Some students choose to take a gap year after graduating high school to work and/or travel. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It has become more common for high school graduates to take a year off with a view to working or traveling. In my point of view, this trend could have both benefits and drawbacks.
On the one hand, having a year-long break offers two major beneficial implications for high school students involved in practical skills and career paths. Firstly, school leavers will gain experiences via going on tours and experiencing cultural diversity. To illustrate, they must be more independent and self-reliant; thus, they will be able to broaden the horizon of knowledge. Secondly, gap-year takers can opt for suitable career paths as most of the schools did not organize career orientation activities. Therefore, individuals who delay tertiary education can spend months attending vocational training courses which will offer them job relevant skills and significantly enhance their career prospects.
On the other hand, I concede that there are also some possible risks associated with learning and career paths that negatively impact high school diploma holders. In terms of studying, they are often lacking in confidence in their academic learning. As a consequence of study disruption, people deferring university enrollment cannot effortlessly catch up with friends and they will undergo the feeling of falling behind and peer pressures. In the realms of job opportunities, it is arduous for gap-year takers to save money or gain job-related experiences. In fact, high school graduates can apply primarily for jobs that are low-paid and do not allow them to cultivate professional skills.
In conclusion, I recognize the upside of having a year-long break in favorable experiences and career paths albeit the downside in academic learning and career disappointment.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In my point of view" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: "From my perspective" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "In my point of view," which is somewhat colloquial and less precise.
"having a year-long break offers two major beneficial implications" -> "a year-long break offers two significant benefits"
Explanation: "Implications" typically refers to the consequences or effects of something, whereas "benefits" is more direct and appropriate for describing the advantages of a break. Additionally, "significant" is more precise than "major" in this context.
"school leavers will gain experiences via going on tours and experiencing cultural diversity" -> "school leavers can gain valuable experiences through traveling and cultural immersion"
Explanation: "Valuable experiences" is more specific and formal than "experiences," and "traveling and cultural immersion" is a more precise and academic way to describe the activities mentioned, replacing the less formal "going on tours and experiencing cultural diversity."
"they must be more independent and self-reliant; thus, they will be able to broaden the horizon of knowledge" -> "they will become more independent and self-reliant, thereby expanding their knowledge horizons"
Explanation: "Become" is more appropriate than "must be" in this context, indicating a developmental process. "Expanding their knowledge horizons" is a more formal and precise way to describe the broadening of knowledge, replacing the less formal "broaden the horizon of knowledge."
"gap-year takers can opt for suitable career paths" -> "gap-year participants can explore suitable career options"
Explanation: "Participants" is more formal than "takers," and "explore" suggests a more active and deliberate process than "opt for," which is somewhat passive. "Career options" is also more specific and formal than "career paths."
"most of the schools did not organize career orientation activities" -> "many schools do not provide career orientation programs"
Explanation: "Do not provide" is more direct and formal than "did not organize," and "programs" is a more specific term than "activities" in the context of educational services.
"they are often lacking in confidence in their academic learning" -> "they often lack confidence in their academic abilities"
Explanation: "Lack confidence in their academic abilities" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea, replacing the less formal "lacking in confidence in their academic learning."
"people deferring university enrollment cannot effortlessly catch up with friends" -> "individuals delaying university enrollment may struggle to keep pace with their peers"
Explanation: "Individuals delaying university enrollment" is more formal than "people deferring university enrollment," and "struggle to keep pace with their peers" is a more precise and formal way to describe the difficulty in catching up with friends.
"they will undergo the feeling of falling behind and peer pressures" -> "they may experience feelings of falling behind and peer pressure"
Explanation: "May experience feelings of" is more formal and less definitive than "will undergo the feeling of," which is somewhat vague and informal. "Peer pressure" is also more commonly used in academic writing than "peer pressures."
"it is arduous for gap-year takers to save money or gain job-related experiences" -> "it can be challenging for gap-year participants to save money or gain relevant work experience"
Explanation: "Can be challenging" is a more formal and less absolute phrasing than "is arduous," and "relevant work experience" is more specific and formal than "job-related experiences."
"high school graduates can apply primarily for jobs that are low-paid" -> "high school graduates often find themselves applying primarily for low-paying jobs"
Explanation: "Find themselves applying primarily for low-paying jobs" is a more precise and formal way to describe the situation, emphasizing the circumstance rather than the capability of applying for such jobs.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year after high school. It discusses the benefits such as gaining practical skills and cultural experiences, as well as potential drawbacks like academic setbacks and limited job opportunities.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, ensure a more balanced exploration of both sides. Provide more specific examples or statistics to support each point, demonstrating a deeper understanding of the implications of gap years on students’ lives.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that acknowledges both advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year. It maintains this stance consistently throughout the essay.
- How to improve: Strengthen clarity by explicitly stating the position in the introduction and conclusion. Ensure that each body paragraph reinforces this stance with well-developed arguments and examples.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented adequately, though some points lack elaboration and supporting evidence. For instance, while discussing career paths, more specific examples of vocational training or job-related skills would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: Extend ideas by providing detailed examples, case studies, or personal anecdotes that illustrate the points made. This will add depth and credibility to the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by addressing the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year after high school. However, there are some instances where the focus could be sharper, particularly in providing more nuanced insights into the consequences of a gap year.
- How to improve: Maintain a sharper focus on the prompt by linking each paragraph directly to the benefits or drawbacks of taking a gap year. Avoid tangential discussions that detract from the main topic.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the issue, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed examples and maintaining a consistently focused approach throughout. By enhancing the clarity of the position, extending ideas with specific examples, and ensuring every part directly relates to the topic, the essay could achieve a higher band score for task response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt to organize information logically, starting with an introduction that outlines both advantages and disadvantages. Each paragraph subsequently addresses one side of the argument, first discussing the benefits of a gap year and then presenting the drawbacks.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider refining the structure of each paragraph to ensure a stronger topic sentence that clearly introduces the main idea. Additionally, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to improve coherence and maintain the flow of ideas throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different aspects of the argument (advantages and disadvantages). Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting details and examples.
- How to improve: To strengthen paragraph structure, ensure each paragraph maintains unity around its main idea, avoiding tangential points that could disrupt the coherence. Consider varying sentence structures within paragraphs to maintain reader engagement and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: Cohesive devices such as transitional phrases ("On the one hand," "In conclusion," etc.) are used to connect ideas and paragraphs. These devices help to create coherence by guiding the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To broaden the range of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases (e.g., furthermore, moreover, however) to indicate relationships between ideas more explicitly. This will help to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a balanced view on the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year, enhancing the logical organization, paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more cohesive and coherent presentation of ideas. These improvements can potentially elevate the essay to a higher band score by strengthening the clarity and flow of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng:

