The diagram below shows the process of making paper and then how recycled paper is also made Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram illustrates the process of paper production, either from natural resources or recycling.
Overall, it is obvious that the manufacturing of paper from natural resources involves five phases in the planting operation, finishing with the paper-making stage, which provides the beginning point for the newsprint recycling cycle.
The process begins with thinning radiata pine trees, followed by debarking cleaned logs with a drum debarker. The outputs are then chopped into smaller pieces by the chipper device before being processed by the pulping machine with a mixture of water. Next, a paper-making machine is utilized to turn bark into papers.
After that people start the recycling cycle by buying and selling paper. Then it is collected and brought to the de-inking stage to remove the ink. After the de-inking sheet is cleaned and screened, the resultant pulp is recycled and mixed with water before being delivered to the paper-making machine, and the cycle repeats.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Overall, it is obvious that" -> "Overall, it is evident that"
Explanation: "Evident" is a more sophisticated synonym for "obvious," enhancing the formal tone of the statement.
"manufacturing of paper" -> "production of paper"
Explanation: "Production" is a more precise term for describing the process of creating paper, aligning better with the context of the essay.
"beginning point" -> "starting point"
Explanation: "Starting point" is a more concise and commonly used phrase to indicate the initial stage of a process.
"thinning radiata pine trees" -> "thinning radiata pine forests"
Explanation: "Forests" better describes the natural habitat of pine trees, providing a more accurate depiction of the resource being utilized.
"deinking" -> "de-inking"
Explanation: "De-inking" is the correct spelling of the term, which refers to the process of removing ink from paper during recycling.
"utilized" -> "employed"
Explanation: "Employed" is a more formal and refined synonym for "utilized," enhancing the sophistication of the language used in the essay.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

[
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the paper production process and the recycling cycle. It presents an overview of the phases involved in both processes, including tree thinning, debarking, pulping, de-inking, and paper-making. Key features such as the involvement of natural resources and recycling are highlighted. However, the description lacks some detail and clarity, particularly regarding the specific stages of the recycling process and the transition between the two cycles.
How to improve: To improve, provide more detailed descriptions of each stage in both the paper production and recycling processes. Clarify the transition between the paper-making stage and the recycling cycle. Ensure that all key features are fully explained and avoid irrelevant or inaccurate details. Additionally, consider organizing the information more logically for better coherence and coherence.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a coherent structure with a clear overall progression of ideas. It effectively summarizes the main features of the paper production process and the recycling cycle. The essay maintains logical organization by describing each phase of both processes in a sequential manner, starting from the initial stages of paper production to the recycling process. Additionally, the central topic of each paragraph is clearly presented, addressing the stages involved in paper production and recycling separately.

However, there are some areas where cohesion could be improved. While the essay uses cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas within sentences, there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be stronger. For example, the transition between the description of paper production and the recycling cycle could be smoother to enhance overall coherence. Additionally, there is some repetition in the use of certain vocabulary, which could be diversified to improve cohesion further.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases and connectors, to create stronger connections between ideas. Additionally, revising the vocabulary choices to avoid repetition and introducing synonyms or related terms can contribute to smoother transitions and overall coherence. Lastly, ensuring consistency in paragraphing and maintaining a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay will further improve its coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the essential terms related to the paper production process and recycling. The writer attempts to use some less common vocabulary, such as "radiata pine trees," "de-inking," and "pulping machine," which shows an effort to vary lexical choices. However, there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward word choices that slightly impede clarity, such as "buying and selling paper" instead of "paper collection and trade." Additionally, some phrases lack precision, like "turn bark into papers," which could be clearer. Overall, the vocabulary usage adequately conveys the main points, but with room for improvement in accuracy and precision.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, focus on refining word choice for clarity and precision. Ensure that less common vocabulary is used accurately and appropriately. Proofreading for awkward or unclear phrases and replacing them with more precise language will help to improve coherence and conveyance of ideas. Additionally, expanding the range of vocabulary used, particularly in describing the recycling process and equipment involved, can elevate the lexical richness of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, including both simple and complex forms, such as compound and complex sentences. There is a successful attempt to use complex structures, although some sentences could be more varied to enhance coherence and cohesion. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to clear communication. However, there are occasional errors in grammar and punctuation, such as missing articles ("the") and minor issues with subject-verb agreement ("outputs are then chopped" instead of "output is then chopped"). These errors do not significantly hinder understanding but are noticeable.

How to improve: To improve, strive for more varied sentence structures to enhance coherence and cohesion. Additionally, pay attention to minor grammatical errors, such as article usage and subject-verb agreement, to ensure greater accuracy. Proofreading for punctuation errors can also help refine the overall clarity of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagram delineates the paper production process, encompassing both the conventional method utilizing natural resources and the recycling process.

Primarily, the manufacturing of paper from natural resources entails a sequential progression of five stages, commencing with the harvesting of radiata pine trees and concluding with the paper-making phase, which initiates the newsprint recycling cycle. Initially, radiata pine trees undergo thinning, followed by the removal of bark from cleaned logs using a drum debarker. Subsequently, the resulting material is fragmented into smaller segments via a chipper device before being subjected to the pulping machine, where it is amalgamated with water. Finally, the pulp undergoes transformation into paper through the utilization of a paper-making machine.

Conversely, the recycling cycle commences with the procurement and distribution of paper, which subsequently undergoes collection for recycling purposes. The recycled paper is subjected to a de-inking process to eliminate ink residues, followed by a cleaning and screening process to refine the resulting pulp. This pulp, once recycled and mixed with water, is conveyed to the paper-making machine, thus perpetuating the recycling cycle.