Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little on sports Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little on sports
Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development?

In this day and age, instead of going out and playing some sports, children tend to spend much time playing games online. This essay will analyse the reasons for this trend and will discuss my opinion that it is an adverse growth.

There are some main causes attributed to the growing numbers of kids playing computer games. Chief of those is some techniques of some kinds of games. The big corporations found out about some psychological effects and details which can make people spend much time on some games. For example, the games might be divided to various levels, and then when players are able to win a stage, they tend to continue this repetitive cycle.. Another reason is the lack of safe sport centres in many areas, especially in the heart of the city. Because of the development of the economy and technology, big companies and the government have taken away public land to build factories and streets. As a result, children might face danger when they are free to play sports, that is why their parents let them stay at home and play games rather than doing exercise.

I believe that this trend will be accompanied with many problems related to physical and mental health. Firstly, there are many serious disadvantages with the children’s body like being overweight. People today take in an increasing number of calories on a daily basis, hence, when they spend less time doing sports, it will directly result in general obesity. In addition, staying at home for a long time is likely to negatively affect their ability to communicate. Because they spend too much time with virtual friends, they may lose the connection with family and friends. Consequently, they might be active in isolation, anxiety and maybe depression.

In conclusion, there are some reasons for the trend that children spend less time playing sports and more time using computers to play games which are the unsafe of sports venues and the tips from the businesses. This is a negative trend while it leads to some disadvantages with physiology and their body.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"going out and playing some sports" -> "engaging in outdoor sports"
Explanation: "Going out and playing some sports" is informal and vague. "Engaging in outdoor sports" is more precise and formal.
"spend much time playing games online" -> "devote considerable time to online gaming"
Explanation: "Spend much time playing games online" is informal and imprecise. "Devote considerable time to online gaming" is more formal and specific.
"will analyse" -> "will examine"
Explanation: "Analyse" is correct, but "examine" is more commonly used in academic contexts to denote a detailed study or investigation.
"adverse growth" -> "negative impact"
Explanation: "Adverse growth" is unclear and incorrect. "Negative impact" is the correct term for describing the effects of something.
"Chief of those is some techniques of some kinds of games" -> "One primary reason is the incorporation of certain techniques in various types of games"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and improves formality.
"The big corporations found out about some psychological effects and details" -> "Large corporations discovered certain psychological effects and strategies"
Explanation: "The big corporations" is informal and vague. "Large corporations" is more precise, and "discovered" is more formal than "found out."
"divided to various levels" -> "divided into various levels"
Explanation: "Divided to" is grammatically incorrect. "Divided into" is the correct preposition usage.
"they tend to continue this repetitive cycle" -> "they often continue this repetitive cycle"
Explanation: "Tend to" is less formal and slightly vague. "Often" is more direct and suitable for academic writing.
"lack of safe sport centres" -> "paucity of safe sports facilities"
Explanation: "Lack of safe sport centres" is informal and imprecise. "Paucity of safe sports facilities" is more formal and specific.
"big companies and the government have taken away public land" -> "large corporations and the government have acquired public land"
Explanation: "Taken away" can imply force or coercion, which may not be the intended meaning. "Acquired" is neutral and more appropriate for formal writing.
"People today take in an increasing number of calories" -> "Individuals today consume an increasing number of calories"
Explanation: "People today take in" is informal and slightly awkward. "Individuals today consume" is more formal and precise.
"serious disadvantages with the children’s body" -> "serious health disadvantages affecting children"
Explanation: "Disadvantages with the children’s body" is awkward and unclear. "Health disadvantages affecting children" is clearer and more formal.
"staying at home for a long time is likely to negatively affect their ability to communicate" -> "prolonged home confinement may impair their communication skills"
Explanation: "Staying at home for a long time" is informal and vague. "Prolonged home confinement" is more precise and formal, and "impair" is a more academic term than "negatively affect."
"tips from the businesses" -> "strategies employed by businesses"
Explanation: "Tips from the businesses" is informal and unclear. "Strategies employed by businesses" is more precise and formal.

