It is observed that in many countries, not enough students are choosing to study science subjects. What are the causes? What will be the effects on society?

It is true that nowadays, the number of students choosing to study science subjects is not enough for the needs in different parts of the world. There are several reasons behind this phenomenon and it has caused a lot of deleterious effects on society.
It can be easily seen that the decrease in the number of students choosing to study science subjects has two root causes. First and foremost, this tendency associated with the complexity and require a high level of ability, knowledge and also patience in each student. We can not deny that sciene is a hard subject, sometimes it can also be too boring to young generations – who usually have difficult in concentrate on something for such long time. The information we can find about this subject on the Internet is quite various and spread across many fields that related to it such as: Agriculture, Technique or Pharmacy. Besides, the tuition fees of science subjects are often higher than the others. As a result, although there are a lot of students who want to choose it but they have to give up because they can not afford so much money. Education in science needs modern technology and facilities, followed by that is the fees just keep multiplying more and more. Therefore, many families avoid their children to adopt science subjects due to budget constraints.
Nevertheless, the fact that there are not enough students choosing to study science subjects may trigger some adverse influences on our society. First of all, there will be a lack of skillfull scientists and engineers for the country’s industries, which can influence the growth of the nation. In today modern’s world, scientific and technological advancements play a very essential role. That is the reason why if there is not enough workfoce in this field, we will have to face up to a lot of difficulties in invetions and researchings. Moreover, while there is a shortage in the sciences but other fields have too many people adopt can lead to labor imbalance. The unemployment rates can be higher and higher everyday.
In conclusion, a lot of students nowadays object to picking up science subjects because of the complexity and high tuition fees, leading to many detrimental impact on our society. It is predicted that in the near future, if we still do not have solutions to tackle this problem, the world will have to deal with a crisis of the lack of science field in generally and scientists in particularly.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"nowadays" -> "currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise term than "nowadays," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in an academic context.
"not enough for the needs" -> "insufficient to meet the demands"
Explanation: "Insufficient to meet the demands" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone by clearly conveying the inadequacy in a more precise manner.
"deleterious effects" -> "adverse effects"
Explanation: "Adverse effects" is a more commonly used term in academic writing, providing a clearer and more formal expression than "deleterious effects."
"It can be easily seen" -> "It is evident"
Explanation: "It is evident" is a more formal and concise way to introduce a clear observation, fitting better in academic writing.
"this tendency associated with" -> "this trend is associated with"
Explanation: "This trend is associated with" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the relationship between the trend and its causes.
"require a high level of ability, knowledge and also patience" -> "requires a high level of ability, knowledge, and patience"
Explanation: Correcting the grammatical structure and removing the unnecessary "also" improves the sentence’s clarity and formality.
"We can not deny" -> "It cannot be denied"
Explanation: "It cannot be denied" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express certainty about a statement.
"sometimes it can also be too boring" -> "it can also be perceived as boring"
Explanation: "It can also be perceived as boring" is more precise and avoids the informal tone of "too boring."
"difficult in concentrate" -> "difficult to concentrate"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning.
"the information we can find" -> "the information available"
Explanation: "The information available" is more concise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"the others" -> "other subjects"
Explanation: "Other subjects" specifies what is being compared, enhancing clarity and formality.
"just keep multiplying more and more" -> "continuously increase"
Explanation: "Continuously increase" is a more formal and precise way to describe the ongoing nature of the trend.
"avoid their children to adopt" -> "dissuade their children from pursuing"
Explanation: "Dissuade their children from pursuing" is a more formal and precise expression, suitable for academic writing.
"invetions and researchings" -> "inventions and research"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling errors and uses the correct plural form for "research."
"everyday" -> "daily"
Explanation: "Daily" is the correct adverbial form for describing frequency, whereas "everyday" is an adjective.
"object to picking up" -> "refrain from pursuing"
Explanation: "Refrain from pursuing" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better than "object to picking up."
"many detrimental impact" -> "many detrimental impacts"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error to agree with the plural subject "impacts."
"in generally" -> "in general"
Explanation: "In general" is the correct phrase for indicating a general truth or tendency, whereas "in generally" is incorrect.

