“With the increasing prevalence of obesity and lifestyle-related diseases, some argue that governments should implement stricter regulations on unhealthy foods and promote healthier diets. Others believe that individuals should take personal responsibility for their own health and make their own dietary choices. Discuss both views and give your opinion.”

"With the increasing prevalence of obesity and lifestyle-related diseases, some argue that governments should implement stricter regulations on unhealthy foods and promote healthier diets. Others believe that individuals should take personal responsibility for their own health and make their own dietary choices. Discuss both views and give your opinion."

currently , the obesity is escatlating dramatically in the world . some argue that the authorities should implement stricter regulations on junk foods and encouraging their health diets , others think that individuals should yield responsibility for their own health and make healthier food choices . althought unhealthy food are stricterd regulations by government that can reduce the obesity , citizens should talk responsibility on their diets . this essay will discuss both perspectives and argue that the benificial impact on individuals should make healthier food choice , which is unequivocally comprehensive for reducing obesity.
Proponents of governments should implement imposing regulations on unhealthy foods and promote healthier diets . they believe that , the authorities should raising tax on fat food to minimize the excessive consumption of junk foods and providing educational practices for students , where they can learn about the hamrful of fat food . first of all , there are a plenty of restaurants that can essily to approach and purchase it . by implementing raising tax on junk foods which can mitatge obesity . for example . junk foods are raisied tax by the government vietnam and it positive impact on citizens . moreover , educations should teach childrent about poper diets so that students can teach their families . thereby , it is essential to appling policy raising tax for junk food and teach individuals healthier diets.
However , i argue that citizens should yield responsibility to their diets which should make healthier food choices . instead of imposing regulations , their suggest learn more about poper diets and do more exercise is more effective approach . by raising awareness personal responsibility and it help citizens more likely sustainable . for instance , in japan , individuals their have responsibily on their lifestyle , there is a strong cultural to emphasis on personal health and well being . furthermore , they regular exercises to reduce health issues .
In conclusion , dispite the apdoption of stricter regulations on restaurant , but the responsibility are took by individuals are more effective than imposing regualtions . it depend on individuals poper diets and combining with moderate excerises . ultimately , balanaced their diets and do more excereise , it will reducing obesity .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "currently, the obesity is escatlating dramatically in the world" -> "Currently, obesity is escalating dramatically worldwide"
   Explanation: Correcting the punctuation and capitalization errors, and replacing "in the world" with "worldwide" enhances the formal tone and clarity of the statement.

2. "some argue that the authorities should implement stricter regulations on junk foods and encouraging their health diets" -> "some argue that the authorities should implement stricter regulations on junk foods and encourage healthier diets"
   Explanation: Replacing "encouraging" with "encourage" corrects the verb form, and "healthier diets" is a more precise term than "their health diets."

3. "althought unhealthy food are stricterd regulations by government that can reduce the obesity" -> "Although unhealthy foods are subject to stricter regulations by governments, which can reduce obesity"
   Explanation: Correcting grammatical errors and replacing "althought" with "Although" improves readability and formality. Also, "subject to" is more precise than "are stricterd regulations by."

4. "citizens should talk responsibility on their diets" -> "citizens should take responsibility for their diets"
   Explanation: Replacing "talk" with "take" corrects the verb choice, and "for" is the correct preposition for indicating responsibility.

5. "the benificial impact on individuals should make healthier food choice" -> "the beneficial impact on individuals to make healthier food choices"
   Explanation: Correcting "benificial" to "beneficial" and changing "choice" to "choices" fixes spelling and grammatical errors.

6. "they believe that, the authorities should raising tax on fat food" -> "they believe that the authorities should raise taxes on fatty foods"
   Explanation: Correcting "raising" to "raise" and "fat food" to "fatty foods" improves grammatical accuracy and specificity.

7. "providing educational practices for students, where they can learn about the hamrful of fat food" -> "providing educational programs for students, where they can learn about the harmful effects of fatty foods"
   Explanation: Replacing "practices" with "programs" and "hamrful" with "harmful" corrects spelling and enhances clarity.

8. "there are a plenty of restaurants that can essily to approach and purchase it" -> "there are numerous restaurants that can easily be approached and purchased"
   Explanation: Correcting "a plenty" to "numerous" and "essily" to "easily" fixes grammatical errors and improves formality.

9. "by implementing raising tax on junk foods which can mitatge obesity" -> "by implementing a tax increase on junk foods, which can mitigate obesity"
   Explanation: Replacing "raising tax" with "a tax increase" and "mitatge" with "mitigate" corrects spelling and grammatical errors.

10. "educations should teach childrent about poper diets" -> "educations should teach children about proper diets"
    Explanation: Correcting "childrent" to "children" and "popper" to "proper" fixes spelling and grammatical errors.

