Many people think that foreign languages should be better taught to primary school students rather than to high school students. Do you agree or disagree?

The primary reason for this lies in the availability of time for each group of students to learn foreign languages. Admittedly, high school students ought to receive an excessive amount of assignments as they encounter more subjects corresponding to their educational levels, while elementary learners can treat themselves to a more pleasant timetable. Therefore, they can participate in foreign language learning sessions conveniently without getting caught up in other subjects as well as school activities. Additionally, they won’t get distracted throughout the process of learning on the grounds that their schoolworks is hardly overloaded.
Aside from the reason which was previously elaborated on, it has been scientifically proven that elementary school students can learn a new language more efficiently than students at higher grades. As a matter of fact, they gain an understanding of language by listening passively, in other words, acquire it through the unconscious system that develops robustly from adolescence. Specifically, they subconsciously grasp new language rules through passive exposure without being aware of what they are learning, unlike high school students who learn actively with an insight beforehand. Thus, primary school students are able to obtain a new foreign language with less effort required than those at higher levels.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Admittedly" -> "It is acknowledged that"
Explanation: "Admittedly" can imply a degree of concession or admission of a fault, which is not suitable in this context. "It is acknowledged that" provides a more neutral and formal introduction to the statement, aligning better with academic style.
"excessive amount of assignments" -> "substantial number of assignments"
Explanation: "Excessive amount" can imply an overabundance that is potentially negative. "Substantial number" is more neutral and appropriate for academic writing, suggesting a significant but not necessarily excessive quantity.
"treat themselves to a more pleasant timetable" -> "enjoy a more manageable schedule"
Explanation: "Treat themselves to" is informal and colloquial. "Enjoy a more manageable schedule" is more formal and accurately describes the benefit of a less busy schedule.
"participate in foreign language learning sessions conveniently" -> "engage in foreign language classes with ease"
Explanation: "Conveniently" is somewhat vague and informal. "With ease" is more precise and formal, emphasizing the smooth and effortless nature of their participation.
"getting caught up in" -> "overwhelmed by"
Explanation: "Getting caught up in" is informal and slightly vague. "Overwhelmed by" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing, clearly conveying the idea of being burdened by multiple tasks.
"schoolworks is hardly overloaded" -> "schoolwork is not excessively demanding"
Explanation: "Schoolworks" is incorrect as it is not a standard term. "Schoolwork" is the correct noun form. "Hardly overloaded" is also informal and imprecise; "not excessively demanding" is more formal and precise.
"it has been scientifically proven" -> "research has demonstrated"
Explanation: "It has been scientifically proven" can sound overly definitive and less formal. "Research has demonstrated" is more academically appropriate, suggesting a conclusion based on evidence rather than absolute proof.
"gain an understanding of language by listening passively" -> "acquire language skills through passive listening"
Explanation: "Gain an understanding of language" is somewhat redundant and informal. "Acquire language skills" is more precise and formal, and "through passive listening" clarifies the method of acquisition.
"in other words, acquire it through the unconscious system" -> "essentially, they absorb it through unconscious processes"
Explanation: "In other words" is informal and conversational. "Essentially" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. "Absorb it through unconscious processes" is more precise and scientifically accurate than "acquire it through the unconscious system."
"without being aware of what they are learning" -> "without conscious awareness of their learning"
Explanation: "Without being aware of what they are learning" is verbose and informal. "Without conscious awareness of their learning" is more concise and maintains a formal tone.
"high school students who learn actively with an insight beforehand" -> "high school students who actively learn with prior knowledge"
Explanation: "With an insight beforehand" is awkward and unclear. "With prior knowledge" is more direct and academically appropriate, clearly indicating that they learn with existing knowledge.
"less effort required than those at higher levels" -> "less effort required compared to those at higher levels"
Explanation: "Less effort required than those at higher levels" is grammatically awkward. "Less effort required compared to those at higher levels" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument to a certain extent. It discusses the advantages of teaching foreign languages to primary school students due to their lighter workload and better learning capacity at that age. However, it does not thoroughly explore potential advantages of teaching languages to high school students or consider counterarguments.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should acknowledge the perspective that high school students might benefit from foreign language education for reasons such as career preparation or cognitive development. Providing a balanced view by briefly addressing contrary opinions can strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that foreign languages should be taught to primary school students. This position is consistently supported through arguments related to learning efficiency and reduced academic burden.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph reaffirms the central position and directly relates supporting points back to the main argument. This could involve explicitly stating the position at the beginning and restating it conclusively at the end.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented with some development, such as discussing the learning advantages of younger students and contrasting their learning style with that of high school students. However, the essay lacks depth in elaborating on specific examples or evidence beyond general statements.
- How to improve: To strengthen this aspect, incorporate specific examples, statistics, or studies that support the claims made. This would enrich the essay and provide a more robust foundation for arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the comparative advantages of teaching languages at different educational stages. However, there are instances where the discussion drifts slightly into general statements about learning processes without directly relating them to the prompt.
- How to improve: Focus on directly tying each paragraph and argument back to the prompt’s specific context. Avoid overly general statements that do not contribute directly to the argument about when foreign languages should be taught.

