The internet has brought about many changes into our day to day life. Nowadays we are doing things such as mailing, contacting, banking and communicating much faster. Do these developments have more advantages than disadvantages? What are the advantages and disadvantages of using the Internet?

The internet has brought about many changes into our day to day life. Nowadays we are doing things such as mailing, contacting, banking and communicating much faster. Do these developments have more advantages than disadvantages?

What are the advantages and disadvantages of using the Internet?

It is clear that the internet has brought about many changes into our daily life. This trend has been creating certain benefits but there are also some drawbacks. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages for human and provide a logical conclusion.
On the one hand, it can be said that internet has some noteworthy positive effects. First and foremost, it provides us useful information which we need for our job or study. By that way, we can widen our knowledge about all fields in the world without going out. Besides, we can exchange information more conveniently, communicate with foreign people, send massages effectively that no need to take our eyes off the computers or phones. In addition, shopping online is a good choice when using internet, we can save time and choose many different goods with many colours with cheaper prices. Moreover, there are many entertainment tools for releasing stress on internet such as: games, movies, e-books.
In contrary, the most worrying thing is children nowadays depend too much on internet. They always surf the net for the results of almost questions from school how easy or difficult they are, this way will affect children's ability to be independent and thinking. In the different of this situation, teenagers also addict in internet, they take hours for playing games online without being controlled. Sitting for hours in front of the computers may affect their physical and mental health and prevent them from taking part in outdoor activities.
To sum up, nothing is perfect, Internet has both pros and cons for people in real life. All things considered, I strongly believe that people will use internet more effectively, the more sensitively we use it, the smarter we are.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is clear that" -> "It is evident that"
   Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal and precise alternative to "It is clear that," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

2. "has brought about many changes into our daily life" -> "has introduced numerous changes into our daily lives"
   Explanation: "Introduced" is more precise than "brought about" in this context, and "numerous" is more formal than "many." Additionally, "daily lives" is the correct plural form to match the plural subject "changes."

3. "This trend has been creating certain benefits" -> "This trend has yielded certain benefits"
   Explanation: "Yielded" is more specific and academically appropriate than "creating," which is somewhat vague and informal in this context.

4. "for human" -> "for humans"
   Explanation: "Humans" is the correct plural form to match the subject "trend," which affects people collectively.

5. "internet has some noteworthy positive effects" -> "the internet has several notable positive effects"
   Explanation: "Several" is more precise than "some," and "notable" is a more formal synonym for "noteworthy."

6. "By that way" -> "In this manner"
   Explanation: "In this manner" is a more formal and precise phrase than "By that way," which is colloquial and imprecise.

7. "send massages" -> "send messages"
   Explanation: "Messages" is the correct spelling, not "massages," which refers to a type of therapy or treatment.

8. "no need to take our eyes off the computers or phones" -> "without having to remove our eyes from the computers or phones"
   Explanation: "Without having to remove our eyes from" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of continuous use without interruption.

9. "shopping online is a good choice when using internet" -> "online shopping is a viable option when using the internet"
   Explanation: "Viable option" is more formal and precise than "good choice," and "the internet" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.

10. "with cheaper prices" -> "at lower prices"
    Explanation: "At lower prices" is a more formal and precise way to describe reduced costs.

11. "there are many entertainment tools for releasing stress on internet" -> "there are numerous entertainment tools available for stress relief online"
    Explanation: "Numerous" is more formal than "many," and "available for stress relief online" is a clearer and more formal way to describe the purpose of these tools.

12. "In contrary" -> "On the contrary"
    Explanation: "On the contrary" is the correct idiomatic expression for introducing a contrasting idea in formal writing.

13. "children nowadays depend too much on internet" -> "children today rely excessively on the internet"
    Explanation: "Rely excessively" is more precise and formal than "depend too much," and "the internet" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.

14. "how easy or difficult they are" -> "regardless of their difficulty"
    Explanation: "Regardless of their difficulty" is more concise and formal than "how easy or difficult they are," which is awkwardly phrased.

15. "In the different of this situation" -> "In contrast to this situation"
    Explanation: "In contrast to this situation" is the correct idiomatic expression for contrasting two ideas, whereas "In the different of this situation" is grammatically incorrect and unclear.

16. "addict in internet" -> "addicted to the internet"
    Explanation: "Addicted to the internet" is the correct phrase, with "to" instead of "in" for the preposition, and "the" before "internet" for grammatical correctness.

17. "Sitting for hours in front of the computers" -> "Sitting for hours in front of computers"
    Explanation: "Computers" should not be capitalized unless it refers to a specific brand or model, as it is a general term in this context.

