The task below shows the production of milk annually in four countries in 1990, 2000 and 2010

The chart below presents the amount of milk produced in the Netherlands, Australia, Tanzania and Guatemala by the years 1990, 2000 and 2010.

Overall, the statistics of the Netherlands was always the highest among the period. Meanwhile, every country except Tanzania illustrated the upward trends.

In 1990, Netherlands and Australia had the highest production of milk, at 11,262,000 and 11,246,000 liters respectively. On the contrary, that for Tanzania was just 87,000 and for Guatemala was 26,000 which made it have the lowest milk produced.

After 20 years, Tanzania recorded a significant increase of around 20 times more than 1990. Less notably was Netherlands and Guatemala when the figure for Netherlands grew about 200,000 more despite a dip to 11,155,000 in 2000 and the amount of milk products in Guatemala reached 84,000. In contrast, Australia still held its 2nd position regardless of recording a 2,000,000 down in its figure.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The chart below presents" -> "The chart depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "presents" in academic contexts, specifically when referring to visual representations like charts.
"amount of milk produced" -> "quantity of milk produced"
Explanation: "Quantity" is a more precise term than "amount" in formal writing, especially when referring to measurable items like milk.
"the statistics of the Netherlands was" -> "the statistics for the Netherlands"
Explanation: "For" is the correct preposition to use with "statistics," indicating the data relates to the country, whereas "was" is incorrect in this context.
"illustrated the upward trends" -> "displayed an upward trend"
Explanation: "Displayed an upward trend" is more concise and academically appropriate than "illustrated the upward trends," which is redundant.
"On the contrary, that for Tanzania was just" -> "In contrast, Tanzania’s production was"
Explanation: "In contrast" is a more formal transition than "On the contrary." Additionally, "Tanzania’s production" is more specific and grammatically correct than "that for Tanzania."
"made it have the lowest milk produced" -> "resulted in the lowest milk production"
Explanation: "Resulted in" is a more formal and precise way to describe the outcome of the data, and "milk production" is the correct noun form.
"After 20 years, Tanzania recorded a significant increase of around 20 times more than 1990." -> "Twenty years later, Tanzania experienced a significant increase of approximately 20 times the 1990 levels."
Explanation: "Twenty years later" is more formal and specific than "After 20 years." "Experienced" is more appropriate than "recorded" in this context, and "approximately" is preferred over "around" for academic writing.
"Less notably was Netherlands and Guatemala" -> "Notably, the Netherlands and Guatemala"
Explanation: "Notably" is the correct adverbial form to introduce a contrasting point, and "the Netherlands" should be capitalized as a proper noun.
"when the figure for Netherlands grew about 200,000 more" -> "when the figure for the Netherlands increased by approximately 200,000"
Explanation: "Increased by approximately" is more precise and formal than "grew about," and "the Netherlands" should be capitalized.
"the amount of milk products in Guatemala reached 84,000" -> "Guatemala’s milk production reached 84,000"
Explanation: "Guatemala’s milk production" is a more specific and formal way to refer to the data, avoiding the vague "amount of milk products."
"In contrast, Australia still held its 2nd position" -> "In contrast, Australia maintained its second position"
Explanation: "Maintained" is a more formal synonym for "held," and "second" should not be capitalized unless it is part of a title or proper noun.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in milk production. The essay focuses on details, such as the specific figures for each country in each year, rather than providing a broader analysis of the data.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in milk production. For example, the essay could state that milk production in the Netherlands was consistently the highest, while milk production in Tanzania increased significantly over the period. The essay could also highlight the fact that milk production in Australia decreased over the period. The essay should also avoid focusing on irrelevant details, such as the specific figures for each country in each year. Instead, the essay should focus on providing a clear and concise overview of the main trends in the data.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion at a Band 6 level. Information and ideas are arranged in a generally coherent manner with a clear overall progression. The essay begins with an introductory statement summarizing the content, although it could be more detailed. There is an attempt at paragraphing, but it is not consistently logical. For instance, the second paragraph starts with a comparison of milk production in 1990 without a clear transition from the introduction.

