The graph below gives information about car ownership in Britain from 1971 to 2007.

The line graph illustrates how many cars used per household in Great Britain over the course of 36 years starting in 1971.

Overall, there was an increase in the amount of cars own by households in Great Britain, with the proportion of families that utilized two cars witnessing the most dramatic rise, while the share of one-car household remained stable. In addition, the number of families having possession of three or more cars consistently had the lowest figures throughout the period.

The percentage of two-car household started at around 7% in 1971, after which it experienced a significant increase to reach a peak at 26% in 2007, despite a levelling off in the first 8 years. By contrast, the figure for families that did not use any car declined considerably from 48% to 25% over the period.

Approximately 44% of families with regular use of car in Great Britain owned only one car in 1971, with a subsequent fluctuations and a final drop from 45% in 2003 to about 43% in 2007. Meanwhile, the figure for households that used three or more cars witnessed a gradual growth from just around 2% in 1971 to 7% in the final year of the examined period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line graph illustrates" -> "The graph illustrates"
Explanation: Removing "The line" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning, as "graph" already implies a line graph.
"used per household" -> "owned by households"
Explanation: "Used per household" is somewhat awkward and unclear. "Owned by households" is more direct and precise in describing the relationship between households and cars.
"the amount of cars own by households" -> "the number of cars owned by households"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error "own" to "owned" to match the passive voice used in the sentence.
"families that utilized" -> "families that used"
Explanation: "Utilized" is slightly formal but can be replaced with "used" for a more natural academic tone without losing precision.
"witnessing the most dramatic rise" -> "experiencing the most significant increase"
Explanation: "Witnessing" is somewhat informal and less precise in this context. "Experiencing" is more appropriate for describing the change in data, and "significant increase" is more specific than "dramatic rise."
"share of one-car household" -> "percentage of one-car households"
Explanation: "Share" is vague and less formal; "percentage" is more precise and commonly used in statistical contexts.
"families having possession of" -> "families owning"
Explanation: "Having possession of" is verbose and less direct. "Owning" is more concise and fits the formal academic style.
"consistently had the lowest figures" -> "consistently had the lowest percentages"
Explanation: Adding "percentages" clarifies that the figures refer to proportions, enhancing precision.
"The percentage of two-car household" -> "The proportion of two-car households"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error "household" to "households" to agree with the plural subject "percentage."
"a significant increase to reach a peak at" -> "a significant increase, peaking at"
Explanation: "Peaking at" is a more concise and formal way to describe reaching the highest point.
"despite a levelling off in the first 8 years" -> "despite a leveling off in the first 8 years"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "levelling" to "leveling" for consistency with American English usage in academic writing.
"families that did not use any car" -> "families without cars"
Explanation: "Families without cars" is more concise and formal, avoiding the awkward construction "did not use any car."
"Approximately 44% of families with regular use of car" -> "Approximately 44% of households regularly using cars"
Explanation: "Households regularly using cars" is more formal and clearer than "families with regular use of car."
"a subsequent fluctuations" -> "subsequent fluctuations"
Explanation: Removes the unnecessary "a" for grammatical correctness.
"a final drop from 45% in 2003 to about 43% in 2007" -> "a decline from 45% in 2003 to approximately 43% in 2007"
Explanation: "Decline" is more specific than "drop," and "approximately" is more formal than "about."

These changes refine the language to better suit an academic style, enhancing clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in car ownership in Britain from 1971 to 2007. It identifies the key features of the data, such as the increase in two-car households and the decrease in households with no cars. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the percentage of two-car households "experienced a significant increase to reach a peak at 26% in 2007, despite a levelling off in the first 8 years." This is not entirely accurate, as the percentage of two-car households actually increased steadily throughout the period.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed and accurate information about the key features of the data. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of two-car households increased from 7% in 1971 to 26% in 2007, and that this increase was steady throughout the period. The essay could also provide more specific information about the fluctuations in the percentage of one-car households. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of one-car households fluctuated between 43% and 45% from 1971 to 2003, and then dropped to 43% in 2007.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organisation of information with clear progression throughout. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of car ownership trends over time, maintaining a coherent structure. Cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect ideas within and between sentences, although there are a few instances of overuse or repetition ("the proportion of families," "the figure for households"). Paragraphing is generally sufficient and appropriate, supporting the essay’s coherence.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion towards achieving a higher band score:

Ensure consistent use of varied cohesive devices without repetitive phrases.
Avoid minor overuse or repetition of specific terms related to statistics.
Ensure each paragraph’s topic sentence directly relates to the central theme of the essay.
Check paragraphing to ensure logical progression and avoid minor inconsistencies.

This feedback focuses on refining cohesion to achieve a more seamless flow of ideas, supporting clarity and coherence in the essay’s structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It uses basic and some less common vocabulary related to describing trends and statistics, such as "proportion," "witnessing," "consistently," and "levelling off." There is an attempt to include less common phrases like "possession of," though with occasional inaccuracies and less precision in word choice and collocation ("families that utilized two cars" could be improved to "households that owned two cars").

There are some errors in word formation and spelling that do not significantly impede communication but are noticeable (e.g., "own by households" should be "owned by households"). Overall, the vocabulary use is clear enough to convey the trends shown in the graph, but lacks the sophistication and precision required for higher bands.

How to improve:
To improve to a higher band score, focus on:

Using a wider range of vocabulary, including more precise and uncommon lexical items.
Ensuring accuracy in word choice and collocation to enhance the fluency and flexibility of expression.
Paying closer attention to spelling and word formation to minimize errors that can distract from the overall message.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, contributing to a reasonable level of grammatical range. There are attempts at complex sentences, although some inaccuracies occasionally affect clarity. The majority of sentences are error-free, but there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation that occasionally hinder communication.

How to improve:
To improve the score:

Increase the variety of complex sentence structures used.
Pay closer attention to accuracy in complex sentence constructions.
Work on eliminating errors in grammar and punctuation to enhance clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph presents data on car ownership in Great Britain from 1971 to 2007.

Overall, there was a noticeable increase in the number of cars per household during this period. Two-car households saw the most significant growth, while single-car households remained relatively steady. Conversely, households with three or more cars consistently represented the smallest proportion.

In 1971, approximately 7% of households owned two cars. This figure experienced a sharp rise to 26% by 2007, with a slight plateau in the initial years. In contrast, the percentage of households without a car decreased markedly from 48% in 1971 to 25% by 2007.

Around 44% of households owned a single car in 1971, fluctuating over the years but ultimately decreasing slightly to about 43% by 2007. Meanwhile, households owning three or more cars grew steadily from approximately 2% in 1971 to 7% in 2007.