Some people say that at all levels of education, from primary school to university, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills.

A number of people agree that in the whole class of education,from primary schools to universities,we took a lot of time to adapt theoretical knowledge instead of practical application.From my perspective,I completely agree with this view for several reasons.
First of all,many countries are still restricted in finance,resulting in a lack of opportunities for learning practical skills.In addition,pressure for high score is a mainly reason for the deficiency in practical skills class period.

Impoverished infrastruture is a severe issue for the students creativity development,
leading to the

Regarding the competition among students in score.Nowadays,the students set the enormous target

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Errors and Improvements:

"a lot of time to adapt theoretical knowledge" -> "a significant amount of time on acquiring theoretical knowledge"
Explanation: "Adapt" is not the most appropriate word here, as it implies changing to fit a new environment. "Acquiring" is more precise and formal. Also, "a lot of time" can be replaced with "a significant amount of time" for greater emphasis.
"From my perspective, I completely agree with this view for several reasons." -> "I wholeheartedly concur with this perspective for several reasons."
Explanation: "Completely agree" is somewhat redundant; "wholeheartedly concur" is more formal and concise. Additionally, "view" can be replaced with "perspective" for a more academic tone.
"First of all, many countries are still restricted in finance, resulting in a lack of opportunities for learning practical skills." -> "Primarily, numerous countries face financial constraints, leading to a dearth of opportunities for acquiring practical skills."
Explanation: "Restricted in finance" can be rephrased more formally as "face financial constraints." "Resulting in a lack of opportunities" can be replaced with "leading to a dearth of opportunities" for a more academic tone.
"In addition, pressure for high score is a mainly reason for the deficiency in practical skills class period." -> "Moreover, the pursuit of high scores primarily contributes to the deficiency in practical skills development."
Explanation: "High score" should be "high scores," and "mainly reason" should be "primary reason." "Deficiency in practical skills class period" is unclear and should be revised to "deficiency in the development of practical skills."
"Impoverished infrastructure is a severe issue for the students’ creativity development." -> "Inadequate infrastructure severely hinders students’ development of creativity."
Explanation: "Impoverished" can be replaced with "inadequate" for a clearer description. Additionally, "students’ creativity development" should include the possessive form "students’" for correct grammar.
"Regarding the competition among students in score." -> "Concerning the competition among students based on scores."
Explanation: "In score" should be "based on scores" for clarity and correctness.
"Nowadays, the students set the enormous target." -> "Presently, students set ambitious goals."
Explanation: "The students" can be replaced with "students" for a more general statement. "Enormous target" can be changed to "ambitious goals" for a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Task Response: 4 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by acknowledging the issue of spending too much time on theoretical knowledge rather than practical skills in education. However, the response lacks depth and coherence. While it briefly touches upon reasons such as financial constraints and pressure for high scores, these points are not developed or supported adequately.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should provide a more thorough analysis of the reasons behind the imbalance between theoretical knowledge and practical skills. Each reason should be elaborated upon with specific examples or evidence. Additionally, ensuring that all points directly relate to the prompt will enhance clarity and coherence.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay’s position agreeing with the view that too much time is spent on learning facts rather than practical skills is evident, albeit expressed with limited clarity and consistency. The statement of agreement is present but lacks strong supporting arguments or a coherent structure to reinforce the stance.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and consistently reinforce it throughout the essay. Developing strong, coherent arguments with supporting evidence will further strengthen the clarity of the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay briefly presents ideas related to financial constraints and pressure for high scores but fails to extend or support them adequately. The lack of development and support weakens the effectiveness of the argument.
- How to improve: To address this weakness, the writer should expand on each idea with relevant examples, explanations, or data. Providing specific instances or case studies to illustrate the impact of financial constraints or academic pressure will strengthen the argument and make it more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to maintain focus on the topic, evident from the disjointed and incomplete sentences throughout. There are numerous instances of incomplete thoughts and abrupt transitions, indicating a lack of coherence and relevance to the topic.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should ensure that every sentence and paragraph directly contributes to addressing the issue raised in the prompt. Structuring the essay with clear topic sentences and logical progression of ideas will help maintain focus and coherence.

