The production levels of main fuels in a European country from 1981 to 2000.

The provided graph delineates the level of main fuels are produced in a European nation in the period of two decades. In sum, petroluem and natural gas saw increased by the end of the period whereas coal saw greatly reduced over the period.

As can be seen from the graph, petroleum started and finished as the first successful of productive fuels during two-decades, when the figure started at nearly 100-tone in 981. Over the next four year, the fuel measured a noticeable rise from around 100 to 130 tones, but it dropped then it has a rapid increase so that in 2000 it stood at 120 tones. For natural gas, which seem stay unchanged at 40 tones from started to 1995, but then the number doubled by the end of the period.

look at other attraction, coal started in second productive position in 1981, but it declined from 80 to 50 tones in 1985. Over the next few year, the stastic increase slightly but then it plummeted to below 40 tones at the end of the period.

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Errors and Improvements:

"delineates the level of main fuels are produced" -> "depicts the production levels of primary fuels"
Explanation: "Delineates" is not the most appropriate word choice here. "Depicts" is a more precise term for describing what the graph is showing. Additionally, "are produced" is grammatically incorrect; instead, "production levels" is a more concise and accurate phrase.
"saw increased" -> "experienced an increase"
Explanation: "Saw increased" is awkward phrasing. "Experienced an increase" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"saw greatly reduced" -> "experienced a significant reduction"
Explanation: "Saw greatly reduced" is grammatically incorrect. "Experienced a significant reduction" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea.
"successful of productive fuels" -> "dominant productive fuels"
Explanation: "Successful of productive fuels" is unclear and awkward. "Dominant productive fuels" clarifies that petroleum and natural gas were the main sources of production.
"started and finished as the first successful" -> "began and ended as the primary"
Explanation: "Started and finished as the first successful" is awkward phrasing. "Began and ended as the primary" is a clearer and more concise way to convey the idea.
"over the next four year" -> "over the next four years"
Explanation: "Four year" should be plural to match the plural noun "years."
"but it dropped then it has a rapid increase" -> "but then experienced a rapid increase followed by a drop"
Explanation: The original phrasing is unclear and awkward. Clarifying the sequence of events makes the sentence more comprehensible.
"so that in 2000 it stood at 120 tones" -> "resulting in a total of 120 tons by 2000"
Explanation: "Stood at" is not the most appropriate phrasing here. "Resulting in a total of" provides a clearer expression of the final production level.
"which seem stay unchanged" -> "which seemed to remain unchanged"
Explanation: "Which seem stay unchanged" is grammatically incorrect. "Seemed to remain unchanged" provides a clearer indication of the perceived stability of natural gas production.
"other attraction" -> "other fuels"
Explanation: "Other attraction" is incorrect and does not fit the context. "Other fuels" accurately refers to the remaining types of energy sources.
"started in second productive position" -> "began in the second most productive position"
Explanation: "Started in second productive position" is awkward phrasing. "Began in the second most productive position" provides a clearer description of coal’s initial standing.
"the stastic increase slightly" -> "the statistics increased slightly"
Explanation: "Stastic increase slightly" is grammatically incorrect. "The statistics increased slightly" provides a clearer and more formal description of the change in coal production.
"but then it plummeted to below 40 tones" -> "but then it sharply declined to below 40 tons"
Explanation: "Plummeted" is a stronger and more precise verb than "declined," which better conveys the suddenness and severity of the decrease in coal production. Additionally, "tons" should be used instead of "tones" for consistency.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

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Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by describing the production levels of main fuels in a European country from 1981 to 2000. It covers key features such as the trends in production levels of petroleum, natural gas, and coal. However, the essay contains several inaccuracies, such as inconsistent data interpretation ("petroluem and natural gas saw increased by the end of the period whereas coal saw greatly reduced over the period"), incorrect data presentation ("petroleum started and finished as the first successful of productive fuels during two-decades, when the figure started at nearly 100-tone in 981"), and grammatical errors that impede clarity ("Over the next four year, the fuel measured a noticeable rise from around 100 to 130 tones, but it dropped then it has a rapid increase so that in 2000 it stood at 120 tones"). Additionally, the essay lacks an appropriate overview and fails to provide a cohesive analysis of the data.
How to improve: Focus on presenting accurate data interpretation and use correct grammar and sentence structure to enhance clarity. Provide a clear overview of the main trends observed in the data without introducing irrelevant information. Ensure consistency in data presentation throughout the essay.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information regarding the production levels of main fuels in a European country from 1981 to 2000. However, the coherence and cohesion of the essay are hindered by several factors. Firstly, the organization of ideas lacks coherence and clear progression. The essay jumps between discussing different fuels without a clear structure, making it challenging for the reader to follow the development of ideas. Additionally, there is inconsistency in the use of cohesive devices, with some attempts made but often being inaccurate or repetitive. For instance, there are instances of faulty referencing, such as "look at other attraction," which disrupt the flow of the essay. Furthermore, the essay lacks clear paragraphing, with ideas being presented in a disjointed manner, further impacting coherence.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay should focus on organizing information in a logical manner with clear progression. Each paragraph should address a specific aspect of the data, such as trends for each fuel type, to enhance coherence. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices should be refined to establish clearer connections between ideas, avoiding inaccuracies and repetition. Implementing clear and consistent paragraphing will also aid in structuring the essay and improving overall coherence. Finally, proofreading for grammatical errors and ensuring clarity of expression will enhance the effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some attempt to convey the information about the production levels of main fuels in a European country. However, there are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay. Additionally, there is a lack of coherence and clarity in expression, which affects the overall effectiveness of communication.

How to improve:

Enhance vocabulary usage: Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. For example, instead of repeatedly using "fuel," consider using synonyms like "energy sources" or "energy commodities."
Improve grammatical accuracy: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure to enhance clarity and coherence.
Work on spelling and word formation: Review spelling and word formation rules to minimize errors that may disrupt comprehension.
Practice coherence and cohesion: Organize ideas logically and use appropriate transition words to improve the flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a clear main idea related to the topic.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, as seen in sentences like "The provided graph delineates the level of main fuels are produced in a European nation in the period of two decades." However, there are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay, including issues with subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and article usage. Punctuation is often faulty, with missing commas and periods. These errors affect the clarity and coherence of the essay, making it difficult to follow at times.

How to improve: Focus on improving sentence structure and grammar accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Proofread the essay carefully to correct punctuation errors and ensure coherence. Additionally, work on expressing ideas more clearly and concisely to enhance readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided graph delineates the levels of main fuels produced in a European nation over a two-decade period. In summary, petroleum and natural gas experienced increases by the end of the period, whereas coal saw a significant reduction over the same duration.

As can be observed from the graph, petroleum maintained its position as the most productive fuel throughout the two decades, starting at nearly 100 tons in 1981. Over the next four years, there was a noticeable rise to around 130 tons, followed by a slight drop, then a rapid increase, reaching 120 tons by 2000. For natural gas, the production remained relatively stable at 40 tons from the beginning until 1995, after which it doubled by the end of the period.

Turning to coal, it initially held the second most productive position in 1981, but declined from 80 to 50 tons by 1985. Although there was a slight increase over the next few years, it then plummeted to below 40 tons by the end of the period.