11. "appling policy raising tax for junk food and teach individuals healthier diets" -> "applying policies to raise taxes on junk foods and teach individuals healthier diets"
    Explanation: Replacing "appling" with "applying" and "policy" with "policies" corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning.

12. "i argue that citizens should yield responsibility to their diets" -> "I argue that citizens should take responsibility for their diets"
    Explanation: Capitalizing "I" and replacing "yield" with "take" corrects grammatical errors and improves formality.

13. "their suggest learn more about poper diets and do more exercise is more effective approach" -> "they suggest learning more about proper diets and exercising more is a more effective approach"
    Explanation: Correcting "their" to "they" and "do more exercise" to "exercising more" fixes grammatical errors and enhances clarity.

14. "by raising awareness personal responsibility and it help citizens more likely sustainable" -> "by raising awareness of personal responsibility, it helps citizens become more sustainable"
    Explanation: Correcting "personal responsibility" to "of personal responsibility" and "it help" to "it helps" fixes grammatical errors and improves readability.

15. "in japan, individuals their have responsibily on their lifestyle" -> "in Japan, individuals have responsibility for their lifestyles"
    Explanation: Correcting "in japan" to "in Japan" and "responsibily" to "responsibility" fixes geographical and spelling errors.

16. "there is a strong cultural to emphasis on personal health and well being" -> "there is a strong cultural emphasis on personal health and well-being"
    Explanation: Correcting "to emphasis" to "emphasis" fixes a grammatical error and enhances formality.

17. "they regular exercises to reduce health issues" -> "they regularly exercise to reduce health issues"
    Explanation: Correcting "regular" to "regularly" and "exercises" to "exercise" fixes grammatical errors and improves formality.

18. "it depend on individuals poper diets and combining with moderate excerises" -> "it depends on individuals’ proper diets and combining with moderate exercises"
    Explanation: Correcting "depend" to "depends" and "popper" to "proper" and "excerises" to "exercises" fixes grammatical errors and enhances clarity.

19. "balanaced their diets and do more excereise" -> "balance their diets and do more exercise"
    Explanation: Correcting "balanaced" to "balance" and "excereise" to "exercise" fixes spelling and grammatical errors.

