It is important to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Taking risks has been the inevitable part of life, both in people’s professional and personal lives. In this essay, I will argue that undertaking risks often lead to more benefits than drawbacks.
On the one hand, some demerits can emerge when one decides to take risks. One of them is that this can impact personal benefits or lead to the loss of money. In many circumstances, people not only take no result but also pay a heavy price, including their life for their own decision. Ultimately, they can lose motivation to challenge themselves and strive for their goals. For instance, if a firm chooses to take risks to invest in something but does not have a proper strategy and lack of management, they can lose a sum of money and even be on the verge of bankruptcy. Otherwise, in daily lives, in some casinos, there are several attempts to gamble many times with the hope of getting back their lost money.
On the other hand, the merits of implementing risks are immense. First, by giving chances to imperil, there is a likelihood of unexpected success. Although it means that individuals can meet the possibility of severe hazard, they may also receive better results or outcomes that improve the quality of their lives. This can be seen in the way that several scientists devoted their life to new inventions or innovations, helping to advance human’s life or many large corporations exist because their leaders took risks to invest and develop it, even if they could lose a sum of money. At a personal level, various teenagers are courageous when trying to apply for their dream university and ultimately, they are accepted due to their passions and stellar academic performances.
In conclusion, although there are some cons about taking risks, as it can bring detrimental effects, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. However, it is necessary to measure drawbacks before taking risks in anything.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Taking risks has been the inevitable part of life" -> "Risk-taking is an inherent aspect of life"
Explanation: The phrase "the inevitable part of life" is somewhat vague and informal. "Inherent aspect of life" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"undertaking risks often lead to more benefits than drawbacks" -> "undertaking risks frequently yields more benefits than drawbacks"
Explanation: "often lead" is a less formal and less precise expression. "Frequently yields" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better.
"some demerits can emerge" -> "some drawbacks may arise"
Explanation: "demerits" is less commonly used in modern English and can sound archaic. "Drawbacks" is more contemporary and widely understood.
"One of them is that this can impact personal benefits or lead to the loss of money" -> "One such drawback is that this can impact personal benefits or result in financial loss"
Explanation: "One of them is that this can impact personal benefits or lead to the loss of money" is awkwardly phrased and vague. The revised version clarifies the relationship between the drawback and its effects.
"not only take no result but also pay a heavy price" -> "yield no results and incur significant costs"
Explanation: "take no result" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Yield no results" is grammatically correct and more formal. "Incur significant costs" is a clearer and more precise alternative to "pay a heavy price."
"they can lose a sum of money and even be on the verge of bankruptcy" -> "they may incur substantial financial losses and potentially face bankruptcy"
Explanation: "lose a sum of money" is informal and vague. "Incur substantial financial losses" is more precise and formal. "Potentially face bankruptcy" is clearer than "be on the verge of bankruptcy."
"in some casinos, there are several attempts to gamble many times" -> "in some casinos, individuals may attempt to gamble repeatedly"
Explanation: "there are several attempts to gamble many times" is awkward and unclear. "Individuals may attempt to gamble repeatedly" is clearer and more formal.
"giving chances to imperil" -> "taking risks"
Explanation: "giving chances to imperil" is awkward and unclear. "Taking risks" is straightforward and commonly used in academic discourse.
"there is a likelihood of unexpected success" -> "there is a possibility of unexpected success"
Explanation: "likelihood" can imply a degree of probability that is not intended here. "Possibility" is more appropriate for describing uncertain outcomes.
"helping to advance human’s life" -> "enhancing human life"
Explanation: "helping to advance human’s life" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Enhancing human life" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"many large corporations exist because their leaders took risks" -> "many large corporations exist due to their leaders’ risk-taking"
Explanation: "because their leaders took risks" is informal and lacks precision. "Due to their leaders’ risk-taking" is more formal and precise.
"they are accepted due to their passions and stellar academic performances" -> "they are accepted due to their passion and outstanding academic achievements"
Explanation: "passions" is plural and informal; "passion" is singular and more formal. "Stellar" is somewhat informal and less precise than "outstanding." "Academic achievements" is more specific than "academic performances."
"it is necessary to measure drawbacks before taking risks in anything" -> "it is essential to assess potential drawbacks before undertaking any risks"
Explanation: "measure drawbacks" is unclear and informal. "Assess potential drawbacks" is more precise and formal, and "undertaking any risks" is more appropriate than "taking risks in anything."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks. It acknowledges that risks can lead to financial loss or other negative outcomes while also highlighting the potential for significant benefits such as unexpected success or personal growth.
- How to improve: To further enhance completeness, ensure that each paragraph explicitly ties back to how risks manifest in professional and personal contexts, providing specific examples or scenarios where applicable.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages. This position is articulated in the introduction, elaborated upon in the body paragraphs, and reaffirmed in the conclusion.
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity by consistently reinforcing the stance throughout each paragraph. Avoid any ambiguous statements or instances where the position may seem less assertive.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are generally well-presented and supported with examples. For instance, examples of financial risks in business and personal risks like applying for universities are effectively used to illustrate points.
- How to improve: Expand on the depth of analysis by delving into more nuanced examples or counterexamples where risks did not pay off, providing a balanced perspective while reinforcing the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic by exploring the benefits and drawbacks of taking risks. However, there are a few instances where the connection to the prompt could be more explicit, especially in transitions between paragraphs.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph explicitly connects back to the prompt by using clear topic sentences that relate directly to the advantages or disadvantages of risk-taking.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic with a clear structure and coherent argumentation. To improve further and potentially achieve a higher band score, focus on enhancing the depth and specificity of examples, maintaining a consistently assertive stance, and ensuring every paragraph contributes directly to the central theme of risk assessment and decision-making.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally clear organizational structure. It starts with an introduction that outlines the author’s stance on taking risks. Each paragraph follows a coherent progression of ideas: one paragraph discusses disadvantages, another discusses advantages, and the conclusion summarizes the author’s opinion.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its central idea without straying into unrelated points. For instance, the paragraph discussing disadvantages could elaborate more consistently on specific examples rather than briefly mentioning both financial losses and personal discouragement. This would strengthen the essay’s coherence by providing more depth and clarity in each argumentative point.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to structure different aspects of the argument. Each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and develops its point cohesively.
- How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider ensuring each paragraph remains tightly focused on its main idea throughout. For example, the paragraph on advantages of risk-taking could expand on examples like scientific discoveries or personal achievements in greater detail, which would strengthen the coherence and persuasiveness of the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices such as transitional phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion") and pronouns ("they," "this"). These devices help to connect ideas and maintain coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, aim to incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices such as conjunctions ("however," "therefore"), synonyms ("benefits" instead of "advantages"), and parallel structures ("not only… but also"). This will diversify the essay’s language and improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, while the essay effectively organizes its ideas and uses paragraphs and cohesive devices to maintain coherence, further development in each area—particularly in providing more detailed examples and refining the use of cohesive devices—would strengthen its structure and clarity, potentially pushing it towards a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with attempts to convey ideas using varied terms such as "demerits," "implementing risks," "hazard," and "measure drawbacks." These choices generally support the argument without extensive exploration of nuanced vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider integrating more precise and contextually appropriate synonyms where possible. For example, instead of repeatedly using "risk," explore alternatives like "venture," "undertaking," or "endeavor" to add depth to the discussion.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The vocabulary is used generally accurately, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For instance, phrases like "implementing risks" could be refined to "embracing risks" for clearer expression of ideas.
- How to improve: Focus on selecting terms that precisely convey intended meanings. Avoid over-generalizing or using generic phrases that may dilute the clarity and impact of arguments. Review each sentence for opportunities to use vocabulary that sharpens the focus of your points.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay, with few errors noted (e.g., "imperil" instead of "imperilment"). However, there are minor issues like the incorrect use of "no result" instead of "no results."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider thorough proofreading to catch subtle mistakes. Utilize spell-check tools and allocate dedicated time for reviewing each section of your writing before submission to ensure correctness.

