The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the UK, the rest of Europe and Japan from 1993 to 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the unemployment rates in the UK, the rest of Europe and Japan from 1993 to 2007.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line chart gives information about the number of unemployed individuals in the UK, Europe, and Japan between 1993 and 2007
It is evident that the UK had the highest proportion at the beginning of the surveyed timeline while Japan got the lowest. Additionally, at the end of the period the EU had the highest percentage while Japan remained in its position
regarding the EU and the UK, the percentage of the latter figure started at 11%, after which it declined gradually to 5% in 2001 before recovering to 6% at the end of the examined period. Moreover, the EU recorded about 9% in 1993, and then it surged to a peak of precisely 11.8% by 1997 before witnessing a steady decline

The share of Japan began at the lowest at 2% yet it rose to 6%, surpassing the UK in 2003, before dropping to 4% at the end of the period

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line chart gives information about" -> "The line graph presents data on"
Explanation: "Presents data on" is more precise and formal than "gives information about," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.
"the number of unemployed individuals" -> "the unemployment rates"
Explanation: "Unemployment rates" is a more specific and commonly used term in economic and statistical contexts, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"It is evident that" -> "It is clear that"
Explanation: "It is clear that" is a more formal and precise expression, suitable for academic writing, compared to the slightly more casual "It is evident that."
"the UK had the highest proportion" -> "the UK exhibited the highest proportion"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is more precise and formal than "had," which is somewhat vague and informal for this context.
"got the lowest" -> "recorded the lowest"
Explanation: "Recorded" is more specific and formal than "got," which is colloquial and less suitable for academic writing.
"the EU had the highest percentage" -> "the EU exhibited the highest percentage"
Explanation: Consistency in verb choice is maintained here to maintain formality and coherence.
"regarding the EU and the UK" -> "concerning the EU and the UK"
Explanation: "Concerning" is more formal and academically appropriate than "regarding," which can be somewhat informal.
"the percentage of the latter figure" -> "the percentage of the latter"
Explanation: Removing "figure" simplifies and clarifies the sentence, as "figure" is redundant in this context.
"started at 11%, after which it declined gradually to 5% in 2001" -> "began at 11%, subsequently decreasing to 5% in 2001"
Explanation: "Began" and "subsequently decreasing" provide a more formal and precise description of the change over time.
"before recovering to 6% at the end of the examined period" -> "before recovering to 6% at the conclusion of the examined period"
Explanation: "Conclusion" is more formal than "end," and it better fits the academic style.
"The share of Japan began at the lowest at 2%" -> "Japan’s unemployment rate began at its lowest at 2%"
Explanation: "Japan’s unemployment rate" specifies the type of data being discussed, enhancing clarity and formality.
"yet it rose to 6%, surpassing the UK in 2003" -> "yet it increased to 6%, surpassing the UK in 2003"
Explanation: "Increased" is more precise and formal than "rose," which is slightly informal for academic writing.
"before dropping to 4% at the end of the period" -> "before decreasing to 4% at the conclusion of the period"
Explanation: "Decreasing" is more specific and formal than "dropping," and "conclusion" is preferred over "end" for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of the unemployment rates in the UK, Europe, and Japan. However, the essay lacks a clear overview of the main trends and does not adequately highlight the key features of the data. For example, the essay states that "the UK had the highest proportion at the beginning of the surveyed timeline while Japan got the lowest," but it does not provide any specific data to support this claim. Additionally, the essay does not make any comparisons between the three countries, which is a key requirement of the task.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data, such as the fact that unemployment rates in the UK and Europe generally declined over the period, while unemployment rates in Japan generally increased. The essay could also be improved by making more specific comparisons between the three countries, such as noting that the UK had the highest unemployment rate in 1993, but that Japan had the highest unemployment rate in 2003. Finally, the essay could be improved by using more precise language to describe the data, such as using specific numbers and percentages instead of general terms like "highest" and "lowest."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay presents some information but lacks coherent organization and progression. There are issues with clarity and logical flow, as well as coherence within and between sentences. The use of cohesive devices is basic and sometimes inaccurate, which affects the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, paragraphing is not logically structured and lacks clear separation of ideas.

How to improve:

Organisation: Ensure a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect or comparison mentioned in the prompt.
Coherence: Work on the logical flow of ideas. Use cohesive devices more accurately to connect sentences and paragraphs, improving the overall coherence of the essay.
Paragraphing: Ensure paragraphs are used effectively to separate different ideas or time periods. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence and develop around that main idea.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, focus on improving the structure of your essay, enhancing coherence through more precise use of cohesive devices, and ensuring logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary appropriate for describing trends in a graph but lacks variety and sophistication in lexical choices. The vocabulary used is minimally adequate for conveying the main features of the graph but lacks flexibility and precision. There are noticeable errors in word choice and some issues with word formation that occasionally impede clarity. For example, there are awkward phrases such as "after which it declined gradually" and "surged to a peak of precisely 11.8%," which suggest some attempts at complexity but with inaccuracies. Overall, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive in places, which limits the essay’s lexical resource score.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score:

Increase Vocabulary Range: Use a wider range of synonyms and more varied expressions to describe trends and comparisons.
Precision and Accuracy: Pay attention to word choice and ensure that uncommon lexical items are used correctly and appropriately.
Avoid Repetition: Use diverse vocabulary to prevent repetition of words and phrases.

By enhancing these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource, closer to the 6.0 band descriptor.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are instances where complex sentences are attempted, but they tend to be less accurate than simpler ones. There are frequent grammatical errors and issues with punctuation throughout the essay, which can occasionally cause difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.

How to improve:

Sentence Structure: Work on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences with accurate usage.
Grammar and Punctuation: Pay closer attention to grammar and punctuation to reduce errors. Review the basics of sentence construction and punctuation rules.
Clarity and Accuracy: Focus on clarity and accuracy in expressing ideas. Ensure that each sentence effectively conveys the intended meaning without ambiguity caused by grammatical errors.

Improving these aspects will help in achieving a higher band score by demonstrating better control over grammar and sentence structure, leading to clearer and more accurate communication of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line chart illustrates the unemployment rates in the UK, Europe, and Japan from 1993 to 2007.

Initially, the UK started with the highest unemployment rate among the three regions, standing at 11% in 1993. Subsequently, it gradually decreased to 5% by 2001, followed by a slight increase to 6% by the end of the period.

In contrast, the EU began at approximately 9% in 1993 and peaked at 11.8% in 1997, before experiencing a steady decline to finish at approximately 7% in 2007, maintaining the highest rate among the regions by the end of the period.

Meanwhile, Japan commenced with the lowest unemployment rate at 2% in 1993. It then saw an increase to 6% by 2003, surpassing the UK’s rate during that period. However, by the conclusion of the surveyed years, Japan’s unemployment rate had reduced to 4%.

Overall, the UK and EU demonstrated fluctuating unemployment rates throughout the period, while Japan experienced significant fluctuations, initially low, then peaking mid-period before decreasing again towards the end.