20. "it will reducing obesity" -> "it will reduce obesity"
    Explanation: Correcting "reducing" to "reduce" fixes a grammatical error and improves formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding government regulation of unhealthy foods and individual responsibility for dietary choices. The first half discusses the argument for government intervention, mentioning taxation on junk food and educational initiatives. The second half presents the opposing view, emphasizing personal responsibility and lifestyle choices. However, the discussion lacks depth in exploring the implications of each viewpoint, particularly the effectiveness of government regulations versus personal responsibility.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could provide more detailed examples and evidence for both perspectives. For instance, it could include statistics on obesity rates in countries with strict regulations versus those that rely on personal responsibility. Additionally, a more balanced exploration of the potential drawbacks of each approach would enrich the discussion.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position favoring individual responsibility over government regulations, particularly in the conclusion. However, the argument is somewhat muddled by inconsistent phrasing and unclear transitions between ideas. For example, the phrase "althought unhealthy food are stricterd regulations" is confusing and detracts from the clarity of the position.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should use straightforward language and logical transitions. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that reflects the main argument, and the conclusion should succinctly restate the position without introducing new ideas.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the need for education on healthy diets and the cultural emphasis on personal health in Japan. However, many points are underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For instance, the mention of raising taxes on junk food is not backed by specific data or examples beyond a brief reference to Vietnam.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples, data, or studies that support the claims made. For instance, discussing the outcomes of tax policies in other countries or citing research on the effectiveness of educational programs would provide a more robust argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the two perspectives on health responsibility. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, such as when discussing cultural attitudes in Japan without fully linking it back to the main argument about personal responsibility versus government intervention.
  • How to improve: To improve focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question. Each paragraph should clearly tie back to the prompt, reinforcing how the ideas presented contribute to the overall discussion of obesity and dietary choices.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents relevant arguments, it would benefit from clearer structure, more detailed support for ideas, and improved clarity in language and transitions.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both viewpoints, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by unclear transitions and abrupt shifts between ideas. For instance, the transition from discussing government regulations to individual responsibility lacks a smooth connection, which can confuse readers about the relationship between the two perspectives.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employ transitional phrases such as "On the one hand," "Conversely," or "In contrast" to guide the reader through the argument and clarify the relationship between different points.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate ideas, which is a strength. However, some paragraphs are overly long and contain multiple ideas that could be better expressed in separate paragraphs. For example, the paragraph discussing government regulations mixes several concepts, such as taxation and education, which could be split into two distinct paragraphs for clarity.
  • How to improve: Aim for one main idea per paragraph. Start a new paragraph when introducing a new concept or perspective. This will help maintain focus and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "moreover," and "however," which help to connect ideas. However, there is a noticeable repetition of certain phrases and a lack of variety in the cohesive devices used. For instance, the phrase "should yield responsibility" is repeated, which can detract from the overall fluency of the essay.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "as a result," and "consequently." This will enhance the flow of the essay and make connections between ideas clearer. Additionally, varying sentence structure can also improve cohesion; for example, using relative clauses or participial phrases can create more complex and engaging sentences.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a better overall score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use a range of vocabulary related to the topic of obesity and dietary choices. However, the vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks variety. For example, terms like "junk foods," "health diets," and "obesity" are used frequently without synonyms or alternative expressions. This limits the overall lexical richness of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "junk foods," they could use "unhealthy snacks," "processed foods," or "fast food." Additionally, exploring phrases like "nutritional choices" or "dietary habits" can help diversify the language used.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, which can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "yield responsibility" is not commonly used in this context; a more appropriate phrase would be "take responsibility." Additionally, "the authorities should raising tax" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity.
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They should review their sentences for grammatical correctness and clarity. For example, changing "the authorities should raising tax" to "the authorities should raise taxes" would improve precision. Furthermore, using phrases like "the harmful effects of unhealthy food" instead of "hamrful of fat food" would enhance clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous spelling errors, such as "escatlating," "althought," "benificial," "essily," "poper," "appling," "dispite," and "regualtions." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools that provide feedback on common mistakes. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check software can help catch errors before submission. Creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay addresses the topic and presents both sides of the argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focusing on these areas will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Many sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For example, phrases like "some argue that the authorities should implement stricter regulations on junk foods" and "citizens should talk responsibility on their diets" are straightforward but do not showcase varied grammatical forms. There are attempts at more complex structures, such as "by implementing raising tax on junk foods which can mitigate obesity," but these are often awkwardly phrased and grammatically incorrect.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as using subordinate clauses or varied conjunctions. For instance, instead of saying "some argue that the authorities should implement stricter regulations," the writer could say, "While some argue that the authorities should implement stricter regulations on unhealthy foods, others believe that personal responsibility is paramount." Practicing the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied sentence openings can also help diversify the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For instance, "currently , the obesity is escatlating dramatically in the world" has incorrect article usage and a misspelling. The phrase "althought unhealthy food are stricterd regulations by government" contains multiple errors, including subject-verb agreement and incorrect word forms. Punctuation is also inconsistent, with misplaced commas and periods, such as in "for example . junk foods are raisied tax by the government vietnam and it positive impact on citizens."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, correct article usage, and proper verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage and sentence boundaries, will enhance clarity. Reading more academic essays can also provide insight into correct grammatical structures and punctuation.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their grammatical range by using more complex sentence structures and ensuring grammatical and punctuation accuracy throughout the essay. Regular practice and feedback will be essential in this process.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, obesity is escalating dramatically in the world. Some argue that the authorities should implement stricter regulations on junk foods and encourage healthier diets, while others think that individuals should take responsibility for their own health and make healthier food choices. Although unhealthy foods are subject to stricter regulations by governments, which can reduce obesity, citizens should take responsibility for their diets. This essay will discuss both perspectives and argue that the beneficial impact on individuals should lead them to make healthier food choices, which is unequivocally essential for reducing obesity.

Proponents of government intervention believe that imposing regulations on unhealthy foods and promoting healthier diets is necessary. They argue that authorities should raise taxes on fatty foods to minimize the excessive consumption of junk foods and provide educational programs for students, where they can learn about the harmful effects of fatty foods. First of all, there are plenty of restaurants that can easily be approached and purchased from. By implementing a tax increase on junk foods, which can mitigate obesity, positive changes can occur. For example, junk foods have been taxed by the government in Vietnam, and it has had a positive impact on citizens. Moreover, education should teach children about proper diets so that students can educate their families. Therefore, it is essential to apply policies that raise taxes on junk food and teach individuals about healthier diets.

However, I argue that citizens should take responsibility for their diets and make healthier food choices. Instead of imposing regulations, it is more effective for individuals to learn more about proper diets and exercise more. By raising awareness of personal responsibility, it helps citizens become more sustainable. For instance, in Japan, individuals have responsibility for their lifestyles, and there is a strong cultural emphasis on personal health and well-being. Furthermore, they regularly exercise to reduce health issues.

In conclusion, despite the adoption of stricter regulations on restaurants, the responsibility taken by individuals is more effective than imposing regulations. It depends on individuals’ proper diets combined with moderate exercise. Ultimately, balancing their diets and doing more exercise will reduce obesity.