Many young people change their jobs and careers. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In today's professional landscape, many young individuals are inclined to change jobs frequently in pursuit of roles that align with their interests and abilities. I firmly believe that the drawbacks of this trend surpass the benefits.
On the one hand, there are many advantages of regularly changing work environment, namely higher salaries, and a wider professional network. The first advantage is that the young are provided with a chance to earn the salary they desire. This means that young employees often seek new roles not only to get paid more but also to attain the desired level of compensation. Meanwhile, staying with the same company for a prolonged period can limit the possibility of regular pay raises. The second benefit is that job hoppers are offered an opportunity to have a diverse and expansive network. As a result, people could strengthen their business connections and find new employment opportunities.
On the other hand, switching career paths often comes with potential drawbacks, including challenges in personal development and acquiring in-depth knowledge. One of the most considerable disadvantages is the difficulty in achieving notable accomplishments within a relatively short period. In other words, their CV must not be disproportionately long compared to the number of years and jobs they have been working. Moreover, recruiters seem reluctant to invest time and money to train people who are going to leave shortly after. Another negative is that frequent job changes can result in a limited depth of workplace skills and knowledge. The reason is that individuals may not fully immerse themselves in a single organization's culture and operations.
While job hopping enables young people to increase their salaries and have more job prospects, this phenomenon can have an adverse effect on people’s career advancement and working qualities. I believe that there are more negatives than positives in the long run, so people should take time to consider making effective choices and achieving their career goals.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In today’s professional landscape" -> "In the contemporary professional environment"
Explanation: "Contemporary" is a more precise and formal term than "today’s," enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"inclined to change jobs frequently" -> "tend to change jobs frequently"
Explanation: "Tend to" is a more formal expression than "inclined to," which is somewhat colloquial and less precise in this context.
"I firmly believe" -> "It is evident that"
Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more objective and formal way to introduce a belief or opinion in academic writing, avoiding the personal pronoun "I" which can be seen as less formal.
"namely higher salaries, and a wider professional network" -> "namely higher salaries and a broader professional network"
Explanation: "Broader" is more precise and formal than "wider," which is somewhat vague and less specific in this context.
"The first advantage is that the young are provided with a chance" -> "The first advantage is that young individuals are afforded opportunities"
Explanation: "Afforded opportunities" is more formal and precise than "provided with a chance," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"to earn the salary they desire" -> "to earn the desired salary"
Explanation: "The desired salary" is more concise and formal than "the salary they desire," which is slightly redundant.
"staying with the same company for a prolonged period" -> "remaining with the same organization for an extended period"
Explanation: "Remaining" and "organization" are more formal terms than "staying" and "company," respectively, and "extended" is preferred over "prolonged" in formal writing.
"job hoppers" -> "individuals who frequently change jobs"
Explanation: "Job hoppers" is an informal term; "individuals who frequently change jobs" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"people could strengthen their business connections" -> "individuals can strengthen their professional connections"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "professional connections" is more specific than "business connections" in this context.
"notable accomplishments" -> "significant achievements"
Explanation: "Significant achievements" is a more formal and precise term than "notable accomplishments," which is somewhat vague.
"CV must not be disproportionately long" -> "CVs should not be excessively lengthy"
Explanation: "Excessively lengthy" is a more formal and precise way to describe the length of a CV than "disproportionately long," which is less commonly used in formal writing.
"recruiters seem reluctant" -> "recruiters appear reluctant"
Explanation: "Appear" is a more formal synonym for "seem," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"Another negative is that" -> "Another drawback is that"
Explanation: "Drawback" is a more formal term than "negative," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"people should take time to consider making effective choices" -> "individuals should take the time to make informed decisions"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "make informed decisions" is a more precise and formal phrase than "making effective choices."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of young people frequently changing jobs and careers. It discusses higher salaries and professional networks as advantages and mentions challenges in personal development and job skills as disadvantages.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could explicitly link each advantage and disadvantage back to whether they outweigh each other, as per the prompt. This could strengthen the argument by directly addressing the comparative balance between advantages and disadvantages.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the disadvantages of frequent job changes outweigh the benefits. This stance is consistently supported throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph reinforces this position explicitly. For instance, explicitly stating "the drawbacks of this trend surpass the benefits" could be reiterated throughout to reinforce the stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but could benefit from further development and support. For instance, while it mentions higher salaries and wider networks, it could extend these ideas with specific examples or data to substantiate claims.
- How to improve: To enhance depth, provide concrete examples or case studies that illustrate the advantages and disadvantages discussed. This would strengthen the argument and provide a more compelling narrative.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the pros and cons of job hopping. However, there are moments where the connection to the prompt could be clearer, especially when discussing recruiter reluctance and workplace skills.
- How to improve: Ensure that every point made directly relates back to the overarching question of whether advantages outweigh disadvantages. This will maintain focus and coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay effectively discusses the pros and cons of young people changing jobs and careers, there is room for improvement in linking these points directly to the prompt’s comparative nature and providing more developed examples or evidence. Strengthening these areas would elevate the coherence and depth of the argument, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally clear organizational structure. It starts with an introduction that sets up the argument, followed by two distinct body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, such as higher salaries and broader networks (advantages) and challenges in personal development and skill depth (disadvantages). The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on one central idea. This could involve refining topic sentences to clearly signal the purpose of each paragraph and ensuring smooth transitions between ideas. For instance, the transition between paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages could be made more explicit to reinforce the essay’s structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is adequately paragraphed, with clear separations between the introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a different aspect of the essay prompt, providing a structured approach to discussing both advantages and disadvantages.
- How to improve: While the essay uses paragraphs effectively in terms of structure, attention to coherence within paragraphs could be strengthened. Ensure each paragraph develops a single main idea with supporting details. For example, in the second body paragraph discussing disadvantages, elaborating more on how frequent job changes affect skill depth could enhance clarity and depth.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices such as linking words ("on the one hand," "on the other hand," "while," "moreover") to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. These devices help to guide the reader through the argument and highlight relationships between different points.
- How to improve: To further improve cohesion, consider incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices. This could include more sophisticated transitions and cohesive phrases that not only connect sentences and paragraphs logically but also enhance the overall flow of ideas. For instance, using cohesive devices to emphasize contrast or progression more effectively could strengthen the essay’s argumentative structure.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in organizing ideas logically, using paragraphs effectively, and employing cohesive devices to connect thoughts coherently. To achieve a higher band score, focus on refining paragraph coherence and enhancing the diversity and precision of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. These improvements will help to further clarify the argument and strengthen the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of vocabulary. It effectively uses terms like "professional landscape," "pursuit," "advantages," "drawbacks," "compensation," "network," "accomplishments," "recruiters," "phenomenon," and "career advancement." However, there is room for improvement in incorporating more sophisticated and varied vocabulary to enhance lexical resource.
- How to improve: To improve, consider integrating more nuanced vocabulary relevant to job transitions and career development. For instance, instead of "advantages" and "disadvantages," use synonyms like "benefits" and "pitfalls." Aim to incorporate domain-specific terms related to employment dynamics and personal growth, such as "career progression" or "occupational mobility."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately but occasionally lacks precision. For instance, phrases like "prolonged period" could be more precise, such as "extended tenure," and "job hoppers" might be substituted with "career changers" for clarity. This imprecision occasionally impacts the clarity and exactness of the message.
- How to improve: Focus on using more precise vocabulary to convey ideas succinctly and accurately. Replace general terms with specific ones where possible to avoid ambiguity and enhance clarity. For example, instead of "difficulties in personal development," consider "challenges in skill acquisition and self-growth." This refinement will strengthen the essay’s argumentation and coherence.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally adequate throughout the essay, with no glaring errors that detract from readability or comprehension. However, there are minor errors, such as "working qualities" (consider "workplace competencies") and "drawbacks" (ensure consistent pluralization).
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading for commonly misspelled words and ensuring consistency in spelling conventions (e.g., British vs. American English). Utilize spell-check tools and review specific terms related to career and job transitions to avoid errors that may affect the overall presentation.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and adequate lexical resource, further refinement in vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling consistency will elevate the coherence and impact of the argument. Strive to incorporate more nuanced vocabulary and precise terminology relevant to career dynamics to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences ("I firmly believe that the drawbacks of this trend surpass the benefits"), compound sentences ("On the one hand… On the other hand…"), and conditional sentences ("While job hopping enables young people…"). These structures help in presenting ideas clearly and logically, contributing to coherence and cohesion.
- How to improve: To further enhance sentence variety, consider integrating more advanced structures such as inverted sentences ("Not only to get paid more, but also to attain…"), passive voice ("Recruiters seem reluctant to invest time…"), or rhetorical questions to engage the reader. This can add depth and sophistication to your arguments.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a good level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are some areas where minor errors occur, such as subject-verb agreement ("the first advantage is that the young are provided") and punctuation issues (comma placement in complex sentences).
- How to improve: Pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure consistency throughout the essay. Additionally, review comma usage rules, especially in complex sentences where clarity can be affected by improper placement. Proofreading carefully before submission can help catch these minor errors and improve overall clarity.

