the chart below shows what anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the Anthropologists in work after 5 years

The pie chart illustrates the proportion of kinds of work that Anthropology graduates from one university pursue after receiving their certificates. The table gives information about how much money the bachelors’ Anthropology earn after 5 experience years.

Overall, the percentage of full-time work in the pie chart far exceeds that of all remaining. In addition, the proportion of bachelors’ Anthropology earn more than 100,000$ per year is the highest.

It is clear that dramatic differences are not seen in the percentage of full-time postgrad study and unknown kinds of jobs of bachelors’ Anthropology are the same at 8%. The figures for full-time work account for more a half the ratio and far exceed that of part-time jobs and unemployed people with respective figures being 15% and 12%. While the ratio of bachelors in anthropology do part-time jobs and pursue postgrad study so rarely, with only 5%.

The percentage of money which people graduate in Anthropology and choose the freelance consultant career after 5 years’ work earn respectively 5% for 25,000$-49,999$, 15% for 50,000$-74,999$, 75,000$-99,999$, and 40% for more than 100,000$. The figures for the government sector show 2 first categories having the same point at 5% and 15%, although 75,000$-99,999$ is lower by 10% and more100,000$ is higher by 10%. The figures for the private companies can be seen the more equal, 50,000-74,999 account for the highest at 35%, followed by more 100,000$, 75,000-99,999$, and 25,000-49,999 respectively rates at 30%, 25%, and 10%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"kinds of work" -> "types of employment"
Explanation: "Kinds of work" is a bit informal. "Types of employment" is a more sophisticated and precise alternative in this context.
"certificates" -> "degrees"
Explanation: "Certificates" usually refer to shorter courses, while "degrees" is the appropriate term for completing a program like Anthropology.
"bachelors’ Anthropology" -> "Anthropology graduates"
Explanation: Using "bachelors’ Anthropology" is grammatically incorrect. "Anthropology graduates" is a clearer and more accurate description.
"the percentage of full-time work" -> "the proportion of full-time employment"
Explanation: "Proportion" is a more precise term when discussing percentages in relation to categories.
"earn more than 100,000$ per year" -> "earn salaries exceeding $100,000 annually"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, and using "salaries" instead of "money" enhances precision.
"dramatic differences are not seen" -> "significant disparities are not evident"
Explanation: "Dramatic differences are not seen" is overly casual. "Significant disparities are not evident" maintains formality.
"full-time postgrad study" -> "full-time postgraduate study"
Explanation: "Postgrad" is a colloquial abbreviation. Using "postgraduate" is more formal and appropriate for this context.
"are the same at 8%" -> "remain consistent at 8%"
Explanation: "Are the same" is imprecise. "Remain consistent" is more accurate in describing the data.
"figures for full-time work account for more a half the ratio" -> "the proportion of full-time employment constitutes over half of the total"
Explanation: The original sentence is unclear. Using "the proportion of full-time employment" clarifies the meaning.
"do part-time jobs" -> "engage in part-time employment"
Explanation: "Do part-time jobs" is informal. "Engage in part-time employment" is more formal and precise.
"percentage of money which people graduate in Anthropology" -> "percentage of Anthropology graduates’ earnings"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear. Restructuring it makes the meaning more apparent.
"choose the freelance consultant career" -> "opt for a career as freelance consultants"
Explanation: Rearranging the sentence for clarity and using "opt for" instead of "choose" enhances formality.
"75,000$-99,999$" -> "$75,000-$99,999"
Explanation: The correct format for expressing a range of money is with the currency symbol before the numbers and using a dash (-) between them.
"more equal" -> "more evenly distributed"
Explanation: "More equal" is a vague expression. "More evenly distributed" is clearer and more precise.
"can be seen the more equal" -> "the distribution is more balanced"
Explanation: The original sentence structure is awkward. Rearranging it makes the meaning clearer and more formal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

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Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by describing the information presented in the pie chart and table. It provides an overview of the main trends, such as the proportion of full-time work being the highest, and mentions some key features, like the salary ranges. However, there are several inaccuracies, inconsistencies, and grammatical errors throughout the essay, which affect clarity and coherence.
How to improve: To improve, ensure accuracy in reporting the data presented in the chart and table. Use clearer and more precise language to describe trends and key points. Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure for better coherence and readability. Consider providing a more detailed analysis of the data presented.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay presents some information regarding the distribution of employment types and salaries among anthropology graduates. However, it lacks coherence and cohesion due to several issues. The essay struggles with organization and progression, making it challenging to follow the flow of ideas. Additionally, there are frequent errors in the use of cohesive devices, hindering clarity and coherence. Paragraphing is also inconsistent and does not contribute effectively to the overall structure of the essay.

