Opportunities and challenges for young today

The genius scientist of the world, Einstein, once said, "Opportunity is everywhere. The important thing is whether you can see them or not." We are living in the 21st century – a century known as the era of globalization or the era of intelligence. Therefore, as a young and youthful person, I believe that opportunity and challenge are always two parallel winds blowing into the lives of young people today.
First of all, I would like to talk about the opportunities:
o Living in a peaceful country, inheriting the glorious achievements of the previous generations. This is a source of pride and motivation for us – the youth of today to proudly hold our heads high and strive to continue the heroic history of the previous generations.
o Receiving great attention from family, school, and society. Especially living in a "flat world," where men and women are equal in the field of knowledge. Going back in time, in our land of Hai Duong, there was the first and only female doctorate in the feudal history of our country – Nguyen Thi Due. Few know that, to have the opportunity to affirm herself, she had to disguise herself as a man to take the exam. Society today is different, although being a female, I am happy because my family always creates the best conditions for me to study thoroughly and completely – this is a solid foundation for us to have the opportunity to reach our dreams.
o The progress of science and technology: The advancement of science and technology has been changing the world every day, every hour. The internet appeared, and most recently, AI technology has helped people have the opportunity to learn anytime, anywhere, and stimulate human creativity. With just a click of the mouse, the vast world of knowledge is right in front of the youth. Never before has the absorption and acquisition of knowledge had so many diverse forms as it does today.
The opportunities I have just mentioned cannot be denied; however, today's youth also face countless challenges. In my opinion, the challenges that young people face today include:
o Pressure from the past, expectations from family, school, friends… sometimes make young people have to strive every day to perfect themselves.
o Temptations from the surrounding life: the Internet, computers, smartphones… cannot deny that these things have made the lives of modern people incredibly wonderful. However, like a double-edged sword, these technological devices have led a part of today's youth into temptation. They immerse themselves in the virtual world and forget that they need to live their own real lives.
o A comfortable life, being pampered by parents, provided with more than enough material conditions, sometimes makes young people lazy, lacking willpower, lacking dreams, and aspirations…
o Lastly, I want to say that the biggest challenge for today's youth is probably that they have to conquer themselves. Buddha once said, "The greatest enemy of a person's life is oneself." Lenin, the leader of the working class and the laboring people of the world, also affirmed, "Conquering oneself is the most glorious victory." Yes, only when today's youth conquer themselves – conquer laziness, conquer temptations and excuses from within each individual, all the challenges I have mentioned above will be just a situation to train a brave, mature, ready-to-face-the-storm young generation to achieve success because I believe that "No pressure, no diamond."

