The plans below show a student room for two people and a student for one person at an Australian university.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The plans demonstrate two distinct types of dormitory accommodations for students, one designed for two occupants and another for a single occupant.

It is apparent that the room for two people is larger and more expensive than the one designed for just one person. Notably, the room for more people is also equipped with more furniture than the other.

Costing $350/week, a student can share a room that is 6 meters in length and 4 meters in width with another student. From the western entrance, a bathroom is situated on the left, while kitchen appliances, including a sink, stove, and microwave, are located on the right. Adjacent to the microwave is the television, situated opposite the table and chair. There are two bedrooms, each arranged next to the study desk: one located at the northeastern corner of the room and the other sitting at the right corner. The two bedrooms are separated by two cupboards, similar to how the bookshelf lies between the northern study desk and the bathroom.

The single room, priced at $200 per week, has a length of 6 meters and a width of 2.5 meters. There is a bathroom on the left corner of the room, located next to a bookshelf. On the southwest corner of the room are kitchen appliances, including a microwave, a stove, and a sink, which sits next to a television. A bedroom is placed in the east corner, along the width of the room, and is arranged next to a study desk on the left-hand side and a window on the right side.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the plans demonstrate" -> "the plans illustrate"
Explanation: "Illustrate" is more precise in this context, as it specifically refers to showing or representing something through diagrams or designs, which is more suitable for describing architectural or spatial layouts.
"one designed for two occupants and another for a single occupant" -> "one designed for two occupants and one for a single occupant"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. The correction ensures that the sentence structure is clear and grammatically correct, improving readability and formal tone.
"the room for more people" -> "the room accommodating more occupants"
Explanation: "Accommodating more occupants" is more formal and precise, emphasizing the capacity of the room rather than the vague term "more people."
"Costing $350/week, a student can share" -> "Priced at $350 per week, a student can share"
Explanation: "Priced at" is a more formal and precise way to express the cost, and "per week" is the standard format for specifying time-based pricing in formal contexts.
"a bathroom is situated on the left" -> "a bathroom is located on the left"
Explanation: "Located" is a more formal synonym for "situated," aligning better with academic style.
"Adjacent to the microwave is the television" -> "Adjacent to the microwave lies the television"
Explanation: "Lies" is a more formal verb choice than "is," enhancing the academic tone of the description.
"There are two bedrooms, each arranged next to the study desk" -> "There are two bedrooms, each situated adjacent to the study desk"
Explanation: "Situated adjacent to" is more precise and formal, improving the description of spatial relationships.
"The single room, priced at $200 per week" -> "The single room, priced at $200 per week"
Explanation: The repetition of "room" is unnecessary and can be removed for clarity and conciseness, maintaining the formal tone.
"has a length of 6 meters and a width of 2.5 meters" -> "measures 6 meters in length and 2.5 meters in width"
Explanation: "Measures" is a more precise and formal verb for describing dimensions, and reordering the dimensions improves clarity.
"On the southwest corner of the room are kitchen appliances" -> "In the southwest corner of the room are kitchen appliances"
Explanation: "In" is more appropriate for describing the location of items within a room, enhancing the spatial accuracy.
"a sink, which sits next to a television" -> "a sink, situated adjacent to a television"
Explanation: "Situated adjacent to" is more formal and precise, replacing the less formal "sits next to."
"A bedroom is placed in the east corner" -> "A bedroom is situated in the east corner"
Explanation: "Situated" is more formal and appropriate for describing the placement of furniture in an academic context.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the two student rooms and making comparisons where relevant. The essay presents information appropriately selected, including the cost, dimensions, and key features of each room. However, the essay does not fully highlight all key features/bullet points. For example, the essay mentions that the room for two people is equipped with more furniture than the single room, but it does not specify which furniture is present in each room. Additionally, the essay provides some irrelevant details, such as the location of the bathroom and kitchen appliances in each room.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more comprehensive overview of the key features of each room, including a list of all furniture and appliances present. The essay could also be improved by focusing on the most relevant information and avoiding irrelevant details. For example, the essay could focus on the differences in size, cost, and furniture between the two rooms, rather than providing a detailed description of the layout of each room.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information about the two types of student accommodations in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the detailed descriptions of each room. However, while it uses cohesive devices effectively, there are instances where the cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, particularly in how the information is structured, which affects the overall clarity of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic that is consistently developed. Additionally, organizing the information in a more structured way, possibly by comparing features of the two rooms in a more integrated manner, could help improve the overall clarity and progression of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision in conveying the information about the dormitory accommodations. The use of less common lexical items, such as "accommodations," "occupants," and "kitchen appliances," shows an awareness of style and collocation. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and some minor errors in spelling and word formation, which prevent it from reaching a higher band score. For instance, the phrase "the room for more people" could be more precisely stated as "the shared room," and the term "situated" is used repetitively. Overall, the vocabulary is adequate for the task, but it lacks the sophistication and control required for a higher band.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary and avoid repetition. Using synonyms or rephrasing certain terms can help achieve this. Additionally, focusing on precise word choice and ensuring correct collocations will improve clarity and sophistication. Practicing the use of more complex vocabulary and idiomatic expressions, while ensuring accuracy, will also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The writer has good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors present. For instance, the phrase "the room for more people" could be more clearly stated as "the room for two people" to avoid ambiguity. Overall, the grammatical range is adequate for a Band 7, as the essay effectively communicates the main features of the plans while maintaining clarity.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the complexity of their sentence structures and ensuring that all sentences are error-free. Additionally, incorporating more varied grammatical forms and reducing minor errors will help to demonstrate greater flexibility and accuracy in their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The plans demonstrate two distinct types of dormitory accommodations for students: one designed for two occupants and another for a single occupant.

It is apparent that the room for two people is larger and more expensive than the one designed for just one person. Notably, the room for more occupants is also equipped with more furniture than the other.

Costing $350 per week, a student can share a room that measures 6 meters in length and 4 meters in width with another student. From the western entrance, a bathroom is situated on the left, while kitchen appliances, including a sink, stove, and microwave, are located on the right. Adjacent to the microwave is the television, positioned opposite the table and chair. There are two bedrooms, each arranged next to the study desk: one located in the northeastern corner of the room and the other in the southeastern corner. The two bedrooms are separated by two cupboards, similar to how the bookshelf lies between the northern study desk and the bathroom.

The single room, priced at $200 per week, has the same length of 6 meters but a reduced width of 2.5 meters. There is a bathroom in the left corner of the room, located next to a bookshelf. In the southwest corner of the room are kitchen appliances, including a microwave, stove, and sink, which are positioned next to a television. A bedroom is placed in the eastern corner, along the width of the room, and is arranged next to a study desk on the left-hand side and a window on the right side.