Thanks to low-cost airlines, many people can travel abroad. Is it a positive or negative development? (31/1/2023)

Thanks to low-cost airlines, many people can travel abroad. Is it a positive or
negative development? (31/1/2023)

It is true that the increasing affordability of modern modes of transportation such as
airplanes, coupled with their easy access, has allowed people to travel abroad more
easily. While recognizing the potential environmental problems that might arise, I
believe that this development is tremendously positive for individuals, societies and the
global economy.
Of course, it has to be acknowledged that increased cross-border tourism can exacerbate
some environmental issues. The reason for this is that traveling abroad usually requires
the use of flights, which consume large amounts of fossil fuels and at the same time
emit significant amounts of harmful gases such as carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide
and nitrogen monoxide into the air. The resulting problems include the rapid depletion
of natural resources and rising air pollution levels.
Although these environmental concerns are legitimate, the benefits of this trend are far
more considerable. On an individual level, those who travel to other countries can
experience first-hand other ways of life, customs and traditions, and this can broaden
their minds. Some travelers have also found a niche market for their talent or products
when they paid a visit to another country. From cultural and societal perspectives,
international tourism more often than not leads to greater cultural understanding and
sensitivity, both of which can result in fewer conflicts caused by cultural differences.
Finally, there are also economic benefits to increased international tourism. This is
because tourists often have to use various services such as flights, accommodation, food
and transportation over the course of the trip.
In conclusion, despite the disadvantages for the environment, including the depletion of
natural resources and greater air pollution levels, the fact that people can travel overseas
more easily and conveniently should be considered a welcome development for
individual, social and economic reasons.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is true that" -> "It is evident that"
   Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal and assertive opening phrase, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

2. "increasing affordability" -> "increasing accessibility"
   Explanation: "Increasing accessibility" is a more precise term that directly relates to the ease of use, which is more relevant to the context of transportation modes.

3. "tremendously positive" -> "significantly beneficial"
   Explanation: "Significantly beneficial" is a more measured and academically appropriate term than "tremendously positive," which can sound overly emotional and informal.

4. "Of course, it has to be acknowledged" -> "It is undeniable that"
   Explanation: "It is undeniable that" is a stronger, more formal expression that avoids the conversational tone of "Of course, it has to be acknowledged."

5. "traveling abroad usually requires" -> "international travel typically involves"
   Explanation: "International travel typically involves" is more precise and formal, focusing on the act of travel rather than the general action of traveling.

6. "consume large amounts of fossil fuels and at the same time emit" -> "consume significant amounts of fossil fuels and concurrently emit"
   Explanation: "Concurrently" is a more formal synonym for "at the same time," and "significant" is preferred over "large" for a more academic tone.

7. "nitrogen monoxide" -> "nitrous oxide"
   Explanation: Nitrogen monoxide is not a correct term; the correct term is nitrous oxide, which is a common byproduct of combustion.

8. "paid a visit to" -> "visited"
   Explanation: "Visited" is a more direct and formal verb choice compared to the more colloquial "paid a visit to."

9. "more often than not" -> "frequently"
   Explanation: "Frequently" is a more precise and formal adverb than "more often than not," which is somewhat informal and vague.

10. "fewer conflicts caused by cultural differences" -> "reduced conflicts stemming from cultural differences"
    Explanation: "Reduced conflicts stemming from" is a more formal and precise way to express the mitigation of conflicts due to cultural differences.

11. "This is because tourists often have to use" -> "This is because tourists frequently utilize"
    Explanation: "Frequently utilize" is more formal and precise than "often have to use," aligning better with academic style.

