Some people think that the main benefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment, while others believe that the main interest is in the world of business. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In light of globalization, while some individuals believe that international cooperation enhances environmental preservation, others argue that the world of business is the primary field of interest. Although, both ideas seem reasonable, I lean towards the former.
On the one hand, some beliefs argue that the principal advantage of global collaboration is in the business field. By attending international trade agreements and economic partnerships, countries’ economies gain several advantages. Due to globalization, the appearance of economic organizations such as the EU and UN fosters the financial growth of those countries which are in membership. Moreover, international collaboration has an impact on attracting foreign investments. Many multinational corporations benefiting from international markets which provide support as well as creating promotion opportunities for national economies.
However, global cooperation plays a momentous factor in protecting the environment. Countries around the world can work together in order to share technology and knowledge. Our planet is covered by a variety of natural resources such as rainforests, deserts, lakes, and oceans which can be protected and improved by sharing technologies and methodology in environmental expertise. Additionally, there are many global issues which need the cooperation of distinct countries. Many issues such as climate change, deforestation, the risen of sea level are the most dramatic nowadays that require international collaboration. For instance, in some countries with dramatic weather condition, the citizens can be supported by being provided help from other countries.
In conclusion, while a number of people believe that international cooperation is beneficial for the world of business, I would argue that global collaboration improves environmental preservation.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In light of globalization" -> "Given the context of globalization"
Explanation: "Given the context of" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a topic, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"some individuals believe" -> "some argue"
Explanation: "Some argue" is more direct and academically appropriate, avoiding the informal tone of "believe."
"the world of business is the primary field of interest" -> "the business world is the primary area of focus"
Explanation: "The business world" is a more formal expression than "the world of business," and "area of focus" is more precise than "field of interest."
"both ideas seem reasonable" -> "both perspectives appear plausible"
Explanation: "Perspectives appear plausible" is more formal and academically precise than "ideas seem reasonable."
"some beliefs argue" -> "some arguments suggest"
Explanation: "Arguments suggest" is more accurate and formal, as "beliefs" is not typically used in this context.
"the principal advantage" -> "the primary advantage"
Explanation: "Primary" is more commonly used in formal academic writing than "principal" in this context.
"By attending international trade agreements and economic partnerships" -> "Through participation in international trade agreements and economic partnerships"
Explanation: "Through participation in" is more precise and formal, clarifying the nature of the involvement.
"the appearance of economic organizations" -> "the establishment of economic organizations"
Explanation: "Establishment" is more accurate in describing the creation of organizations like the EU and UN.
"fosters the financial growth" -> "promotes economic growth"
Explanation: "Promotes economic growth" is a more standard and formal expression in economic contexts.
"has an impact on attracting foreign investments" -> "affects the attraction of foreign investments"
Explanation: "Affects the attraction of" is more direct and formal, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"Many multinational corporations benefiting from international markets" -> "Many multinational corporations benefit from international markets"
Explanation: Removing "benefiting" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"which provide support as well as creating promotion opportunities" -> "which provide support and create promotional opportunities"
Explanation: "Create promotional opportunities" is grammatically correct and more formal than "creating promotion opportunities."
"plays a momentous factor" -> "plays a significant role"
Explanation: "Plays a significant role" is a more precise and formal way to describe the importance of something in a context.
"Our planet is covered by a variety of natural resources" -> "Our planet is endowed with a variety of natural resources"
Explanation: "Endowed with" is a more formal and precise term than "covered by" in this context.
"the risen of sea level" -> "the rise in sea levels"
Explanation: "The rise in sea levels" is grammatically correct and more formal than "the risen of sea level."
"the citizens can be supported by being provided help from other countries" -> "citizens can receive support from other countries"
Explanation: "Receive support" is more direct and formal than "can be supported by being provided help."
"a number of people believe" -> "many individuals believe"
Explanation: "Many individuals" is more formal and precise than "a number of people."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt: the benefits of international cooperation in business and in environmental protection. It acknowledges both viewpoints and concludes with a personal opinion favoring environmental preservation.
- How to improve: To enhance completeness, ensure that each viewpoint is explored with balanced depth. Provide specific examples or data to strengthen arguments for both business and environmental perspectives.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance favoring environmental preservation, consistently supporting this viewpoint throughout the essay. However, it could strengthen clarity by explicitly stating the personal opinion earlier in the introduction.
- How to improve: Introduce the personal opinion clearly in the thesis statement or introduction to set a strong foundation for the essay’s argument. Reiterate this position in the conclusion for emphasis.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, discussing economic benefits and environmental issues related to international cooperation. Examples such as economic partnerships and environmental challenges like climate change are mentioned.
- How to improve: To extend ideas further, deepen analysis with more specific examples or case studies. Use statistics or expert opinions to bolster arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topics discussed.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing both business and environmental aspects of international cooperation. There is a minor digression into economic organizations like the EU and UN, which could be more directly tied to the main argument.
- How to improve: Maintain focus on directly relating all examples and discussions back to the primary topics of business benefits and environmental protection. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly support these themes.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively communicates its arguments. To improve, the essay could benefit from deeper analysis, clearer positioning of the personal opinion, and maintaining a strict focus on the main topics throughout. These enhancements can elevate the coherence and depth of the essay, potentially raising the band score for Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting two contrasting views in the introduction, followed by separate paragraphs discussing each viewpoint in detail. The arguments are coherent within each paragraph, and there is a clear progression from discussing business benefits to environmental benefits.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical flow, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the essay prompt. For instance, in the paragraph discussing business benefits, explicitly connect each example back to how it supports the viewpoint that business is a primary interest of international cooperation.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to organize ideas. Each paragraph is focused and develops a single main idea coherently. However, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to strengthen overall cohesion.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, consider using transitional phrases or sentences at the end of each paragraph that link the ideas to the subsequent paragraph. This will create a smoother flow and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices such as linking words ("however," "moreover"), reference words ("those," "many"), and repetition of key concepts ("international cooperation"). These devices help connect ideas within and between sentences.
- How to improve: To further diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating more sophisticated linking words and phrases (e.g., "consequently," "nevertheless") to demonstrate a higher level of coherence. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to reinforce connections between ideas.

