Task 1: The chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2002, 2006 and 2010.
Task 1: The chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2002, 2006 and 2010.
The bar chart illustrate the proportion of residents in the UK who eat the recommended quantity of plants food in 2002, 2006 and 2010.
Overall, the females had a tendency to consumed the these foods the most, while the children were witness the least of the figure. The figure was reached a peak in period between 2002 to 2010.
Between 2002 and 2006, the most group of eating fruits and vegetables was the women, leading the first ranked through the period from 25% to 32%, whereas the young people was the least of the figure about 11% to 16%. During this period, the man group hold the second ranked, with the figure significant increased from 22% to 28%.
In 2010, the figure for the female groups was decrease to maintain it’s lead, and dropped by near 5%, followed by the male and the youth at 24% and 14%, respectively – the second and the third ranked.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
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"illustrate" -> "illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrate" is a verb that should agree with the subject "bar chart," which is singular. Therefore, it should be conjugated as "illustrates" to maintain subject-verb agreement. -
"consumed the these foods" -> "consumed these foods"
Explanation: The phrase "consumed the these foods" is grammatically incorrect. Removing "the" before "these foods" makes the sentence grammatically accurate and clearer. -
"were witness the least of the figure" -> "witnessed the lowest proportion"
Explanation: "Were witness the least of the figure" is awkward and lacks clarity. "Witnessed the lowest proportion" provides a clearer and more concise description of the data. -
"was reached a peak" -> "reached its peak"
Explanation: "Was reached a peak" lacks clarity and proper possessive form. "Reached its peak" is a clearer and grammatically correct alternative. -
"most group of eating fruits and vegetables" -> "most frequent consumers of fruits and vegetables"
Explanation: "Most group of eating fruits and vegetables" is awkward and lacks clarity. "Most frequent consumers of fruits and vegetables" provides a clearer and more precise description. -
"the figure significant increased" -> "the figure significantly increased"
Explanation: "Significant increased" should be modified to "significantly increased" to properly convey the magnitude of the increase. -
"was decrease" -> "decreased"
Explanation: "Was decrease" is grammatically incorrect. "Decreased" is the correct past tense form of the verb "decrease." -
"maintain it’s lead" -> "maintain its lead"
Explanation: "It’s" is a contraction for "it is" or "it has," while "its" is the possessive form. In this context, "its" is the correct form to indicate possession. -
"followed by the male and the youth" -> "followed by males and youth"
Explanation: "The male" and "the youth" are unnecessarily specific and don’t require definite articles. "Males and youth" is a more concise and appropriate phrasing.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4
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Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by providing an overview of the data presented in the chart. It identifies trends in the consumption of fruits and vegetables among different demographic groups over the specified years. However, there are several issues with clarity, relevance, and accuracy throughout the essay. The writing contains grammatical errors, such as "consumed" instead of "consume," "witness" instead of "witnessing," and "figure was reached a peak" lacks clarity. Additionally, the use of "most group," "young people was," and "hold the second ranked" are awkward phrasings. The description lacks specificity, with vague statements like "the figure significant increased" and "the figure for the female groups was decrease." Moreover, there are inaccuracies in the representation of data, such as stating a decrease for females in 2010 when the chart doesn’t indicate such a decrease. The format is also inappropriate in places, with the essay lacking a clear structure and coherence.
How to improve: Focus on improving clarity, coherence, and accuracy in conveying information. Use appropriate grammar and phrasing to enhance readability. Provide specific data points from the chart to support statements, avoiding vague descriptions. Ensure accuracy in interpreting and representing data. Organize the essay with clear paragraphs and transitions to improve the overall structure and flow. Consider revising sentences for clarity and precision, avoiding awkward phrasings and grammatical errors.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4
Band Score: 4.0
Explanation:
The essay attempts to convey information about the percentage of the UK population consuming recommended amounts of fruits and vegetables. However, the coherence and cohesion are lacking. The organization of ideas is unclear, making it difficult for the reader to follow the progression of information. There are also issues with cohesion, as the use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate. Additionally, the essay lacks proper paragraphing, which further hampers its coherence.
How to improve:
- Focus on organizing ideas logically. Start with an introduction that summarizes the main points, followed by body paragraphs that discuss each time period (2002, 2006, and 2010) separately.
- Use cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas and ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Avoid repetitive or inaccurate use of cohesive devices.
- Improve paragraphing by separating different ideas into distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the data presented in the chart.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4
Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates basic vocabulary usage with repetitive language and limited variety. There are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay, which can strain comprehension. The essay struggles to convey precise meanings due to inaccuracies and lacks sophistication in lexical features.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, focus on expanding vocabulary range and using more varied and appropriate language. Work on accuracy in word choice, spelling, and word formation to convey ideas effectively. Additionally, aim for clearer and more precise expression to improve overall sophistication in lexical features.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences, but lacks consistency and accuracy. There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as subject-verb agreement errors ("the females had a tendency to consumed"), article misuse ("the these foods"), and incorrect word choices ("witness the least of the figure"). Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect apostrophes, further detract from clarity.
How to improve: To improve, focus on achieving greater accuracy and consistency in sentence structures. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and word choice. Review and practice punctuation rules to ensure correct usage. Consider seeking feedback from a tutor or utilizing online resources for grammar and punctuation practice.
Bài sửa mẫu
The provided bar chart delineates the proportion of individuals in the UK adhering to the recommended intake of fruits and vegetables across the years 2002, 2006, and 2010.
Overall, it is evident that females exhibited a consistent inclination towards consuming the recommended quantity of plant-based foods, while children demonstrated the lowest adherence. The consumption rates experienced a gradual increase from 2002 to 2010.
Between 2002 and 2006, women constituted the highest proportion of fruit and vegetable consumers, with figures escalating from 25% to 32%. Conversely, young individuals exhibited the lowest rates, fluctuating between 11% and 16%. Meanwhile, men ranked second, experiencing a significant increase from 22% to 28%.
In 2010, there was a slight decline in the consumption rate among females, with a decrease of approximately 5%, yet they maintained their leading position. Male consumption stood at 24%, while youth consumption was 14%, marking them as the second and third highest consumers respectively.
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