The graph below shows the population of foxes on four different Californian islands between 1994 and 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graph below shows the population of foxes on four different Californian islands between 1994 and 2014.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

The line chart gives information about the number of foxes from 1994 to 2014 in Santa Catalina, Santa Cruz, Santa Rosa, and San Miguel.

As can be seen, Santa Catalina and Santa Cruz experienced an upward trend, while San Miguel had fluctuating numbers and Santa Rosa fell dramatically over the period.

In 1994, the data clearly showed that Santa Catalina and Santa Cruz started at approximately 1,333 and 1,500 species respectively, decreased significantly, then the number climbed again to about 1,666 species in 2014.

According to San Miguel, around 500 species of foxes in 1994 remained the same in the following years up to 2006. Then, this number slightly grew to 600 species between 2010 and 2014. The number of foxes on Santa Rosa island was 1,780 in 1994. However, from 1996 to 2006, it plummeted to the lowest point of the period and then considerably increased to 900 species by the end of the period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"As can be seen" -> "It is evident"
Explanation: "It is evident" is a more formal and precise term that enhances the academic tone of the statement, emphasizing the clear visual representation of the data.
"experienced an upward trend" -> "exhibited an upward trend"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is more precise and formal than "experienced," which is more commonly used to describe human experiences rather than trends in data.
"had fluctuating numbers" -> "displayed fluctuating numbers"
Explanation: "Displayed" is a more accurate verb in this context, as it specifically refers to the presentation of data, which aligns better with the academic style.
"fell dramatically" -> "experienced a significant decline"
Explanation: "Experienced a significant decline" is more specific and formal, avoiding the emotional connotation of "fell dramatically."
"started at approximately" -> "initiated at approximately"
Explanation: "Initiated" is a more formal synonym for "started," which is more suitable for academic writing.
"decreased significantly" -> "suffered a significant decline"
Explanation: "Suffered a significant decline" is a more precise and formal way to describe a decrease in data, aligning better with academic style.
"climbed again" -> "increased again"
Explanation: "Increased" is a more neutral and formal term compared to "climbed," which can be seen as colloquial.
"remained the same" -> "remained constant"
Explanation: "Remained constant" is a more formal expression that enhances the academic tone.
"slightly grew" -> "gradually increased"
Explanation: "Gradually increased" is a more precise and formal term than "slightly grew," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"plummeted" -> "dramatically decreased"
Explanation: "Dramatically decreased" is more formal and avoids the colloquial tone of "plummeted," which is often used in everyday language.
"considerably increased" -> "significantly increased"
Explanation: "Significantly increased" is a more standard term in academic writing, providing a precise description of the change in data.

These changes refine the language to better suit an academic context, ensuring precision, formality, and clarity in the description of the data trends.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the graph, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. For example, the essay states that Santa Catalina and Santa Cruz experienced an upward trend, but it does not provide any specific details about the trend. The essay also does not make comparisons between the islands.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends, differences or stages. The essay could also be improved by making comparisons between the islands. For example, the essay could state that the population of foxes on Santa Catalina island was higher than the population of foxes on Santa Cruz island in 1994, but that the population of foxes on Santa Cruz island was higher than the population of foxes on Santa Catalina island in 2014.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion for a Band 7 score. It logically organizes the information by first introducing the topic and summarizing the main trends observed in the graph. There is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay, with each paragraph focusing on a specific island’s population trend over the 20-year period. The use of cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases ("As can be seen", "According to", "However", "then"), helps to connect sentences and ideas smoothly. Each paragraph maintains a clear central topic related to the population trends of the islands mentioned.

However, there are minor instances where the cohesion could be improved further. For example, the transitions between the descriptions of different islands could be made smoother to enhance overall coherence. Additionally, while the paragraphing is generally appropriate, there could be a slightly clearer logical flow within paragraphs, especially when transitioning between different time periods or aspects of the data.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion towards a higher band score:

Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas, emphasizing the relationships between different pieces of information more explicitly.
Aim for a more seamless logical progression within paragraphs, making sure each sentence contributes directly to the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensure they are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. It uses some varied vocabulary such as "experienced an upward trend," "fluctuating numbers," and "dramatically fell." There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary like "plummeted" and "considerably increased," although with occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation ("the number climbed again to about 1,666 species" could be more precise as "the population climbed back to about 1,

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There is an attempt to use a variety of sentence forms, including compound and complex sentences to convey the information about the population trends of foxes on Californian islands. The majority of the sentences are error-free, but there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation that occasionally affect clarity and precision. For instance, there are minor issues with subject-verb agreement ("the number climbed again"), inconsistent tense usage ("started at… decreased significantly, then the number climbed again"), and incorrect use of articles ("around 500 species of foxes").

How to improve:
To improve the score, focus on enhancing sentence complexity and accuracy. Ensure consistent use of tenses throughout the essay and pay attention to grammatical structures such as subject-verb agreement and article usage. Proofreading for punctuation errors will also help to enhance clarity and overall coherence of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line chart illustrates changes in the fox population across four Californian islands from 1994 to 2014: Santa Catalina, Santa Cruz, Santa Rosa, and San Miguel.

Santa Catalina and Santa Cruz both experienced an overall increase in fox numbers, with initial figures starting at around 1,333 and 1,500 foxes respectively in 1994. Despite a decline in mid-period, both islands saw a rise to approximately 1,666 foxes by 2014.

Conversely, San Miguel’s fox population remained relatively stable at about 500 from 1994 to 2006, with a slight increase to around 600 from 2010 onwards.

In contrast, Santa Rosa began with 1,780 foxes in 1994 but encountered a sharp decline to its lowest point between 1996 and 2006, reaching approximately 300 foxes. Subsequently, the population recovered notably to about 900 foxes by the end of the period.

Overall, while Santa Catalina and Santa Cruz demonstrated growth, San Miguel remained steady, and Santa Rosa experienced significant fluctuations in its fox population over the two decades.