Some people think that schools should teach students according to their academic abilities, while others argue that students should be taught different subjects together.

In the contemporary era, the prosperity of nation could be associated with how prestigious education is, sparking the debate about whether academic institutions should base their teaching programs on students’ ability or on a well-rounded education. This essay, despite discussing both views, is written with a view to approving the role of schools in providing a well- rounded education as social benefits as well as individuals’ future.
On one hand, children are devoid of time for recreational activities due to academic duties at school, resulting in the argument that children should be taught subjects which are not in line with their preferences and their abilities. Such an argument could be valid in the manner of children’s health. This means that children should not be forced to dedicate their time to studying all the subjects not only at school but also at home, leading to some mental and physical problems. Not only do such problems, according to the advocates for this argument, relate to stress as an excessive workload from school but also the shortage of physical activities as all time dedicated to studying. However, such arguments seem to be invalidated as stress and physical health could be dealt with by the benefits of a well-rounded education, according to those approving of such education.
Advocates argue that students should appreciate the role of academic institutions in providing well-rounded education as it could be crucial for not only society but also the future of individuals. Not only are trivial subjects such as art, music, as well as Physical education able to provide a mean of entertainment but also an avenue of nurturing those who are the auspicious talents, fostering such individuals a much more sustainable life with occupations. In addition, well-rounded education, generating a high quality of workforce, could contribute to the growth of the economy of countries. This leads to prosperity and wealth, fostering the standing of a particular nation. For example, the most prosperous countries, the USA for example, have always been renowned for the best education in the world.
In conclusion, while the aspects of children’s health in fulfilling the full education should be taken into consideration, such education should be never neglected as the benefits to society as well as individuals.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"prosperity of nation" -> "national prosperity"
Explanation: Using "prosperity of nation" is grammatically incorrect; "national prosperity" is the appropriate term, aligning with academic style by using a noun phrase.
"academic institutions should base their teaching programs" -> "academic institutions should structure their educational curricula"
Explanation: "Base their teaching programs" is less formal; "structure their educational curricula" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase.
"children are devoid of time" -> "children lack time"
Explanation: "Devoid of time" is an uncommon expression in formal writing; "lack time" is a simpler and clearer alternative.
"subjects which are not in line with their preferences and their abilities" -> "subjects that may not align with their interests or aptitudes"
Explanation: "Not in line with their preferences and their abilities" is wordy and less formal; "may not align with their interests or aptitudes" maintains clarity and formality.
"This means that children should not be forced to dedicate their time to studying all the subjects not only at school but also at home" -> "This implies that children should not be compelled to spend time studying every subject, both at school and at home"
Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted; the suggested alternative is clearer and more concise while retaining formality.
"Advocates argue that students should appreciate the role of academic institutions" -> "Advocates assert that students should recognize the significance of academic institutions"
Explanation: "Advocates argue" is slightly informal; "Advocates assert" maintains formality while conveying the same meaning.
"trivial subjects such as art, music, as well as Physical education" -> "subjects such as art, music, and physical education"
Explanation: "Trivial" may carry a negative connotation; omitting it maintains neutrality, while using "and" instead of "as well as" enhances readability.
"able to provide a mean of entertainment" -> "capable of providing a source of entertainment"
Explanation: "Mean of entertainment" is an unusual phrase; "source of entertainment" is more common and fits formal writing standards.
"fostering such individuals a much more sustainable life with occupations" -> "promoting a more sustainable lifestyle and career opportunities for such individuals"
Explanation: The original phrasing is awkward; the suggested alternative is clearer and more precise.
"In conclusion, while the aspects of children’s health in fulfilling the full education should be taken into consideration, such education should be never neglected as the benefits to society as well as individuals." -> "In conclusion, while considerations regarding children’s health in the pursuit of a comprehensive education are important, the value of such education should never be overlooked due to its societal and individual benefits."
Explanation: The original conclusion lacks clarity and cohesion; the suggested alternative improves readability and coherence while maintaining academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument presented in the prompt. It discusses the idea of teaching students according to their academic abilities as well as the notion of teaching different subjects together. However, it predominantly supports the latter approach, arguing for a well-rounded education.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively presents arguments in favor of a well-rounded education, it could enhance its response by providing a more balanced discussion of both viewpoints. Offering a deeper analysis of why some advocate for teaching according to academic abilities and addressing potential benefits and drawbacks of this approach would strengthen the essay’s overall argumentation.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position advocating for teaching different subjects together to provide a well-rounded education. This stance is evident from the introduction through to the conclusion, with consistent support and examples provided to bolster the argument.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state its position in the introduction to immediately convey to the reader the author’s stance on the issue. Additionally, reinforcing the position in each paragraph and reiterating it in the conclusion would help solidify the essay’s coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a coherent manner and supports them with examples and reasoning. It discusses the benefits of a well-rounded education, such as fostering talents, promoting a healthy lifestyle, and contributing to economic prosperity.
- How to improve: To extend ideas further, the essay could delve deeper into the specific ways in which a well-rounded education benefits individuals and society. Providing more detailed examples and incorporating relevant statistics or studies would strengthen the argumentation and add credibility to the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the debate over whether schools should teach students according to their academic abilities or teach different subjects together. However, there are moments where the discussion slightly veers off track, such as when discussing the benefits of a well-rounded education for society and the economy.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central topic of how schools should approach teaching. While discussing broader implications is relevant to some extent, it’s essential to prioritize arguments that directly address the prompt to avoid tangential discussions.