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The genius scientist of the world, Einstein" -> "The renowned physicist, Einstein"
Explanation: The phrase "The genius scientist of the world" is overly informal and somewhat redundant. "The renowned physicist" is more precise and academically appropriate, as it specifies Einstein’s field and avoids the subjective term "genius."
"The important thing is whether you can see them or not." -> "The crucial aspect is one’s ability to perceive them."
Explanation: The original sentence is conversational in tone. Replacing it with "The crucial aspect is one’s ability to perceive them" elevates the formality and aligns better with academic style by using more sophisticated vocabulary.
"living in the 21st century" -> "residing in the 21st century"
Explanation: While "living" is not incorrect, "residing" offers a slightly more formal tone appropriate for academic writing.
"young and youthful person" -> "young individual"
Explanation: "Young and youthful" is redundant as both words convey the same meaning. "Young individual" maintains the intended meaning without redundancy and is more formal.
"opportunity and challenge are always two parallel winds" -> "opportunity and challenge perpetually represent two concurrent forces"
Explanation: The metaphor "two parallel winds" is somewhat informal and may not be clear to all readers. "Two concurrent forces" is more universally understandable and maintains the metaphorical intent in a formal academic context.
"Living in a peaceful country, inheriting the glorious achievements" -> "Residing in a peaceful nation, inheriting the significant achievements"
Explanation: "Living" is replaced with "residing" for formality. "Glorious" can be seen as overly emotional or subjective for academic writing, whereas "significant" is objective and suitable.
"proudly hold our heads high" -> "maintain our pride"
Explanation: "Proudly hold our heads high" is an idiom that may not be suitable for formal academic writing. "Maintain our pride" conveys a similar sentiment in a more formal manner.
"Receiving great attention" -> "Receiving considerable attention"
Explanation: "Great" is somewhat vague and can be interpreted in many ways; "considerable" is more precise and academically appropriate.
"flat world" -> "egalitarian world"
Explanation: "Flat world" is a colloquial term popularized by Thomas Friedman but may not be clear to all readers in this context. "Egalitarian world" more precisely conveys the notion of equality in an academic context.
"the first and only female doctorate" -> "the first and only woman to earn a doctorate"
Explanation: The original phrase could be misunderstood, suggesting the person holds a unique type of doctorate. The revision clarifies that she was the first woman to achieve this academic level.
"happy because my family always creates" -> "grateful that my family consistently provides"
Explanation: "Happy" is a basic emotion that might be too simplistic for this context, while "grateful" is more specific and formal. "Always creates" is replaced with "consistently provides" for precision and formality.
"With just a click of the mouse" -> "With merely a mouse click"
Explanation: "Just a click of the mouse" is conversational. "Merely a mouse click" is concise and maintains the formal tone.
"Pressure from the past, expectations from family, school, friends…" -> "Pressure from past achievements, expectations from family, educational institutions, and peers…"
Explanation: Expanding "the past" to "past achievements" clarifies the source of pressure. Replacing "school, friends" with "educational institutions, and peers" elevates the formality and specificity.
"Temptations from the surrounding life" -> "Temptations from the immediate environment"
Explanation: "Surrounding life" is vague and informal. "Immediate environment" is more precise and suitable for academic writing.
"like a double-edged sword" -> "akin to a double-edged sword"
Explanation: "Like" is correct but can be perceived as too informal in this context. "Akin to" is a more formal alternative.
"conquer laziness, conquer temptations and excuses" -> "overcome laziness, resist temptations, and refute excuses"
Explanation: Using different verbs for each action ("overcome," "resist," "refute") avoids repetition and enhances clarity. Each verb is more specific to the context it is used in, improving the academic tone.
"No pressure, no diamond." -> "Without pressure, diamonds cannot form."
Explanation: The original phrase is colloquial and overly simplistic. The revised sentence maintains the metaphorical meaning while presenting it in a more formal and explanatory manner.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the opportunities and challenges faced by today’s youth. It discusses various opportunities such as inheriting past achievements, receiving support from family and society, and advancements in science and technology. Similarly, it also delves into challenges such as pressure from expectations, temptations from modern life, and the need to conquer oneself.
- How to improve: While the essay covers both aspects, it could enhance its response by providing a more balanced exploration of opportunities and challenges. Additionally, offering more specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argumentation and make the points more persuasive.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by acknowledging both the opportunities and challenges faced by today’s youth. It consistently presents a balanced view without leaning heavily towards either side.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, it could explicitly state the significance of balancing opportunities with challenges and the importance of overcoming obstacles for personal growth and success.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about opportunities and challenges effectively, extending each point with elaboration and supporting details. For instance, it discusses specific examples such as historical figures and societal changes to illustrate its points.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, it could delve deeper into the implications of opportunities and challenges on the personal and societal levels. Providing more nuanced analysis or contrasting perspectives could enrich the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the opportunities and challenges for today’s youth as prompted.
- How to improve: While the essay remains focused overall, it occasionally digresses into tangential topics such as historical references. To maintain strict relevance, it could streamline its discussion and avoid excessive diversion into unrelated areas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively addresses both opportunities and challenges for today’s youth. To improve, it could refine its balance, clarity, depth of analysis, and relevance to the topic for a more cohesive and compelling argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas. It starts with an introduction that sets the stage for discussing opportunities and challenges for today’s youth. Each subsequent paragraph discusses either opportunities or challenges, following a clear pattern of presenting examples and elaborating on each point.
- How to improve: To enhance logical coherence, consider providing smoother transitions between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to avoid potential confusion for the reader.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of either opportunities or challenges faced by today’s youth. There’s a clear separation between ideas, facilitating readability.
- How to improve: While the use of paragraphs is generally effective, consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to succinctly introduce its main idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as transitions ("First of all," "In my opinion," "Lastly") to connect ideas and maintain coherence. These devices help guide the reader through the essay’s arguments.
- How to improve: While the essay uses cohesive devices adequately, consider incorporating a wider variety of connectors and transition words to add depth to the essay’s coherence. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of these devices to ensure they seamlessly connect ideas throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay effectively organizes its content into coherent paragraphs, presents relevant examples, and maintains logical progression throughout. To improve coherence further, focus on refining transitions between paragraphs, ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with varied expressions used to articulate ideas regarding opportunities and challenges for young people today. For instance, the author employs diverse phrases such as "heroic history," "stimulate human creativity," and "virtual world" to effectively convey their points.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical variety, consider incorporating more specialized terminology or idiomatic expressions where appropriate. Additionally, utilizing synonyms or alternative phrases can add nuance and depth to the discussion.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the vocabulary usage is precise, with terms employed accurately to convey intended meanings. However, there are instances where the essay could benefit from more nuanced vocabulary choices to strengthen clarity and specificity. For instance, phrases like "temptations from the surrounding life" could be refined for greater precision.
- How to improve: Aim to select words or phrases that precisely capture the intended nuances of meaning. Avoid ambiguous or overly general language by opting for more specific terms that enhance clarity and depth of expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with minor errors sporadically present throughout the text. Instances such as "patent" instead of "patient" and "laboring" instead of "labor" are noticeable. However, these errors do not significantly detract from overall comprehension.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading carefully before submission, utilizing spell-checking tools, and actively reviewing commonly misspelled words. Additionally, cultivating a habit of regular reading can contribute to familiarity with correct spelling conventions.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the opportunities and challenges encountered by today’s youth, showcasing a strong command of vocabulary and coherent expression. By refining lexical choices for precision and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy, the essay can further elevate its effectiveness in conveying ideas convincingly.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, there are simple declarative sentences like "This is a source of pride and motivation for us," compound sentences such as "Pressure from the past, expectations from family, school, friends… sometimes make young people have to strive every day to perfect themselves," and complex sentences like "However, like a double-edged sword, these technological devices have led a part of today’s youth into temptation." This variety contributes to the readability and coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay already employs a diverse range of structures effectively, further variation can enhance the sophistication of expression. Introducing more complex sentence structures, such as those involving subordinate clauses or participial phrases, can add depth to the analysis and strengthen the overall argument.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances where minor errors are present. For example, in the sentence "Few know that, to have the opportunity to affirm herself, she had to disguise herself as a man to take the exam," the placement of the comma after "know" disrupts the flow of the sentence. Additionally, there are a couple of instances of inconsistent tense usage, such as "Society today is different" followed by "although being a female, I am happy."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it’s essential to review sentence structure and tense consistency carefully. Paying attention to the placement of commas and ensuring agreement between subject and verb can help improve clarity and coherence. Additionally, revising sentences for parallelism and coherence can further refine the essay’s grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The eminent physicist, Einstein, once remarked, “Opportunity is omnipresent. The crucial aspect is one’s ability to perceive them.” Residing in the 21st century – an era characterized by globalization and intelligence – young individuals like us encounter a perpetual interplay of opportunity and challenge.

