The bar chart illustrates the information about the foreigners who had chosen Xcountry to travel between 2019 and 2020, followed by the table comparing the annual income of different businesses in Xcountry from 2007 to 2008. 

The bar chart illustrates the information about the foreigners who had chosen Xcountry to travel between 2019 and 2020, followed by the table comparing the annual income of different businesses in Xcountry from 2007 to 2008. 

The bar chart illustrates the information about the foreigners who had chosen Xcountry to travel between 2019 and 2020, followed by the table comparing the annual income of different businesses in Xcountry from 2007 to 2008.
Overall, the Xcountry had welcomed a whopping number of the Chinese and Japanese in 2007, which after this city had been the best ideal to explore so in 2008 have a sharp decline in all data. While the income of various businesses have a similar trend, the tourism industry has plunged annually.
In detail, the best place of traveling for the Japanese and Chinese was Xcountry, with around 3000 thousand individuals in 2007, compared to Australia, which had a little lower with nearly 2900. However, this place was not a location that attracted tourists, decreasing sharply by 1000 thousand who came from Japan and China, after that it declined at a mild rate by Australians. In 2007, the tourists from Europe, US and Canada had been welcomed in this country, fluctuating around from 2100 and 2200 thousand individuals. This place where the individuals chose this nation to travel was diminished from 2-6 times before, with nearly 1000 and 300 thousand humans.
Beside the figure of the tourists, the amenities had been more affected by the income of various businesses. The accommodation classy such as hotels and resorts dropped 3-times from 3.5 to 0.5 million dollar , just over a year ,while the services of purchasing for foreigners also has the same direction, from 2.4 to 1.2 . As the foreigners were not attracted to the Xcountry, the decline of transportation and travel agents (0.4 million) also decreased, compared to the services for ecotourism which had a downward trend (1.1million) .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "whopping number" -> "substantial number"
   Explanation: The term "whopping" is colloquial and informal. "Substantial" is more appropriate for academic writing, conveying a significant but not exaggerated quantity.

2. "best ideal to explore" -> "most popular destination"
   Explanation: "Best ideal to explore" is awkward and unclear. "Most popular destination" is a more precise and commonly accepted phrase in academic contexts.

3. "have a sharp decline" -> "experienced a significant decline"
   Explanation: "Have a sharp decline" is somewhat informal and vague. "Experienced a significant decline" is more formal and specific.

4. "income of various businesses have" -> "income of various businesses experienced"
   Explanation: The verb "have" is incorrectly used in this context. "Experienced" is the correct verb form to describe changes over time.

5. "plunged annually" -> "declined annually"
   Explanation: "Plunged" can imply a sudden, dramatic drop, which might not be accurate in this context. "Declined" is more neutral and suitable for describing a gradual change.

6. "best place of traveling" -> "most popular destination"
   Explanation: "Best place of traveling" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Most popular destination" is grammatically correct and more formal.

7. "around 3000 thousand individuals" -> "approximately 3,000 individuals"
   Explanation: "Around 3000 thousand" is redundant and incorrect. "Approximately" is the correct term for indicating an estimate, and the comma is unnecessary.

8. "little lower" -> "slightly lower"
   Explanation: "Little" is vague and informal; "slightly" is more precise and suitable for academic writing.

9. "decreasing sharply" -> "decreased significantly"
   Explanation: "Decreasing sharply" is a passive construction that is less formal. "Decreased significantly" is more direct and formal.

10. "mild rate" -> "moderate rate"
    Explanation: "Mild" can imply a lack of intensity, which might not be the intended meaning. "Moderate" is more neutral and appropriate for describing a change that is neither rapid nor slow.

11. "fluctuating around from 2100 and 2200 thousand individuals" -> "fluctuated between 2,100,000 and 2,200,000 individuals"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revised version is clearer and more formal.

12. "Beside the figure of the tourists" -> "In addition to the number of tourists"
    Explanation: "Beside" is incorrect in this context; "in addition to" is the correct preposition to use when introducing an additional point.

13. "classy such as hotels and resorts" -> "luxury establishments such as hotels and resorts"
    Explanation: "Classy" is too informal and vague; "luxury" is more specific and appropriate for describing high-end establishments.