Overall, while the essay effectively argues in favor of teaching different subjects together to provide a well-rounded education, it could further enhance its response by providing a more balanced discussion of both viewpoints, reinforcing its position throughout, extending and supporting ideas with deeper analysis and evidence, and ensuring strict adherence to the topic throughout the essay. These improvements would help elevate the coherence, depth, and persuasiveness of the essay’s argumentation.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt to organize information logically. It follows a standard introduction-body-conclusion structure, where the introduction presents the topic and the two opposing views, the body paragraphs present arguments for each viewpoint, and the conclusion provides a summary and the author’s stance. However, there are areas where the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the introduction and body paragraphs could be smoother to better guide the reader through the essay’s progression of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each body paragraph to signal the main point of that paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next by using transition words or phrases, such as "however," "on the other hand," or "in conclusion," to connect ideas and improve coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for readability and organization. Each paragraph appears to focus on a distinct aspect of the argument, such as the introduction of the debate, arguments for teaching based on academic abilities, arguments for teaching a variety of subjects together, and the conclusion. However, some paragraphs could be more focused and cohesive. For instance, the second body paragraph encompasses multiple ideas related to children’s health, workload, and physical activities, which might benefit from being separated into distinct paragraphs for clarity.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down complex paragraphs into smaller, more focused units, each addressing a single aspect of the argument. This will make the essay easier to follow and allow readers to better understand the author’s points.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences. For instance, phrases like "on one hand," "such arguments," and "in addition" are used to introduce new points or contrast different viewpoints. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of cohesive devices employed. The essay relies heavily on transitional phrases at the beginning of sentences, which can become repetitive and hinder the flow of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of transition words and phrases, including those that indicate cause and effect, comparison and contrast, and concession. Additionally, vary sentence structures to maintain reader engagement and avoid monotony. Experiment with techniques such as parallelism, subordination, and coordination to add complexity and nuance to your writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary throughout. There’s an attempt to incorporate diverse vocabulary, such as "prosperity," "prestigious," "devoid," "recreational activities," "well-rounded education," "auspicious talents," and "prosperity." These word choices contribute to the sophistication of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider integrating more advanced vocabulary where appropriate. For instance, instead of "children’s health," you might use "pediatric well-being" or "juvenile fitness." Additionally, strive for more precise and contextually fitting vocabulary selections to bolster the depth of expression.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay employs a wide array of vocabulary, there are instances where the usage could be more precise. For example, the phrase "children are devoid of time for recreational activities" could be sharpened by replacing "devoid" with "lack" for clearer communication. Similarly, in the sentence "fostering such individuals a much more sustainable life with occupations," "fostering" could be substituted with "cultivating" for greater precision.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to the nuanced meanings of words and ensure they align precisely with the intended message. Utilize a thesaurus or context clues to choose the most fitting vocabulary for each situation, thereby enhancing the precision and clarity of your writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the spelling accuracy in the essay is satisfactory. However, there are a few instances where errors are present, such as "auspicious" being misspelled as "auspicious." It’s crucial to maintain consistent attention to spelling accuracy to uphold the professionalism and credibility of the writing.
- How to improve: To bolster spelling accuracy, consider employing spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to identify and rectify any misspellings before finalizing the essay. Additionally, expanding your vocabulary can aid in recognizing and spelling more complex words correctly. Practice actively incorporating newly learned words into your writing to solidify their spelling and usage.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, it utilizes compound-complex sentences such as "Advocates argue that students should appreciate the role of academic institutions in providing well-rounded education as it could be crucial for not only society but also the future of individuals." This variety enhances readability and conveys ideas effectively.
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s structure, consider incorporating more varied sentence types, such as inverted sentences or rhetorical questions. This could add sophistication and depth to the argumentation.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of minor errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases ("In the contemporary era," "For example,"), inconsistent verb tense usage ("the prosperity of nation could be associated" should be "the prosperity of a nation is associated"), and word choice issues ("as social benefits as well as individuals’ future" could be revised for clarity).
- How to improve: Pay close attention to consistency in verb tense usage throughout the essay. Additionally, review sentence structure to ensure clarity and coherence. Consider utilizing tools like grammar checkers and proofreading techniques to identify and correct any grammatical or punctuation errors.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument. With attention to enhancing sentence variety and refining grammatical accuracy, the essay could achieve an even higher score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, national prosperity is closely linked to the quality of education, sparking a debate about how academic institutions should structure their educational curricula: based on students’ abilities or offering a well-rounded education. This essay, while examining both perspectives, argues in favor of schools providing a diverse education for both social and individual benefits.

On one hand, children often lack time for leisure activities due to academic obligations, leading to the suggestion that they should study subjects that may not align with their interests or aptitudes. This argument holds merit concerning children’s health. It implies that children should not be compelled to spend time studying every subject, both at school and at home, which can lead to mental and physical strain. Advocates of this view point out the stress and lack of physical activity resulting from excessive academic workload. However, proponents of a well-rounded education argue that these concerns can be addressed through the benefits of such an education.

Advocates assert that students should recognize the significance of academic institutions in providing a variety of subjects, including art, music, and physical education. These subjects are not only capable of providing a source of entertainment but also nurturing individuals with talents in these areas, promoting a more sustainable lifestyle and career opportunities for such individuals. Moreover, a well-rounded education can contribute to the growth of a high-quality workforce, thereby fostering national prosperity. For example, countries like the USA, known for their strong education systems, have consistently enjoyed economic growth and global prominence.

In conclusion, while considerations regarding children’s health in the pursuit of a comprehensive education are important, the value of such education should never be overlooked due to its societal and individual benefits.