The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The chart below shows what Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in work after five years.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The first illustration depicts a breakdown of data upon the hands of wach which Anthropology graduates from the same educational institution did after graduated, while the others illustrates the anthropologists' income after working for half a decade.
Overall, the striking feature is that full-time work accounted for over a halve, another focal point is that those who chose government sector earn the highest salaries.
At the outset, as for the circle chart, full-the work being the dominence fecture with 52%. This was followed by past the work with 15% which still being threetimes higher than the past-time work + postgrad study with just 5%. Rank the third place is unemployed with 12%. And last but not least is full-time postgrad study and not known sharing the same amount of Ratio which is 8%.
Moving onto the table, Freelance consultants and government rector experienced the same data for $25,000 – 49,999 and $50,000 – 74,999 with 5% and 15%, respectively. At the same true, the opposite trend is witnessed for private companies with 10% $25000 – 49.995 which is double than two others and 35% for $50,000 – 74,999. But The ranking is change in $75,000 – 996 with Freelance consultants being the top me with 40% and 30% and 25%. Respectively for sector and private companies. Despite being sunpass by other figure 3 amount of salaries, half of those who chose government sector over $100,000 after 5 years work.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "upon the hands of wach" -> "by each individual"
   Explanation: "Upon the hands of wach" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "By each individual" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.

2. "after graduated" -> "after graduation"
   Explanation: "After graduated" is grammatically incorrect. "After graduation" is the correct form, aligning with formal English usage.

3. "the striking feature is that" -> "a notable feature is that"
   Explanation: "The striking feature is that" may sound slightly informal and emotional for academic writing. "A notable feature is that" maintains a neutral tone suitable for academic discourse.

4. "full-the work being the dominence fecture" -> "full-time work being the dominant sector"
   Explanation: "Full-the work being the dominence fecture" is a typographical error and misuse of words. "Full-time work being the dominant sector" corrects these issues and uses more precise vocabulary.

5. "past the work with 15%" -> "part-time work with 15%"
   Explanation: "Past the work" is unclear and incorrect. "Part-time work" is the correct term and is more specific.

6. "threetimes higher" -> "three times higher"
   Explanation: "Threetimes" is a typographical error. "Three times" is the correct form.

7. "Rank the third place is unemployed" -> "Ranking third is unemployment"
   Explanation: "Rank the third place is unemployed" is awkward and incorrect. "Ranking third is unemployment" is grammatically correct and clearer.

8. "full-time postgrad study and not known sharing the same amount of Ratio" -> "full-time postgraduate study and not known sharing the same proportion"
   Explanation: "Ratio" is incorrect in this context; "proportion" is the correct term for describing parts of a whole. Also, "not known" is vague and incorrect; "unknown" is the correct term.

9. "Moving onto the table" -> "Moving to the table"
   Explanation: "Moving onto" is a less formal expression. "Moving to" is more appropriate for academic writing.

10. "At the same true" -> "Similarly"
    Explanation: "At the same true" is incorrect and unclear. "Similarly" is the correct adverb to introduce a comparison.

11. "double than two others" -> "double that of the other two"
    Explanation: "Double than two others" is grammatically incorrect. "Double that of the other two" corrects this and clarifies the comparison.

12. "The ranking is change" -> "The ranking changes"
    Explanation: "The ranking is change" is grammatically incorrect. "The ranking changes" corrects the verb form to match the subject.

13. "me with 40%" -> "at 40%"
    Explanation: "Me with 40%" is incorrect. "At 40%" is the correct prepositional phrase for indicating a percentage.

14. "sunpass by other figure 3 amount of salaries" -> "surpassed by other figures in terms of salaries"
    Explanation: "Sunpass" is a typographical error and "figure 3" is unclear. "Surpassed by other figures in terms of salaries" corrects these issues and provides clarity.