**Band

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly varied use of sentence structures. It includes simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, there are examples of complex sentences like "Individuals who delay tertiary education can spend months attending vocational training courses which will offer them job relevant skills."
- How to improve: To further enhance variety, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If students take a gap year, they might broaden their cultural understanding"), or sentences with introductory phrases (e.g., "By experiencing cultural diversity firsthand, students can develop a deeper appreciation for global differences").
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy throughout. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as: "they must be more independent and self-reliant; thus, they will be able to broaden the horizon of knowledge" could be refined for clarity and grammatical correctness ("thus, enabling them to broaden their horizons").
- How to improve: Focus on consistent subject-verb agreement and ensure clarity in sentence structure. For instance, revise sentences like "In terms of studying, they are often lacking in confidence in their academic learning" to "In terms of academics, they often lack confidence in their studies." Additionally, pay attention to comma usage to improve readability and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammar and uses a reasonable variety of sentence structures. To improve further, continue practicing more complex sentence constructions and refine grammatical accuracy for higher band scores.

Bài sửa mẫu

It has become increasingly common for high school graduates to consider taking a gap year to work or travel. From my perspective, this trend presents both advantages and disadvantages.

On the positive side, a year-long break offers significant benefits for young people in terms of gaining valuable experiences through travel and cultural immersion. This experience helps them become more independent and self-reliant, thereby expanding their horizons of knowledge. Additionally, gap-year participants can explore suitable career options, especially since many schools do not provide adequate career orientation programs. By taking vocational training courses during this break, they can acquire job-relevant skills that enhance their career prospects.

However, there are also challenges associated with delaying university enrollment. Many students lack confidence in their academic abilities after a gap year, finding it difficult to catch up with their peers and experiencing feelings of falling behind and peer pressure. Moreover, it can be challenging for gap-year participants to save money or gain relevant work experience, often resulting in them applying for primarily low-paying jobs after graduation.

In conclusion, while taking a gap year can offer valuable experiences and career advantages, it also comes with academic and career challenges. Therefore, individuals should carefully weigh these factors before deciding whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.