These changes enhance the formality, clarity, and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying reasons why children prefer computer games over sports and expressing a clear opinion that this trend is negative. The reasons provided include psychological tactics used in games and the lack of safe sports venues. However, the explanation of the reasons could be more detailed, particularly in how these factors specifically influence children’s choices.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more specific examples or statistics to support the claims about psychological effects and the impact of urban development on sports availability. Additionally, a more thorough exploration of the implications of these reasons would provide a deeper understanding of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the trend of children playing more computer games than sports is negative. This stance is consistently reflected in the discussion of health issues and social isolation. However, the transition between the reasons and the negative consequences could be smoother to reinforce the argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use more explicit linking phrases to connect the reasons for the trend with the negative outcomes. For instance, stating "This leads to…" or "As a result…" would help clarify how the identified reasons contribute to the negative consequences discussed.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the reasons for the trend and its negative impacts. However, while some ideas are introduced, they are not always fully developed or supported with sufficient detail. For example, the discussion on obesity and mental health issues is relevant but could benefit from more elaboration on how these issues manifest in children’s lives.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with examples or further explanation. For instance, discussing specific studies or expert opinions on the effects of excessive gaming on health could provide more weight to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for children’s preference for computer games and the associated negative consequences. However, there are moments where the phrasing is somewhat unclear, such as "the tips from the businesses," which could confuse readers about its relevance to the topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all phrases and terms used are clear and directly related to the topic. Avoiding vague expressions and ensuring that each sentence contributes to the overall argument will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, proofreading for clarity and coherence can help eliminate any ambiguous statements.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in elaboration, clarity, and the development of ideas to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng:

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms such as "psychological effects," "repetitive cycle," and "obesity" being appropriately used. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied and sophisticated. For example, phrases like "big corporations" and "the government" could be replaced with more specific terms, such as "multinational companies" or "public authorities," to enhance the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more advanced vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeating "spend time," alternatives like "dedicate time" or "allocate time" could be employed. Additionally, exploring academic sources or vocabulary lists related to the topic could help in expanding the range of vocabulary used.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices that may lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "adverse growth" is somewhat contradictory, as "growth" typically has a positive connotation. A more precise term could be "negative trend" or "detrimental development." Similarly, the term "unsafe of sports venues" is awkwardly phrased; it would be clearer to say "lack of safe sports venues."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on context-appropriate vocabulary. Reviewing the meanings and connotations of words before using them can help avoid such inaccuracies. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing and using vocabulary in different contexts can aid in developing a more precise lexical resource.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with only minor errors present. For instance, the word "physiology" is incorrectly used in the conclusion; the writer likely intended to use "physical health" or "physique." Such errors can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, ideally after a break to gain a fresh perspective. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing writing regularly can help reinforce correct spelling through repetition.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for vocabulary use, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Focusing on these areas will enhance the overall quality of the writing and potentially lead to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource category.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "because of the development of the economy and technology, big companies and the government have taken away public land to build factories and streets." However, the essay relies heavily on certain structures, such as "there are" and "is," which can make the writing feel repetitive. The use of passive voice is also present, but it could be employed more effectively to enhance variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with "there are," the writer could use participial phrases or adverbial clauses to create more engaging openings. Additionally, varying sentence length and complexity can help maintain reader interest. Practicing the use of different sentence types, such as conditional or interrogative sentences, could also enhance the overall grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, the phrase "the big corporations found out about some psychological effects and details which can make people spend much time on some games" could be more clearly articulated. The use of "some techniques of some kinds of games" is vague and awkward. Additionally, there is a punctuation error in "this repetitive cycle.." where a single period should suffice. The phrase "the unsafe of sports venues" is grammatically incorrect and should be rephrased for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For example, replacing "the unsafe of sports venues" with "the lack of safe sports venues" would improve clarity. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly focusing on common errors, can help. Furthermore, proofreading for punctuation errors, such as ensuring only one period is used at the end of a sentence, will improve overall writing quality. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and grammatical accuracy. By focusing on diversifying sentence types and refining grammatical skills, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There are some main causes attributed to the growing numbers of kids playing computer games. Chief among these is the incorporation of certain techniques in various types of games. Large corporations discovered certain psychological effects and strategies that can make people spend considerable time on these games. For example, the games might be divided into various levels, and when players are able to win a stage, they tend to continue this repetitive cycle. Another reason is the paucity of safe sports facilities in many areas, especially in the heart of the city. Because of the development of the economy and technology, large corporations and the government have acquired public land to build factories and streets. As a result, children might face danger when they are free to play sports; that is why their parents let them stay at home and play games rather than do exercise.

I believe that this trend will be accompanied by many problems related to physical and mental health. Firstly, there are many serious health disadvantages affecting children, such as being overweight. Individuals today consume an increasing number of calories on a daily basis; hence, when they spend less time doing sports, it will directly result in general obesity. In addition, prolonged home confinement may impair their communication skills. Because they spend too much time with virtual friends, they may lose the connection with family and friends. Consequently, they might experience isolation, anxiety, and possibly depression.

In conclusion, there are several reasons for the trend of children spending less time playing sports and more time using computers to play games, which include the lack of safe sports venues and the strategies employed by businesses. This is a negative trend as it leads to disadvantages regarding their physical health and well-being.