In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move out of the cities and into regional areas. Do you think the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

Over the past few decades, the government is always looking for ways to promote economic growth without negatively affecting the environment. One of them is to encourage industries and business to move out of the cities and into regional areas. This essay will discuss some of the advantage and disadvantage of this trend.
On the one hand, there are a number of benefits of encourage industrial sites and business to leave the city and move to the suburbs. Firstly, it could help mitigate environmental problems due to one of the main causes of environmental pollution is annual emissions from factory. For this reason, if more industrial complexes and enterprises migrate to suburban areas, it would reduce pollution levels in metropolises. Besides that, there would be more employment opportunities for local people living in an area where business move to. Therefore, the risk of unemployment among people is reduced and the economy improves.
On the other hand, worker in regional areas may be plentiful, but they might not be as skilled as those in urban areas. For instance, this is the first time they are working with modern machinery and equipment, so risk and errors cannot be avoided when working. Therefore, product quality will be reduced. Not to mention that, some companies could face difficulties in delivering their products due to a lack of a proper transportation system. For example, an accident while delivering goods could cause a company millions of dollars worth of damage.
In conclusion, for the reasons discussed above, I would argue that the benefits of encourage industries to move out of the cities and into regional areas outweigh the drawbacks.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"the government is always looking" -> "governments have consistently sought"
Explanation: Changing "the government is always looking" to "governments have consistently sought" shifts from a continuous present tense to a more formal and precise past perfect continuous tense, which is more suitable for academic writing. It also generalizes the subject to include multiple governments, which is often more accurate in discussions of widespread practices.
"One of them is to encourage" -> "One approach involves encouraging"
Explanation: Replacing "One of them is to encourage" with "One approach involves encouraging" improves the sentence by using more formal language and making the sentence structure more complex and suitable for academic writing.
"advantage and disadvantage" -> "advantages and disadvantages"
Explanation: Correcting "advantage and disadvantage" to "advantages and disadvantages" fixes a grammatical error and ensures agreement in number, which is crucial for maintaining formal tone and clarity.
"benefits of encourage" -> "benefits of encouraging"
Explanation: Changing "benefits of encourage" to "benefits of encouraging" corrects a grammatical mistake by ensuring that the verb is in the gerund form, making it grammatically compatible with the structure of the sentence.
"due to one of the main causes of" -> "as one of the primary causes of"
Explanation: Replacing "due to one of the main causes of" with "as one of the primary causes of" refines the sentence by eliminating redundancy and employing a more formal term ("primary" instead of "main").
"factory" -> "factories"
Explanation: Correcting "factory" to "factories" addresses a grammatical error (singular to plural) to match the context, which implies a general statement about industrial emissions.
"Besides that" -> "Furthermore,"
Explanation: Changing "Besides that" to "Furthermore," enhances the transition between ideas, adopting a more formal and academically appropriate conjunction.
"worker in regional areas" -> "workers in regional areas"
Explanation: Correcting "worker in regional areas" to "workers in regional areas" fixes a grammatical error (singular to plural) to ensure agreement and clarity in the subject discussed.
"this is the first time they are working" -> "this may be their first experience working"
Explanation: Replacing "this is the first time they are working" with "this may be their first experience working" improves the sentence by making it more precise and formal, avoiding an overly simplistic and informal expression.
"risk and errors cannot be avoided" -> "risks and errors are inevitable"
Explanation: Changing "risk and errors cannot be avoided" to "risks and errors are inevitable" uses more sophisticated vocabulary ("inevitable" instead of "cannot be avoided") and corrects a grammatical inconsistency (singular to plural).
"Not to mention that," -> "Additionally,"
Explanation: Replacing "Not to mention that," with "Additionally," transitions to a more formal conjunction that is better suited for academic writing, while maintaining the flow of argumentation.
"an accident while delivering goods could cause" -> "accidents during the delivery of goods could result in"
Explanation: Changing "an accident while delivering goods could cause" to "accidents during the delivery of goods could result in" shifts from a singular hypothetical to a more general statement, using more formal language and structure.
"encourage industries to move" -> "encouraging industries to relocate"
Explanation: Replacing "encourage industries to move" with "encouraging industries to relocate" corrects the verb form to match the gerund structure used earlier in the sentence and employs a more precise term ("relocate" instead of "move") for the academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of encouraging industries and businesses to relocate from urban to regional areas. It discusses benefits such as reduced environmental pollution and increased employment opportunities in regional areas, as well as drawbacks like potential issues with worker skill levels and transportation challenges.
- How to improve: To enhance the completeness of the response, consider providing more specific examples or statistics to support the points made regarding the advantages and disadvantages. Additionally, ensure that each aspect of the question is thoroughly explored, perhaps by discussing potential long-term impacts or societal implications of this trend.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, indicating that the benefits of encouraging industries to relocate to regional areas outweigh the drawbacks. This stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion.
- How to improve: While clarity is maintained, further reinforcement of the position could be achieved by strengthening the language used to express the argument. Additionally, acknowledging potential counterarguments and refuting them could bolster the essay’s persuasiveness.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented, albeit somewhat briefly, with examples provided to support them. The essay discusses both advantages and disadvantages, offering reasoning for each point made.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, consider expanding on each point with additional details or examples. Providing more elaborate explanations and perhaps exploring the implications of each advantage or disadvantage in greater depth would enrich the essay’s content.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the advantages and disadvantages of encouraging industries to relocate to regional areas. However, there are minor instances where the discussion could be more tightly focused, particularly in the transitions between paragraphs.
