You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The table below shows local catches and imports of fresh fish into Perth, Australia for the years 2004 - 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The table below shows local catches and imports of fresh fish into Perth, Australia for the years 2004 – 2014.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

The given tables illustrates the quantity of fresh fish in Perth, Australia, broken down into local catches and imports for the years 2004 – 2014. The unit of data in this table is metric tons. Generally speaking, although the quantity experienced fluctuation during the years, in the end it showed an upward trend comparing to the first time period.

As can be easily seen in the table, more fish are caught in local each year than being imported. The quantity of local catches reached the peak in 2008 with over 8100 metric tons, while in 2010, the amount of imported fresh fish reached its highest with 1203.7 metric tons.

In 2004, total amount of fresh fish in Perth had its lowest number, only approximately 3100 metric tons. Hence, the local catches fresh fish quantity in this year also had its minimum with nearly 2700 metric tons.

Overall, there are considerable fluctuation over the period, not all the number increased each year but in the end, they increased over 10-year period.

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Errors and Improvements:

"illustrates" -> "depicts"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is commonly used but "depicts" is a more formal and sophisticated alternative that fits well in academic or analytical contexts.
"broken down into" -> "segmented into"
Explanation: "Segmented into" provides a more precise and technical description of how the data is divided, enhancing the clarity of the sentence.
"Generally speaking" -> "Broadly speaking"
Explanation: "Broadly speaking" is a slightly more formal and precise phrase that fits well in analytical discussions.
"fluctuation" -> "fluctuations"
Explanation: "Fluctuation" should be in its plural form "fluctuations" to match the subject "quantity."
"showed an upward trend comparing to" -> "exhibited an upward trend compared to"
Explanation: "Exhibited an upward trend compared to" is a more grammatically correct and precise way to express the comparison between trends.
"As can be easily seen" -> "As is evident"
Explanation: "As is evident" is a more concise and formal way to introduce an observation without unnecessary emphasis.
"more fish are caught in local each year" -> "more fish are caught locally each year"
Explanation: "Locally" should be used as an adverb to modify "caught" instead of "in local."
"reached the peak" -> "peaked"
Explanation: "Peaked" is a more concise and common verb choice in discussions about reaching the highest point of something.
"fresh fish reached its highest" -> "fresh fish reached its highest level"
Explanation: Adding "level" provides clarity and completeness to the description of the highest point reached.
"its lowest number" -> "its lowest figure"
Explanation: Using "figure" is more appropriate when referring to quantitative values like numbers in a dataset.
"fluctuation over the period" -> "fluctuations over the period"
Explanation: "Fluctuations" should be in its plural form to match the plural subject "fluctuations."
"not all the number increased" -> "not all the numbers increased"
Explanation: "Numbers" should be plural to match the plural subject "not all the numbers."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by summarizing the information provided in the table. It presents an overview of the main trends in local catches and imports of fresh fish over the given period. Key features, such as peak years for local catches and imports, are highlighted. However, the essay lacks sufficient detail and extension in discussing the data. Some details, like specific quantities in certain years, are omitted. Additionally, the conclusion is vague and lacks clarity.
How to improve: To improve, provide more specific details from the table to support the summary. Extend the analysis by discussing trends in greater depth, such as identifying reasons for fluctuations in quantities. Ensure the conclusion provides a concise summary of the main findings without introducing new information.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay arranges information and ideas coherently with a clear overall progression. It effectively presents the main features of the data provided, discussing local catches and imports over the specified time period. The introduction and conclusion provide a basic structure to the essay. The essay also attempts to use cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("generally speaking," "as can be easily seen," "overall"), but they may appear somewhat mechanical or repetitive. While the essay attempts to logically organize information, there are some areas where clarity could be improved, such as the lack of clear progression in discussing the specific years beyond mentioning peaks in 2008 and 2010. Paragraphing is used, but there is room for improvement in logical organization within paragraphs.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on enhancing the logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details that logically follow. Use a wider variety of cohesive devices more naturally to connect ideas and sentences. Additionally, strive for more precise referencing and transitions between different aspects of the data to enhance overall clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, with attempts to use less common vocabulary, although with some inaccuracies. The writer shows some awareness of style and collocation by using phrases like "broken down into," "fluctuation during the years," and "reached the peak." There are minor errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the quantity experienced fluctuation" (should be "the quantity experienced fluctuations" or "the quantity fluctuated"). Additionally, there are some inaccuracies in word choice, such as "not all the number increased each year" (which could be more precisely stated as "not all the numbers increased each year"). Spelling and word formation errors are present but do not impede communication.

How to improve: To improve, the writer should focus on using less common vocabulary more accurately and on improving word choice and collocation. This can be achieved through more careful proofreading and editing. Additionally, paying attention to the singular/plural form of nouns and verb agreement can enhance the overall accuracy of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, incorporating both simple and complex forms. There is some evidence of complex sentence structures, although they tend to be less accurate than simpler sentences. For instance, "although the quantity experienced fluctuation during the years, in the end it showed an upward trend comparing to the first time period" contains a complex structure but lacks clarity due to grammatical errors. The essay also attempts comparisons between local catches and imports. However, there are frequent grammatical errors and faulty punctuation throughout the essay, which may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on enhancing sentence structures by practicing a variety of sentence types, including compound and complex sentences. Additionally, pay close attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation, ensuring that sentences are clear and error-free. Proofreading and editing carefully before submission can help minimize errors and enhance overall clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided tables outline the quantities of fresh fish in Perth, Australia, categorized into local catches and imports spanning the years 2004 to 2014, measured in metric tons. Despite fluctuations throughout the years, an overall upward trend is evident compared to the initial period.

It is clear from the data that local catches consistently exceeded imports each year. The peak in local catches occurred in 2008, reaching over 8100 metric tons, while the highest import volume was recorded in 2010 at 1203.7 metric tons.

In 2004, the total fresh fish quantity in Perth hit its lowest point, approximately 3100 metric tons, with local catches also at a minimum of nearly 2700 metric tons.

Throughout the period, fluctuations were notable, with not all figures increasing annually; however, over the ten-year span, a general increase was observed.