In summary, while the essay effectively uses a variety of sentence structures to present arguments cohesively, there is room for improvement in ensuring consistent grammatical accuracy and precise punctuation. By focusing on integrating more diverse sentence structures and refining grammar and punctuation skills, the essay could potentially achieve an even higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s professional environment, many young individuals tend to change jobs frequently in search of roles that match their interests and skills. It is evident that the advantages of this trend, namely higher salaries and a broader professional network, need to be carefully weighed against its drawbacks.

On the positive side, young individuals are afforded opportunities to earn the desired salary. This means that young employees often seek new roles not only to increase their earnings but also to achieve their desired level of compensation. Conversely, remaining with the same organization for an extended period may limit the possibility of regular pay raises. Another advantage is that individuals who frequently change jobs can strengthen their professional connections, enhancing their business network and discovering new career opportunities.

However, there are significant drawbacks to switching jobs frequently. One notable disadvantage is the challenge of achieving substantial accomplishments within a relatively short timeframe. This can lead to CVs that should not be excessively lengthy relative to the number of years and jobs held. Moreover, recruiters appear reluctant to invest in training individuals who might leave shortly after being hired. Another drawback is that frequent job changes may result in a shallow depth of workplace skills and knowledge, as individuals may not fully integrate into a single organization’s culture and operations.

In conclusion, while changing jobs frequently can lead to higher salaries and increased job prospects, it may also hinder career advancement and skill development in the long term. Therefore, individuals should take the time to make informed decisions that align with their career goals and aspirations.