Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Urbanization, which has become a prominent phenomenon in recent years, not only modernizes human life but also generates various side effects on our welfare. This explains why some people argue that residential health would be worsened when residing in urban areas. However, I totally disagree with the aforementioned view, and believe that life in cities remains conducive to people’s well being, considering factors such as quality of healthcare and accommodation.
Admittedly, populating metropolises could have some negative repercussions on our physical conditions. The primary concern is that due to the advancement of transportation and factories releasing emissions, alongside the lack of green space, air pollution has progressively been rampant and severe, which could cause respiratory diseases among citizens. Besides, myriad chains of restaurants, food stores, food vendors that are sometimes unqualified, untested and unlicensed, can contribute to other types of maladies for customers such as obesity, stomachache, and gastricism. Another reason would be attributed to the development of various recreational types and facilities operating from day to night, resulting in noise and light pollution which could annoy and give rise to emotional stress for the surrounding households.
However, the welfare of urban citizens can still be guaranteed by virtue of several advantages. Firstly, major cities provide people with more chances to access healthcare services with prestigious physicians and advanced facilities, thereby assisting in quickly diagnosing diseases, prescribing medicines, and lessening potential risks. Moreover, urban inhabitants often stay in cutting-edge, sanitary dwellings and possess adequate amenities aiding in air purification and house cleaning, which would maintain a wholesome environment for owners. This is especially superior compared to rural and remote regions, when people are possibly exposed to many industrial wastes, stink of sewage or contaminated water sources on a daily basis, significantly taking a toll on their living standard.
In conclusion, despite some undeniable drawbacks, I suppose that mega city denizens are still warranted an abundance of health benefits.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"not only modernizes human life but also generates various side effects" -> "not only modernizes human life but also produces various adverse effects"
Explanation: Replacing "side effects" with "adverse effects" provides a more precise and formal term that is commonly used in academic contexts to describe negative consequences.
"residential health would be worsened" -> "residential health would deteriorate"
Explanation: "Deteriorate" is a more formal and precise term than "worsen," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.
"I totally disagree" -> "I strongly disagree"
Explanation: "Totally" is informal and can be seen as overly emphatic in academic writing. "Strongly" is a more appropriate intensifier for formal essays.
"populating metropolises" -> "the population of metropolises"
Explanation: "The population of metropolises" is a more precise and formal way to refer to the people living in cities.
"myriad chains of restaurants, food stores, food vendors" -> "numerous restaurants, food establishments, and vendors"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more formal than "myriad," which can be seen as overly poetic in academic writing. Also, "food establishments" is a more formal term than "food stores."
"untested and unlicensed" -> "untested and unregulated"
Explanation: "Unregulated" is a more precise term that directly addresses the lack of oversight, which is more specific than "unlicensed."
"gastricism" -> "gastrointestinal issues"
Explanation: "Gastricism" is not a recognized medical term. "Gastrointestinal issues" is a medically accurate and formal way to describe stomach problems.
"recreational types and facilities operating from day to night" -> "recreational activities and facilities operating 24/7"
Explanation: "24/7" is a more concise and formal way to express continuous operation, replacing the more casual "from day to night."
"give rise to emotional stress" -> "cause emotional distress"
Explanation: "Cause emotional distress" is a more direct and formal expression than "give rise to emotional stress."
"cutting-edge, sanitary dwellings" -> "state-of-the-art, sanitary dwellings"
Explanation: "State-of-the-art" is a more formal and precise term than "cutting-edge," which can be seen as slightly informal in this context.
"aiding in air purification and house cleaning" -> "facilitating air purification and household cleaning"
Explanation: "Facilitating" is a more formal synonym for "aiding," and "household cleaning" is a more precise term than "house cleaning."
"stink of sewage" -> "odors from sewage"
Explanation: "Odors from sewage" is a more formal and scientifically accurate way to describe unpleasant smells, compared to the colloquial "stink."
"significantly taking a toll on their living standard" -> "significantly impacting their standard of living"
Explanation: "Impact" is a more formal term than "taking a toll," and "standard of living" is a more precise and formal expression than "living standard."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the statement that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. The writer discusses both the negative aspects of urban living, such as air pollution and unhealthy food options, and counters these points with the advantages of urban healthcare access and living conditions. This balanced approach demonstrates an understanding of the complexities of the issue.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the writer could explicitly state the extent of their disagreement in the introduction, perhaps by indicating whether they believe the positives outweigh the negatives or if they consider the negatives negligible. This would provide a clearer framework for the reader.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that living in cities is beneficial for health. The use of phrases like "I totally disagree" establishes a strong stance. However, the transition between acknowledging the negative aspects and reinforcing the positive aspects could be smoother to maintain clarity.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the negative points to the positive rebuttals. For example, after discussing the drawbacks, a phrase like "Nevertheless, these concerns are outweighed by…" would help reinforce the position more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas, such as the impact of air pollution and the advantages of healthcare access. Each point is supported with relevant examples, such as the mention of advanced healthcare facilities and the quality of urban living conditions. However, some ideas could be further extended with more specific examples or data to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the support for ideas, the writer could include specific statistics or studies that illustrate the benefits of urban healthcare systems or the quality of living in cities compared to rural areas. Additionally, personal anecdotes or examples could add depth and make the argument more relatable.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of health in urban environments, addressing both sides of the argument without deviating into unrelated areas. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, maintaining relevance to the prompt.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, ensuring that each point directly ties back to the central argument could further strengthen the focus. The writer should consistently relate back to the question of health benefits versus drawbacks, perhaps by summarizing how each point impacts overall health at the end of each paragraph.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates the writer’s position. With some refinements in clarity, support, and explicit connections to the prompt, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the writer’s stance and the main points to be discussed. The body paragraphs are logically organized, with the first addressing the negative aspects of urban living and the second focusing on the positive aspects. This clear division helps the reader follow the argument easily. For example, the transition from discussing air pollution to the health benefits of urban healthcare services is smooth and logical, reflecting a well-thought-out progression of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between points within paragraphs. For instance, when transitioning from discussing air pollution to the health benefits, a phrase like "Despite these challenges, it is important to recognize that…" could further clarify the relationship between the two contrasting ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability. Each paragraph has a clear focus: the first discusses the negative impacts of urban living, while the second highlights the benefits. This clear paragraphing allows the reader to easily identify the writer’s arguments. However, the introduction could benefit from a more explicit thesis statement that clearly outlines the two sides of the argument.
- How to improve: Strengthen the introduction by explicitly stating the main points that will be discussed in the essay. For instance, a sentence like "This essay will explore both the health risks associated with urban living and the significant health benefits that cities offer" would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "besides," and "moreover," which effectively connect ideas and contrast different viewpoints. These devices help in maintaining the flow of the essay and in guiding the reader through the argument. For example, the use of "admittedly" at the beginning of the first body paragraph signals a concession, which is a strong cohesive device that enhances the argument’s complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using phrases like "on the other hand," "in contrast," or "furthermore" can add variety and depth to the connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are not overused; varying sentence structure can also contribute to cohesion without relying solely on linking words.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information and using paragraphs and cohesive devices to guide the reader through the argument. By making slight adjustments to the introduction and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms like "urbanization," "metropolises," "repercussions," and "sanitary dwellings." These words effectively convey complex ideas and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "health" and "urban" could be diversified with synonyms or related terms to enhance the lexical richness.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related phrases to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "health," alternatives like "well-being," "physical condition," or "wellness" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could further enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "myriad chains of restaurants, food stores, food vendors that are sometimes unqualified, untested and unlicensed" could be more succinctly expressed. The term "gastricism" is also less common and may confuse readers, as it is not widely recognized in the context of health issues.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should aim for clarity and conciseness. Instead of "myriad chains of restaurants, food stores, food vendors," a more straightforward phrase like "numerous food establishments" could be used. Additionally, replacing "gastricism" with a more commonly understood term, such as "digestive issues," would improve clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the use of vocabulary. Words such as "urbanization," "emissions," and "accommodation" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: While spelling is accurate, the writer should continue to proofread their work to maintain this standard. Engaging in regular spelling exercises or using tools like spell check can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can further enhance spelling accuracy.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 7. To reach a higher band, the writer should focus on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy through consistent practice.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "the welfare of urban citizens can still be guaranteed by virtue of several advantages" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "if people are possibly exposed to many industrial wastes," showcases the writer’s ability to articulate hypothetical situations. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, particularly in the second paragraph, where multiple sentences start with "the primary concern is" and "another reason would be attributed to." This can detract from the overall flow and engagement of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and structures, such as starting with adverbial phrases or using inversion for emphasis. For example, instead of beginning several sentences with "the primary concern is," the writer could rephrase to "One significant concern arises from…" or "A notable issue is…". Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could further enrich the essay’s grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. For instance, the phrase "which could cause respiratory diseases among citizens" is grammatically correct and effectively uses a relative clause. However, there are minor punctuation issues, such as the lack of commas in lists, as seen in "myriad chains of restaurants, food stores, food vendors that are sometimes unqualified, untested and unlicensed." A comma is needed before "and" in a list of three or more items. Additionally, the phrase "which could annoy and give rise to emotional stress for the surrounding households" could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate clauses for better readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation, the writer should pay closer attention to the rules governing lists and clauses. Practicing the use of commas in complex sentences and lists will enhance clarity. For example, revising the aforementioned list to "myriad chains of restaurants, food stores, and food vendors, which are sometimes unqualified, untested, and unlicensed," would improve clarity and adherence to punctuation norms. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and engaging in exercises focused on punctuation can also help solidify these skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation usage. By addressing these areas, the writer can further elevate the quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Urbanization, which has become a prominent phenomenon in recent years, not only modernizes human life but also produces various adverse effects on our welfare. This explains why some people argue that residential health would deteriorate when residing in urban areas. However, I strongly disagree with the aforementioned view and believe that life in cities remains conducive to people’s well-being, considering factors such as quality of healthcare and accommodation.

