The maps below show the centre of a small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development.

The maps describe a number of changes which took place in a small town called Islip before and after the constructions of several facilitates .
Overall , the small town witness radical changes with the most noticeable being the dual carriageway , school , housing and other public services .
At the moment , there are only main street to connect the public services such as shops , school , park and housing all together . Te access road is splitted into small route lead to school , another lead to the park . Meanwhile , it is obvious that the small countryside has two big shops which are directly oposite main route .
However , according to planned development , there are some changes in Islip in all part of countryside . Firstly , the street is extended into " dual carriageway " which hugged all the town . Besides , there is a only way for pedestrian between shops and several public services like bus station , shopping centre and car park which are replaced by another shops in the old map . Moreover , the planned development Islip appears new housing connected directly to the dual carriageway.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"several facilitates" -> "various facilities"
Explanation: "Facilities" is a more precise and commonly used term to refer to amenities or infrastructure. "Several" is vague and "facilitates" is grammatically incorrect in this context.
"witness radical changes" -> "witnessed significant transformations"
Explanation: "Radical changes" can be replaced with "significant transformations" for a more precise and formal expression. Additionally, using the past tense "witnessed" maintains consistency in the narrative timeline.
"dual carriageway" -> "divided highway"
Explanation: "Dual carriageway" is a term commonly used in British English, but "divided highway" is more widely understood, especially in international contexts.
"Te access road" -> "The access road"
Explanation: Correcting the article "Te" to "The" ensures grammatical accuracy.
"is splitted into small route" -> "is divided into smaller routes"
Explanation: "Splitted" is not a proper past participle form of "split." Using "divided" maintains grammatical correctness. Additionally, "small route" should be pluralized to "smaller routes" to match the plural subject "access road."
"lead to school" -> "lead to the school"
Explanation: Adding the definite article "the" before "school" ensures clarity and grammatical correctness.
"it is obvious that the small countryside has two big shops which are directly oposite main route" -> "it is evident that there are two large shops situated directly opposite the main road in the small town"
Explanation: Rewording for clarity and precision. "Opposite main route" is unclear and awkwardly phrased. "Countryside" is replaced with "town" for accuracy.
"According to planned development" -> "As per the planned development"
Explanation: "According to" can be replaced with "As per" for a more formal tone. Additionally, rearranging the phrase improves the flow of the sentence.
"all part of countryside" -> "all parts of the town"
Explanation: "Countryside" should be replaced with "town" for accuracy, as the context refers to changes within the town.
"street is extended into ‘dual carriageway’" -> "street has been expanded into a ‘divided highway’"
Explanation: Clarifying that the street has been expanded into a divided highway for better comprehension.
"which hugged all the town" -> "which encircles the entire town"
Explanation: "Hugged" is not the appropriate verb to describe the relationship between the dual carriageway and the town. "Encircles" conveys the idea of surrounding or enclosing more accurately.
"there is a only way" -> "there is only one way"
Explanation: Correcting the article "a" to "one" for grammatical accuracy.
"between shops and several public services like bus station" -> "between the shops and various public services, such as the bus station"
Explanation: Adding the definite article "the" before "bus station" ensures clarity and grammatical correctness. Additionally, specifying "the shops" and rephrasing "like" to "such as" enhances precision and formality.
"are replaced by another shops" -> "are replaced by other shops"
Explanation: "Another" implies singular while "other" implies plural, so "other shops" is the correct choice here.
"planned development Islip appears new housing" -> "planned development, new housing appears in Islip"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase for clarity and proper syntax. Additionally, adding a comma after "planned development" improves readability.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

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Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by describing changes in a small town called Islip before and after construction. It provides a general overview of the changes, including the addition of a dual carriageway, school, housing, and other public services. However, the description lacks clarity and coherence, and the format is somewhat inappropriate at times. Some details are provided, but there is no clear overview of the main trends or stages. Additionally, the essay focuses more on specific details rather than presenting a comprehensive overview.
How to improve: To improve, focus on providing a clearer overview of the main changes in Islip, ensuring that key features and bullet points are adequately covered. Organize the essay in a more structured format, with clear transitions between different aspects of the development. Avoid irrelevant details and repetitive information, and strive for coherence and clarity throughout the essay. Additionally, ensure that the format is appropriate for presenting the information effectively.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. It discusses the changes in Islip but does not effectively show how these changes progress from one to another. Additionally, there are some cohesion issues, such as inadequate or overuse of cohesive devices, and repetitive language usage. While there are attempts at paragraphing, it is not consistently logical.
How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay should focus on providing a clearer progression of ideas, linking each change in Islip logically. The use of cohesive devices should be more precise and varied, avoiding repetition. Additionally, ensure that paragraphing is done logically, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the changes in Islip.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with repetitive and basic language use. There are several instances of inaccurate word choice and word formation, such as "facilitates" instead of "facilities," "witness" instead of "witnessed," and "countryside" instead of "town." Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation throughout the essay, such as "lead" instead of "leads," "Te" instead of "The," and missing articles like "the" and "a." These errors and simplistic vocabulary choices make comprehension somewhat challenging for the reader.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on diversifying vocabulary by incorporating a wider range of words and expressions appropriate for the task. Pay close attention to accuracy in word choice, spelling, and word formation to enhance clarity and coherence in the essay. Proofreading for errors in grammar and syntax is crucial to ensure the message is conveyed effectively to the reader. Additionally, consider utilizing transitions and cohesive devices to improve the flow and organization of ideas within the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and some complex forms. However, there are frequent grammatical errors and issues with punctuation throughout the essay. Some sentences lack clarity due to these errors, which can cause difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.

How to improve: Focus on improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation to enhance clarity and coherence. Use a wider range of sentence structures, ensuring they are grammatically correct. Proofread the essay carefully to identify and correct errors before submission. Additionally, aim for clearer organization and development of ideas to improve overall coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided maps illustrate the transformation of the center of Islip, a small town, before and after the implementation of various facilities. Overall, significant alterations have occurred, notably the introduction of a dual carriageway, a school, housing, and other public amenities.

Presently, Islip relies mainly on a single main street to interconnect its public services, including shops, the school, the park, and housing. Access to these locations is facilitated by smaller routes branching off from this main thoroughfare. Notably, two large shops are situated opposite the main route in the countryside area.

In contrast, the planned development of Islip depicts comprehensive changes across its entire landscape. Firstly, the street has been elongated into a dual carriageway, encompassing the entire town. Additionally, pedestrian access between shops and various public services such as the bus station, shopping center, and car park has been rerouted to a single pathway. This alteration replaces some of these services with additional shops, as shown in the older map. Furthermore, the planned development includes the addition of new housing directly linked to the dual carriageway.

Overall, the evolution of Islip’s center demonstrates a strategic restructuring aimed at enhancing connectivity and accommodating the growing needs of its inhabitants.