- How to improve: To maintain a sharper focus on the topic, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt and contributes to the overall argument. Clearer transitions between ideas can help guide the reader through the essay more seamlessly, minimizing any potential digressions.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the key components of the prompt and maintains a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in terms of providing more comprehensive examples, strengthening the expression of the essay’s position, expanding on ideas, and refining the focus to ensure a more cohesive discussion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of organization by presenting arguments for both sides of the issue. However, there are areas where the logical flow could be improved. The introduction sets up the discussion but lacks clarity in outlining the main points to be discussed. Additionally, the body paragraphs could be better structured to provide a smoother transition between ideas. For instance, the essay could benefit from a clearer separation between the advantages and disadvantages presented.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider restructuring the introduction to provide a more concise preview of the main points to be discussed. Within the body paragraphs, ensure a clear topic sentence introduces each main idea, followed by supporting details. Furthermore, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the essay’s progression more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to separate different ideas, but the structure is somewhat inconsistent. While there are distinct paragraphs for introducing the advantages and disadvantages, the ideas within these paragraphs could be further developed and organized. Additionally, some paragraphs lack coherence due to abrupt transitions between ideas.
- How to improve: Work on refining the structure of paragraphs by focusing on a single main idea per paragraph and providing sufficient supporting details. Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that previews the content to follow. Additionally, use transitional phrases to create smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas, facilitating a more coherent flow of information.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve coherence. While some cohesive devices, such as conjunctions ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"), are used to signal transitions between paragraphs and ideas, their effectiveness is somewhat hindered by the lack of variety and consistency.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, including transitional phrases, pronouns, and conjunctions, to strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, pay attention to the placement and frequency of cohesive devices to ensure a smoother and more coherent progression of ideas throughout the essay. Consider using devices such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In addition," and "However" to provide clearer signposts for the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, albeit with some repetition and reliance on common phrases. For example, the author uses terms like "industrial complexes," "enterprises," "employment opportunities," "unemployment," "mitigate environmental problems," and "transportation system." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further, especially in using more varied synonyms and expressions to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases for frequently used terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "move out of the cities," try phrases like "relocate from urban centers" or "shift operations away from metropolitan areas." Additionally, exploring more nuanced vocabulary related to economic growth, environmental sustainability, and workforce dynamics can enrich the essay’s language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately but occasionally lacks precision. For instance, the phrase "risk and errors cannot be avoided when working" could be refined for clarity and precision. While the intention is clear, the expression lacks specificity and could benefit from a more precise vocabulary choice to convey the idea more effectively.
- How to improve: Aim for precision by selecting vocabulary that precisely communicates the intended meaning. In this case, replacing "risk and errors cannot be avoided" with "challenges and mistakes may arise" or "potential hazards and inaccuracies may occur" would offer more precise descriptions of the situation. Additionally, strive to use terminology that accurately reflects the context, such as specific terms related to manufacturing processes and quality control.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate level of spelling accuracy, with some errors present throughout the text. For instance, "encourage" is misspelled as "encourage" in the introductory sentence, and "worker" should be "workers" for subject-verb agreement. While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, they detract from the overall professionalism and clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing proofreading techniques such as reading the essay aloud, using spell-check tools, and reviewing common spelling patterns and rules. Additionally, developing a habit of revising and editing written work systematically can help identify and correct spelling errors before final submission. Practice spelling challenging words frequently encountered in academic writing to improve retention and application in essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. It includes simple and compound sentences, but there is a lack of complex structures such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, or passive voice constructions. For instance, "If more industrial complexes and enterprises migrate to suburban areas, it would reduce pollution levels in metropolises" shows a conditional structure, albeit it could be more varied.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentence constructions. Introducing relative clauses, passive voice, and varied conditional forms can enrich the essay’s expression. For example, instead of solely relying on basic conditional forms, the writer could utilize more diverse conditional structures like the third conditional ("If more attention had been given to relocating industries earlier, pollution levels might have been significantly reduced").
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonably accurate use of grammar and punctuation. However, there are several grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies throughout the essay. For example, "On the one hand, there are a number of benefits of encourage industrial sites and business to leave the city and move to the suburbs" contains errors in subject-verb agreement and the usage of articles.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and verb tense consistency. Proofreading the essay thoroughly and considering each sentence individually can help identify and correct such errors. Additionally, reviewing grammar rules related to articles and verb forms could be beneficial. For instance, in the highlighted sentence, it should be "On the one hand, there are a number of benefits of encouraging industrial sites and businesses to leave the city and move to the suburbs."

Bài sửa mẫu

Over recent decades, governments have consistently sought methods to foster economic growth while minimizing environmental harm. One approach involves encouraging industries and businesses to relocate from urban centers to regional areas. This essay will explore the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

On one hand, there are notable benefits to encouraging industrial sites and businesses to relocate from cities to suburbs. Firstly, it could help address environmental issues, as one of the primary causes of pollution is the annual emissions from factories. Therefore, if more industrial complexes and enterprises migrate to suburban areas, it would reduce pollution levels in cities. Additionally, there would be increased employment opportunities for local residents, thus reducing the risk of unemployment and bolstering the economy.

On the other hand, workers in regional areas may be abundant, but they might lack the same level of expertise as those in urban areas. For instance, this may be their first experience working with modern machinery and equipment, making errors and risks inevitable. Consequently, there could be a decline in product quality. Furthermore, some companies might encounter challenges in delivering their products due to inadequate transportation infrastructure. For instance, accidents during the delivery of goods could result in significant financial losses for a company.

In conclusion, considering the points discussed above, it is my belief that the benefits of encouraging industries to move out of cities and into regional areas outweigh the drawbacks.