Admittedly, populating metropolises could have some negative repercussions on our physical health. The primary concern is that due to the advancement of transportation and factories releasing emissions, alongside the lack of green space, air pollution has progressively become rampant and severe, which could cause respiratory diseases among citizens. Besides, numerous restaurants, food establishments, and vendors that are sometimes unqualified, untested, and unregulated can contribute to other types of maladies for customers, such as obesity, gastrointestinal issues, and gastritis. Another reason would be attributed to the development of various recreational activities and facilities operating 24/7, resulting in noise and light pollution, which could annoy and cause emotional distress for the surrounding households.

However, the welfare of urban citizens can still be guaranteed by virtue of several advantages. Firstly, major cities provide people with more chances to access healthcare services with prestigious physicians and advanced facilities, thereby assisting in quickly diagnosing diseases, prescribing medicines, and lessening potential risks. Moreover, urban inhabitants often stay in state-of-the-art, sanitary dwellings and possess adequate amenities facilitating air purification and household cleaning, which would maintain a wholesome environment for residents. This is especially superior compared to rural and remote regions, where people are possibly exposed to many industrial wastes, odors from sewage, or contaminated water sources on a daily basis, significantly impacting their standard of living.

In conclusion, despite some undeniable drawbacks, I suppose that mega city denizens are still warranted an abundance of health benefits.