Overall, the essay effectively demonstrates a strong coherence and cohesion appropriate for a Band 7 score. By refining paragraph transitions and further diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could strengthen its logical progression and enhance overall clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary with varied terms such as "globalization," "economic partnerships," "multinational corporations," "technologies," "methodology," "climate change," "deforestation," "dramatic weather condition," and "environmental preservation." These terms are generally used appropriately to convey the intended meanings related to both business and environmental contexts.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more sophisticated synonyms or idiomatic expressions where applicable to add nuance and depth. For instance, instead of using basic terms like "economic organizations," consider phrases like "economic alliances" or "global economic consortiums" to showcase a higher level of lexical precision and variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, vocabulary is used with reasonable precision. Examples include precise terms like "rainforests," "deserts," "oceans," and "sea level rise" to describe environmental issues. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as using "impact" instead of "momentous factor" for clearer communication. Additionally, some phrases like "the most dramatic nowadays" could be replaced with more specific descriptors.
- How to improve: Aim for more precise vocabulary choices that accurately convey the intended meanings. For instance, instead of "dramatic weather condition," consider "severe weather conditions" or "extreme climatic events" to enhance clarity and specificity in expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally strong throughout the essay. There are no glaring errors that detract from comprehension. Noteworthy examples include correct spelling of terms like "globalization," "environment," "deforestation," and "economic."
- How to improve: Continue practicing spelling accuracy, particularly with complex or less common terms. Proofreading techniques such as spell-checking software or reading aloud can further reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong lexical resource overall, with a wide range of vocabulary that effectively supports the discussion on both business and environmental aspects of international cooperation. To achieve an even higher band score, focus on refining precision in vocabulary choice and maintaining consistent spelling accuracy. This will enhance clarity and sophistication in expressing ideas, thereby enriching the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. There is evidence of complex sentences with subordinate clauses ("By attending international trade agreements and economic partnerships, countries’ economies gain several advantages"), although these are occasionally repetitive in structure. Simple and compound sentences dominate, with fewer instances of more sophisticated structures such as inversions or conditional clauses.
- How to improve: To enhance sentence variety, consider integrating more complex structures like conditional sentences ("If countries were to collaborate more closely on environmental initiatives, global impact could be substantial") or inverted sentences for emphasis ("Not only does international cooperation benefit economies, but it also ensures environmental sustainability"). Varying sentence length and structure can improve the essay’s coherence and reader engagement.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy with few errors that detract from understanding. For instance, there are minor issues with subject-verb agreement ("the risen of sea level") and awkward phrasing ("Many multinational corporations benefiting from international markets which provide support as well as creating promotion opportunities for national economies"). Punctuation is generally correct but could benefit from more consistent use of commas for clarity and to avoid run-on sentences.
- How to improve: Focus on improving subject-verb agreement ("the rise of sea level") and ensure that sentence structure remains clear and concise. For instance, revise complex sentences to improve clarity and avoid unnecessary repetition. Additionally, review the use of commas to ensure they are appropriately placed for clarity and to separate clauses effectively.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a good range of sentence structures appropriate for an IELTS Band 7. To achieve a higher score, continue refining sentence variety and accuracy, paying particular attention to complex structures and precise punctuation usage.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the context of globalization, some argue that the primary focus of international cooperation lies in the business world, while others contend that its greatest benefit is environmental protection. Both perspectives appear plausible, although I am inclined towards the latter view.

On one hand, some argue that the main advantage of global cooperation is in the realm of business. Through participation in international trade agreements and economic partnerships, countries can achieve significant economic growth. The establishment of economic organizations like the EU and UN facilitates financial advancement among member nations. Furthermore, international cooperation attracts foreign investments, benefiting many multinational corporations that thrive in global markets, thus bolstering national economies through promotional opportunities and support.

However, global cooperation also plays a significant role in environmental conservation. Countries can collaborate to share technology and knowledge aimed at protecting our planet’s diverse natural resources. Rainforests, deserts, lakes, and oceans are essential components of our environment that can be preserved and enhanced through shared environmental expertise and methodologies. Moreover, pressing global issues such as climate change, deforestation, and rising sea levels necessitate international collaboration. For example, countries with vulnerable coastlines may receive assistance from others during severe weather events, highlighting the practical benefits of such cooperation.

In conclusion, while some prioritize the economic benefits of international collaboration, I believe that its greatest impact lies in promoting environmental preservation. By working together globally, we can address pressing environmental challenges and ensure a sustainable future for generations to come.