Cohesive devices are used, but there are instances where their usage is faulty or mechanical, such as awkward phrasing or inaccurate expressions ("every country except Tanzania illustrated the upward trends"). The referencing and substitution are somewhat repetitive and could be more varied to enhance clarity.

Despite these issues, the essay manages to present the information in a structured way, providing clear comparisons and focusing on trends over time. The progression from 1990 to 2010 is generally clear, although some details could be better connected within and between sentences.

How to improve:

Logical Organization: Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and that there is a logical flow between paragraphs. Avoid abrupt transitions or unrelated information.
Cohesive Devices: Use a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately. Focus on using them to enhance clarity and coherence, avoiding mechanical or awkward usage.
Paragraphing: Ensure paragraphs are logically structured and develop one main idea. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence to guide the reader through the essay more effectively.

By improving these aspects, the essay can achieve a higher band score for Coherence and Cohesion on the IELTS Task 1 writing assessment.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. It effectively communicates the main points about milk production trends across four countries over three decades. The vocabulary used is generally appropriate, though there are instances where word choice and expression could be more precise. There are noticeable errors in word formation and spelling ("milk products" instead of "milk production," "down in its figure" instead of "a decrease in its figure"). Despite these errors, they do not significantly hinder understanding.

How to improve:

Vocabulary Precision: Aim to use more precise vocabulary where possible. For example, instead of "recorded a significant increase," consider "experienced a substantial rise."
Word Choice and Expression: Be mindful of using accurate and appropriate terms. For instance, use "milk production" instead of "milk products."
Spelling and Word Formation: Review spelling and word formation carefully to avoid errors that may distract the reader.

This feedback aims to enhance lexical resource by refining vocabulary usage, ensuring accuracy in word choice and spelling, and thereby improving overall clarity and precision in conveying ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. It includes some attempts at comparing data across different years and countries, though the presentation lacks clarity and precision in communicating the information accurately. There are several grammatical errors throughout the text, such as incorrect verb tenses ("was always the highest among the period", "every country except Tanzania illustrated") and inconsistencies in sentence structure ("that for Tanzania was just 87,000 and for Guatemala was 26,000 which made it have the lowest milk produced"). Punctuation usage is also faulty at times, affecting readability and clarity.

How to improve:

Sentence Structure: Work on using more varied sentence structures to enhance clarity and coherence. Ensure that complex sentences are grammatically correct and serve to clearly convey information.
Grammar and Accuracy: Pay close attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and the use of articles ("the statistics of the Netherlands were always the highest", "every country except Tanzania illustrated"). Review grammar rules to minimize errors that impact the reader’s understanding.
Punctuation: Improve the use of punctuation marks such as commas and periods to separate ideas and clarify the flow of information.

By focusing on these areas, the essay can achieve greater coherence and accuracy, improving its overall effectiveness in conveying information about milk production trends across the specified countries and years.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s the improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report:

The chart illustrates the annual milk production in the Netherlands, Australia, Tanzania, and Guatemala for the years 1990, 2000, and 2010.

Overall, the Netherlands consistently had the highest milk production throughout the period, while all countries except Tanzania showed increasing trends.

In 1990, the Netherlands and Australia were the leading milk producers, at 11,262,000 and 11,246,000 liters respectively. In contrast, Tanzania produced only 87,000 liters and Guatemala 26,000 liters, the lowest among the countries.

Over the next two decades, Tanzania’s milk production increased significantly by approximately 20 times compared to 1990. The Netherlands experienced a modest increase of around 200,000 liters despite a dip to 11,155,000 liters in 2000. Guatemala’s milk production reached 84,000 liters. Meanwhile, Australia maintained its second position despite a decrease of 2,000,000 liters compared to 1990.

This revised version maintains the original data points and structure while improving clarity and grammatical accuracy.