Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of playing sports and participating in physical exercises.

Enrolling in physical activities play a vital role in strengthening human’s health. While this trend offers a number of benefits, there are also several drawbacks involved.
Embarking sports has an array of benefits. First, it provides an opportunity to build core muscles and improve the immunity system. With the constant activity of the body, the muscles must develop to be able to withstand the pressure from activities. Another positive aspect of taking part in sports is fostering the immune system to face disease problems, especially infectious disease.
Despite the aforementioned benefits, there are also some disadvantages associated with practicing physical activities. Due to excessive sport activities, some of the body’s muscle mass will be at risk of permanent damage. Moreover, if exercise too much without a healthy diet and exercise regimen, the entire body system will quickly collapse when there are no nutrients and energy to maintain the smooth operation of body functions.
In conclusion, although enrolling in physical activities can be improve your system body, people must harmoniously combine reasonable and appropriate operating modes to avoid permanent damage.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Enrolling in physical activities play" -> "Participating in physical activities plays"
Explanation: "Enrolling" implies signing up for a program or course, whereas "participating" better captures the action of engaging in physical activities. Also, "plays" should be changed to "plays" to agree with the singular subject "participating."
"human’s health" -> "human health"
Explanation: Use of the possessive form "human’s" is unnecessary here. "Human health" is a more concise and appropriate term.
"Embarking sports" -> "Engaging in sports"
Explanation: "Embarking" typically refers to starting a journey or undertaking, which is not the intended meaning here. "Engaging in sports" is a clearer and more suitable phrase.
"an array of benefits" -> "numerous benefits"
Explanation: "An array" is somewhat informal and less precise for academic writing. "Numerous benefits" maintains formality while conveying the same meaning.
"core muscles" -> "muscle groups"
Explanation: While "core muscles" is not incorrect, "muscle groups" is a broader and more inclusive term that encompasses all muscles involved in physical activity.
"improve the immunity system" -> "enhance the immune system"
Explanation: "Improve" is a bit vague, while "enhance" is more specific and appropriate for discussing health. Also, "immunity system" should be corrected to "immune system" for accuracy.
"fostering the immune system to face disease problems" -> "bolstering the immune system to combat diseases"
Explanation: "Fostering" is too gentle a term in this context; "bolstering" conveys the idea of strengthening or fortifying more effectively. Additionally, "to face disease problems" can be replaced with "to combat diseases" for clarity and conciseness.
"Despite the aforementioned benefits" -> "Nevertheless, these benefits"
Explanation: "Despite the aforementioned benefits" is wordy and slightly informal. "Nevertheless, these benefits" maintains formality and conciseness.
"some of the body’s muscle mass will be at risk of permanent damage" -> "some muscle mass may be at risk of permanent damage"
Explanation: The phrase "the body’s muscle mass" is unnecessarily wordy. Simplifying to "some muscle mass" improves clarity without sacrificing meaning.
"if exercise too much" -> "if one exercises excessively"
Explanation: "Exercise too much" is informal. Using "excessively" and restructuring the sentence improves clarity and maintains formality.
"entire body system" -> "entire bodily system"
Explanation: "Body system" is somewhat redundant. "Bodily system" is a more precise and concise term.
"smooth operation of body functions" -> "efficient functioning of bodily processes"
Explanation: "Smooth operation of body functions" is a bit informal and could be clearer. "Efficient functioning of bodily processes" maintains formality and clarity.
"can be improve your system body" -> "can improve bodily function"
Explanation: "System body" is awkward and unclear. "Bodily function" is more precise and appropriate.
"people must harmoniously combine reasonable and appropriate operating modes" -> "individuals should integrate balanced and suitable lifestyle practices"
Explanation: "Harmoniously combine reasonable and appropriate operating modes" is overly verbose and lacks clarity. "Integrate balanced and suitable lifestyle practices" is more concise and clear.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of playing sports and participating in physical exercises. It acknowledges the benefits such as building core muscles and fostering the immune system, while also mentioning the potential drawbacks like the risk of muscle damage and the importance of a balanced diet.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, ensure that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly explored. The essay could provide more specific examples or details to illustrate the advantages and disadvantages discussed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a neutral stance, presenting both the advantages and disadvantages without explicitly favoring one over the other. The position remains consistent throughout the essay.
- How to improve: While neutrality is acceptable, providing a clear stance or opinion can strengthen the essay. Consider taking a more definitive position and supporting it with well-developed arguments and evidence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the benefits and drawbacks of physical activities but lacks extension and depth. It briefly mentions points without fully elaborating or providing sufficient support.
- How to improve: Extend ideas by providing specific examples, statistics, or personal experiences to bolster the arguments. Additionally, ensure each idea is fully developed with adequate explanation and analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of playing sports and participating in physical exercises. However, some sections, like the mention of infectious diseases, could be more closely related to the topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points directly relate to the topic of sports and physical exercises. Avoid tangential discussions that do not contribute to the main theme. Instead, concentrate on elaborating on the advantages and disadvantages in greater detail.

