The table describes the changes of people who went for international travel in 1990, 1995, 2000 and 2005 (million). Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The table describes the changes of people who went for international travel in 1990, 1995, 2000 and 2005 (million). Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
Given for illustration is a table providing information about the number of footholds coming for international travel over a 15 years period.
In general, it is disclosed that all continent witnessed a upward trend in its number of foothold except Amecrica. In addition, the number of Europian who went on an international travel was the highest, whereas the least was recorded in Middle West.
Looking at the features in futher detail, it is obvious that the number of American going oversea experienced a considerable decline which dropped from merely 680 million to approximately 113 million in 2005. By constrast, despite having the least international-goers the number of people who departured from Middle West climbed from around 10 million to 16 million, respectively.
Shifting attention to the remaining features, the Asian and people who lived in Pacific went on international travel also saw a increase in their figure as the number of footfold doubled to around 136 in 2005.Similarly, Afircan oversea travelers rose about 10 million to 28.7 million in 2005. Lastly is the Europian who occupied the majority of the total oversea travelers, it is notable that the figure had grown significantly since 1990 from 280 million and surpassed 400 million people in 2005.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
-
"footholds" -> "entries"
Explanation: "Footholds" is an unnatural term in this context. "Entries" is a more appropriate and commonly used word to describe arrivals or visits in this context. -
"Amecrica" -> "America"
Explanation: "Amecrica" is a misspelling of "America". -
"Europian" -> "European"
Explanation: "Europian" is a misspelling of "European". -
"Middle West" -> "Middle East"
Explanation: "Middle West" is incorrect; it should be "Middle East" when referring to that region. -
"oversea" -> "overseas"
Explanation: "Oversea" is an incorrect form; the correct term is "overseas" when referring to travel abroad. -
"constrast" -> "contrast"
Explanation: "Constrast" is a misspelling of "contrast". -
"departured" -> "departed"
Explanation: "Departured" is a non-standard form; "departed" is the correct past tense form of "depart". -
"futher" -> "further"
Explanation: "Futher" is a misspelling of "further". -
"footfold" -> "footfall"
Explanation: "Footfold" is incorrect; "footfall" refers to the number of people visiting or moving through a particular place. -
"Afircan" -> "African"
Explanation: "Afircan" is a misspelling of "African". -
"Europian" -> "European"
Explanation: "Europian" is a misspelling of "European". -
"oversea" -> "overseas"
Explanation: "Oversea" is incorrect; the correct term is "overseas" when referring to travel abroad.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the main features of the provided table. It presents a clear overview of the main trends in international travel from 1990 to 2005 across different continents. The key features, such as the increase in international travelers from Asia, the decline in travelers from America, and the significant increase in European travelers, are highlighted. However, the presentation could be more fully developed and extended. Some details are provided, but they may be somewhat brief and lack elaboration. Additionally, there are some inaccuracies in the data presentation, such as the figure for Middle West travelers, which could affect the overall clarity of the response.
How to improve:
To improve, the essay should provide a more detailed and comprehensive analysis of the data, ensuring that all key features are fully developed and accurately presented. Additionally, it should avoid inaccuracies and ensure that all information provided is relevant to the task. Adding specific data points and statistics would enhance the depth of analysis and provide a clearer understanding of the trends in international travel. Finally, the language should be more precise and formal to maintain clarity and professionalism.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4
Band Score: 4.0
Explanation:
The essay presents information about international travel trends over a 15-year period. However, coherence and cohesion are lacking. The essay lacks a clear overall progression, as information is presented sporadically without a cohesive flow. The transitions between sentences and paragraphs are weak, leading to disjointed ideas. There are issues with referencing and substitution, as well as repetitive language use. Paragraphing is inconsistent and confusing, with some paragraphs being too short or lacking clear topic sentences.
How to improve:
- Organize Information Coherently: Ensure that the essay follows a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Arrange information in a sequential manner to facilitate understanding.
- Use Cohesive Devices Effectively: Employ cohesive devices such as transition words, pronouns, and conjunctions to create smooth connections between sentences and paragraphs.
- Avoid Repetition: Vary language and avoid repeating phrases to maintain reader engagement and clarity.
- Improve Paragraphing: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and focuses on a single main idea. Transition smoothly between paragraphs to maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with minimal adequacy for the task. There is some attempt at using varied vocabulary, such as "upward trend," "considerable decline," "climbed," "rose," and "surpassed," but it lacks consistency and sophistication. Some errors in word choice and spelling are noticeable, such as "footholds" instead of "individuals" or "travelers," "Europian" instead of "European," "Middle West" instead of "Middle East," "departured" instead of "departed," and "Afircan" instead of "African." These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader and hinder communication.
How to improve:
To improve lexical resource, focus on expanding vocabulary by using a wider range of words and phrases relevant to the topic. Pay close attention to word choice and spelling accuracy. Additionally, aim for more precise and varied expressions to convey ideas effectively. Consider proofreading carefully to eliminate errors and ensure clarity in communication.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay attempts to use a range of structures and demonstrates some complexity in sentence formation. However, there are frequent grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout, which hinder communication at times. The essay shows an attempt at complex sentences, but they are often less accurate than simple ones. Punctuation errors are noticeable, and some sentences lack clarity due to these errors.
How to improve: Focus on improving sentence structures for clarity and accuracy. Work on mastering grammar rules, especially verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement. Pay close attention to punctuation to ensure sentences are correctly structured. Additionally, strive for clearer expression of ideas to enhance coherence and cohesion in the essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
The provided table outlines the variations in the number of individuals embarking on international travel between 1990 and 2005, measured in millions.
Overall, it is evident that there was a consistent upward trajectory in international travel for all continents except for America. Notably, European travelers constituted the largest cohort, while the Middle East recorded the fewest international travelers.
Upon closer examination, the data reveals a significant decline in the number of Americans undertaking international journeys, plummeting from 680 million in 1990 to approximately 113 million in 2005. Conversely, despite being the region with the smallest number of international travelers initially, the Middle East observed an increase from around 10 million to 16 million individuals traveling abroad during the same period.
Turning to the remaining continents, both Asia and the Pacific witnessed a doubling in the number of outbound travelers, reaching approximately 136 million by 2005. Similarly, African travelers experienced a notable rise, increasing from 10 million to 28.7 million during the fifteen-year span.
Lastly, Europeans constituted the majority of international travelers throughout the period, with figures escalating significantly from 280 million in 1990 to surpass 400 million by 2005.
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