15. "after 5 years work" -> "after five years of work"
    Explanation: "After 5 years work" is grammatically incorrect. "After five years of work" corrects the number and adds the necessary preposition for clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the information presented in the charts. The essay also confuses key features/bullet points with detail. For example, the essay states that "full-time work accounted for over a halve" but does not provide any specific data to support this claim. The essay also states that "those who chose government sector earn the highest salaries" but does not provide any specific data to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the information presented in the charts. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features/bullet points of the data, rather than providing irrelevant details. The essay should also be written in a more formal and academic tone. The essay should also be more concise and to the point. The essay should also be more accurate in its presentation of the data. For example, the essay states that "full-time work accounted for over a halve" but the chart shows that full-time work accounted for 52%. The essay should also be more consistent in its use of language. For example, the essay uses the term "dominence fecture" which is not a standard English term. The essay should also be more careful in its use of grammar and punctuation. For example, the essay contains several grammatical errors, such as the use of the incorrect tense in the sentence "This was followed by past the work with 15% which still being threetimes higher than the past-time work + postgrad study with just 5%." The essay also contains several punctuation errors, such as the use of a comma instead of a semicolon in the sentence "At the same true, the opposite trend is witnessed for private companies with 10% $25000 – 49.995 which is double than two others and 35% for $50,000 – 74,999."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas, but they are not arranged coherently, and there is no clear progression in the response. The use of cohesive devices is basic, and many instances are inaccurate or repetitive. The paragraphing is inconsistent, leading to confusion in the structure of the essay. Overall, the essay lacks clarity and logical flow, which hinders the reader’s understanding of the information presented.
How to improve: To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, the writer should focus on organizing information logically, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly and avoiding repetitive phrases will enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, refining the paragraph structure and ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth will contribute to a clearer progression throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While there are attempts to use some less common vocabulary, inaccuracies and errors in word choice, spelling, and grammatical structure are prevalent. Phrases such as "the dominence fecture" and "opposite trend is witnessed" indicate a lack of control over lexical features. Additionally, the use of terms like "past the work" and "full-the work" shows confusion in word formation and collocation. These issues may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring accurate word choice. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common lexical items in context can help improve precision. Additionally, careful proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors is essential. Engaging with high-quality reading materials can also aid in developing a more sophisticated understanding of vocabulary and its correct usage in various contexts.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex structures. However, there are frequent grammatical errors and inaccuracies in punctuation that can cause difficulty for the reader. The overall clarity of the information presented is compromised by these errors, impacting the effectiveness of communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

1. Sentence Structure: Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences, to improve the overall range.
2. Error Correction: Proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors, particularly in verb forms and subject-verb agreement.
3. Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to ensure clarity and coherence in writing.
4. Vocabulary: Use precise vocabulary to replace vague terms (e.g., "past the work" could be clarified as "part-time work").
5. Practice: Regular practice with writing tasks and seeking feedback can help in developing a more accurate and flexible use of grammar.

Bài sửa mẫu

The first illustration depicts a breakdown of data regarding what Anthropology graduates from the same educational institution did after graduating, while the other illustrates the anthropologists’ income after working for half a decade. Overall, a striking feature is that full-time work accounted for over half, and another focal point is that those who chose the government sector earned the highest salaries.

At the outset, regarding the pie chart, full-time work is the dominant feature, comprising 52%. This is followed by part-time work at 15%, which is still three times higher than the part-time work combined with postgraduate study, which accounts for just 5%. Ranking in third place is unemployment at 12%. Last but not least, full-time postgraduate study and the ‘not known’ category share the same ratio of 8%.

Moving on to the table, freelance consultants and the government sector experienced the same percentages for the salary ranges of $25,000 – $49,999 and $50,000 – $74,999, with 5% and 15%, respectively. At the same time, the opposite trend is observed for private companies, with 10% in the $25,000 – $49,999 range, which is double that of the other two categories, and 35% for the $50,000 – $74,999 range. However, the ranking changes in the $75,000 – $99,999 range, with freelance consultants being the top earners at 40%, followed by the government sector at 30% and private companies at 25%. Despite being surpassed by other figures in terms of salaries, half of those who chose the government sector earned over $100,000 after five years of work.