viết mở bài cho does school kills creativity

The question of freedom of creative has extremely gained populary over the few decade.
It is believed that the creation was worn out by academic environment.Personally, I am in favor of the view.

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Errors and Improvements:

"freedom of creative" -> "freedom of creativity"
Explanation: "Creative" is used as a noun here, which is incorrect. "Creativity" is the appropriate noun form.
"extremely gained populary" -> "significantly increased in popularity"
Explanation: "Gained populary" is not a standard phrase. "Significantly increased in popularity" provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.
"over the few decade" -> "over the past few decades"
Explanation: "Few decade" is grammatically incorrect. "Past few decades" is a more precise and formal expression of the time frame.
"the creation was worn out by academic environment" -> "creativity has been stifled by the academic environment"
Explanation: "Worn out" suggests exhaustion or deterioration, which is not the intended meaning. "Stifled" accurately conveys the idea of suppression or constraint, and "academic environment" is a more formal term than "academic environment."
"Personally, I am in favor of the view." -> "Personally, I support this perspective."
Explanation: "In favor of the view" is slightly informal. "Support this perspective" maintains the personal tone while sounding more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Task Response: 3 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses the prompt by acknowledging the topic of creativity in schools and expressing a personal stance. However, it lacks depth and fails to provide a thorough analysis or discussion of the various aspects of the question.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should delve deeper into the prompt, exploring different perspectives on whether schools inhibit creativity and providing examples or evidence to support the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to present a stance in favor of the idea that schools stifle creativity, the position is not clearly articulated. The statement "I am in favor of the view" lacks specificity and clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay should explicitly state the position and provide reasons or arguments to support it. Clear topic sentences in each paragraph can help maintain coherence and consistency of the position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks substantive content to extend and support ideas adequately. There is no elaboration on why creativity might be stifled in academic environments, nor are there examples or evidence provided to bolster the argument.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, each idea should be expanded upon with relevant examples, explanations, or evidence. This could involve discussing specific educational practices or policies that may hinder creativity, citing research studies, or providing anecdotes or personal experiences.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to stay on topic, as it introduces the general concept of creativity in schools but does not explore it in any depth. Additionally, the grammar and language errors detract from the coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To stay focused on the topic, the essay should maintain a clear thesis statement and organize the content around it. Avoiding tangential or unrelated information and revising for grammatical accuracy will also contribute to coherence and relevance.

Overall, while the essay touches on the topic of creativity in schools and expresses a personal opinion, it lacks depth, clarity, and coherence. To improve, the writer should strive to address all aspects of the prompt, maintain a clear and consistent position, provide sufficient evidence and elaboration to support ideas, and ensure coherence and relevance throughout the essay. Additionally, attention to grammar and language usage is essential for effective communication.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some coherence and cohesion issues due to its lack of clear organization. The introduction attempts to address the topic but lacks clarity and coherence. The progression of ideas is somewhat disjointed, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument effectively. Additionally, the essay lacks a clear thesis statement, which further contributes to the lack of logical organization.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow and structure of the essay, it is essential to start with a clear and concise introduction that presents the main topic and establishes a thesis statement. Additionally, consider outlining the main points or arguments that will be discussed in the body paragraphs to provide a roadmap for the reader. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and transitions smoothly to the next to maintain coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing, as it consists of only two sentences in the provided excerpt. Paragraphing plays a crucial role in organizing ideas and facilitating readability. The absence of proper paragraph structure makes it difficult for the reader to follow the essay’s flow and discern distinct points or arguments.
- How to improve: Break down the essay into multiple paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument or supporting a particular point. Start with an introduction paragraph that introduces the topic and thesis statement. Follow this with body paragraphs that each focus on a different supporting argument or idea. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supports the overall argument of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks the use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and facilitate coherence. Cohesive devices such as conjunctions, transition words, and pronouns are essential for guiding the reader through the text and establishing logical relationships between sentences and paragraphs. However, the provided excerpt contains minimal cohesive devices, resulting in a disjointed and fragmented text.
- How to improve: Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices throughout the essay to improve coherence and cohesion. Utilize conjunctions such as "however," "furthermore," and "therefore" to indicate logical relationships between ideas. Additionally, employ transition words and phrases like "for example," "in contrast," and "on the other hand" to signal shifts between different points or arguments. Finally, use pronouns and other referencing devices to connect related ideas and maintain coherence within paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to incorporate a variety of vocabulary, although there are instances where more precise and varied word choices could enhance the lexical richness. For example, "extremely gained popularity" could be replaced with "has surged in popularity," and "worn out" could be substituted with "diminished" or "suffocated." Additionally, there is room for expansion in the use of vocabulary related to the topic of creativity and education.
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s lexical resource, aim to incorporate more diverse and nuanced vocabulary related to the theme of creativity and education. Thesauruses and reading literature on the subject can aid in discovering alternative expressions and terminology. Furthermore, proofreading and editing can help identify opportunities to replace repetitive or less precise language with more fitting alternatives.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally employs imprecise vocabulary choices, such as "extremely gained popularity" instead of a more precise term like "has experienced a significant surge in interest." Similarly, "creation was worn out" lacks specificity and could be clarified with more precise language.
- How to improve: Focus on selecting words that accurately convey intended meanings and nuances. Consider the context in which each word is used and opt for terms that precisely capture the intended message. Reading extensively and paying attention to word choice in context can help refine precision in vocabulary usage. Additionally, consulting dictionaries and thesauruses can assist in identifying more precise alternatives to commonly used terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, such as "populary" instead of "popularity" and "creative" instead of "creativity." These errors detract from the overall professionalism and clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider employing spell-check tools available in word processors or online platforms. Additionally, proofreading the essay thoroughly after completing the initial draft can help identify and correct spelling errors. Developing a habit of reviewing and editing written work for spelling accuracy before submission is crucial for improving overall spelling proficiency. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and practicing their correct usage can contribute to more accurate spelling in future writing endeavors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at utilizing varied sentence structures, albeit with limited success. Simple and compound sentences dominate the essay, with occasional complex structures attempted but not executed effectively. For instance, "The question of freedom of creative has extremely gained popularity over the few decades" employs a compound sentence structure. However, the essay lacks complexity in its sentence construction, which can hinder coherence and engagement.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and coherence of the essay, the writer should aim to incorporate a more diverse range of sentence structures. This could involve using complex sentences with subordinate clauses, varying sentence lengths for rhythm and emphasis, and employing rhetorical devices such as parallelism or inversion. Practice incorporating different sentence types into writing and seek feedback to ensure clarity and effectiveness.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical and punctuation errors throughout its text. For instance, "The question of freedom of creative has extremely gained populary over the few decade" contains errors in subject-verb agreement ("creative" should be "creativity"), article usage ("the few decade" should be "the past few decades"), and spelling ("populary" should be "popularity"). Additionally, inconsistent capitalization ("freedom of creative" should be "freedom of creativity") and punctuation errors contribute to the lack of clarity and accuracy.
- How to improve: To address grammatical and punctuation errors, it is crucial to review basic grammar rules and practice proofreading skills. Focus on subject-verb agreement, proper article and tense usage, and correct spelling. Utilize resources such as grammar guides or online tutorials to reinforce understanding. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation rules, including comma usage for clarity and coherence. Proofreading the essay multiple times before submission can help identify and correct errors effectively. Consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to pinpoint areas for improvement and refine writing skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

The topic of freedom of creativity has gained significant attention in recent decades. There is a belief that the academic environment stifles creativity. Personally, I strongly agree with this perspective.