Overall, while the essay presents a coherent argument for teaching foreign languages to primary school students, there are areas where it could be strengthened by addressing opposing viewpoints, providing more detailed examples, and maintaining a direct focus on the essay prompt throughout. These improvements would help elevate the essay to a higher band score by demonstrating a more comprehensive analysis and engagement with the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt to organize information logically. It starts by addressing the primary reason why foreign languages should be taught to primary school students, then supports this with an additional reason. Each paragraph focuses on a different aspect of the argument (time availability and learning efficiency), which helps in maintaining a coherent structure.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement. Consider using transitional phrases between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas and coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point (availability of time for primary students and efficiency of language learning).
- How to improve: While the essay divides content into paragraphs appropriately, ensure that each paragraph develops its central idea fully. Avoid overly long paragraphs that could potentially confuse the reader with multiple ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as transition words ("Additionally," "Aside from," "As a matter of fact," "Thus") to connect ideas within and between sentences. These devices help in guiding the reader through the arguments presented.
- How to improve: Expand the variety of cohesive devices used. Introduce more sophisticated transitions and connectors (e.g., "Moreover," "Nevertheless," "In contrast," "Furthermore") to provide a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of coherence and cohesion, evident in its logical organization, effective use of paragraphs, and appropriate deployment of cohesive devices. To improve further, focus on refining the clarity of topic sentences, diversifying the range of cohesive devices, and ensuring each paragraph fully develops its respective idea. These adjustments will help elevate the coherence and cohesion of future essays to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. There is adequate use of academic and descriptive language such as "availability," "conveniently," "excessive amount," "overloaded," "scientifically proven," "passively," and "subconsciously." However, there is room for improvement in utilizing more nuanced vocabulary and avoiding repetition.
- How to improve: To enhance your lexical resource score, consider incorporating more varied synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "elementary school students," you could vary with terms like "young learners" or "primary-age children." This diversification not only showcases a broader vocabulary but also adds clarity and sophistication to your arguments.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, such as "scientifically proven" and "actively." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, phrases like "excessive amount of assignments" could be refined to "a heavy workload," and "obtaining a new foreign language" could be replaced with "acquiring proficiency in a foreign language."
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by selecting words that exactly convey your intended meaning. This involves choosing terms that are specific and appropriate within the context of your arguments. Review each sentence to ensure that the vocabulary used enhances clarity and accuracy, avoiding vague or overly general terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates adequate spelling accuracy, with only minor errors such as "schoolworks" (should be "schoolwork") and "learners can treat themselves to a more pleasant timetable" (should be "schedule").
- How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work carefully, paying attention to common errors and relying on tools like spell-checkers. Practicing writing essays under timed conditions can also help in developing better spelling habits under pressure.

Overall, while your essay demonstrates a solid grasp of vocabulary and spelling, refining these aspects can elevate your Lexical Resource score to the next band level. By focusing on vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy, you can effectively enhance the clarity, coherence, and sophistication of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. It includes complex sentences (e.g., "The primary reason for this lies in…") and compound-complex structures (e.g., "Additionally, they won’t get distracted throughout the process of learning…"). However, there is a tendency towards repetition and some awkward phrasing that could benefit from greater sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider integrating more varied sentence types such as inverted sentences, conditional sentences, or rhetorical questions. This will not only diversify the essay but also add nuance and depth to your arguments. Practice crafting sentences that flow smoothly and naturally to avoid abrupt transitions.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy with occasional errors in subject-verb agreement (e.g., "they encounter more subjects corresponding to their educational levels"). Punctuation is mostly correct, though there are instances where commas could be better placed to improve clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on improving subject-verb agreement by carefully reviewing the relationship between subjects and verbs in sentences. Pay attention to comma usage, particularly in complex sentences, to ensure that they effectively separate clauses and improve readability. Practice proofreading your essays to catch these errors before submission.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation with room for refinement. By incorporating more varied sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, you can further elevate the clarity and sophistication of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many argue that teaching foreign languages should focus more on primary school students rather than high school students. I strongly agree with this view for several reasons.

Firstly, primary school students generally have a more manageable schedule compared to their counterparts in high school. It is acknowledged that high school students face a substantial number of assignments across various subjects, making their schedules more demanding. In contrast, elementary learners enjoy a more manageable schedule, which allows them to engage in foreign language classes with ease. This advantageous timetable ensures they are less overwhelmed by schoolwork, allowing them to focus more on language learning without excessive distractions.

Furthermore, research has demonstrated that younger children can acquire language skills through passive listening. Essentially, they absorb new languages through unconscious processes, without conscious awareness of their learning. This ability stems from the robust development of their unconscious learning systems during adolescence. In contrast, high school students who actively learn with prior knowledge find it requires more effort compared to those at lower educational levels.

In conclusion, due to their more relaxed schedules and natural ability to absorb languages passively, primary school students are ideally positioned to learn foreign languages effectively. Therefore, foreign language education should prioritize elementary school students over those in high school, ensuring efficient and successful language acquisition.