12. "over the course of the trip" -> "during their trip"
    Explanation: "During their trip" is a more concise and formal way to describe the duration of the tourist’s activities.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the prompt by acknowledging the environmental concerns associated with low-cost air travel while ultimately arguing that the benefits outweigh these drawbacks. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs provide a balanced discussion of the positive aspects of increased travel, such as cultural exchange and economic benefits. However, while the environmental issues are mentioned, they could be explored in more depth to fully satisfy the requirement of addressing both the positive and negative aspects.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could provide more specific examples of the environmental impacts and perhaps suggest potential solutions or mitigations for these issues. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and show that the writer has considered the implications of their argument thoroughly.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the development of low-cost airlines is a positive one. The writer consistently supports this stance throughout the essay, particularly in the body paragraphs where they elaborate on the benefits of travel. The transition from acknowledging the negative aspects to emphasizing the positives is smooth and logical, reinforcing the writer’s viewpoint.
  • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could reiterate their main argument in the conclusion more emphatically. A brief summary of the key points made in support of their position could help reinforce the argument and ensure that the reader is left with a strong impression of the writer’s stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the cultural benefits of travel and the economic advantages for local businesses. Each point is supported with relevant explanations, making the argument persuasive. However, some ideas could be extended further. For instance, while the essay mentions cultural understanding, it could include specific examples of how travel has led to improved relations between different cultures.
  • How to improve: To enhance the depth of the argument, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples or case studies that illustrate the points being made. This could involve citing specific instances of cultural exchange or economic impact resulting from increased tourism, which would add credibility and richness to the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the implications of low-cost airlines on travel and the associated benefits and drawbacks. There are no significant deviations from the main topic, and the writer consistently ties their points back to the question posed.
  • How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether the development is positive or negative. This could involve briefly summarizing how each point contributes to the overall argument, ensuring that the reader can easily see the connection between the discussion and the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates the writer’s position. By incorporating more detailed examples, addressing environmental concerns more thoroughly, and reinforcing the main argument in the conclusion, the writer could elevate their score even further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is well-structured, presenting a clear argument that acknowledges both sides of the debate regarding low-cost airlines. The introduction effectively sets the stage by stating the positive perspective while recognizing environmental concerns. Each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, with the first discussing environmental issues, followed by individual, societal, and economic benefits. This logical progression helps the reader understand the argument’s flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. For example, the paragraph discussing individual benefits could start with a sentence that explicitly connects the benefits of travel to personal growth, reinforcing the essay’s main argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument—environmental concerns, individual benefits, societal impacts, and economic advantages—demonstrating a clear understanding of paragraphing principles.
  • How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, consider ensuring that each paragraph contains a clear concluding sentence that summarizes the main point before transitioning to the next idea. This would enhance the cohesion between paragraphs and reinforce the overall argument. For instance, a concluding sentence in the paragraph about societal benefits could summarize how cultural understanding mitigates conflicts before moving to economic benefits.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "Of course," "Although," and "Finally," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay, making it easy to follow the writer’s line of reasoning. The use of transitional phrases effectively signals shifts in focus and helps maintain the flow of the essay.
  • How to improve: To further diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more varied linking phrases and conjunctions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "this is because," you might use "for instance," or "as a result," to introduce examples or explanations. Additionally, using synonyms or paraphrasing when referring back to previously mentioned ideas can enhance cohesion and avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeating "environmental concerns," you could refer to "ecological impacts" in subsequent mentions.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization, effective paragraphing, and a good range of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can achieve an even higher level of clarity and cohesion in their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary with a variety of terms related to travel, economics, and environmental issues. Phrases such as "increasing affordability," "cross-border tourism," and "cultural understanding" showcase a good range. The use of "tremendously positive" and "niche market" reflects a nuanced understanding of the topic. However, there are moments where the vocabulary could be more varied; for instance, the repeated use of "travel" and "countries" could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To further improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms, such as "journey," "expedition," or "destination" to replace "travel" in some instances. Additionally, using phrases like "global exploration" or "international journeys" could enrich the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, with terms like "exacerbate," "legitimate," and "considerable" used correctly in context. However, there is a slight imprecision in the phrase "the benefits of this trend are far more considerable," where "considerable" could be replaced with "significant" or "substantial" for greater clarity. The phrase "the resulting problems include the rapid depletion of natural resources" is precise, but the term "natural resources" could be specified further to enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should consider using more specific terms where applicable. For instance, instead of "natural resources," specifying "fossil fuels" or "water resources" would provide clearer context. Additionally, reviewing phrases for potential ambiguity and replacing them with more precise alternatives would enhance the overall clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words such as "affordability," "environmental," and "pollution" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong grasp of English spelling conventions.
  • How to improve: To maintain this level of spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Engaging in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards for commonly misspelled words or utilizing spelling apps, can further reinforce this skill. Additionally, reading widely can help internalize correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, the essay achieves a strong Band 8 score for Lexical Resource, demonstrating a good range of vocabulary, precise usage, and correct spelling. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving an even higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "While recognizing the potential environmental problems that might arise, I believe that this development is tremendously positive for individuals, societies and the global economy" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "Although these environmental concerns are legitimate, the benefits of this trend are far more considerable," showcases the writer’s ability to express contrasting viewpoints. The essay also employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, which helps maintain clarity and engagement throughout.
  • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For example, using participial phrases (e.g., "Having considered the environmental impacts, it is clear that…") or inversion for emphasis (e.g., "Rarely have we seen such a surge in travel opportunities…") would enhance the complexity and engagement of the writing. Additionally, varying the lengths of sentences more deliberately could create a more dynamic rhythm in the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor issues present. For example, the phrase "the increasing affordability of modern modes of transportation such as airplanes" is grammatically correct and clearly articulated. However, there is a slight inconsistency in the use of commas, particularly in the list of harmful gases: "carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide and nitrogen monoxide." A comma before "and" (the Oxford comma) could clarify that each item is distinct, although its omission is not strictly incorrect. Overall, the punctuation is generally effective, contributing to the clarity of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy further, the writer should ensure consistent use of punctuation, particularly in lists. Additionally, reviewing subject-verb agreement and ensuring that all clauses are properly connected can help avoid any potential confusion. For instance, the sentence "this can broaden their minds" could be expanded for clarity by specifying "this exposure to different cultures can broaden their minds." Regular practice with grammar exercises and careful proofreading can also help identify and rectify minor errors before submission.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a Band Score of 8. By incorporating more varied sentence structures and ensuring consistent punctuation, the writer can elevate their writing to an even higher level.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that the increasing affordability of modern modes of transportation, such as airplanes, coupled with their easy accessibility, has allowed people to travel abroad more easily. While recognizing the potential environmental problems that might arise, I believe that this development is tremendously positive for individuals, societies, and the global economy.

Of course, it has to be acknowledged that increased cross-border tourism can exacerbate some environmental issues. The reason for this is that traveling abroad usually requires the use of flights, which consume large amounts of fossil fuels and, at the same time, emit significant amounts of harmful gases such as carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide, and nitrogen monoxide into the air. The resulting problems include the rapid depletion of natural resources and rising air pollution levels.

Although these environmental concerns are legitimate, the benefits of this trend are far more considerable. On an individual level, those who travel to other countries can experience first-hand other ways of life, customs, and traditions, and this can broaden their minds. Some travelers have also found a niche market for their talents or products when they visit another country. From cultural and societal perspectives, international tourism more often than not leads to greater cultural understanding and sensitivity, both of which can result in fewer conflicts caused by cultural differences.

Finally, there are also economic benefits to increased international tourism. This is because tourists often have to use various services such as flights, accommodation, food, and transportation over the course of their trips.

In conclusion, despite the disadvantages for the environment, including the depletion of natural resources and greater air pollution levels, the fact that people can travel overseas more easily and conveniently should be considered a welcome development for individual, social, and economic reasons.