Women opt for a singlehood over marriage. Dicuss both advantages and disadvantages.

On the negative hand, in my point of view, a single statement may induce lonely and depressed. For example, when they are over 30 years old, almost their friend had married and had childrens, so sometime they feel unhappy and miserable. Furthermore, in difficult circumtances, such as unwell being, it may bring self – pity emotion.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"On the negative hand" -> "On the contrary"
Explanation: "On the contrary" is a more formal expression to introduce a contrasting viewpoint, aligning better with academic writing standards.
"in my point of view" -> "from my perspective"
Explanation: "From my perspective" is a more formal and precise way to express one’s viewpoint, suitable for academic writing.
"lonely and depressed" -> "feelings of loneliness and depression"
Explanation: Replacing the adjectives with the corresponding nouns enhances clarity and formality, common in academic writing.
"almost their friend had married and had childrens" -> "most of their friends have married and have children"
Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement and using "most" instead of "almost" improves accuracy and formality.
"so sometime they feel unhappy and miserable" -> "thus, at times, they experience unhappiness and misery"
Explanation: Replacing "so sometime" with "thus, at times" and restructuring the sentence enhances formality and clarity.
"Furthermore" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: "Moreover" is a more formal transition word, commonly used in academic writing to introduce additional information.
"difficult circumtances" -> "challenging circumstances"
Explanation: "Challenging circumstances" is a more precise and formal phrase than "difficult circumstances," suitable for academic writing.
"such as unwell being" -> "such as poor health"
Explanation: "Poor health" is a clearer and more formal term than "unwell being," fitting for academic contexts.
"it may bring self-pity emotion" -> "it may evoke feelings of self-pity"
Explanation: Restructuring the phrase to "evoke feelings of self-pity" improves clarity and formality, avoiding redundancy and using more precise language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Task Response: 4 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both the advantages and disadvantages of women choosing singlehood over marriage. However, the response lacks depth and detail. While it mentions the potential loneliness and feelings of unhappiness associated with being single, it does not thoroughly explore the advantages of singlehood.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide a more balanced discussion by elaborating on both the advantages and disadvantages. It could discuss benefits such as independence, freedom to pursue personal goals, and the opportunity for self-discovery.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay’s position is somewhat ambiguous. While it briefly mentions the negative aspects of singlehood, it does not clearly state whether it views singlehood as predominantly advantageous or disadvantageous.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay should explicitly state its position on the topic in the introduction and maintain consistency throughout the essay. This will help the reader understand the writer’s perspective more clearly.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks development and support of ideas. It provides only one example to support the argument, and the example itself lacks depth and coherence.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should include more examples, explanations, and evidence to bolster its arguments. This could involve incorporating statistics, personal anecdotes, or expert opinions to provide a more comprehensive and convincing discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to address the topic of singlehood versus marriage, it veers off track at times and lacks coherence. The discussion of feeling unhappy and miserable due to societal expectations about marriage is relevant, but the connection to the overall theme could be clearer.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the essay should maintain a clear focus on the advantages and disadvantages of singlehood compared to marriage. It should avoid tangential discussions and ensure that each point contributes directly to the central theme of the essay. Additionally, transitions between ideas could be improved to enhance coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at organizing information, but there are significant issues with coherence and logical flow. The lack of clear topic sentences and transitions between ideas leads to disjointedness and confusion for the reader. For instance, the essay begins discussing the disadvantages of singlehood without providing a clear introduction or context for the reader. Additionally, the examples provided lack development and coherence with the main argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should start with a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed (advantages and disadvantages of singlehood). Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Transitions between paragraphs should be smooth to ensure a coherent flow of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but their structure is ineffective. There is only one paragraph present in the provided text, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow the essay’s argument. Additionally, the lack of indentation or clear separation between ideas further diminishes the effectiveness of paragraphing.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the essay should be divided into multiple paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. Clear indentation or spacing between paragraphs should be used to visually signal transitions between ideas. Each paragraph should address a specific point related to singlehood, with a clear topic sentence to guide the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks cohesive devices, such as conjunctions, transitional phrases, or pronouns, to connect ideas and create coherence. As a result, the progression of ideas feels abrupt and disjointed. There is a noticeable absence of cohesive devices that would help to link sentences and paragraphs together, making it challenging for the reader to follow the essay’s argument.
- How to improve: To improve cohesion, the essay should incorporate a variety of cohesive devices to link ideas and create a smooth flow of information. This includes using conjunctions (e.g., however, therefore, moreover), transitional phrases (e.g., on the other hand, for example, in addition), and pronouns (e.g., it, they, these) to connect sentences and paragraphs. By using cohesive devices effectively, the essay will become more coherent and easier to follow for the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, although there are some inaccuracies and repetitions. For instance, phrases like "single statement" could be clarified for better comprehension. However, there are instances where vocabulary choices effectively convey meaning, such as "lonely and depressed" and "self-pity emotion."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, aim for more precise and contextually appropriate vocabulary. Instead of "single statement," consider using "remaining unmarried." Additionally, strive for consistency in verb tenses ("almost their friend had married") and avoid unnecessary pluralization ("childrens"). Proofreading can help catch such errors and refine vocabulary usage.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally employs imprecise vocabulary, leading to ambiguity or awkwardness in expression. For example, "single statement" is unclear and could be misinterpreted. However, there are instances where vocabulary is used with relative precision, such as "lonely and depressed."
- How to improve: Aim for clarity and specificity in word choice. Replace vague phrases like "single statement" with clearer alternatives such as "unmarried status" or "remaining single." Additionally, ensure that each term is used accurately to avoid confusion or unintended meanings.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is a concern in the essay, as evidenced by errors like "circumtances" and "childrens." Such mistakes can detract from the overall coherence and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools or proofreading techniques before finalizing the essay. Additionally, practice spelling commonly misspelled words and pay close attention to details during the writing process. Building a habit of revising for spelling errors can significantly enhance the quality of written work.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to vary sentence structures, but there is room for improvement in both variety and effectiveness. The essay predominantly utilizes simple sentence structures with limited complexity. For instance, there is a reliance on subject-verb-object constructions without much variation. While there is an effort to introduce some complexity with phrases like "On the negative hand" and "such as unwell being," these structures are not utilized consistently throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Introduce phrases and clauses to add depth and complexity to your sentences. Additionally, pay attention to sentence length and rhythm to maintain reader engagement and clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors that impact clarity and coherence. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("almost their friend had married") and article usage ("almost their friend had married and had childrens"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas and incorrect hyphenation ("unwell being"). These errors detract from the overall readability and effectiveness of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review and practice basic grammar rules, particularly regarding subject-verb agreement and article usage. Proofreading carefully for punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect hyphenation, can also significantly enhance the clarity and coherence of your writing. Consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify and address recurring errors effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

On the contrary, from my perspective, opting for singlehood can sometimes lead to feelings of loneliness and depression. For instance, when women reach the age of 30, most of their friends have married and have children. Thus, at times, they experience unhappiness and misery. Moreover, in challenging circumstances, such as poor health, it may evoke feelings of self-pity.