These changes enhance the formal tone, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt: it identifies causes for the decline in students choosing science subjects and discusses the potential effects on society. The causes mentioned, such as the complexity of the subjects and high tuition fees, are relevant and well-articulated. However, the discussion of effects could be more comprehensive; while it mentions a lack of skilled professionals and labor imbalance, it could further explore societal implications, such as impacts on innovation or public health.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more specific examples of how the lack of science students affects various sectors, such as healthcare or technology. Additionally, discussing potential long-term consequences, like a decline in global competitiveness or environmental issues, would provide a more rounded answer.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the decline in science students is a significant issue. The author consistently supports this stance throughout the essay, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. However, some sections could benefit from clearer transitions to reinforce the position. For instance, the shift from causes to effects could be more explicitly stated to guide the reader.
- How to improve: To maintain clarity, the author should use transitional phrases to signal shifts in focus, such as "In addition to these causes, the effects on society include…" This would help reinforce the essay’s overall argument and improve coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the causes and effects of the decline in science students. However, some points lack depth and supporting evidence. For example, the claim that science subjects are perceived as boring could be strengthened with examples or statistics about student engagement in science education. The discussion on tuition fees is relevant but could be enhanced by mentioning specific countries or educational systems where this is particularly problematic.
- How to improve: The author should aim to elaborate on key points by providing examples, data, or anecdotes that illustrate the claims made. This could involve referencing studies on student interest in science or data on employment rates in scientific fields to substantiate the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes and effects of students not choosing science subjects. However, there are moments where the writing diverges slightly, such as the mention of “modern technology and facilities” without a clear connection to the main argument. This could confuse readers about how it relates to the overall topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that all ideas are relevant and contribute to answering the question.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the author can enhance the clarity, depth, and relevance of their response, potentially raising their band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and effects, and a conclusion. However, the organization within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph introduces two causes but does not clearly separate them, which can confuse the reader. The transition from discussing causes to effects is somewhat abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that guides the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clear topic sentences for each paragraph that outline the main idea. Additionally, employ transitional phrases such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In addition," to guide the reader through your arguments. A brief linking sentence at the end of the causes section could effectively lead into the effects section, making the overall structure more cohesive.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate ideas, but the internal structure of the paragraphs could be refined. The first body paragraph combines multiple ideas without clear delineation, making it difficult for readers to follow the argument. The second body paragraph, while focused on effects, could benefit from clearer examples and a more structured approach to presenting the consequences.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus. Start with a topic sentence that states the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. For example, in the second body paragraph, you could separate the discussion of the lack of scientists and engineers from the issue of labor imbalance into distinct sections, each with its own topic sentence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost" and "as a result," which help to connect ideas. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices is either repetitive or insufficient. For example, the phrase "due to" is used multiple times, and there is a lack of variety in linking words and phrases, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify your use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "due to," you can use alternatives like "because of," "owing to," or "as a consequence of." Additionally, varying sentence structures can help create a more engaging flow. Practice using cohesive devices that indicate contrast (e.g., "however," "on the other hand") and addition (e.g., "furthermore," "moreover") to enhance the connections between your ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on the organization of ideas, refining paragraph structures, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "deleterious effects," "complexity," and "labor imbalance." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the discussion of the reasons for students avoiding science subjects. For example, the phrase "not enough students choosing to study science subjects" is repeated without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer could use synonyms or paraphrasing. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "not enough students," alternatives like "insufficient enrollment" or "low student interest" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to education and science, such as "curriculum," "academic pursuits," or "scientific literacy," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used effectively, there are instances of imprecise usage that can confuse the reader. For example, the phrase "the information we can find about this subject on the Internet is quite various" is vague; "various" does not clearly convey the intended meaning. Additionally, the term "skillfull" is a misspelling of "skillful," which detracts from the precision of the language.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim for clarity in word choice. Instead of "various," a more precise term could be "diverse" or "extensive." Furthermore, proofreading for spelling errors and ensuring that terms are used correctly will enhance the overall clarity of the essay. Using specific examples or data to support claims would also improve the precision of the arguments presented.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "sciene" (science), "difficult" (should be "difficulty"), "workfoce" (workforce), and "invetions" (inventions). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can distract the reader from the content of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should incorporate a proofreading stage into their writing process. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary and terms related to the topic can build confidence and reduce mistakes in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their overall score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the writer uses simple sentences effectively, such as "It is true that nowadays, the number of students choosing to study science subjects is not enough for the needs in different parts of the world." However, the essay primarily relies on basic sentence forms, with limited use of complex or compound sentences. Phrases like "First and foremost" and "As a result" indicate an attempt to use transitional phrases, but the overall variety in sentence structure is lacking.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "the tuition fees of science subjects are often higher than the others," the writer could say, "Although the tuition fees of science subjects are often higher than those of other fields, many students still find them worthwhile due to the potential career opportunities." Additionally, using a mix of active and passive voice can also add variety. Practicing sentence combining exercises and reading more complex texts can help in this regard.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity and professionalism. For example, "sciene" is a misspelling of "science," and "who usually have difficult in concentrate on something for such long time" should be corrected to "who usually have difficulty concentrating on something for such a long time." Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "there are a lot of students who want to choose it but they have to give up because they can not afford so much money," where "it" should be clarified to refer back to "science subjects." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, also occur, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common errors, such as spelling mistakes and subject-verb agreement issues. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also assist in identifying errors before submission. Additionally, practicing writing exercises that focus on specific grammatical structures, such as verb forms and sentence agreement, can enhance overall accuracy. Reading extensively can also help the writer internalize correct grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that nowadays, the number of students choosing to study science subjects is insufficient to meet the demands in different parts of the world. There are several reasons behind this phenomenon, and it has caused many deleterious effects on society.

It is evident that the decrease in the number of students choosing to study science subjects has two root causes. First and foremost, this tendency is associated with the complexity of the subjects and requires a high level of ability, knowledge, and patience from each student. It cannot be denied that science is a hard subject; sometimes, it can also be perceived as boring to young generations—who usually have difficulty concentrating on something for such a long time. The information available about this subject on the Internet is quite varied and spread across many fields related to it, such as agriculture, technology, or pharmacy. Besides, the tuition fees for science subjects are often higher than for other subjects. As a result, although there are many students who want to choose it, they have to give up because they cannot afford such high costs. Education in science requires modern technology and facilities, and the fees just keep continuously increasing. Therefore, many families dissuade their children from pursuing science subjects due to budget constraints.

Nevertheless, the fact that there are not enough students choosing to study science subjects may trigger some adverse effects on our society. First of all, there will be a lack of skillful scientists and engineers for the country’s industries, which can influence the growth of the nation. In today’s modern world, scientific and technological advancements play a very essential role. That is the reason why, if there is not enough workforce in this field, we will have to face many difficulties in inventions and research. Moreover, while there is a shortage in the sciences, other fields with too many people adopting them can lead to labor imbalance. The unemployment rates can continuously increase every day.

In conclusion, many students nowadays object to pursuing science subjects because of the complexity and high tuition fees, leading to many detrimental impacts on our society. It is predicted that in the near future, if we still do not have solutions to tackle this problem, the world will have to deal with a crisis of a lack of professionals in the science field in general and scientists in particular.