the line graph below shows the household recycling rates in three different countries between 2005 and 2015

the graph provides information about the rates of household recycling in the UK, france and germany over a period of 10 years

It can be seen that the rates in the UK and Germany experienced a sharp increase, ending at first and second place respectively. By contrast, France witnessed a steady fall before slightly recovering in the last two years.

Looking at the graph in more detail, the average recycling rate in the UK grew marginally from 35% to 40% in 2007, and then remained stable until 2009. After that, it increased more speedily to a peak of just over 60%. Similarly, the figure for Germany experienced a remarkable growth from 20% in 2005 to approximately 32% in 2009 and continued to rise to about 57% at the end of the period.

By contrast, the rate in France declined remarkably from a high point of 50% in 2005 to a bottom of 30% in 2013. In spite of undergoing a slight recovery in the last two years, the figure only finished at third place

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the graph provides information about" -> "the graph illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "provides information about," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.
"the rates in the UK and Germany experienced a sharp increase, ending at first and second place respectively." -> "the rates in the UK and Germany experienced a significant increase, ranking first and second, respectively."
Explanation: "Ranking first and second, respectively" is more precise and formal than "ending at first and second place," which is less commonly used in academic contexts.
"France witnessed a steady fall before slightly recovering in the last two years." -> "France exhibited a steady decline, followed by a slight recovery in the last two years."
Explanation: "Exhibited a steady decline, followed by a slight recovery" is more formal and avoids the colloquial tone of "witnessed."
"the average recycling rate in the UK grew marginally" -> "the average recycling rate in the UK marginally increased"
Explanation: "Marginally increased" is a more direct and formal way to describe a small but noticeable change in data.
"more speedily" -> "more rapidly"
Explanation: "Rapidly" is a more standard term in academic writing than "speedily," which can sound slightly informal.
"remarkable growth" -> "substantial growth"
Explanation: "Substantial" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term than "remarkable," which can imply a subjective evaluation.
"remarkably" -> "significantly"
Explanation: "Significantly" is a more neutral and formal adverb compared to "remarkably," which can carry an emotional connotation.
"a bottom of 30% in 2013" -> "a low point of 30% in 2013"
Explanation: "Low point" is a more precise and formal term than "bottom," which is less commonly used in academic writing.
"the figure only finished at third place" -> "the figure ended at third place"
Explanation: "Ended" is more direct and formal than "finished," which can imply completion of an action, which is not the intended meaning here.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the graph, and it adequately highlights the key features. However, the essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends. For example, the essay states that the UK and Germany experienced a sharp increase, but it does not provide any specific details about the rate of increase. The essay also states that France witnessed a steady fall before slightly recovering in the last two years, but it does not provide any specific details about the rate of decline or recovery.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details about the rate of increase, decline, and recovery. For example, the essay could state that the UK recycling rate increased by 5% between 2005 and 2015, while the German recycling rate increased by 37% during the same period. The essay could also state that the French recycling rate declined by 20% between 2005 and 2013, before recovering by 3% in the last two years.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, demonstrating clear progression throughout. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, and the use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there may be some instances of under- or over-use. For example, phrases like "By contrast" and "Looking at the graph in more detail" help to guide the reader through the essay, but the repetition of "By contrast" could be seen as slightly mechanical. Paragraphing is used effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the data.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could aim for more seamless cohesion that attracts no attention. This might involve varying the cohesive devices used to avoid repetition and ensuring that transitions between ideas are even smoother. Additionally, more skilful management of paragraphing, such as integrating more nuanced topic sentences and concluding sentences, could enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items such as "experienced," "remarkable growth," and "steady fall." However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the figure only finished at third place," which could be phrased more naturally. Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and punctuation, such as the lack of capitalization for country names and inconsistent use of commas. These issues do not severely impede communication but do detract from the overall clarity and sophistication of the vocabulary used.
How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can help. Additionally, paying attention to spelling and punctuation, as well as ensuring proper capitalization, will improve the overall presentation of the essay. Engaging with more complex vocabulary and collocations relevant to the topic can also elevate the lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, effectively communicating the main trends in the data. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that slightly hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "the rates in the UK and Germany experienced a sharp increase" and "the figure only finished at third place" could be refined for better grammatical accuracy. While the meaning is generally clear, the presence of these errors suggests that the essay does not fully meet the criteria for a higher band.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on refining sentence structures and ensuring grammatical correctness. This can be achieved by practicing complex sentence constructions and reviewing common grammatical rules. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors and awkward phrasing would help in achieving a more polished and error-free essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph provides information about the rates of household recycling in the UK, France, and Germany over a period of 10 years.

It can be seen that the rates in the UK and Germany experienced a sharp increase, ending in first and second place, respectively. By contrast, France witnessed a steady decline before slightly recovering in the last two years.

Looking at the graph in more detail, the average recycling rate in the UK grew marginally from 35% to 40% in 2007 and then remained stable until 2009. After that, it increased more rapidly to a peak of just over 60%. Similarly, the figure for Germany experienced remarkable growth from 20% in 2005 to approximately 32% in 2009 and continued to rise to about 57% by the end of the period.

In contrast, the rate in France declined significantly from a high point of 50% in 2005 to a low of 30% in 2013. Despite undergoing a slight recovery in the last two years, the figure only finished in third place.