It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In today’s unpredictable economy, financial literacy seems to become a crucial skill. On top of that, saving money is an essential strategy for everyone, especially the youngster, to ensure long-term economic stability. In my opinion, I agree with this view because of the following reasons.
First of all, having savings gives everyone a safety net for emergencies. No one can thoroughly plan for their future, therefore, each individual should have a fund for unexpected expenses such as accidents, job loss, or thing repair. By saving, young people can have a sense of independence, allowing them to get over bad situations without relying too much on others for financial support.
Moreover, early saving can also help young people achieve significant life milestones, such as car purchases or home ownership. In the future, not only young people but everyone can be ensured a more comfortable and secure retirement without worries about finances or becoming a burden for others in the family with early savings.
Finally, prioritizing saving would also help individuals avoid taking on debt for significant purchases such as buying houses, further education, or investment, thereby reducing financial stress on them in the future. Consistently saving and avoiding unnecessary debt can improve a person’s credit score, which is crucial for future financial endeavors.
In conclusion, things like emergencies, personal goals, or unnecessary debt can be solved if individuals have an early savings fund for their future. I once again reaffirm my point of view that building good financial habits early, especially saving, helps everyone in general and youngsters, in particular, have a more comfortable future without any money worries.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In today’s unpredictable economy" -> "In the current unpredictable economic climate"
   Explanation: The phrase "economic climate" is a more precise and formal term than "economy," which enhances the academic tone of the sentence.

2. "seems to become" -> "appears to be"
   Explanation: "Appears to be" is a more formal and precise expression than "seems to become," which is somewhat colloquial and vague.

3. "the youngster" -> "young people"
   Explanation: "Young people" is a more formal and inclusive term than "the youngster," which can be seen as informal and less precise.

4. "I agree with this view because of the following reasons" -> "I concur with this perspective for the following reasons"
   Explanation: "Concur" is a more formal synonym for "agree," and "perspective" is a more academic term than "view," enhancing the formality of the statement.

5. "having savings gives everyone a safety net" -> "having savings provides a safety net for everyone"
   Explanation: "Provides" is a more formal verb than "gives" in this context, and reordering the phrase to "a safety net for everyone" improves the sentence structure and clarity.

6. "No one can thoroughly plan for their future" -> "It is impossible to thoroughly plan for the future"
   Explanation: "It is impossible" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea that planning for the future is not always possible, which is more suitable for academic writing.

7. "thing repair" -> "repairs"
   Explanation: "Repairs" is the correct noun form, replacing the awkward and incorrect "thing repair."

8. "By saving, young people can have a sense of independence" -> "By saving, young people can attain a sense of independence"
   Explanation: "Attain" is a more formal verb than "have," which is more commonly used in academic writing to describe the achievement of something.

9. "get over bad situations" -> "overcome adverse situations"
   Explanation: "Overcome" is a more formal and precise term than "get over," and "adverse" is a more formal synonym for "bad."

10. "not only young people but everyone" -> "not only young people but also all individuals"
    Explanation: "Also" is more formal than "but," and "all individuals" is a more precise and formal way to refer to people in general.

11. "without worries about finances or becoming a burden for others" -> "without financial concerns or burdening others"
    Explanation: "Financial concerns" is a more precise term than "worries about finances," and "burdening others" is a more formal expression than "becoming a burden for others."

12. "prioritizing saving would also help individuals avoid taking on debt" -> "prioritizing saving would also enable individuals to avoid incurring debt"
    Explanation: "Enable" is a more formal verb than "help," and "incurring debt" is a more precise and formal phrase than "taking on debt."

13. "things like emergencies, personal goals, or unnecessary debt" -> "situations such as emergencies, personal goals, or unnecessary debt"
    Explanation: "Situations" is a more formal and encompassing term than "things," which is too vague and informal for academic writing.

