The charts below show the main reasons why students chose a particular university in the UK, in 1997 and 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the main reasons why students chose a particular university in the UK, in 1997 and 2007.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The provided data delineates the primary factors influencing students' selection of a particular university in the UK during the years 1997 and 2007.

In general, the predominant reason for students' university choice remained consistent across both years, with the highest proportion opting for suitable degree courses. However, a notable decrease was observed in the preference for good sports and outdoor activities over the decade.

Concerning suitable degree courses, the inclination towards this criterion exhibited a gradual increase over time. Notably, the proportion of students favoring universities offering suitable degree courses witnessed a 2% rise from 1997 to 2007. Similarly, the preference for proximity to a parent's home experienced a twofold increase, surging from 10% in 1997 to 22% in 2007. Additionally, there was a discernible elevation in the emphasis placed on the quality of teaching, which climbed from 15% to 18% between the two years, thereby ranking third in significance in 2007.

Conversely, there was a substantial decline in the selection of universities based on good sports and social activities, as well as the quality of resources. The percentage of students prioritizing good sports and social activities plummeted by more than half, dropping from 19% in 1997 to a mere 6% in 2007. Similarly, the emphasis on the quality of resources experienced a marginal decline of 4% during the same period.

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Errors and Improvements:

"delineates" -> "illustrates"
Explanation: While "delineates" is not incorrect, "illustrates" is a more common and straightforward term to describe presenting data or information.
"opting for" -> "choosing"
Explanation: "Opting for" is slightly informal; "choosing" maintains formality and clarity in academic writing.
"exhibited a gradual increase" -> "showed a gradual increase"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is slightly formal and could be replaced with a more common verb like "showed" without altering the meaning.
"witnessed a 2% rise" -> "observed a 2% increase"
Explanation: "Witnessed" can be replaced with "observed" to avoid repetition of similar terms.
"Notably" -> "Significantly"
Explanation: "Notably" can be replaced with "Significantly" to convey a stronger emphasis on the observed increase.
"surging from 10% to 22%" -> "increasing from 10% to 22%"
Explanation: "Surging" implies a sudden and powerful increase, whereas "increasing" is more neutral and suitable for gradual changes.
"Additionally" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: "Moreover" is a more formal transition word, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"elevation in the emphasis" -> "increase in emphasis"
Explanation: "Elevation" may sound slightly awkward; "increase in emphasis" is more direct and clear.
"placed on" -> "given to"
Explanation: "Given to" is a more formal and precise phrase to indicate the allocation of importance.
"Conversely" -> "In contrast"
Explanation: "In contrast" is a more common transition phrase and fits well with the comparison being made in the sentence.
"plummeted by more than half" -> "decreased by more than half"
Explanation: "Plummeted" suggests a sudden and steep drop, while "decreased" is more neutral and appropriate for describing a decline over time.
"a mere 6%" -> "only 6%"
Explanation: "Mere" is slightly informal in this context; "only" is more appropriate for academic writing.
"experienced a marginal decline" -> "underwent a marginal decline"
Explanation: "Experienced" is a bit generic; "underwent" adds specificity and clarity to the description of the decline.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the provided data and making relevant comparisons between the years 1997 and 2007. It presents a clear overview of the main trends in students’ reasons for choosing a university, highlighting key factors such as suitable degree courses, proximity to parents’ home, and quality of teaching. The essay also effectively compares the changes in preferences over the decade, particularly noting the decrease in importance placed on good sports and social activities. However, the explanation of some points could be more fully developed to provide a deeper analysis.
How to improve: To enhance the essay, consider providing more specific details or examples to support the trends identified, such as citing exact percentages or discussing potential reasons behind the shifts in student preferences. Additionally, ensure that all key features are adequately addressed without any irrelevant or inaccurate details.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices to connect sentences and ideas, contributing to coherence. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic related to the main features of the data. The essay effectively compares the reasons for university choice between 1997 and 2007, providing a structured analysis of the changes observed.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider varying sentence structures to avoid repetitive patterns and ensure seamless transitions between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay. Finally, pay attention to paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that there is a clear logical flow between paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, utilizing a wide range of lexical items to effectively convey precise meanings. The writer skillfully employs varied vocabulary to discuss the trends in university selection criteria, showcasing fluency and flexibility in expression. Uncommon lexical items are used adeptly, contributing to the sophistication of the discussion. While occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation are present, they are minor and do not significantly detract from the overall clarity and coherence of the essay. Spelling and word formation are generally accurate, with only rare errors observed.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource further, the writer can strive for even greater precision and sophistication in vocabulary selection, aiming to minimize occasional inaccuracies. Paying closer attention to collocation and word choice can help refine expression and elevate the essay’s overall quality. Additionally, maintaining consistency in the level of vocabulary throughout the essay can contribute to a more cohesive and polished presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation, with the majority of sentences being error-free. It effectively utilizes a variety of complex structures to convey the information, showcasing the writer’s ability to employ a range of sentence forms. The essay maintains coherence and cohesion throughout, aiding in the clear communication of ideas. Although some minor errors are present, they do not significantly impede understanding or detract from the overall clarity of the essay.

How to improve:
To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer could focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structures and ensuring consistency in punctuation usage. Proofreading for minor errors and implementing varied sentence structures where appropriate can contribute to achieving a higher band score. Additionally, paying attention to the precision of language and vocabulary choice can elevate the overall quality of expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided data delineates the primary factors influencing students’ selection of a particular university in the UK during the years 1997 and 2007.

In general, the predominant reason for students’ university choice remained consistent across both years, with the highest proportion opting for suitable degree courses. However, a notable decrease was observed in the preference for good sports and outdoor activities over the decade.

Concerning suitable degree courses, the inclination towards this criterion exhibited a gradual increase over time. Notably, the proportion of students favoring universities offering suitable degree courses witnessed a 2% rise from 1997 to 2007. Similarly, the preference for proximity to a parent’s home experienced a twofold increase, surging from 10% in 1997 to 22% in 2007. Additionally, there was a discernible elevation in the emphasis placed on the quality of teaching, which climbed from 15% to 18% between the two years, thereby ranking third in significance in 2007.