The diagram below shows the proposed town

The diagram below illustrates the proposed layout of a new town. Divided into distinct zones, the town prioritizes residential areas, a central commercial district, recreational facilities, and green spaces, all connected by a comprehensive transportation network.

The residential zones are situated in the northwest and southeast corners of the town. While the specific housing types are unclear, the presence of parks within these zones suggests a focus on creating a comfortable and family-friendly environment. This integration of green spaces further enhances the quality of life for residents. The town center, positioned in the middle of the diagram, serves as the commercial hub. A shopping mall appears to be the central attraction, surrounded by smaller shops catering to daily needs. The road network ensures easy access to the town center from all residential areas.

Recreational facilities are strategically placed throughout the town. The northwest zone boasts a sports complex, while the east zone features a community center. Additionally, a large central park provides a central green space for leisure activities and community gatherings. Beyond these core features, the proposed town demonstrates a commitment to sustainability and connectivity. A ring road surrounds the town, connecting it to major external routes. Bus stops dispersed throughout the town suggest a focus on public transportation, potentially reducing reliance on personal vehicles.

Overall, the town will consist of a central square, a down town area encircled by ring roads, and some outskirts areas outside these roads. The downtown and outskirts will be separated by the ring roads. The downtown will have more amenities, while the majority of housing and industrial areas will be located in the outskirts

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The diagram below illustrates" -> "The diagram illustrates"
Explanation: Removing "below" simplifies the sentence and maintains a more formal tone appropriate for academic writing.
"Divided into distinct zones" -> "Segmented into distinct zones"
Explanation: "Segmented" is a more precise term that better describes the organization of the town into separate areas, enhancing the academic tone.
"prioritizes residential areas" -> "emphasizes residential areas"
Explanation: "Emphasizes" is a more precise verb that accurately conveys the focus on residential areas, aligning better with formal academic language.
"a central commercial district" -> "a central business district"
Explanation: "Business district" is a more specific and commonly used term in urban planning and academic contexts, enhancing the precision of the description.
"recreational facilities" -> "recreational amenities"
Explanation: "Amenities" is a more specific term that better suits the context of facilities provided for leisure activities, improving the academic tone.
"serves as the commercial hub" -> "functions as the commercial center"
Explanation: "Functions as" and "center" are more formal and precise terms, enhancing the academic style of the description.
"appears to be the central attraction" -> "serves as the central attraction"
Explanation: "Serves as" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing, indicating a functional role rather than a casual observation.
"catering to daily needs" -> "providing essential services"
Explanation: "Providing essential services" is a more formal and precise way to describe the purpose of the smaller shops, aligning better with academic language.
"easy access to the town center" -> "convenient access to the central business district"
Explanation: "Convenient access" is more specific and "central business district" is a more precise term, enhancing the formality and clarity of the description.
"a large central park" -> "a central park"
Explanation: Removing "large" avoids redundancy and maintains a concise, formal tone.
"a ring road surrounds the town" -> "a ring road encircles the town"
Explanation: "Encircles" is a more precise verb that better describes the circular nature of the road, fitting the formal academic style.
"connecting it to major external routes" -> "connecting it to major external transportation routes"
Explanation: Adding "transportation" clarifies the type of routes being referred to, enhancing specificity and formality.
"Bus stops dispersed throughout the town" -> "Bus stops strategically located throughout the town"
Explanation: "Strategically located" adds a sense of planning and purpose, which is more suitable for an academic description of urban design.
"The downtown and outskirts will be separated by the ring roads" -> "The downtown and outlying areas will be separated by the ring roads"
Explanation: "Outlying areas" is a more formal term than "outskirts," and specifying "outlying areas" clarifies the distinction between the town’s central and peripheral zones.
"The downtown will have more amenities" -> "The downtown area will feature a greater variety of amenities"
Explanation: "Feature a greater variety of amenities" is more precise and formal, enhancing the description of the downtown area’s characteristics.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the proposed town layout. It identifies the key features of the town, including residential zones, a commercial district, recreational facilities, and green spaces. The essay also highlights the town’s commitment to sustainability and connectivity. However, the essay does not fully develop the response. For example, it does not provide specific details about the housing types or the types of shops in the commercial district. Additionally, the essay includes some irrelevant information, such as the description of the town’s central square and downtown area.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the key features of the town. For example, the essay could describe the different types of housing in the residential zones, the types of shops in the commercial district, and the specific recreational activities available in the town. The essay could also be improved by removing irrelevant information, such as the description of the town’s central square and downtown area.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating clear progression throughout. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, such as residential zones, the town center, recreational facilities, and sustainability features. A range of cohesive devices is used appropriately, though there are instances of slight overuse or mechanical cohesion, such as repetitive sentence structures and transitions. Paragraphing is used effectively to separate distinct topics, but there is a minor issue with the final paragraph, which introduces new information that could have been integrated more smoothly into the earlier sections.

How to improve:

Integrate Information More Smoothly: Instead of introducing new information in the final paragraph, try to incorporate these details into the relevant sections earlier in the essay. For example, the description of the downtown area and outskirts could be included in the paragraph discussing the town center and residential zones.
Vary Sentence Structures: To avoid mechanical cohesion, vary your sentence structures and transitions. This will make the essay flow more naturally and maintain reader interest.
Refine Cohesive Devices: While the use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, ensure that they are not overused. For instance, avoid starting multiple sentences in a row with similar phrases or conjunctions. This will help in making the text less repetitive and more engaging.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for flexibility and precision in conveying the proposed town’s layout. The use of terms such as "residential zones," "commercial hub," "recreational facilities," and "sustainability" indicates an awareness of less common lexical items. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice, such as "down town" instead of "downtown," and some phrases could be more precise. Overall, while the vocabulary is adequate for the task, it does not fully reach the sophistication required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on incorporating a wider variety of sophisticated vocabulary and phrases that convey more precise meanings. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate minor errors in word choice and spelling will help improve clarity and professionalism. Using synonyms and varying sentence structures can also elevate the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors present. The range of vocabulary and sentence structures is adequate, allowing for clear communication of ideas. However, there are some instances where sentence construction could be improved for greater clarity and fluidity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the complexity and variety of sentence structures, ensuring that all sentences are error-free. Additionally, paying closer attention to punctuation and refining sentence clarity will enhance the overall grammatical accuracy. Incorporating more advanced grammatical forms and reducing any remaining errors will also contribute to a higher score.
]

Bài sửa mẫu

Recreational facilities are strategically placed throughout the town. The northwest zone boasts a sports complex, while the eastern zone features a community center. Additionally, a large central park provides a significant green space for leisure activities and community gatherings. Beyond these core features, the proposed town demonstrates a commitment to sustainability and connectivity. A ring road surrounds the town, linking it to major external routes. Bus stops dispersed throughout the town indicate a focus on public transportation, potentially reducing reliance on personal vehicles.

Overall, the town will consist of a central square, a downtown area encircled by ring roads, and some outskirts beyond these roads. The downtown will offer more amenities, while the majority of housing and industrial areas will be located in the outskirts.