Let’s first explore the opportunities:

Living in a peaceful nation, inheriting significant achievements from previous generations, serves as a source of pride and motivation for us, the youth of today, to maintain our pride and strive to continue the heroic legacy of our forebears.

Receiving considerable attention from family, school, and society is noteworthy, particularly in today’s egalitarian world. Reflecting on our historical roots, consider Nguyen Thi Due, the first and only woman to earn a doctorate in our country’s feudal history. Few know of her need to disguise herself as a man to pursue her ambitions. Today’s society differs significantly; as a woman, I am grateful that my family consistently provides optimal conditions for my education, laying a solid foundation for realizing our dreams.

The advancement of science and technology presents unprecedented opportunities. With merely a mouse click, the vast realm of knowledge is accessible to today’s youth. The internet and recent AI technologies facilitate learning anytime, anywhere, fostering human creativity.

Despite these opportunities, today’s youth also encounter numerous challenges:

Pressure from past achievements, expectations from family, educational institutions, and peers necessitate daily efforts for self-improvement.

Temptations from the immediate environment, such as the allure of the internet, computers, and smartphones, present a double-edged sword. While these modern conveniences enhance life, they also lure some youth into escapism, diverting them from real-world experiences.

A comfortable upbringing, characterized by parental pampering and material abundance, may inadvertently foster laziness and lack of aspiration.

Ultimately, the paramount challenge for today’s youth is self-mastery. As Buddha stated, “The greatest enemy of a person’s life is oneself.” Conquering laziness, resisting temptations, and refuting excuses are essential. Only by overcoming these internal challenges can today’s youth become resilient and prepared to confront external obstacles.

In conclusion, the dialectic between opportunity and challenge shapes the journey of today’s youth. Like diamonds formed under pressure, confronting and surmounting challenges molds us into resilient and accomplished individuals.