18. "prevent them from taking part in outdoor activities" -> "prevent them from engaging in outdoor activities"
    Explanation: "Engaging in" is a more formal and precise term than "taking part in" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the internet. The advantages are clearly outlined, such as access to information, convenience in communication, online shopping, and entertainment options. However, the disadvantages are less thoroughly explored. While the essay mentions issues related to children’s dependency on the internet and the potential negative effects on health, it lacks a comprehensive exploration of other possible drawbacks, such as privacy concerns, misinformation, and social isolation.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that all parts of the question are addressed more equally. This could involve dedicating a paragraph to discussing additional disadvantages, thereby providing a more balanced view. Including specific examples or statistics related to these drawbacks would also strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that acknowledges both the advantages and disadvantages of the internet. However, the conclusion introduces a somewhat ambiguous statement about using the internet "more effectively" without clearly stating whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This can create confusion about the writer’s overall stance.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. A definitive statement regarding whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa would provide clarity. Additionally, using phrases that reinforce the chosen position throughout the essay would help maintain consistency.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the advantages of the internet, such as access to information and online shopping, but these points could be more fully developed. For instance, while the writer mentions that online shopping saves time, they could elaborate on how it also provides access to a wider range of products. The disadvantages are mentioned but lack depth and supporting evidence, making them less impactful.
  • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could involve discussing specific scenarios or statistics that illustrate the advantages and disadvantages more vividly. Additionally, using linking phrases to connect ideas would improve the flow of the essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay remains focused on the topic of the internet’s advantages and disadvantages. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For instance, the mention of "entertainment tools for releasing stress" could be more directly tied to how these tools impact users’ lives, rather than simply listing them.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each advantage and disadvantage to the broader implications for daily life as suggested in the prompt. Regularly referring back to the question throughout the essay can help keep the discussion relevant.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 7 for Task Response by addressing the prompt and presenting a clear position, there are areas for improvement. By providing a more balanced exploration of advantages and disadvantages, developing ideas with more depth and examples, and maintaining a clear position throughout, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the intention to discuss both advantages and disadvantages. The body paragraphs are divided into two sections: one for the advantages and one for the disadvantages. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the advantages to the disadvantages is somewhat abrupt, lacking a clear linking statement that would guide the reader through this shift in focus.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of the second body paragraph, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely," to indicate a shift in perspective. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will help the reader follow the argument more easily.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, within the paragraphs, the development of ideas can be uneven. For example, the advantages paragraph contains a list of benefits, but some points are not fully elaborated, which can leave the reader wanting more depth.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each point made is supported with examples or explanations. For instance, when mentioning online shopping, elaborating on how it saves time or the convenience it offers would strengthen the argument. Additionally, consider using a concluding sentence in each paragraph to summarize the main point and reinforce the connection to the overall argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "besides," and "in contrary." However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and occasionally incorrect. For example, "in contrary" should be "on the contrary." The essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas and improve clarity.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a mix of conjunctions, adverbs, and phrases that indicate contrast, addition, or cause and effect. For example, using phrases like "furthermore," "however," and "as a result" can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensure that the cohesive devices used are grammatically correct and contextually appropriate.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "noteworthy positive effects," "exchange information," and "entertainment tools." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or basic, such as the frequent use of "internet" and "information." Additionally, phrases like "good choice" and "many different goods" could be enhanced with more varied and sophisticated language.
  • How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For example, instead of repeating "internet," they could use "the online platform" or "the digital realm." Additionally, replacing "good choice" with "advantageous option" or "beneficial alternative" would add variety and depth to the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices that can lead to confusion. For instance, the phrase "this way will affect children’s ability to be independent and thinking" lacks clarity; it should specify how dependence on the internet affects independence and critical thinking. Moreover, "addict in internet" is an incorrect collocation; the correct form would be "addicted to the internet."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They could revise sentences for clarity, such as changing "this way will affect" to "this reliance may hinder." Additionally, practicing collocations and idiomatic expressions will help in using vocabulary more precisely.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "massages" instead of "messages," "in contrary" instead of "on the contrary," and "addict in internet" instead of "addicted to the internet." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Reading more extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear structure, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are essential for achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "On the one hand" and "In contrary" introduces contrasting ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the listing of advantages and disadvantages, which could be enhanced for better flow and engagement. For example, phrases like "it can be said that" and "this way will affect" are somewhat formulaic and could be replaced with more varied expressions.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that combine clauses in innovative ways. For instance, instead of "First and foremost, it provides us useful information," the writer might say, "One of the most significant benefits of the internet is its ability to provide us with a wealth of useful information, which can enhance our job performance and academic pursuits." Additionally, varying the introductory phrases and using more transitional phrases could improve coherence and engagement.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally good command of grammar, but there are notable errors that affect clarity and accuracy. For example, "the internet has some noteworthy positive effects" lacks the definite article "the" before "internet" in the second mention. Punctuation issues also arise, such as the comma splice in "In addition, shopping online is a good choice when using internet, we can save time," which should be separated into two sentences or connected with a conjunction. Additionally, phrases like "no need to take our eyes off the computers or phones" could be rephrased for clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For instance, "the internet" should consistently be referred to with "the" when discussing its effects. Regular practice with punctuation rules, especially regarding comma usage, can help avoid run-on sentences and comma splices. The writer might benefit from revising sentences to ensure they are clear and concise, such as changing "this way will affect children’s ability to be independent and thinking" to "this reliance may hinder children’s independence and critical thinking skills."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is clear that the internet has brought about many changes into our daily lives. This trend has yielded certain benefits, but there are also some drawbacks. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages for humans and provide a logical conclusion.

On the one hand, it can be said that the internet has several notable positive effects. First and foremost, it provides us with useful information that we need for our jobs or studies. In this manner, we can widen our knowledge about all fields in the world without going out. Besides, we can exchange information more conveniently, communicate with foreign people, and send messages effectively without having to remove our eyes from the computers or phones. In addition, online shopping is a viable option when using the internet; we can save time and choose from many different goods in various colors at lower prices. Moreover, there are numerous entertainment tools available for stress relief online, such as games, movies, and e-books.

On the contrary, the most worrying thing is that children nowadays rely excessively on the internet. They always surf the net for the answers to almost any questions from school, regardless of their difficulty. This way will affect children’s ability to be independent and think critically. In contrast to this situation, teenagers also become addicted to the internet; they spend hours playing games online without being controlled. Sitting for hours in front of computers may affect their physical and mental health and prevent them from engaging in outdoor activities.

To sum up, nothing is perfect; the internet has both pros and cons for people in real life. All things considered, I strongly believe that people will use the internet more effectively. The more sensitively we use it, the smarter we become.