For school children, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In terms of intellectual and social growth, from many perspectives, children are believed to be affected by their teachers more than their parents. Personally, I am in disagreement due to several reasons that will be presented in this essay.

Admittedly, the role of teachers is of great significance. To begin with, not only could they directly provide a wide range of lessons with knowledge which require various skills to understand, but also they are the ones who connect other students together and control the ambience of the classrooms. This is likely to create pupils a productive study environment where they can both enhance their comprehensive knowledge, such as numeracy and literacy, and communication skills, eventually rendering them smart and socially productive. In addition to this, lectures composed by teachers could pave the way for children to improve their personal skills, such as teamwork skills or problem solving skills, which are believed to be of advantages in their adult lives.

Nevertheless, I believe that parents still have more influence for the following reasons. The most striking one is that their offspring could inherit their personality traits as well as intellectual capabilities and social behavior. This is because of the fact that children live and are brought up by their parents who they spend most of their time with. If they could learn positive characteristics throughout this period, both intelligent and social development could be achieved. Not only can parents pass down IQ and EQ features, but also they can identify the competencies, weaknesses of their children and support them, due to which those individuals can have the opportunities to improve themselves, potentially giving rise to comprehensive advancement.

In conclusion, although teachers play an integral role in the development process of children, I appreciate the impact coming from parents more because they have more time than teachers to take care of the children.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In terms of intellectual and social growth" -> "In terms of intellectual and social development"
Explanation: "Development" is a more precise term in academic contexts, emphasizing the process of growth and change over time, which is more suitable for discussing the long-term effects of parental and educational influences on children.
"from many perspectives" -> "from various perspectives"
Explanation: "Various" is a more formal and precise term than "many," which sounds somewhat vague and informal in academic writing.
"Personally, I am in disagreement" -> "I disagree"
Explanation: Removing "Personally" simplifies the statement and aligns better with formal academic style, which tends to avoid unnecessary personal pronouns.
"due to several reasons that will be presented in this essay" -> "for several reasons that will be discussed in this essay"
Explanation: "Discussed" is more specific and academically appropriate than "presented," which can imply a more passive or superficial presentation of information.
"not only could they directly provide a wide range of lessons with knowledge which require various skills to understand" -> "not only do they directly provide a wide range of lessons that require various skills to comprehend"
Explanation: "Do" is more direct and formal than "could," and "comprehend" is more precise than "understand" in academic contexts.
"connect other students together" -> "facilitate connections among students"
Explanation: "Facilitate connections" is a more precise and formal way to describe the role of teachers in fostering relationships among students.
"control the ambience of the classrooms" -> "manage the classroom environment"
Explanation: "Manage the classroom environment" is a more formal and precise term, avoiding the less formal "ambience."
"create pupils a productive study environment" -> "create a productive study environment for pupils"
Explanation: Reversing the order corrects the grammatical structure and maintains formal tone.
"enhance their comprehensive knowledge, such as numeracy and literacy" -> "enhance their comprehensive knowledge, including numeracy and literacy"
Explanation: "Including" is more precise and formal than "such as," which can imply a non-exhaustive list.
"lectures composed by teachers" -> "lessons taught by teachers"
Explanation: "Lessons taught" is a more accurate and formal term than "lectures composed," which is not typically used in this context.
"pave the way for children to improve their personal skills" -> "facilitate children’s development of personal skills"
Explanation: "Facilitate" is more formal and precise than "pave the way," and "children’s development" is more academically appropriate than "children to improve."
"believed to be of advantages" -> "believed to be advantageous"
Explanation: "Advantageous" is the correct adjective form, improving grammatical accuracy and formality.
"could inherit their personality traits" -> "may inherit their personality traits"
Explanation: "May" is more appropriate in academic writing to indicate possibility rather than certainty, aligning with the speculative nature of the statement.
"due to the fact that" -> "because"
Explanation: "Because" is a more direct and formal connector than "due to the fact that," which can sound overly formal or redundant.
"could learn positive characteristics" -> "can acquire positive characteristics"
Explanation: "Acquire" is more precise and formal than "learn" in this context, suggesting a more deliberate and intentional process.
"have more time than teachers to take care of the children" -> "spend more time with their children than teachers do"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the comparison and maintains a formal tone, avoiding the informal "take care of."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the influence of teachers versus parents on children’s intelligence and social development. It acknowledges the significant role of teachers but ultimately disagrees, stating that parents have a greater impact due to their continuous presence and ability to impart both personality traits and intellectual capabilities.
- How to improve: The essay could improve by providing more specific examples or studies that support the argument about parental influence. This would strengthen the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the factors at play.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that parents have more influence on children’s intelligence and social development, despite acknowledging the importance of teachers. However, there are instances where the focus on parental influence could be more consistently emphasized throughout the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that each body paragraph reinforces the idea of parental influence, perhaps by structuring the essay to more explicitly contrast parental versus teacher influence in each section.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about both teacher and parental influence, supporting them with general statements about teaching methods and parental roles in upbringing. It briefly touches on examples such as teaching methodologies and parental support, but lacks specific details or examples to fully develop these points.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, provide specific examples or studies that illustrate how parental influence directly impacts intelligence and social development. This will enrich the argument and provide a more compelling case.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the influence of teachers versus parents on children’s development. However, there are moments where the discussion could veer slightly off-topic, particularly in the final paragraph where the focus shifts to the amount of time parents spend with their children rather than their influence.
- How to improve: Ensure that all points discussed directly relate to the comparison of teacher versus parental influence. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly contribute to the argument about influence.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively argues its position that parents have a greater influence on children’s intelligence and social development compared to teachers, it would benefit from stronger supporting examples and a more consistent focus on contrasting these influences throughout. By providing specific instances and maintaining a clear, focused argument throughout the essay, the overall coherence and persuasiveness could be significantly enhanced.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization with clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing different viewpoints, and a conclusion summarizing the author’s stance. For instance, the introduction sets up the disagreement with the prompt, followed by paragraphs discussing the roles of teachers and parents respectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure each body paragraph maintains a clear focus on either teachers or parents exclusively. This would prevent overlap and strengthen the essay’s structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to separate different aspects of the argument. Each paragraph introduces a distinct viewpoint (teachers’ influence, parents’ influence), which aids clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To further improve, ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement. This will enhance reader comprehension and reinforce the essay’s structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as transition words (‘to begin with’, ‘in addition to this’, ‘nevertheless’, ‘in conclusion’), to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range such as pronouns (‘this’, ‘these’), synonyms (‘moreover’, ‘however’), and parallel structures (‘not only… but also’). This can enhance the essay’s coherence by providing clearer links between ideas.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and demonstrates a logical structure, there is room for improvement in enhancing the clarity and variety of cohesive devices used. Strengthening these aspects will elevate coherence and cohesion, potentially increasing the band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary with attempts to vary word choice and express nuanced ideas. For instance, phrases like "enhance their comprehensive knowledge," "pave the way for children," and "integral role" showcase attempts at varied vocabulary. However, there is some repetition and lack of more sophisticated vocabulary that could elevate the lexical richness further.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more academic or specific vocabulary where appropriate. For instance, instead of "enhance their comprehensive knowledge," consider using "broaden their academic horizons" or "deepen their understanding." This could add depth and sophistication to your arguments.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances where vocabulary is used effectively, such as in phrases like "intellectual capabilities" and "social behavior." However, there are also moments of imprecision, like the repetitive use of "impact" and "development." Additionally, the essay could benefit from more precise terms to express ideas more succinctly.
- How to improve: Focus on using more precise vocabulary to convey your points more clearly. For example, instead of "impact," consider using "influence" or "effect." Similarly, replace "development" with more specific terms like "growth" or "advancement" where appropriate. This will help in articulating ideas with greater clarity and specificity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally good throughout the essay, with only minor errors or typos, such as "competencies," which should be "competence." Overall, spelling does not significantly detract from the readability or coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading carefully or utilizing spell-check tools to catch minor errors like the one mentioned. Developing a habit of reviewing work systematically before submission can also help in avoiding such mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates adequate lexical range and generally accurate spelling, there is room for improvement in using more precise vocabulary to articulate ideas with greater clarity and sophistication. By incorporating targeted vocabulary and refining spelling accuracy, you can further enhance the overall quality and effectiveness of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of varied sentence structures, including complex sentences ("To begin with, not only could they directly provide… but also they are the ones who…"), compound sentences ("This is likely to create pupils a productive study environment…"), and conditional structures ("If they could learn positive characteristics throughout this period…"). These structures enhance clarity and coherence, contributing to a cohesive argument.
- How to improve: To further enhance variety, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as inversion ("Not only can parents pass down…") or rhetorical questions to engage the reader. This will add depth and sophistication to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally high level of grammatical accuracy with few noticeable errors. Examples of effective usage include correct subject-verb agreement ("teachers have more influence"), appropriate tense usage ("could pave the way"), and accurate punctuation (commas to separate clauses, apostrophes for possession). However, there are occasional minor errors such as incorrect article usage ("a productive study environment where they can both enhance their comprehensive knowledge").
- How to improve: Focus on consistency in article usage and watch for minor errors in sentence structure that can occasionally affect clarity. Additionally, ensure that transitions between ideas are seamless to enhance coherence and fluency.