14. "I once again reaffirm my point of view" -> "I reaffirm my perspective once more"
    Explanation: "Reaffirm my perspective once more" is a more formal and concise way to reiterate a point, aligning better with academic style.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, making it more suitable for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay comprehensively addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of saving money for the future and providing multiple reasons to support this view. The author emphasizes the benefits of having savings, such as financial security in emergencies, achieving life milestones, and avoiding debt. The essay does well in exploring these points and aligning them with the importance of saving money, which directly responds to the question of how much one agrees with the statement.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the response, the essay could benefit from more nuanced exploration of counterarguments or alternative perspectives. For instance, it could address situations where saving might not be feasible for everyone due to economic conditions or personal circumstances. Incorporating such considerations would provide a more balanced view and strengthen the argument by acknowledging and addressing potential opposing viewpoints.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that saving money is crucial for everyone, especially young people. The stance is consistently supported through all paragraphs, reflecting a coherent and logical argument. Each section of the essay reinforces the central thesis that saving contributes to financial stability and achievement of life goals.
  • How to improve: While the position is clear, it could be further strengthened by explicitly stating the level of agreement at the outset and reiterating it more distinctly throughout the essay. Adding transitional phrases or summary sentences to clearly link each argument back to the central thesis could improve the overall cohesion and clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and extends ideas by providing specific examples, such as financial security, life milestones, and avoiding debt. Each point is well-supported with relevant explanations that reinforce the importance of saving money. The supporting details are appropriately developed, contributing to a persuasive argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the essay could include more concrete examples or data to substantiate the claims. For instance, citing statistics on the benefits of saving or referencing studies on financial stability could add credibility and depth to the argument. Additionally, exploring how different demographics might benefit from saving in various ways could further enrich the discussion.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of saving money for the future and effectively ties all arguments back to this central theme. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and each paragraph contributes to the overall discussion on why saving is important.
  • How to improve: To ensure continued adherence to the topic, the essay could avoid any potential tangents by maintaining a tight structure and linking each point back to the core argument. Regularly referring to the prompt throughout the essay to reaffirm the connection between the discussion and the question can help maintain focus and relevance.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of competence in addressing the task response criteria, earning a Band Score of 8. For further improvement, incorporating counterarguments, providing more concrete examples, and enhancing cohesion could elevate the essay to a Band Score of 9.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure. It begins with an introduction that outlines the importance of saving money, followed by three well-developed body paragraphs that each discuss a different benefit of saving (emergency funds, achieving life milestones, and avoiding debt). Each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, maintaining a coherent flow of ideas throughout.
  • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider explicitly stating the essay’s main points in the introduction and reinforcing these points in the conclusion. This will provide a stronger framework for the reader to follow the argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure its content. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument (emergency funds, life milestones, debt avoidance) and contains a clear topic sentence that guides the reader. The paragraphs are well-developed with supporting examples and explanations.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph coherence, ensure each paragraph maintains a consistent focus on its main idea throughout. Additionally, consider varying sentence structures and lengths to enhance readability and engagement.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices such as linking words ("First of all", "Moreover", "Finally", "In conclusion"), pronouns ("this view", "these reasons"), and repetition of key terms ("saving", "young people"). These devices effectively connect ideas within and between paragraphs, enhancing overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To further enrich cohesion, explore additional cohesive devices such as synonyms, parallel structures, and transitions that more subtly connect ideas. This will create a smoother flow and strengthen the essay’s logical progression.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of coherence and cohesion with a well-structured argument supported by relevant examples and cohesive devices. By refining these aspects further, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and engagement.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of financial planning and savings. For instance, terms such as "financial literacy," "economic stability," "savings fund," "significant life milestones," and "financial endeavors" are used effectively to discuss various aspects of saving money.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary further, consider incorporating more nuanced synonyms and exploring vocabulary related to specific financial concepts (e.g., diversification, investment vehicles) to demonstrate deeper understanding and sophistication in financial discourse.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, there are instances where imprecise language is used, such as "thing repair" instead of "repairs" and "thing like emergencies" instead of "events like emergencies." However, key terms like "financial stability," "debt," and "retirement" are appropriately used to convey specific meanings.
  • How to improve: Aim for more precise expression by avoiding vague terms and ensuring each word chosen conveys the intended meaning clearly. For instance, replace general terms with specific ones that accurately describe the context (e.g., replace "thing repair" with "unexpected expenses like home repairs").

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained throughout the essay, with minor errors like "thing" instead of "things" and "youngster" instead of "young people." However, these errors do not significantly detract from the overall clarity of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling consistency, consider proofreading carefully for common errors and possibly using spell-check tools to catch minor mistakes that might be overlooked.

In summary, while the essay effectively communicates the importance of saving money with a competent use of vocabulary and generally accurate spelling, there is room for improvement in precision and variety of vocabulary. By refining the choice and accuracy of words used and ensuring consistent spelling, the essay could elevate its lexical resource score to demonstrate a more nuanced and sophisticated understanding of financial concepts.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. It uses complex sentences with subordinate clauses ("In today’s unpredictable economy, financial literacy seems to become a crucial skill"; "By saving, young people can have a sense of independence, allowing them to get over bad situations without relying too much on others for financial support") alongside simpler, straightforward sentences ("In my opinion, I agree with this view because of the following reasons").
  • How to improve: To further enhance variety, consider incorporating more conditional sentences, passive voice constructions, or rhetorical questions. These additions can add depth and sophistication to the argumentation.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. There are instances of minor errors, such as inconsistent pluralization ("thing repair" should be "things repaired") and occasional issues with article usage ("the family" instead of "others in family"). Punctuation is generally correct, but there are a few places where commas could enhance clarity or where sentence structures might benefit from rephrasing for smoother flow.
  • How to improve: Focus on consistently using correct plural forms and ensuring articles ("the", "a/an") are used appropriately. Additionally, pay attention to comma usage in complex sentences to clarify meaning and improve readability. Revising sentences for better coherence and flow could further strengthen the overall structure of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a good range of sentence structures appropriate for the IELTS Task 2 writing. Continuing to refine these areas will help maintain and possibly improve the score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s unpredictable economic climate, financial literacy appears to be increasingly vital. Saving money is an essential strategy for everyone, particularly young people, to ensure long-term economic stability. I concur with this perspective for the following reasons.

Firstly, having savings provides a safety net for everyone, particularly young people who may face unexpected expenses such as accidents, job loss, or necessary repairs. It is impossible to thoroughly plan for the future, so having savings allows individuals to overcome adverse situations without financial concerns or burdening others.

Furthermore, by saving, young people can attain a sense of independence, enabling them to achieve significant life milestones such as car purchases or home ownership. In the future, this financial prudence ensures a more comfortable and secure retirement without worries about finances or becoming a burden on family members.

Lastly, prioritizing saving would also enable individuals to avoid incurring debt for situations such as emergencies, personal goals, or unnecessary purchases. Consistently saving and avoiding debt can improve a person’s credit score, which is crucial for future financial endeavors.

In conclusion, having early savings for emergencies, personal goals, or avoiding unnecessary debt reaffirms my perspective once more that building good financial habits early, especially saving, helps everyone, including young people, to have a more comfortable future without any financial worries.