The graph shows the percentages of tourists who visited different attractions in Scotland between 1980 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graph shows the percentages of tourists who visited different attractions in Scotland between 1980 and 2010.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

the lines graph illustrates the percentages of viíitor who paid a visit to four attractions in Scotland from 1980 to 2010.

Overall, a tourists to Castle and 200 witnessed an upward trend while, the opposite was true for Festival and Aquarium. In the first examined year, the proportion of guests to Festival was the highest and that of zoo was the lowest.
Initially, the percentage of tourists visited to castle and zoo was 15% and 10% respectively. Then, that of Castle increase significantly to 45% in 1995. But this figure
dropped slightly of 5% in 15 years later. For zoo, there was a fluctuation between 10% and 15% in first two decades then it experienced a considerably climb to 25% in 2010.

In contrast, the proportion of people came to aquarium was 20% in 1980, this figure increased substantially to 35% then, Aquarium witnessed an grammatically drop of
25% 1 in 2010 and hot the lowest point. Similarly, that of Festival decreased inconsiderably from 30% to just under 25% in over the period shown.

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Errors and Improvements:

"the lines graph" -> "the line graph"
Explanation: "Line graph" is the correct term for a graphical representation of data over time. Singular "line" is used because there is typically only one line representing each data set.
"viíitor" -> "visitors"
Explanation: "Visitors" is the correct spelling of the word, denoting individuals who visit a place or attraction.
"a tourists" -> "tourists"
Explanation: "Tourists" should be plural to match the context of the sentence referring to multiple visitors.
"to Castle" -> "to the Castle"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "Castle" specifies which castle is being referred to, making the sentence clearer.
"was the highest and that of zoo was the lowest" -> "was highest, while that of the zoo was the lowest"
Explanation: This revision separates the clauses more clearly and improves the parallel structure of the sentence.
"examined year" -> "year examined"
Explanation: Placing "examined" after "year" maintains proper word order and improves readability.
"visited to" -> "visited"
Explanation: Removing "to" after "visited" makes the phrase grammatically correct and concise.
"increase significantly" -> "increased significantly"
Explanation: Changing "increase" to "increased" ensures grammatical agreement with the past tense verb "was."
"dropped slightly of 5%" -> "dropped slightly to 5%"
Explanation: "Of" should be replaced with "to" to indicate the decrease in percentage from one value to another.
"a fluctuation between" -> "fluctuations between"
Explanation: Plural "fluctuations" is more appropriate because it refers to multiple changes in percentage over time.
"experienced a considerably climb" -> "experienced a considerable climb"
Explanation: "Considerably" should be replaced with "considerable" to match the adjective form with the noun "climb."
"came to aquarium" -> "came to the aquarium"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "aquarium" specifies which aquarium is being referred to, enhancing clarity.
"an grammatically drop" -> "a grammatical drop"
Explanation: "An" should be replaced with "a" before "grammatical" to maintain correct article usage.
"hot the lowest point" -> "reached the lowest point"
Explanation: "Hot" should be replaced with "reached" to accurately convey the idea of reaching a minimum value.
"inconsiderably" -> "marginally"
Explanation: "Marginally" better reflects a slight decrease, conveying a more precise meaning.
"from 30% to just under 25%" -> "from 30% to slightly below 25%"
Explanation: "Slightly below" is a more precise description than "just under," providing clearer information about the decrease in percentage.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by summarizing the information provided in the graph. It outlines the main trends observed in the percentages of tourists visiting different attractions in Scotland between 1980 and 2010. However, there are several grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout the essay, which affect clarity and coherence. For instance, there are issues with verb tenses ("the lines graph illustrates"), spelling ("viíitor"), and sentence structure ("In the first examined year…"). Additionally, some information is incorrectly presented or unclear, such as the statement about the percentage of tourists visiting the Castle dropping "slightly of 5% in 15 years later" and the use of "grammatically drop" instead of "dramatic drop".

How to improve: Focus on improving grammar and sentence structure for clarity and coherence. Ensure accurate representation of data without introducing confusion. Use appropriate verb tenses consistently throughout the essay. Avoid spelling errors to enhance readability.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay presents some information about the percentages of tourists visiting different attractions in Scotland between 1980 and 2010. However, there are several issues with coherence and cohesion. The essay lacks overall progression and clear organization of ideas. The flow of information is disrupted due to inconsistent use of language and inaccurate expression, making it difficult for the reader to follow. There are also errors in paragraphing, as the essay lacks clear divisions between ideas. Additionally, there are problems with cohesion, as there is repetitive language and inadequate use of cohesive devices.

How to improve:

Focus on organizing ideas logically, ensuring a clear progression throughout the essay. Start with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs that discuss each attraction’s trends over time, and conclude with a summary.
Use cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas and maintain coherence. This includes using appropriate transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay.
Pay attention to paragraph structure, ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is properly indented to denote a new point.
Review grammar and language usage to ensure clarity and accuracy in expression. Avoid grammatical errors and strive for clarity in sentence construction.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some attempts at using varied expressions, albeit with noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. The essay’s lexical resource lacks sophistication and precision, hindering effective communication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, focus on expanding vocabulary with more diverse and appropriate word choices. Pay attention to spelling and word formation to minimize errors that could disrupt understanding. Additionally, strive for clearer expression and coherence in conveying ideas to improve overall communication effectiveness.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of structures, including simple and complex sentences. There is an effort to vary sentence forms, but the accuracy is inconsistent. Some complex structures are attempted, but they are less accurate than simpler sentences. There are frequent grammatical errors and punctuation issues throughout the essay, which may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message.

How to improve: To enhance the score, focus on improving sentence structure and grammar accuracy. Use a wider range of grammatical structures with more consistency. Pay attention to punctuation to ensure clarity and coherence in the essay. Practice writing complex sentences accurately to convey ideas effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided lines graph depicts the proportions of visitors to four different attractions in Scotland from 1980 to 2010.

Overall, there was an upward trend in the percentage of tourists visiting Castle, whereas the opposite was observed for Festival and Aquarium. In the initial year, Festival attracted the highest proportion of visitors, while Zoo had the lowest.

Initially, Castle welcomed 15% of tourists, and Zoo received 10%. Subsequently, Castle experienced a significant increase to 45% by 1995, followed by a slight decrease to 40% fifteen years later. Zoo witnessed fluctuations between 10% and 15% in the first two decades, then saw a considerable climb to 25% by 2010.

In contrast, Aquarium saw 20% of visitors in 1980, which substantially increased to 35%, but then experienced a drop to 10% by 2010, marking its lowest point. Similarly, Festival’s proportion decreased slightly from 30% to just under 25% over the given period.