many drivers, I argue that it will bring substantial benefits to individuals and society. It is understandable that having passengers instead of drivers could render many individuals jobless, as most drivers possess no specialized skills beyond driving. This could impose financial burdens on them or even drive some to commit crimes for financial gain. However, every development entails sacrifices, and the undeniable advantages that self-driving cars offer to humanity outweigh these drawbacks. They can eliminate human errors while driving, such as speeding, road rage, and drunk driving, thereby reducing road incidents and saving thousands of lives each year. Moreover, autonomous vehicles allow users to utilize their free time for other productive activities, such as work-related tasks, socializing, or relaxation, which can enhance overall well-being.

In conclusion, humanity’s continual pursuit of convenience and significant technological advancements are driving the popularity of self-driving cars in the future. Despite concerns about joblessness among drivers, the benefits of autonomous vehicles can positively impact people’s lives by enhancing road safety and overall productivity.