Overall, while the essay effectively argues its stance on risk-taking, enhancing lexical resource by incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary would elevate the sophistication and clarity of the argument presented. Strengthening spelling accuracy through careful review and correction processes will further solidify the overall quality of written expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences, albeit with some repetition in sentence patterns. For example, there is consistent use of "On the one hand… On the other hand" structure, which provides clarity but lacks complexity. There is also a tendency towards longer, convoluted sentences that occasionally affect clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance variety, consider integrating complex sentences with dependent clauses to express more nuanced ideas. For instance, instead of relying solely on contrasting structures like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," experiment with conditional sentences (e.g., "If risks are calculated…") or passive voice constructions to add depth and sophistication.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy with occasional errors. For example, there are instances of incorrect verb tense ("there is a likelihood of unexpected success") and subject-verb agreement issues ("there are several attempts to gamble"). Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are sporadic errors such as missing commas in complex sentences that hinder readability.
- How to improve: Focus on consistent verb tense usage throughout the essay, ensuring verbs agree with their subjects. Also, pay attention to proper comma usage, particularly in complex sentences where commas help to clarify meaning and aid in readability. Reviewing these aspects during revision can significantly improve overall grammatical accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and a reasonable range of sentence structures, improvements in sentence variety and grammatical precision could elevate the writing to a higher band score. Continued practice in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will support achieving a more nuanced and cohesive essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Taking risks is an inherent aspect of life, both in people’s professional and personal lives. In this essay, I will argue that undertaking risks often yields more benefits than drawbacks.

On one hand, some drawbacks may arise when one decides to take risks. One such drawback is that this can impact personal benefits or result in financial loss. In some cases, individuals not only yield no results but may also incur significant costs, risking substantial financial losses and potentially facing bankruptcy. For example, if a company decides to invest without a proper strategy and effective management, it could suffer severe financial setbacks.

On the other hand, the benefits of taking risks are substantial. Firstly, there is a possibility of unexpected success. While taking risks involves the possibility of significant hazard, it can also lead to better outcomes that enhance human life. This can be observed in the contributions of scientists who dedicate their lives to new inventions or innovations, thereby advancing human knowledge and quality of life. Moreover, many large corporations exist today because their leaders were willing to take risks in investment and development, despite the potential for financial loss. At a personal level, numerous individuals achieve their dreams, such as gaining admission to their desired university, due to their passion and outstanding academic achievements.

In conclusion, despite the potential drawbacks of taking risks, such as financial loss or adverse effects, I firmly believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. However, it is essential to assess potential drawbacks carefully before embarking on any risky endeavor. Taking calculated risks can lead to significant rewards, both professionally and personally, ultimately contributing to personal growth and societal progress.