How to improve:

Organizational Structure: Work on organizing the essay into clear paragraphs with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the data presented.
Cohesive Devices: Ensure the appropriate use of cohesive devices such as transitional phrases and pronouns to create smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
Clarity and Accuracy: Strive for clarity and accuracy in presenting information, avoiding ambiguous or vague language that can confuse the reader.
Paragraphing: Maintain a logical and consistent paragraphing structure, with each paragraph addressing a distinct idea or category within the data.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the coherence and cohesion of the essay can be enhanced, leading to a more effective communication of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. There is some attempt to convey information using varied lexical items, such as "proportion," "earn," "dramatic differences," and "respective figures." However, the vocabulary is often basic and repetitive, with limited use of more sophisticated language. For instance, phrases like "far exceeds" and "dramatic differences" offer some variety but are not consistently utilized throughout the essay. Additionally, there are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the proportion of bachelors’ Anthropology earn more than 100,000$ per year is the highest," where the phrasing is awkward and lacks precision.

There are also noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, such as "kinds of work" instead of "types of work," "bachelors’ Anthropology" instead of "Anthropology graduates," and inconsistent use of capitalization ("Anthropology" vs. "anthropology"). These errors, while not severely hindering communication, do contribute to a lack of clarity and coherence in the essay’s presentation.

Overall, while the essay provides some basic information about the chart and table, the vocabulary and language use are limited, leading to a score of 5.0 for Lexical Resource.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary range and use more varied and precise language. This could involve incorporating synonyms for common terms, such as "proportion" instead of "percentage," and utilizing more advanced vocabulary where appropriate. Additionally, careful attention to word choice, spelling, and word formation is essential to enhance clarity and coherence in the essay. Proofreading for errors and refining sentence structures can also contribute to a more polished and professional presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including some complex sentences. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as tense inconsistencies ("earn" should be "earned" in past tense) and incorrect verb forms ("proportion of kinds of work" should be "proportions of types of work"). Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and inconsistent capitalization, also detract from clarity.

While the essay attempts to present information, the language lacks precision and clarity, making it challenging for the reader to fully comprehend the content. Some sentences are awkwardly phrased, which further impedes communication.

How to improve:

Grammar and Punctuation: Pay close attention to verb tense consistency and ensure subject-verb agreement. Use commas appropriately to separate clauses and items in lists. Review punctuation rules for clarity and consistency.
Sentence Structure: Aim for clearer and more concise sentence structures. Avoid overly complex sentences that may lead to confusion.
Vocabulary and Expression: Use precise vocabulary to convey ideas accurately. Simplify complex ideas to improve clarity. Proofread the essay carefully to catch errors and improve overall coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided data outlines the career paths and salaries of Anthropology graduates from a single university after completing their undergraduate studies. The pie chart delineates the distribution of employment types, while the accompanying table offers insights into the earnings of these graduates after five years of experience.

Overall, the preponderance of graduates engage in full-time employment, significantly outweighing other categories. Notably, a substantial proportion of graduates earn annual salaries exceeding $100,000.

Regarding employment types, there is a conspicuous parity between the percentages of postgraduate study and unidentified occupations among bachelor’s degree holders in Anthropology, both standing at 8%. Conversely, the majority of graduates are engaged in full-time work, constituting over half of the total, with considerably lower percentages opting for part-time roles or remaining unemployed, at 15% and 12% respectively. Part-time employment and postgraduate studies are pursued relatively infrequently, each comprising only 5% of the total.

In terms of salary distribution, a noteworthy 40% of graduates who pursue freelance consulting after five years earn in excess of $100,000 annually. Within the government sector, there is parity between the first two salary brackets, with 5% each, while the percentage decreases by 10% for the $75,000-$99,999 bracket and increases by the same margin for earnings exceeding $100,000. Conversely, salaries within private companies demonstrate a more balanced distribution, with the $50,000-$74,999 bracket being the highest at 35%, followed closely by earnings surpassing $100,000, and then by the $75,000-$99,999 and $25,000-$49,999 brackets, with respective proportions of 30%, 25%, and 10%.