14. "dropped 3-times from 3.5 to 0.5 million dollar" -> "decreased by 3.5 times from $3.5 million to $0.5 million"
    Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised version is grammatically correct and clearer.

15. "just over a year" -> "over a year"
    Explanation: "Just" is not necessary and can be removed for a more formal tone.

16. "has the same direction" -> "followed the same trend"
    Explanation: "Has the same direction" is unclear and informal. "Followed the same trend" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.

17. "also decreased" -> "also declined"
    Explanation: "Decreased" is correct but "declined" is more specific in this context, implying a downward movement in quantity or amount.

These changes aim to enhance the formality, clarity, and precision of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. It recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview. The essay presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay needs to provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features/bullet points of the data, rather than focusing on details. The essay should be written in a more concise and objective style. The essay should also avoid using informal language.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay presents some information but lacks coherent organization and clear progression. It attempts to describe the data from the bar chart and table but does so in a disjointed manner, making it difficult to follow. There are numerous grammatical errors and inaccuracies in expression, which further hampers coherence. Paragraphing is attempted but lacks logical structure, contributing to the overall lack of coherence.

How to improve:

1. Organize ideas logically: Ensure a clear structure where each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the data.
2. Use cohesive devices effectively: Aim for accurate and appropriate use of cohesive devices to connect ideas logically.
3. Improve paragraphing: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic and follows a logical sequence of ideas.
4. Language accuracy: Work on grammar, sentence structure, and vocabulary to improve clarity and coherence.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the essay needs significant improvements in organization, coherence, and language accuracy.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary with frequent inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. There are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation throughout the essay, which affect readability and coherence. The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive in places, and some terms are inappropriate for the context, such as "whopping" and "ideal to explore so."

How to improve: To improve, focus on expanding the range of vocabulary used, aiming for more precise and contextually appropriate terms. Work on accuracy in word choice and collocation to convey ideas more effectively. Address spelling and word formation errors to enhance overall clarity and readability.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 3

Band Score: 3.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited ability to use sentence structures effectively. There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the text that significantly hinder understanding. The sentences are often fragmented and lack coherence due to incorrect word order and misuse of punctuation. For example, phrases like "a whopping number of the Chinese" and "diminished from 2-6 times before" are unclear and awkwardly phrased. Errors in verb tense consistency ("have a sharp decline," "which after this city") further detract from clarity and accuracy.

How to improve:

1. Sentence Structure: Work on constructing clear and complete sentences. Avoid overly complex sentence structures until basic grammatical accuracy is achieved.

2. Grammar and Punctuation: Focus on correct verb tense usage and proper punctuation to enhance clarity and coherence.

3. Vocabulary Use: Use precise vocabulary and avoid informal expressions ("whopping," "fluctuating around from").

Improving these areas will help in achieving better grammatical accuracy and clarity in your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart presents data on the choice of Xcountry as a destination for foreign travelers between 2019 and 2020, accompanied by a table comparing the annual income of various businesses in Xcountry from 2007 to 2008.

Overall, Xcountry attracted a substantial number of Chinese and Japanese tourists in 2007, which declined sharply in 2008. Conversely, the income of diverse businesses showed a similar trend, with the tourism sector experiencing an annual decrease.

In detail, Xcountry was most popular among Japanese and Chinese tourists in 2007, hosting approximately 3000 thousand individuals, slightly more than Australia with nearly 2900. However, this trend reversed in 2008, witnessing a significant drop among Japanese and Chinese visitors by 1000 thousand, followed by a gradual decline among Australians. In 2007, tourists from Europe, the US, and Canada numbered between 2100 and 2200 thousand. This figure diminished notably by 2008, ranging from 1000 to 300 thousand visitors.

Apart from tourist figures, the income of various businesses was significantly affected. Revenue from upscale accommodations such as hotels and resorts plummeted threefold from 3.5 to 0.5 million dollars within a year, paralleled by a similar decline in foreign purchases services, from 2.4 to 1.2 million dollars. The transportation sector, including travel agencies, also saw a decline to 0.4 million dollars, in contrast to ecotourism services, which experienced a downward trend to 1.1 million dollars.

This revision aims to maintain the original structure and vocabulary while enhancing clarity and coherence, aligning with the requirements of IELTS Task 1.