The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to Scotland who visited four different attractions from 1980 to 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below illustrates the proportion of different places visited by tourists in 1980 and 2010. In general, castle appeared to be the most attractive attraction in the end of the period whereas aquarium remained its position at the bottom. From 1980 to 1995 saw a substantial increase of Castle with 20% of tourists at the beginning and lately rose to over 40% in spite of frequent fluctuations. On the other hand, aquarium also experienced an upward trend and turned to 35%. However, both of the line figures dropped steadily between 1995 and 2010. Followed by zoo and festival, which were also unstable, zoo started at the lowest position with humbly 10% and faced an upward trend leading it to keep increasing despite occasional fluctuations then eventually made to the second place with 20% of tourists. Festival did not seem to gain any increase at all throughout the period and constantly declined to under 20% at the end.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line graph below illustrates" -> "The line graph depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrates" in academic writing, enhancing the description of the graph’s function.
"In general, castle appeared to be the most attractive attraction" -> "Generally, castles were the most popular attractions"
Explanation: Using "generally" instead of "in general" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing. Also, changing "castle" to "castles" corrects the plural form to match the context of the graph.
"at the end of the period" -> "by the end of the period"
Explanation: "By the end of the period" is more grammatically correct and clearer, specifying the point in time.
"remained its position at the bottom" -> "remained at the bottom"
Explanation: Removing "its" corrects the grammatical error and simplifies the phrase, making it more concise and formal.
"From 1980 to 1995 saw a substantial increase of Castle" -> "Between 1980 and 1995, Castle experienced a substantial increase"
Explanation: "Between" is more precise than "From," and "experienced" is more appropriate than "saw" in formal academic writing.
"lately rose to over 40%" -> "ultimately rose to over 40%"
Explanation: "Ultimately" is more formal and precise than "lately," which can be vague and informal.
"On the other hand, aquarium also experienced an upward trend and turned to 35%" -> "Conversely, aquarium also experienced an upward trend, reaching 35%"
Explanation: "Conversely" is more formal than "On the other hand," and "reaching" is more precise than "turned to," which is awkward in this context.
"both of the line figures" -> "both line figures"
Explanation: Removing "of the" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more concise and formal.
"Followed by zoo and festival, which were also unstable" -> "Zoo and festival, also unstable"
Explanation: Removing "Followed by" corrects the awkward phrasing and enhances the flow of the sentence.
"humbly 10%" -> "a humble 10%"
Explanation: "A humble 10%" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains the formal tone.
"faced an upward trend leading it to keep increasing" -> "experienced an upward trend, continuing to increase"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more precise than "faced," and "continuing to increase" is more formal and clear than "leading it to keep increasing."
"made to the second place" -> "rose to second place"
Explanation: "Rose to second place" is more direct and formally appropriate than "made to the second place," which is awkward and unclear.
"did not seem to gain any increase at all" -> "did not experience any increase"
Explanation: "Experience" is more precise and formal than "gain," which is somewhat vague in this context.
"constantly declined to under 20%" -> "steadily declined to below 20%"
Explanation: "Steadily" is more formal than "constantly," and "below" is more precise than "under" in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the graph. However, the essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay also presents some key features/bullet points, but these are not fully extended. For example, the essay states that the castle was the most popular attraction in 2010, but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific data to support the claims made about the key features/bullet points. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of tourists visiting the castle increased from 20% in 1980 to over 40% in 1995. The essay could also provide more specific information about the fluctuations in the popularity of the different attractions. For example, the essay could state that the popularity of the zoo increased steadily from 1980 to 2010, but that it experienced a slight dip in popularity between 1990 and 1995.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information about the percentage of tourists visiting different attractions in Scotland from 1980 to 2010. However, the coherence and cohesion are not effectively managed:

Coherence: The organization of ideas lacks clarity and progression. The essay jumps between different attractions and time periods without a clear structure or logical flow. This makes it difficult for the reader to follow the development of ideas.
Cohesion: There are some attempts to use cohesive devices, but they are often inaccurate or repetitive. For instance, phrases like "In general," "On the other hand," and "However" are used without clear relationships between ideas. Additionally, referencing of specific data points or trends is lacking, which contributes to the overall confusion.
Paragraphing: The essay does not use paragraphs effectively to organize information. Ideas are grouped together in a way that does not logically separate different aspects of the data or provide clear topic shifts.

How to improve:

Organize Information: Clearly separate the discussion of each attraction (castle, aquarium, zoo, festival) into distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one attraction over the entire period from 1980 to 2010.
Logical Progression: Ensure that the essay follows a chronological or thematic progression. Start with an introduction summarizing the main trends, then discuss each attraction’s changes over time in a structured manner.
Use Cohesive Devices Appropriately: Instead of using vague transition phrases, focus on linking sentences and paragraphs with specific references to data points (years, percentages) and comparisons (increases, decreases).

By improving these aspects, the essay can achieve better coherence and cohesion, making it easier for the reader to understand the trends in tourist attraction visits over the 30-year period.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a somewhat limited range of vocabulary, with some errors in word choice and word formation. There are noticeable spelling and grammatical errors throughout the essay, which occasionally impede clarity and precision. The vocabulary used is sufficient to convey the main ideas, but there is repetition and some inaccuracies in expression.

How to improve:

Expand Vocabulary: Use a wider range of vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely and fluently.
Accuracy in Word Choice: Pay attention to accurate word choice and collocation to enhance clarity.
Grammar and Spelling: Improve accuracy in spelling and grammar to avoid errors that can affect readability and comprehension.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout the text. These errors include issues with subject-verb agreement, word choice, and sentence structure, which occasionally hinder communication and cause some difficulty for the reader. Punctuation is also faulty in several instances, affecting the clarity of the writing.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures more accurately. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in verb tenses. Review the use of complex sentences to ensure they are constructed correctly and clearly convey the intended meaning. Work on punctuation rules, particularly regarding commas and sentence boundaries, to enhance clarity and coherence. Practicing writing with attention to these details will help achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided IELTS Task 1 report can be improved while maintaining the original data and structure:

The line graph illustrates the percentage of tourists visiting four different attractions in Scotland from 1980 to 2010. Overall, the castle emerged as the most popular attraction by the end of the period, whereas the aquarium consistently held the lowest position.

Starting in 1980, the castle attracted 20% of tourists, experiencing significant growth to over 40% by 2010 despite fluctuations. Conversely, the aquarium also saw an upward trend, reaching 35% by the mid-1990s. However, both attractions witnessed a decline from 1995 to 2010.

The zoo began at 10% in 1980 and steadily increased, surpassing the festival to claim second place with 20% of tourists by the end of the period. In contrast, the festival remained stable below 20% throughout the period, showing no significant growth.

Overall, the castle and the zoo demonstrated increasing popularity among tourists to Scotland, while the aquarium and the festival experienced fluctuating levels of attraction over the three decades.

This revision aims to enhance clarity and coherence while preserving the original data and vocabulary as closely as possible.