Overall, the essay effectively utilizes a range of sentence structures and demonstrates a strong grasp of grammar and punctuation, contributing to a cohesive and well-developed argument. With continued attention to detail and further diversification of sentence structures, you can strengthen your writing to achieve an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In terms of intellectual and social development, from various perspectives, I disagree with the notion that teachers have more influence on children than their parents. In this essay, I will outline several reasons for my perspective.

Certainly, teachers play a significant role. Firstly, they directly impart a wide range of lessons that require diverse skills to comprehend. Moreover, they foster connections among students and manage the classroom environment, creating a conducive study atmosphere. Here, pupils can enhance their knowledge, including numeracy, literacy, and communication skills, thereby promoting intellectual and social growth. Additionally, teachers’ lessons help children develop personal skills like teamwork and problem-solving, which are advantageous in their future lives.

However, I believe parents exert a greater influence for several reasons. Foremost among these is the potential inheritance of personality traits and intellectual capacities. Children spend most of their time with their parents during their formative years, allowing them to absorb positive characteristics crucial for both intellectual and social development. Parents not only pass on IQ and emotional intelligence but also understand their children’s strengths and weaknesses, providing tailored support that fosters holistic advancement.

In conclusion, while teachers are pivotal in children’s development, I maintain that parents wield more influence due to the substantial time they spend nurturing their children compared to teachers.