Overall, while the essay acknowledges the issue raised in the prompt, it lacks depth, coherence, and development of ideas. Strengthening the clarity of the position, providing thorough analysis and support for each point, and ensuring coherence and relevance to the topic will significantly improve the essay’s effectiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear organization and coherence. Ideas are presented in a disjointed manner, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For example, the introduction starts by addressing the issue of spending too much time on theoretical knowledge but fails to develop this idea coherently throughout the essay. Additionally, there is a lack of progression from one point to another, with abrupt shifts in focus.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, start by clearly outlining the main points to be addressed in the introduction. Each paragraph should focus on developing one main idea, with clear transitions between them. Consider using a structured approach such as the traditional essay format (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion) to provide a clear framework for the essay’s argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing, resulting in a lack of coherence and readability. There is only one paragraph attempted, but it is incomplete and lacks clear structure. Sentences are fragmented, and ideas are presented in a haphazard manner.
- How to improve: Break down the essay into multiple paragraphs, each focusing on developing a single main idea. Start with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph, followed by supporting details and examples. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear beginning, middle, and end to improve coherence and readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, which are essential for connecting ideas and improving coherence. As a result, the flow of the essay is disrupted, and connections between sentences and paragraphs are weak or absent.
- How to improve: Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices throughout the essay to create smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Examples of cohesive devices include conjunctions (e.g., "however," "therefore"), transitional phrases (e.g., "on the other hand," "in addition"), and pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"). Use them strategically to clarify relationships between ideas and guide the reader through the essay more effectively.

Overall, to improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, focus on structuring your ideas more clearly, organizing them into well-developed paragraphs, and using cohesive devices to establish connections between them. This will help to create a more coherent and cohesive argument that is easier for the reader to follow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

**Band Score for Lexical Resource**: 5
- **Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary**:
  - **Detailed explanation**: The essay demonstrates limited vocabulary, with repeated use of basic terms and phrases such as "practical skills" and "theoretical knowledge." The range of vocabulary is not varied, leading to a repetitive feel throughout the text.
  - **How to improve**: To expand vocabulary, consider using synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeating "practical skills," you could use terms like "hands-on experience," "applied knowledge," or "real-world application." Similarly, you could use "academic knowledge" instead of "theoretical knowledge." Practice using a thesaurus and reading a variety of texts to build a broader vocabulary.

- **Use Vocabulary Precisely**:
  - **Detailed explanation**: The essay contains instances where vocabulary usage is imprecise. For example, "adapt theoretical knowledge" is an unclear phrase; the intended meaning might be "acquire" or "absorb." Additionally, "a mainly reason" should be "a main reason."
  - **How to improve**: To improve precision, carefully consider the context and intended meaning of each word or phrase. Use resources like a dictionary to ensure the correct word choice. Revising and seeking feedback from others can also help identify areas where vocabulary is imprecise.

- **Use Correct Spelling**:
  - **Detailed explanation**: The essay has several spelling errors. "Infrastruture" should be "infrastructure," and "deficiency" is spelled correctly but has an article error, needing "the" before it. These spelling mistakes disrupt the flow and coherence of the text.
  - **How to improve**: To improve spelling, use spell-check tools and proofread the essay carefully before submission. Reading aloud can help identify errors, as can asking someone else to review the work. Regular writing practice and consistent use of spelling correction tools will also contribute to improved spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 3

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there are several instances of sentence fragments and run-on sentences that disrupt the flow and coherence of the essay. For example, "Impoverished infrastructure is a severe issue for the students’ creativity development, leading to the" is an incomplete sentence that needs further elaboration. While some complex structures are attempted, such as "First of all, many countries are still restricted in finance, resulting in a lack of opportunities for learning practical skills," they are not consistently used or developed effectively.
- How to improve: To improve the range of structures, focus on creating complete and well-developed sentences. Use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to convey ideas clearly and cohesively. Practice constructing sentences with proper punctuation and conjunctions to avoid fragments and run-ons. Consider using transitional phrases to enhance the flow between ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout. For instance, "A number of people agree that in the whole class of education, from primary schools to universities, we took a lot of time to adapt theoretical knowledge instead of practical application" contains errors such as "in the whole class of education" which should be "at all levels of education" and "we took a lot of time to adapt theoretical knowledge" should be "too much time is spent on learning facts." Additionally, there are punctuation errors like missing commas and incorrect use of capitalization.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, focus on practicing sentence structure and punctuation rules. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and word choice. Review comma usage rules for separating clauses and phrases. Proofread your writing carefully to catch and correct errors before submission.

Overall, to raise the Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, the essay should aim for clearer sentence structures, proper punctuation, and grammatical accuracy. Practice writing complete sentences and pay attention to sentence cohesion and organization to enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals argue that throughout all levels of education, spanning from primary schools to universities, too much emphasis is placed on acquiring theoretical knowledge rather than practical skills. I wholeheartedly concur with this perspective for several reasons.

Primarily, numerous countries face financial constraints, leading to a dearth of opportunities for acquiring practical skills. In addition, the pursuit of high scores primarily contributes to the deficiency in practical skills development.

Furthermore, inadequate infrastructure severely hinders students’ development of creativity. Concerning the competition among students based on scores, presently, students set ambitious goals.