Overall, while the essay adequately addresses the advantages and disadvantages of physical activities, there is room for improvement in terms of depth, clarity, and relevance. By providing more detailed examples, developing ideas further, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the coherence of ideas within paragraphs. For instance, the paragraph discussing the benefits of sports could be more logically structured by presenting each benefit in a separate sentence or paragraph, followed by elaboration and examples.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring each paragraph around a single main idea. Start with a topic sentence introducing the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. Ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs to maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to separate different aspects of the discussion. However, some paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and coherent development of ideas within them. For example, the paragraph discussing the disadvantages of physical activities could be improved by breaking it down into smaller paragraphs, each focusing on a specific drawback and providing elaboration.
- How to improve: Aim for each paragraph to focus on a single idea or aspect of the topic. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. Ensure that the flow between paragraphs is smooth, with logical transitions guiding the reader through the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transition words ("first," "despite," "moreover," "although"), to connect ideas and maintain coherence. However, there is limited variety in the types of cohesive devices used, and their effectiveness in guiding the reader through the essay could be improved.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices used to include a variety of linking words, pronouns, and conjunctions. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay to create a seamless flow of ideas. Consider using parallel structures, repetition for emphasis, and synonyms to reinforce connections between sentences and paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It utilizes terms such as "embarking," "array," "fostering," and "harmoniously," which contribute to variety. However, there’s a lack of more sophisticated or nuanced vocabulary that could elevate the lexical richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, aim to incorporate more diverse and precise terminology. For instance, instead of using common phrases like "play a vital role," consider alternatives such as "exert a pivotal influence" or "significantly contribute." Additionally, incorporating specialized terminology related to health, exercise physiology, or sports science could enrich the vocabulary further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary with precision, such as "core muscles" and "immune system." However, there are instances where terminology could be more precise or contextually appropriate. For example, using "permanent damage" is somewhat vague without specifying the nature of the damage.
- How to improve: Ensure that each term used aligns precisely with the intended meaning. Rather than general statements like "permanent damage," specify the type of damage (e.g., muscle tears, joint injuries) to provide clarity and specificity. Utilize domain-specific vocabulary accurately to convey ideas with precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are several instances of minor spelling errors, such as "improve your system body" (improve your bodily systems), "exercise regimen" (exercise regime), and "operate modes" (operating modes).
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay thoroughly or utilizing spelling and grammar check tools. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling patterns and pay attention to frequently misspelled words. Practicing spelling through writing exercises can also aid in improving accuracy over time.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in vocabulary usage and spelling, there is room for improvement in expanding the range of vocabulary, using terms with precision, and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy. Incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, employing precise terminology, and practicing spelling techniques can contribute to further enhancing the lexical resource of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. It includes simple and compound sentences, with occasional use of complex structures. For instance, "Embarking sports has an array of benefits" (simple sentence), "With the constant activity of the body, the muscles must develop to be able to withstand the pressure from activities" (complex sentence), and "Moreover, if exercise too much without a healthy diet and exercise regimen, the entire body system will quickly collapse when there are no nutrients and energy to maintain the smooth operation of body functions" (compound sentence).
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses and phrases. For example, instead of consistently using simple sentences like "Enrolling in physical activities play a vital role in strengthening human’s health," you could introduce more complex sentence structures such as "Participating in physical activities plays a vital role in enhancing human health due to its multifaceted impact on various physiological and psychological aspects."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors observed. For example, there is a subject-verb agreement error in the sentence "Embarking sports has an array of benefits" where "Embarking" should be "Embarking on sports." Additionally, there is an article usage error in "Although enrolling in physical activities can be improve your system body," where "improve" should be "improves" and "system body" should be "body’s system."
- How to improve: Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage to avoid such errors. Proofreading the essay thoroughly before submission can help identify and correct these minor mistakes. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to further refine grammatical accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision to achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Engaging in sports and participating in physical exercises play a crucial role in enhancing human health. While these activities offer numerous benefits, they also present some drawbacks.

Engaging in sports offers several advantages. Firstly, it provides an opportunity to strengthen core muscles and bolster the immune system. Regular physical activity stimulates muscle growth to withstand the demands of sports. Additionally, participating in sports enhances the immune system, aiding in combatting diseases, particularly infectious ones.

However, despite these benefits, there are also disadvantages associated with excessive physical activity. Overdoing sports can lead to permanent damage to some muscle groups. Moreover, without a balanced diet and proper exercise routine, the entire bodily system may suffer, impeding efficient bodily processes due to the lack of necessary nutrients and energy.

In conclusion, while participating in physical activities can improve bodily function, individuals should integrate balanced and suitable lifestyle practices to prevent permanent damage.